But, all good things must come to an end, and eventually Susannah did away with her site, swearing that she spent too much time on her computer. Or something like that. And now I've decided to bring it back.
Click on one if you missed it the first time!
"I hope you survive your recital. Things like that are the things that matter anyway, cos they keep your heart pumping when there's no one around to kiss." – Amy
"Fate blows big hefty chunks. Do things yourself." – Brett Diamond
"So, they gave me an IQ test cos they thought I had ADD. It turns out I was just bored." - my sister's roommate, Megan
“I will never be a lawyer. Why? Because you can’t study law and listen to music at the same time.” – a random guy on Matchmaker
"Only in times of desperation will I be normal." -Mary
"You did not bring any glass into our marriage!" – my grandmother, to my grandfather
"Thinking about him is like trying to smell burnt out incense. There's just nothing there anymore, but you still kinda faintly recall that it smelled good at one time." – Catherine, about a former crush
"Life is like a penis - sometimes it spits in your face." - Mike
"It's too early in the new year to be evil." Terese, Susannah’s coworker
"I don't have a style, I just look good." - Brett Diamond
"Wow, it's ever better than E.T.!!!" – Phil, watching “A Trip to the Moon”
“Oh, God, Cheech and Chong. I’ll die if I have to watch Cheech and Chong. I will literally keel over and…..ooohhh…..Celine Dion.” - Amy, flipping around the tv channels
"Not being a football fan on Super Bowl Sunday is like being a Jewish kid on Christmas." – Skyler
"If I were the blushing type, that would have made me blush." - Amy
"It physically feels like I've just eaten dry bread and it's sitting there in my stomach weighing me down." – Gunther
"The odds are good, but the goods are odd." - Evan, advising some girls on the Goucher ratio
"Oh God. Give me a cottage in the countryside, three Norwegian servant girls, and an Internet connection." – JD, on what he would do if he did nothing
"The only thing that eases the fact that life sucks is the sun and the sky and god and beauty." - Catherine
"Country music isn't so bad, once you get past the whole not liking it thing." – Probst Ben
"See, this is why I don't believe in God. No loving God would allow this to happen...This pizza is horrible!" – Alcock Ben
"Don't be a good girl, just be a Skyler." – Delaware Ben
"Find somebody who laughs at all your dumb jokes, and you've found a friend for life." – Phong
"Boring is sometimes a whole lot better than exciting." - Skyler
"Even when he's rolling around on the ground with a giant rat, he STILL looks sexy!" –Eric, watching Cary Elwes in “The Princess Bride”
"Cow's dead!" – Skyler , listening to “Skyler” ("I hope the puppies have all grown - I like the white one you named cow")
"I'm feelin' the love jones, but the love jones ain't feelin' me." – anonymous Valentine's Day quote
"I'm interesting - Quote me!" - Jess
"I want all my sex to be in infrared." – Amy, watching “The Science of Sex”
"You know, eating is usually pretty fun, but lately I just haven't felt like it." - Skyler
“Disappointment builds character." – Phong
"Fudging it...that's what college is about, that's what life is about. If you can get help, take advantage of it." - Skyler, on Cliff's Notes.
"You know, though, just because celebrities are famous doesn't mean they're not real people too." - Mary, questioning the validity of the real person quote
“So what DOES pussy taste like anyway?" "Well, you definitely wouldn't want it for an ice cream flavor." – Rob and Skyler
"I hate having to live sometimes." - Catherine
"It's just me. Nothing to be scared of there." - Mary
"I wonder if angels have wee wees." - Mike, in a conversation about religion and "psychopomps"
"My life is like a roller coaster, and I don't even like roller coasters." - Skyler
"Apparently, god is love, so love must be key...Maybe love is believing. I mean, god is not sex; love is something more." - Ashli
"Work is calling. Somehow I doubt it will want to leave a message." - Patrick
"If I could go back and do anything to my life, I'd take out all the soap operas and all the movies. They have ruined my sense of reality." - Catherine
"This is Maryland. It's not supposed to make sense." - Phong, talking about the weather
"Someday, I want to be Bystander #3 in a play. Just so I can say I was in one." - John
"That's four days from now. Don't worry about it." - Mary
"I'll buy you a walk-in closet if you'll just stay there." - JD, on the very distant possibility of me being a lesbian.
"I'm just going to keep it in my head. It's nicer in there anyway." - Amy
"But isn't there a difference between freaking out and taking control of your life?" – Amy
"Killing people is so fun. I wish I could do it legally." - Gunther, playing a video game
"Screw Mead. He's a dork." – Andrew Packard, discussing George Herbert Mead in my English class about self and society
"If you can't laugh at your own faults, you'll be a hypocrite when you laugh at other people's."
- Delaware Ben
"Yippee...narrowly avoided being a real person quote!" - Skyler
"Okay, I'll be straight now." - John , after singing along to a cheesy 80s love song
"Just do something." - Phong
"I wish there was a drugs.com" - Brett Diamond (Psst...there is actually a drugs.com!!!)
"Things aren't often good AND healthy." - Catherine
"So then he started singing 'P is for pussy' and I said, 'Rob! It's 'C is for cookie'!" - Skyler
"Hey, there's nothing wrong with an overdeveloped sense of responsibility. Some people need that." - Rachael
"I'm just not very good at talking, okay?" - John
"It's hard not to be self-absorbed when you're wonderful." - Susannah
"Sometimes the correct thing is difficult." - Sven
"Never start off the day with The Matrix." - Catherine
"Masturbation is not something at which one can be good or bad...It's like taking out the trash.
Either the trash makes it outside or it doesn't." - the ever-insightful John
"Why is it that the handsome, intelligent, and interesting always get hurt by the ugly, foolish, and cruel?" - Rachael
"You have to be you or it ruins everything!" - Sven
"You're in control of you the moment you stop being so dependent on everybody else." - Amy
"Two for headaches, two for stomach, one for sleep and one for sex!" - Mary, counting all her pills
"Sign #25828 a movie is bad: Anyone from Saved by the Bell is in it." -Sven
"We're not dating, she's just in my harem." - Probst Ben
"It's sad when a person can't even write a good satire anymore because too many people take it the wrong way." – Patrick
"I hate logical thought." - Skyler
"They should redo 'Forgot about Dre' and make it 'Forgot about Jesus'." - John
"Just because it's Italian doesn't mean it's not porn." - Jason
"Why am I in everybody's spankbag?" - Skyler
"I just need to have sex with my boyfriend whenever I want to." – Mary, on why she needs a single
"I'm not a lesbian, I'm just lazy." - Tamara, explaining why she never shaves her legs anymore
"I have no tolerance for people who go against my wishes." - this girl Sam, in my French class
"What's a little larceny between friends?" - Brett Diamond
"I'd rather be the engine than the first or second wheel." – Amy
"I swear, if I was gay I would have this incredibly uncurable crush on Michael Stipe." - Sven
"True love hunts you down like the dog you are." - John
"We're all gonna die someday. I figure it's either gonna be lung cancer or getting shot in the head, so I might as well smoke." - cousin Alan
"A Mormon is everybody's friend." - Phong
"Let's go to California and do everything that is cool and laid-back." - Brett Diamond
"I hate people and I can't even get a single!" - Gunther, after I told him I need a single because of A.D.D.
"Who needs friends when you have Snood?" - Amy
"Sleep is good. But then again, so is sex." - Matt Saunders
“Water heals the soul." - Alcock Ben
"Major changes are good, unless they suck." - Susannah, my wise big sister
"Sometimes human relations must take a backseat to Snood." - John
"Everything in the 50s was male-centered." – Uta Larkey, responding the question, “Wasn’t the new wave male-centered?”
"We need more candy-distributing holidays." - Evan
"Oh, we all have the same needs, darlin'." – anonymous, during a discussion about what condoms best suit your “needs” (during the sex talk)
"You need to keep going to proms for the next five years until you lose your virginity." - Skyler
"Wouldn't it be weird if alcohol was just another beverage, like milk or soda, and you would just be drunk all the time?" - Mary
"Yeah. We would all get together on the weekends and get sober." - Celeste
"I don't know, those capitalists can be pretty sneaky..." - Sam
"The best way to encourage poor playing is through fear." - Elisa, the orchestra director
"In 1962, Jack Smith released his movie "Flaming Creatures", which was basically a transvestite orgy. It created a lot of controversy, as most films about transvestite orgies do." - Russell, giving a presentation on queer cinema
"If I ever have a band, I'm gonna name it No Pun Intended." - Matt Saunders
"Everyone needs a little action to brighten up their day." - Meredith, Matt Saunders' sex-obsessed friend
"High school sucks the blood from me until I am dry and shriveled and bitter and twisted." - Catherine
"Self involved is better than not involved at all." - Matt Saunders
"People who feel the need to smirk at other people's majors are the ones in need of real education." - Susannah
"I'm just desperately clinging to my deeply rooted belief that pizza always makes me feel better."
- John
"Music is always a valid excuse." - Matt Saunders
"Self-discovery is a bitch." - Melissa on "The Real World
"It's not coolness, it's just drugs." - Mary
"'Stupid' and 'doomed to poverty' are not the same." - John
"The best things happen at three in the morning." - Abby
"I'm afraid I'll never figure out who I am. I'm afraid I'll become like some character in a short story, who spends so much time in her head that she misses the world." - Amy
"Nothing beats a house named after my penis." - Alex, one of the Alcock boys
"I was thinking about that and I don't think I'd like to have a penis. I like me and I don't want one of those." - Catherine
"I'm not done with glamour yet." - my mother
"I'm not familiar with socialization yet." - Susannah
"My gift is the gift of life." - my grandfather, as my mother and grandmother opened their mother's day gifts
"There has to be a ring on this finger before there can be a bun in the oven." - Skyler
"My reality is better just by knowing her." -Sven
"I want amazing stories to tell." - Catherine
"I talk to people - not brick walls." - Laura, on the difficulty of having a conversation with our father
"It's warm out and God loves you." - the sign outside Bustleton United Methodist Church
"Rain is just water, only in many small doses, and falling from the sky." - John
"'If only we were in suburban New Jersey' - I don't think anyone's ever said that." - Lisa Brown
"I'm thankful that I overcame my fear of the penis before I went to college." - Sharon Moran
"I have War and Peace. I don't need Bridget Jones." - Catherine , discussing train reading
"I don't think I could buy anything at Starbucks. I don't drink coffee that often, but when I do, I get it at Wawa." - Jess
"That's the beautiful thing about democracy - people get the government they deserve." – Rob
"If I had more wherewithal, I would play hard to get, but what I've realized is that I actually am hard to get." - Susannah
"Where the f*ck is my Mark Darcy?!" - Catherine , after seeing Bridget Jones's Diary for the fourth time
"I can propel my own misery, or I can pursue love and inadvertently be miserable." - Mike
"It's easier to get out than it is to get in." - the Conestoga High School secretary
"Integrity makes you do things you don't want to do." - my big sister Laura
"Don't take other people's lives into your own hands." - Matt Saunders's father
"It's just like Stevie Nicks, only with an industrial beat." - Elaina, on gothic music
"Hey guys - it's a traffic jam of thought and we're all getting out of our cars." - Libby, during staff snack bar time
"If you're going to try to be anorexic, you might as well eat a salad." -Lydia
"If I weren't so miserable I'd be amazed." - Susannah's friend Cat
"Cheers to a lack of insanity!" - Courtney
"I have all the character I need, thank you." - Patrick
"I'm too young to be this old." - Elaina
"Yeah, it's been a pretty stressful day, what with the terrorist attacks and the move." - Nathalie
"If Freud were here right now, he'd say that mangos are dicks, only in a different shape and color." - John
"God built the world in 7 days... you can make peace for 30 minutes." - Eric Heusinger
"I'm not male-dependent, I just love my boyfriend." - Amy
"Can't talk, am reading bible. Yes, that is not a typo, I am actually reading the Bible...no it is not the end of the world, I am just reading the Bible..." - Catherine's away message
"Yeah we are definitely not very afraid of them...just the terrorists who live there." - John , on Afghanistan
"Don't pee standing up. It's a bad habit." - Catherine
"If only because of the King Cobra in my hand,
your friendship is the best gift you could ever give me." - John
"I have a boyfriend. I need a fucking vibrator." - Catherine's friend Courtney
"I'm so sick of belonging to Model UN solely for the guys." - Catherine
"You're way too apathetic to be wearing light-colored clothing." - Patrick
"Having sex is fun. You should do it soon." - John
"It's hard for me to believe you when you're obviously lying." - Skyler, on why she can't accept that I'm actually Jessica Simpson
"If we all waited long enough to say goodbye before we changed our lives, nothing would ever change." - Patrick
"Groove IS in my heart!" - Elaina
"Who needs a social life when you have a computer?" - Skyler
"I didn't do any work today, but I was still productive." - Amy
"Don't mistake euphoria for deadness." - Patrick
"I am cheap and on sale today." - Catherine
"He needs to have a stupid accent, not have such great hair, frown all the time and be the asshole that he keeps telling me he is." - Courtney
"Nothing edible should bounce that high." - Patrick
"Wow, Skyler, he'd be perfect for you...if he wasn't married and crazy." - Amy
"Let's just not replace confidence with guilt." - Patrick
"Death can be funny." - Alcock Ben
"Gay guys are so...gay." - Natalie
"Nothing is as important as having good grades - there's always time to be social." - Big Sister Laura
"Offering someone brownies is not an invitation for sex." - Skyler
"Men only want what they can't have, even if it's invisible." - Amy
"Temporary truth is always the best." - Patrick
"I don't think there are four walls and a ceiling big enough to contain love." - Amy
"Life can't be repaired, but a car can." - Irma Whedbee, age 6
"If all cows couldn't get back up once you tipped them over, there wouldn't be any cows." - cross country guy Tim
"Don't touch anything, don't breathe anything, and you'll be fine." - Catherine's hot lab instructor
"Peeing is more important than love." - Catherine
"Boys - can't live with 'em, can't shoot 'em in the head." - Skyler
"Love doesn't suck, just the aftermath."
- Catherine
"My room is a kingdom and I am the queen!"
- Skyler
"When you meet the right person for you, it won't be weird and insane and all that." - Sven's friend Grace
"Sometimes you have to eat alone." - Patrick
"You need to learn how to do it by the rules
before you can break the rules." - Skyler
"Today is definitely Friday." - Laura
"Why are we bombing Afghanistan? We should be bombing Alabama." - John, after learning that Alabama only recently legalized interracial marriage
"Patrick is not infallible, but he is definitive."
- Chris Snook
"Just because he's bi doesn't mean he's not there."
- Catherine
"I'm needy, I just don't know what I need." - Amy, making a Christmas list
"Pizza makes every ending a happy one." - John
"Well, it's too much trouble to change the answer,
so I'll just change the problem. - Probability professor
"Jesus is not a get out of jail free card." - Patrick
"I am religiously opposed to online journals. Except other people's." - Catherine
"Can a fictional character die? That is truly an existential question." - Random guy Skyler knows
"If it weren't for the internet, I'd probably be cleaning my room right now." - John
"Love is champagne bubbling in my aorta." - Catherine's Professor Levine
"Britney Spears can never be played too loud." - Patrick
"Awkwardness blows." - John
"Jhrvsoighoknbihbtrpikhbrtokhrthpih!" - Patrick, using a non-network connection
"I wish my life could be organized into 22 aisles like CVS 399." - Catherine
"Yours is somebody's dream life, and sometimes,
it is your own." - Keto
"It is depressing to only listen to dead people.
- Catherine
"I don't care much about the Super Bowl,
but at least it shuts people up about Valentine's Day."
- Chris Snook
"You can't steal love, because it's all around us."
- Catherine
"I wonder what the actor who plays me is like."
- Patrick
"I myself expect to be a completely different person 10 years from now
and if I'm not, I think it's a shame."
- Shirley (pop culture professor)
"I think it's nice to get into boy bands every now and then,
especially Irish ones with hot gay guys in them"
- Catherine
"I'm sorry, but life is too short not to be obsessed with sex."
- Tim
"Oh, so you just love me for my ability to multitask?" - Patrick
"I have breasts and sometimes they need to breathe!" -Erin
"When shit happens you can't make lemonade,
but if you were Dali, you'd make Surreal art."
- Keto
"I am here. And I am me. And I have hooker boots."
- Catherine
"The difference between what you have and what you want is what makes you happy."
- Professor Russell
"I recommend that whenever you feel sad,
you invent enemies to hold accountable for it,
take more of your Adderall,
and start listening to Green Day or some other energizing band."
- John
"I just don't know what to make of ten year old prodigies when I already feel nauseous." - Amy
"Pizza spending is like defense spending - there's always room in the budget for it." - John
"Life is never as romantic as it should be." - Sundry
The most current real person quotes
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