I Am

I am Elley
I wonder what the future holds
I hear people whispering
I see people staring
I want to be alone; but not really
I am Elley

I pretend to smile
I feel trapped
I touch the sky
I worry about my life
I cry because I'm lost
I am Elley

I understand I'm not perfect
I say everything's okay
I dream of being happy
I try to get better
I hope I will be okay
I am Elley

Autobiographical Poem

My name is Elle
My real name is Unsure About Everything
The animal inside me is the cat
The word written on my head is naive
The sound I love is music that doesn't suck
The sound I hate is music that sucks
If my hands could speak they would say all the things my mouth is unable to
When I was little, my parents told me to take a shower.
The object in my heart is love
My name is Elle

She's always in her own little world / Far from reality / In her own fantasy world / Made of candy and ice cream / She likes to dream / About the unreal / She likes to dream / And how it makes her feel / She dreams about the sky / She dreams about the "what if"s / She dreams that she can fly / A dreamer is what she is / She dreams / Anything goes / In her world of candy and ice cream / The impossible, the unthinkable / And everything in between / She always liked to dream / Ever since she was a little girl / She could be anything she wanted / In her own little world / She dreams about the sky / She dreams about the "what if"s / She dreams that she can fly / A dreamer is what she is / She dreams

She's walking down a road / with no destination in mind / she sees the horizon / she doesn't know what she will find / her life was one big puzzle / but she pretended she didn't care / so she went walking one day / she left home and never went back there / so she keeps on walking / down this nowhere road / she keeps on walking / but she doesn't know where to go / she keeps on walking / even if she's going nowhere / she keeps on walking / even if she's scared / so here she is now / in the road this is unknown / waiting for someone, anyone / to take her back home / it's getting dark now / and she's getting scared / she wants everything to disappear / but the road is still there / she frightened and she cries / she does not want to be here / she left, but she knows why / it was because of her stupid fears / so she keeps on walking / down this nowhere road / she keeps on walking / but she doesn't know where to go / she keeps on walking / even if she's going nowhere / she keeps on walking / even if she's scared / she faced her fears / now she wants to go home / she's stopped crying now / her tears are no more / she waited for no one to rescue her / from this road that is unknown / she dried her eyes, turned around / and then she went back home

I'm sitting here looking at this woman that I know.
But do I really know her?
Do I know what her dreams are?
What her dreams were?
I stare at her in wonder, because I feel like
I'm really looking at her for the first time.
She turns to me and say,
"Does this match?"
I almost stare at her like I'm staring at
A stranger
For a second.
But I recover and reply.
I look at her clothes, obviously not matching, and say
"Um...it's...okay..."
She looks in the mirror again, not convinced.
She has this familiar self-consciousness about her.
I was never a really good liar.
I stare at this woman again,
Thinking of the person she was.
Looking at the person I don't really know.
Staring at this familiar stranger.
My mother.

Invisible Children

They argue their hearts out
Trying to get their points across
Trying to make the other to see that
They're right
The other is wrong
They fight
But they don't see
They don't see how it's affecting me
Or the little boy who puts on
An obnoxious, but obvious mask
Who I know cries in his mind
Because he never shows his feelings
Like I do
They're so stupid!
They're adults
They should act like adults!
I never get why adults argue like children
They fight, they hit, they abuse
Each other
But they don't see
How it's affecting me

My math project's due
I have a book report to do
My research paper's a week late
And I've got to finish a five page essay
I haven't started any of them yet
You might think I'm lazy, I bet
But I'll do them, you know
I will do them...tomorrow.

note: what makes this poem even funnier is that I wrote this during class.

Waiting

I know you love her
I know you're happy
I know she makes you smile
But look in your heart
And that's where I'll be
Waiting patiently

On Deaf Ears

I've been yelling
For so long
For someone, anyone
That will listen
"Help me! Hear me!" I yell
But no one listens
No one understands
No one wants to listen
My cries have fallen
On deaf ears

Won't

You just love to push me down
Don't you?
You have to see me cry
Seeing me suffer makes you happy
Your goal is to make me fall in defeat
But you know what?
I won't let you do that
Not anymore
You can't control me
I will not give up
So get the hell out of my life
I don't need you
I won't let you make me weak
I won't.

Shine

They had this beauty
So perfect
They had this light about them
Almost angelic
Something that I didn't have
Wanted to have
Never had
I never shined like they did
I never had that light
I was obsucred by their beauty
By their bright light
I wanted to be like them
I tried
It was painful not to be like them
Too much pain to stay
Too much pain to live
"I'm never going to shine," I say
As I bring the blade to my wrist

Goodbye

You are just too depressing to me
That's why I have to leave
You leave me crying
With you, I don't feel free

I love you more than anybody else
But all you've given me is pain
You never knew my true self
I won't let my life die in vain

I have to get away
I can't be here any longer
I really want to stay
But without you I am stronger

I know this is causing you pain
I know you love me
But if I stay
You'll be killing me slowly

note: ::reads old poetry notebook:: It says here that I wrote this (last year) when I was pissed at my parents. Heh. I thought this was about somebody leaving their lover. I have a bad memory.

I Love You

"I love you"
No one ever said that to me.
Not the way you did.
I felt so special.
I felt loved.

"I love you"
It was like a magnet.
It always made me come back.
It had control over me.
I couldn't resist it.

"I love you"
You said, after the hurt.
After the lies.
After the pain.
After the apologies.

"I love you"
You said when I was packing.
You thought it would make me stop.
That it would have control over me.
After all, it always did before.

"I love you"
You said when I was leaving.
The words had no effect on me.
I was fed up.
I was tired.

"I love you"
Not anymore.

Free

He hurt you.
I never stopped it.
As did you.
We were too frightened.
Too scared to make a move.
"I'm going to be free someday," you used to say.
"Free from the pain."
You must have known that you were right.
Because you are in pain no longer
"You're free, my friend," I say as I put roses on your grave.
"Free from the pain."

Thoughts

There are so many thoughts
In my head
I can't think straight
I can't think so much
That I can't even
Make this damn poem rhyme

note: Uh...Dont' know what I was thinking when I wrote this.

I Was Scared

i was lonely
i was alone
i was scared

i was depressed
i was angry
i was scared

i leared how to let go
i learned how to love
i was scared

Just 'Cause

My writing is not that great.
My so-called "talent" couldn't earn me a buck.
My writing is last instead of first rate.
Even I sometimes think it sucks.

But I don't care how bad my stories and poems are.
Writing is what I like to do.
Having this as a career won't take me far.
But I'll keep on writing, just 'cause I want to.

she’s like an open wound
don’t insult her
you’ll make her cry
she’s very sensitive
so watch out what you say
because it will sting her
rub salt on her
and she’ll think she’ll die
be mean to her
and she’ll think she’s worthless
she has her doubts
she is scared
she thinks anything can hurt her
she thinks she is weak
she’s like an open wound

How are you, Daddy?
I’d really like to see you Daddy.
Why didn’t you call in months, Daddy?
Are you afraid like me, Daddy?
I’m sorry I don’t call you too, Daddy.
I just wanted to tell you that i miss you, Daddy.
Do you miss me, Daddy?
Remember the good times we had, Daddy?
Remember when I was your shadow, Daddy?
I want it to be like that again, Daddy.
I don’t mean to be mean to you now, Daddy.
I care about you, Daddy.
Please come back home, Daddy.
I need you, Daddy.
I love you, Daddy.
I’m sorry I didn’t say that to you, Daddy.

there are always good news
there are always two sides of the coin
there are always happy endings
so don’t give up your joy

don’t forget this world is beautiful
don’t forget that there is a tomorrow
don’t forget you are still breathing
so don’t give in to the sorrow

with the bad, there is always good
with the dark, there is always light
with the hopeless, there is always hope
so don’t give up the fight