It had been a day just like this one. A sunny day, with no clouds in sight. The temperature was warm but not too hot. It was a perfect day. I know the Lord had wanted this day to be perfect for Sam because he was perfect. He was. When I say perfect, I don't mean that everything he did was right. He did some foolish things, but that's another story. I thought he was perfect because...he was the epitome of what an older brother and a son should be.
         Mom and Dad just adored him. He was, to put it frankly, a genius. He was good at almost everything. He was at the top of his class and the number one soccer player in the city. Mom and Dad devoted almost all of their attention to him. They gloated about him around other parents and said how "perfect" their son was.
         I would be lying to say that I wasn't bitter about this. I wanted all the attention, too. Or at least hear them praise me once in a while like the do to Sam all the time. I wanted to be the one that Mom and Dad gloated about. I wanted to be perfect just like Sam; but I was not. I came to the conclusion that if Sam was gone, then I'd be loved just like him. I had resented my parents for ignoring me and wished that Sam would just go away.
         Then, with a cruel ironic twist, my wish came true.
         Sam died when I was just six years old. (1) It was a car accident; and to make it worse, it happened right in front of me. I could still see him in my head. That look of panic and utter fear in his eyes when he saw that car come straight at him. I had never seen anyone that afraid.
          He was gone in an instant. No goodbyes or last words. One second he was alive and the next, he wasn't. "There was no pain," the doctors said. The doctors were lying; there was pain. There was a lot of pain. I had never felt so much pain in my entire life.
         I thought that it had been my fault that Sam was gone. Mom and Dad were drawn further away from me after he died. They were busy mourning over Sam to see that I was hurting just as much as they were. I was furious at them, but they didn't notice it. I was their son, too! Sure, Sam was gone, but they still had me! I know that was a selfish thing to think, but I felt like they just tossed me aside like a child who throws away a broken toy. I felt invisible in their eyes.
         I don't know if it was a conscious thing or not, but I was becoming more like Sam. Maybe my self conscience thought that it would make my parents feel better if a part of Sam had come back. I was trying to fill that large void Sam had left in their hearts. I was studying and playing soccer more and before I knew it, I was at the top of my class and the number one soccer player. Just like Sam was. Mom and Dad were so happy. You should have seen their smiles when they found out I was ranked number one in my whole class. They were so happy.
         I continued being the boy genius and elite soccer player for nearly seven years. I had been doing that for so long that I let it consume the real me. I thought I had become a replacement for Sam in my parents' eyes. I had lost my heart and my true self. I had convinced myself that I didn't need them, that they were insignificant and I started to believe it. I thought they weren't important to me anymore. They never knew I existed before I started to become a so-called "genius," so why did I have to acknowledge their existence now?
         I buried myself in deeper, moving farther and farther away from Mom and Dad. I had found a temporary escape in the Digital World. It was my own world, where I thought no one could ever take it away from me; but I knew deep down that what I was doing was wrong. I tried to convince myself that I didn't need my family anymore, not even Sam. Sam left me alone. Why should I care about him? I hardly ever thought about my brother anymore. He was like a forgotten dream. I had buried myself in so deep that it was almost impossible to get out. You know what made it worse? I didn't care. I relished in the darkness that I was trapped in. I saw it as my only companion. It had become so bad that I had done some terrible things with no remorse.
         I was not happy with the darkness, but at least I was with something. I clung on to it because I knew I didn't want to be alone, even if I didn't realize it back then. I felt isolated and alone for most of my life, I didn't want to feel like that again. Staying with the darkness was the easy way for me to temporarily forget my pains. The darkness was something constant in my life. It never forgot me, never left me, never died.

(2)

         I had a fight with my parents one day. It was a couple days after I denounced the title of "Digimon Emperor." That fight between my parents and I had broken the dam and all my frustration and pain came pouring out. I remember it starting when my father asked me if I wanted to autograph something for his friend's daughter. "She just loves you, Ken. Frank said she never stops talking about you. Everyone loves you." he grinned.
         This had finally set me off. I was like a soda bottle that had been shook too much, and now, I was going to explode. Sure everyone loved me. Everyone but them, the people that mattered the most. "Everyone loves me. Yeah, right," I said bitterly.
         "Ken, what's wrong honey? I've noticed that you seem a little down lately." my mother said.
         I laughed. Not the type of laughing that you do when you're happy. No, I laughed at the irony of what my mother said. "You noticed I seem a little down, lately?" I mocked and glared at both of them. "Why, I'm surprised, mother, father, that you even remember my damn name! You don't notice me! All you see is the so-called 'boy genius.' All you see is a replacement of the perfect son you lost!" There were tears streaming down my cheeks, now, but I didn't care. I looked at my stunned parents with fire in my eyes. "You know why I studied more? Why I all of a sudden joined the soccer team after Sam died? It was to make you happy. To make you care for me the way you did Sam. I was so afraid that if I stopped acting like him, you wouldn't care about me. Well I'm tired of playing the role of Sam. I'm not him. I can only be me, and that was never enough for you. I was never enough for you. Did you ever notice me? The real me? Did you ever love me?" I stopped yelling and talked in a soft, defeated tone. I finally gave up. I was too tired of playing a role. I had been Sam, then the Digimon Emperor, but I had never been me in such a long time. I had forgotten who I was.
         "Ken," my father put a hand on my arm.
         I pushed his hand off. "Just leave me alone," I said softly. My vision was starting to get blurry again and I ran out of the apartment. I could hear my mother yelling my name in the distance, but I kept running, not knowing where I was going. When I was out of seeing distance of my house, I walked slowly. I looked down, not making eye contact with anyone. I just let my legs lead me to whatever destination it chose.
         I had been walking for about a good fifteen minutes when I stopped. I looked up and saw that I was at the park. I remember watching Sam practice his soccer here when I was younger. He used to let me kick the ball around sometimes. I sat down at a bench and looked in the distance and saw an image of younger versions of Sam and I playing soccer. I had looked so happy back then. I was laughing and smiling, something that I haven't truly done in a long while. I wanted to go out there and touch that mirage, to be a part of it, but it disappeared.
         Just like Sam did.
         I sighed and put my head in my hands and let the tears fall. I never knew I could cry so much. I felt someone put a hand on my shoulder and I looked up sharply, expecting to see my parents.
         Sam was there, sitting next to me on the park bench. Surprisingly, I wasn't shocked. It was like I was waiting for him. Like I somehow knew he would come here. He never changed. He seemed to be the exact same way as I remembered him. Sam was still the same eleven year old boy. I guess people never aged in heaven.
         "Hey, Ken." he smiled. I looked away from him, wondering if he was real. Even if he was, it didn't matter. I thought that I had no feelings anymore, except anger, hate and sadness. I had forgotten what happiness had felt like. So how could I have possibly been happy when Sam was sitting right next to me? I felt numb. I not only lost my heart, but I was lost, myself. "Look at me, Kenny Boy." He had said the nickname that he and I knew I despised. That got my attention and I looked at him and he smiled. "Sheesh, do you know how difficult it was to get back to this world? You've never seen me in seven years and no 'I miss you's or 'I love you's?"
         I turned away again, "I have no feelings, Sam. My feelings died when you did." To my shock, Sam smacked me hard on the side of my face.(3) "Hey!" I yelled, rubbing my sore cheek. "Why do you do that?! Do you like giving me bruises?!"
         "See?" he pointed out, not fazed by my yelling. "You do have feelings or else you wouldn't have felt that." I didn't know what to say to that and smiled just a little. He did have a point.
         "I don't know, Sam. Everything's so screwed up. I've changed too much, I don't know who I am."
         "I'll tell you who you are. You are Ken Ichijouji. The same Ken who used to blow bubbles with me on the terrace, the same Ken who used to pester me to play soccer with him, the same Ken that I love. That's who you are. You are not me or the Digimon Emperor. You may have changed, everybody does, but you are still you. You always have been."
         "That's not good enough for mom and dad."
         "Yes it is, Ken. They love you. I know they hardly ever say it, but they do."
         "You think so?"
         "I know."
         "It's just so hard for me right now. I don't know what to do, I feel so lost."
         "Then they can help you find your way, and so can I. I know you've thought that you were alone, but you are wrong. I've always been there for you, and so have mom and dad.
         I looked at Sam and my eyes started to well up with tears. Again. "I..." I wiped a tear that was flowing down my cheek. "I've been such an ass, haven't I?"
         Sam put his arm around me and let my head rest against his shoulder. "Yes you have," Sam said, truthfully and lightheartedly. "But we love you anyway."
         "Don't leave, Sam," I begged softly, not wanting the comfort I was feeling to fade away.
         "I've never left you," Sam smiled. "I'll always be around and so will mom and dad. We'll always be there for you, no matter what you do. I hope you remember that. Promise me you will."
         "I promise." I said, wiping my tears. I knew Sam was right. It had just taken someone to knock or rather smack some sense into me.
         "Good. I'm not saying that life will be easy from now on. You will have some tough times in your life but you won't have to go through it alone."
         The side of my mouth turned up a little and I closed my eyes. I heard him whisper comforting words in my ear. I felt so relaxed and so safe in my brother's arms and before I knew it, I fell asleep. It was the most peaceful and comforting sleep I've had in a very long time.
         I woke up just before the sun was starting to set. When I had awakened, I noticed that I had been lying down on the bench. Sam was gone. "Was I dreaming?" I asked myself. I sat up and a real smile appeared on my face. It was something that I didn't do for so long. "Sam, you always did have your own way of setting me straight," I said to myself, knowing he could hear me. I knew that it didn't matter if my conversation with Sam was real or not. I might have been dreaming, hallucinating, or temporarily insane. Or who knows? He might have really been there with me in the park. It doesn't matter. What matters is that he got his message across, in one way or another. It made me happy that someone, somewhere loved me. Now I knew there were other people besides Sam who do care for me. "Mom...Dad..." I whispered. I still had to make things right with them.
         I stood up and looked at the sun that was beginning to set. It was so beautiful. The mixture of beautiful colors surrounding the sun took my breath away. I wonder if it was beautiful like that in heaven, where Sam was. I smiled at that sunset, thinking of Sam and what the sunset represented. That sunset represented a day's end. Tomorrow will be a new day. Where everything can be started over, mistakes can be amended. That sunset represented the end of my suffering. The sun will rise again tomorrow. Tomorrow will be a new day.

THE END

1. It might be inaccurate. I don't know how old Ken was when Sam died. He looked six in "The Genesis Of Evil." back to the story.

2. This sort of changes the plot to "Genesis of Evil." Which I hated doing, that was one of my favorite episodes. But it fit the story best. back to the story.

3.I've noticed there's a lot of smacking on Digimon. It's mostly Ken that ends up getting smacked. Why him all the time? back to the story.