>Greetings/Bonjour:
>1.      Smiles/Souries
>First in English from Dawn Groszko:
> Subject:      New Element
>
> MAJOR U.S. RESEARCH UNIVERSITY DISCOVERS NEW ELEMENT!!
> The heaviest element known to science was recently discovered by
>investigators at a major U.S. research university.  The element,
>tentatively named Administratium, has no protons or electrons and thus has
>an atomic number of 0.  However, it does have 1 neutron, 125  assistant
>neutrons, 75 vice neutrons, and 111 assistant vice neutrons.  This gives it
>an atomic mass of 312.  These 312 particles are held  together by a force
>that involves the continuous exchange of  meson-like particles called
>morons.
>
> Since it has no electrons, Administratium is inert.  However, it can  be
>detected  chemically as it impedes every reaction it comes in contact
>with.   According to the discoverers, a minute amount of Administratium
>causes one reaction to take over four days to complete when it would  have
>normally occurred in less than one second.  Administratium has a normal
>half-life of approximately three years, at which time it does  not decay,
>but instead undergoes a reorganization in which assistant  neutrons, vice
>neutrons, and assistant vice neutrons exchange places.   Some studies have
>shown that the atomic mass actually increases after  each reorganization.
>
> Research at other laboratories indicates that Administratium occurs
>naturally in the atmosphere.  It tends to concentrate at certain points
>such as government agencies, large corporations, and universities.  It  can
>usually be found in the newest, best appointed, and best maintained
>buildings.
>Scientists point out that Administratium is known to be toxic at any  level
>of concentration and can easily destroy any productive reaction where  it
>is allowed to accumulate.  Attempts are being made to determine how
>Administratium can be controlled to prevent irreversible damage, but
>results to date are not promising.