Turning away from my mind, I gazed out the window, down at Tulsa. My body seemed as if it were numb with anxiousness. My breath caught in my throat as I saw Isaac's car in the parking lot area. It was a silver and black Jeep Cherokee, with the license plate: IkeHan. Figures he'd get that type of car. I knew that they weren't in the car, no matter how anxious they were or weren't, they were brought up to be gentlemen, and they would be inside waiting for me at my gate. Just the way I did when I would wait for them to arrive back from the wonderious places they would go to. I wandered to myself if they remembered the tradition? Every time I would be there waiting for them, I would have hot cocoa waiting, along with a sign that said 'Looking for the long-lost Hanson brothers.' Everyone would enjoy it, and some old people would take pictures of the sign to send to their grandchildren, telling them a story about how I must be of some importance to the Hanson brothers. Sighing, I came back from my thoughts, hearing the last word of the captain's announcement. We were landing now, and my body reacted by sweating and trembling. What was Taylor going to say when he saw me? Would Ike bring Cass?, I wandered as the plane was ready for landing.
Isaac stepped against the window, gazing up at the sky, searching for my plane. "Tay, are you alright?" he questioned his newly 20 year old brother. He knew Taylor stilled loved me, and that he was very upset that I had left, but he knew that Tay couldn't lie about not wanting to see me. Ike knew that I had a horrible fight Matt, but he didn't tell Taylor, he didn't think he had too, he thought that I should break the news.
"Fine. Why?" Taylor asked, twirling an orange sign in his hand. He gazed at his brother, wondering how he could be so strong. Tay couldn't help but wonder if Isaac knew anything about my return.
"Just making sure. Hold the sign up, I think that's her plane landing now." he said, sipping the hot cocoa he had waiting for me. It wasn't exactly hot now, but it was worth a try to sip some.
"Ike, I'm not sure I can do this. Amanda can't possibly want to see me, especially after I made her so upset she left..," he trailed off, his heart catching in his throat.
We gazed at each other, I was amazed at how gorgeous he grew over years. His crystal eyes still had that sparkle in them, while mine had tears of joy and anger in them. I stepped up, walking slowly toward them, I watched as Isaac leaned over against his brother.
"She isn't like the way she left us. She isn't Amanda anymore. She's Mandy, the one that wants to be loved." he told Taylor. I couldn't take my eyes away from Taylor's, and I felt so warm inside, as I wondered if he felt it too. Slowly, as if forcing myself, I stepped forward, within hearing range now. I wasn't always that good with reading lips, and the only way I would know how Taylor really felt about me was to look deep into his eyes. Tears welded up in my eyes, streaking down my flushed cheeks. I couldn't help but think of Matt then, remembering the way we were in this airport three years prior, running away from all that I knew I had.
"Hi." I said to them, noticing the sign and hot cocoa. I smiled, tears streaming down over the tip of my nose. I could taste the sweetness of the tears, and it felt so good. Remember the way you would kiss away Taylor's tears? Remember the way he kissed yours away? my mind asked me, trying to scare me.
"Mandy, it's so good to have you back." Isaac said, pulling me into a hug, kissing my face. I laughed.
"It's good to be back." I replied, taking the hot cocoa that Ike handed me. I looked at Taylor, my heart racing. "Matt isn't coming." I said, not sure weither I were speaking to Ike or Tay. My life was so off track right now, and leaving Switzerland made it all the more worse. My job, my magazine, my friends, it was all behind me now, for I am starting my old life again. It felt as if I were being reborn to such a wonderious chance of reliving the mistakes so I can change them.
"Are you guys okay? How'd the fight go?" Ike asked me, taking me by my arm as he led me over to the pick-up.
"Fight?" Taylor asked beneath his breath, his eyes dark momentarily.
"Mmm," I replied, leaning down to grab the first of four suit-cases. "I left him." I turned toward Taylor then, trying to force my fear back down my throat. "I'm sorry. I never tried to ignore you, Matt kept us apart, he never gave me your letters, or your emails, or messages. I'm so sorry." I spoke, my voice cracking in fear. Isaac nudged his brother, wondering what might happen.
"Why did you leave?" Tay questioned. I shrugged, looking into his blue eyes.
"He kept me away from my life, he kept me away from what I loved the most. He held me there, because he knew I didn't want to hurt him, and he knew I was too afraid to come back to Tulsa. The only thing I had that kept me going was my newspaper, my magazine, and the dream of returning to Tulsa, to make up for the mistakes I made." I turned away, reaching for my duffel back.
"You've got a lot of shit, how much did you bring?" Ike teased.
"All my belongings. I'm not going back, I took everything I own, except my books. Half of my books are still up there."
"Your books?" Tay said. I nodded, as he reached forward to take my cases from me.
"Yep. I've published 6 of them internationally."
"That's wonderful." Ike almost shrieked, he was still the same way I left him, expect his hair was very short and cute curly. Very attractive now.
"When are they being released in USA?" Taylor asked me, grabbing my arm, waving for Ike to get the rest of the stuff.
"I'm not sure I am going to release them here."
"Why?"
"Everyone, nation wide, has heard about what I did to you, it was in newspapers all around the world, and I know they won't sell here because everyone hates me for being the slut who left a Hanson broken-hearted."
"Oh. I'm sorry." Taylor whispered. I looked at him, wondering what he was thinking. Will this moment last forever? Will I keep this fluttering in my stomach always, because I am in love with the man I left? Isaac peaked his head between my and Taylor's shoulders, smiling. He hasn't changed, and in a way I envied him.
"So..does everyone know I'm coming?" I questioned, as we left the airport, peaking the parking lot.
"Nope." Ike said, directing me toward his Jeep.
"Nice car." I laughed, Taylor holding the door open for me, as I stepped in the back seat. They looked at me, smirks on their faces. "Hey, I don't deserve shot-gun anymore." Taylor's face fell, and he looked away, gazing at the small puddle that lingered by his feet.
"Yes you do, get out." Isaac said, grabbing my wrist and yanking me out of the car. Will I ever be aloud to linger in my sorrow? I questioned myself, Nope, my mind answered, not while you've got Hanson.
"So, who doesn't know I'm home?" I gazed at Taylor as I slipped past him and into the front seat. I sank in the leather, wondering why someone didn't know.
"Jessica." Taylor said, a slight smile on his face as he shut my door for me. They loaded my stuff in the back of the Jeep before they got in, and Ike answered a second part to Taylor's reply.
"She's about 14 now, and she's tried so hard to live up to your life, we want you to surprise her." I looked at him, my mind blank.
"What?" I gawked, why does she admire me so much? You would think she, of all people, wouldn't like me anymore.
"Everyone looks up to you," Taylor said, obviously referring to the other members of the Hanson family, "The past isn't the present anymore." he said, as Ike drove us out the parking lot, bringing us to the highway. I was confused, yet happy he would say that. Atleast he was talking to me!
"Oh, um, guys, can you drop me off at a hotel? I want to check my stuff in." I spoke up, breaking the chain of silence that hung in the air moments later.
"Hotel? No sa, your staying at my house." Ike replied. I can't believe he thinks everything is the same as it always was.
"Really, I don't want to impose. Especially not on you and Cass."
"Yea Ike, she doesn't want to impose." Taylor said, laughing. "That's why she's gonna hang with me and Zac for a while." I looked back at him, my lips trembling. He was treating me so well, so...normal...I mean, even after I did such horrid things to him, you would think.
"Really?" I asked, shocked. He leaned forward, his lips by ear, his blue eyes shattering my green ones.
"Yep. Zac and I will be glad to have you live with us." He used the word live, not visit, not stay,..live! Ah!
"Anyway, Mandy, whats the whole deal with you and Matt now? Are you going back? Is he coming down?" Ike questioned, his hand motions funny. He waved his hand in the air, laughing, he was acting like a valley girl. Yep, those still exist.
"Um...it's so confusing right now, like I can't believe he did that,..I can't believe what I did to deserve that, I mean, I knew what I did was terrible, but I didn't think it would come back 3 times as bad." I said, shaking.
"Amanda, listen, the past isn't now. We don't live the past." Taylor told me. I smiled, my mind racing. My heart was beating, and I smiled at him.
"I'm not going back." I spoke, our eyes connecting. We gazed, no words being spoken between us. I silently apologized, and he secretly excepted, or atleast it seemed like it.
"Are you sure have everything?" Ike asked, waving his hand infront of my face.
"Ike, hun, as much as I love ya, keep your hands and eyes on the wheel, okay?" I laughed at him. It felt good to be back.
We stepped outside, and I gazed at the house that I once lived in. Nothing changed, and for that, I was thankful. "Wow." I gawked, laughed as I reached by Tay to grab a suit- case. He reached back, grabbing my hand.
"Ike and Zac'll get it. Your coming with me." his blue eyes sparkled, just like they did when we were kids. It seemed as if the love was never lost, never rekindled, never lingering.
"Are you sure? I can manage." I insisted. He took my hand tight in his, guiding me up the path toward the side door.
"Shh," he whispered, bringing his flushed face down to meet mine. "Jessica doesn't know your home, remember."
"Right." I said, laughing. "She doesn't know I'm home."
