*Note: This is rated NC-17



To The End and Back
By Candice


It was almost sunrise when I slowly snuck back into home. I breathed a sigh of relief, "Phew, safe..." Or so I thought; that of course was until a pair of heavy hands crushed my shoulders and swung me around. "You little bitch..." He growled and slapped me across the face. Somehow I struggled out of his grip and back myself against the wall. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be late...." He stormed over to me and pushed my body against the wall. "I told you to be home early, and you come in here fucking past six in the morning? You little whore." He actually looks sober this time, that's a surprise. I looked over at the kitchen and saw the beer bottles scattered on the floor; must have ran out. Thanks mom for leaving me with this asshole. His right hand clamped down on my throat while his left skimmed up the front of my blouse; seeing no other choice, I brought my knee up and hit him where it really counts. He rolled on the floor, spouting curses and threats; I myself made a getaway. I ran and ran and ran until I couldn't anymore; if he was even following me I didn't have the strength to fight him off, not like I ever had though. Odd how at this time the knight always rides up on his white horse to save the day; or a guy on a red and white Honda in this case. "Carrie, come on, get on!' I nodded and slid up behind the driver, wrapping my arms around his form covered by the leather jacket. And together, we zoomed into the night.

We stopped a mile out of Pinehurst in the middle of nowhere. I stood up and stretched my tired limbs while Jeff pulled his helmet off and shook his hair loose. "What the Hell happened back there? You're pretty damn lucky I stayed around to make sure everything was all right." I shrugged and rubbed my arms; too damn cold for NC. Jeff sighed and slipped his jacket off, handing it to me. "Thanks." He smiled and reached into his pocket, pulling out a stick of Cinnaburst and breaking it in half. "I hope to Hell you're not going to try and go back, are you?" I shook my head, taking the offered gum. "Nah, no real point in it. It's either get the Hell out of Dodge or get the Hell beat out of me." Jeff's jaw tighten and he looked away towards the rising sun. "I have a place you can crash at." I laughed, "Jeff, you have enough people living with you as it is-" "No, no, my brother Matt. He lives not too far from here, he'd be happy to have you." I sighed, "Your brother Matt? I've never even met him. Come on Jeff, I don't think your brother will find it too hot that you drop of some strange girl and blow off." He shrugged and smiled casually. "He will, once he gets a look at you." I blushed and groaned, "Ugh! You are so..so..so you!" He laughed and slid the helmet back on.

An hour later we were standing on the doorstep of Jeff's brother's house. He smiled and he knocked on the door. "Relax Carrie, he's not going to bite or anything; least not on the first date." I scrunched my nose and rolled my eyes, "Funny Jeff, real funny." He snickered as the door slowly opened. I've never been completely dumb struck as I was them. He looked like he had just rolled out of bed; dark hair mattered and sleep still in the darkest chocolate eyes I've ever seen. I hadn't paid attention to what Jeff was telling him, in fact, I didn't really care. Matt nodded a couple of times and shrugged. "Sure, she can stay here for a while." Jeff smiled, "Thanks bro. I need to go back into town and take care of some things, I'll be back in a week or so and pick her up." Matt shrugged again, "Whatever." Jeff turned to me and smiled, "Okay, soo see you in a week, all right?" I gulped. A week, here, all by ourselves?

"There milk in the frig if you want some." Matt paused as he yawned and stretched. "If you need anything, I'll be in bed." I nodded silently as he walked back into a room and shut the door part way. I looked around the house; for a guy he was pretty clean and to my surprise there wasn't a hundred porno magazines and videos laying around. In the corner of the living room was an entertainment center and a love seat. By the sofa was a bookshelf, filled with mystery novels, a few poetry books, and some classics. "Wow." was pretty much all I could get out. From what it seemed, Matt was nothing like Jeff. I skimmed through the books and settled on The House of Seven Gavels by Nathanal Hawthorne.

Two hours and seven chapters later the bedroom door creaked opened and Matt came out again, dressed in a pair of black jeans and a black t-shirt that said National Championship Wrestling. His hair was hanging loose and wet; I thought I heard a shower turned on. He looked at me for a minute, as if he couldn't remember why I was there. "Oh, um, you hungry?" My stomach growled to answer, but I shook my head. "Nah, not really." He shrugged and sat down on the love seat, turning on the radio to a soft rock station. I tried to let him noticed I had been staring at him the whole time, so I shoved my nose back into the book. "He's good." I looked up and nodded. "Yeah." "Hawthorne wrote psychological stories concerned with the unknown secrets that many people hid from the world. He and other Anti-Transcendentalists believed evil was a dominant force in the world, his writings can be compared to even our day of age, even though they were written way back in days." My mouth was hanging open as I stared at him, nope, nothing like Jeff. He smiled and shrugged, "There's your history lesson for the day. Sure you're not hungry?" My stomach growled again and I sighed, "Yeah, I guess a little."

After are harty brunch, Matt showed me the rest of his place. "I have a spare guest bedroom, usually Jeff stays there when he comes around, you can sleep there. The bathroom is the first door on the right, only the shower works." He must have noticed the confused look on my face, because he laughed and said, "Ask Jeff about it." He showed me the recreation room and weight room and we retreated back to the living room were the radio was still playing. "So tell me, did your boyfriend do that to you?" He reached out and touched my neck were some light shaded bruises had settled in. "No, step-dad. Well, not even step-dad, the person my mom left me with to run off with some truck driver named Bob." "Why'd you stay then?" I shrugged, "No where else to go. Jeff offered me to stay at his place, but it's a little crowded over there." Matt chuckled softly, "Yeah, his party days are still going, I gave mine up about a year ago." "You have a nice place." He nodded and looked around, "Yeah, it took a while, but it's all mine. Someday I'd like to get horses out in the fields, tame them down and all." I giggled. "What?" he asked. I shook my head, "Nothing, it's just you don't seem the cowboy type." He laughed, "Well, it's only a dream. Still, I can settle for my motorcycle for a trusty steed." His beeper went off and he looked at the number, then sighed. "Wait right here, I'll be back in ten minutes." With that he grabbed his jacket and went out the door.

Twenty minutes later he was back, and Jeff with him. "I thought you said you'd be back in a week." I smiled. Jeff sighed and plopped down next to me. "Yeah well, I thought I'd hang around to make sure you guys were doing all right." Matt rolled his eyes, "He forgot to put gas in his cycle and it broke down half way, ten miles from the nearest town." Jeff shrugged, "Yeah well that too. Anyway, who's up for a game of cards?"

It was midnight; Jeff and Matt were into their sixteenth round of poker while I watched them. Matt looked up from his cards and smiled at Jeff, sliding over a Zinger and a Zero. "I'll raise you." Jeff smirked and added to the pile, "I'll see your bet and raise you for who gets the Master bedroom tonight." Matt nodded. I was too tired to watch the rest, in fact, to tired to even get up from the love seat and go to the guest bedroom. I laid my head on my hands and fell asleep.

Ever been awake, yet asleep? To tired to open your eyes, to speak, to do anything but yet you knew everything that went on around you? I knew it was Jeff that had picked me up and put me in bed last night. I knew I smiled at his warmth and touch and snuggled myself to his embrace. And I knew he smiled. He had kissed me on my forehead, he had said, "Night Carrie." And I knew I grabbed onto his hand and told him not to leave. That next morning I woke up nose to nose with Jeff. There was something always unreal about Jeff, always a comforting touch, and I shivered in it despite how warm I was. I sighed, not wanting to get up, but knowing I wanted to grab the shower before anyone else. I easily slipped out of Jeff's arms and went to the bathroom. I fiddled with the knobs and remembered only the shower worked, so I clipped the switched and undressed as the water started to steam. Some little bruises still covered my body, but they didn't hurt, still, I wish I could have washed them away. Wash off everything about my past, I hated to even remember it. So, I didn't. I thought of happier thoughts. I remembered a party I went to when I was twelve. It was my first party, and the first time I met Jeff Hardy. He was so cute then; hair long but not as long as it is now. Big green eyes, highly hyperactive, even for a twelve year old. Jeff and his friends were seeing how many people the could fit into a row of cabinets. This was almost as funny as when they were seeing how long someone could stay in a dryer that was on. Upstairs the older kids party was going on; loud music, screaming and shouting. Jeff grabbed my hand and pulled my upstairs. "Come on Carrie..." I giggled and followed. We hid in a closet and he smiled that boyish grin of his that he keeps even today. And as fast as either of us could remember, he pecked my lips with a little kiss, my first kiss. I blushed and giggled and Jeff did the same. We heard the door of the room open and slam shut, then the laughter of two people. Jeff peeked out of the closet, then tuned to me and went "Shhh..." In a matter of minutes the laughter was replaced by moans and the creaking of the large iron bed. Jeff bit his lip and shut the closet door back, but not before I got a glimpse in on the scene that fell before us. Fifteen year old Matt Hardy lost his viginity that night.

Jeff, Jeff, Jeff, Jeff, Jeff....It seemed the only thought in my mind from the shower and back to bed. I looked in the living room on my way back and saw Matt asleep on the sofa; I guess he lost last night. His chest rose and fell in a steady beat, a little green book rested on the floor beside his limp hand. I smiled and scrunched my nose. Something about that man and his books... I shrugged anyway and went back into the guest bedroom. Jeff had a hold of my pillow and had smothered his face in it. "Oh, for cryin out loud." I huffed and tugged on the pillow, only to have Jeff grabbed my arm and pull me back to bed. "I got cold, where'd you go?" "Duh, the shower, my hair isn't wet for nothing." He smiled slightly and laid back on the bed. "You had better be thankful, I won the master bedroom last night and I ended up in here with you." I frowned, "So?" Jeff shot up out of bed, "So?! I've never got to sleep in there! His bed is a lot more springy." I hopped on the bed, "This one is springy?" Jeff sighed,"Not enough." He grabbed my hand and pulled me down the hallway. "Come on Carrie, I'll show you springy." We rounded the master bedroom door's corner and he flung onto the bed, jumping up and down on all fours. "See, this is springy!" I giggled and nodded, "Seems that way." He turned and looked at me, growled and jumped off the bed. "Try it!" He said and pushed me back onto the soft mattress. My sides were hurting from all the laughing, "Yes, this is springy." Jeff nodded and plopped down beside me. We giggled and laughed and sighed. I looked up at him, up into those jade eyes of his and that thought ran through my mind again. Jeff, Jeff, Jeff.... I wondered if he had seen it because his face went serious, too serious for Jeff. His chest was panting and you could barley even hear him breathing. He bit his lip, thinking, before he dipped his head and took my lips. It was a total shock, I was caught off guard; lucky Jeff was there to play knight again. He stopped and looked at me, as if he was trying to decide what to do next. His eyes wondered down to the hem of my shirt and he reached out to touch it, rolling it up my body and over my head. The temperature seemed to drop and it got cold, I wanted Jeff's touch now. His hands were trembling, and I didn't know why. Of course Jeff wasn't a virgin, Hell neither was I, but at that moment it seemed as if we were living our first time over again. I grabbed his hand and put it on my heart and let him feel it racing. He felt the beat for a moment then raised his hand up to my face. "Carrie, I.." And that was all he said. I laid back on the bed and he slid my underwear off. He was gentle, too serious for Jeff as I said. He slid out of his boxer shorts and stood at the end of the bed, before joining me again, his body hovering over mine. The jade in his eyes was hungry and I wanted that hunger, I showed him I wanted it. His hand felt the warmth between my legs and I shivered at his touch. "Jeff, please..." I pouted and his boyish grin returned. I moaned as he entered me; forgetting we were in the house, forgetting Matt was just a few feet away asleep in the living room; all I thought, all I wanted was Jeff. He moved in easy, silk soft slides and strives, one arm wrapped around me, the other bracing himself. I wrapped my legs around his waist; urging him, wanting him to speed it up. He got the message. The strides became hard and rough, each thrust seemingly reaching deeper inside of me. He groaned and shut his eyes. "Carrie, I can't.." Just the want in his voice, the need of it sent me into the hardest climax I ever had. And as Jeff was coming to his brink, as his release racked his body in pure passion, I looked over his shoulder and seen Matt standing in the doorway. Jeff's body fell on mine and he panted, wrapping me in an embrace. But the deep pools of brown held my gaze and Matt walked away; shocked and heartbroken.

A few hours later Jeff snuggled up under my chin and sighed, "That was just incredible, something I wanted for a long time." My stomach did a summersault, "You have?" He nodded, "For a while now." I sighed, "We shouldn't have." His eyes turned soft and sad. "You didn't enjoy it?" I bit my lip; I enjoyed it all right, but it was wrong, with the wrong person; my step-father was right, I am a little whore. "It's not that, it's just, Jeff... we're best friends and best friends don't...they don't have sex." He frowned, "If you thought that way, why did you go along with it?" I sighed and shrugged, "It was just...the moment I guess..." He grinned slightly and sat up. "But tell me, honestly, was it good for you?" I'm glad I didn't have to answer that before Matt called Jeff into the kitchen. He smiled and stood up, "Be back in a minute."

I didn't wait for Jeff to come back, instead I got up and slipped back into my clothes and walking into the living room. Matt was sitting at the kitchen table looking straight down into a cup of coffee. Jeff was sitting against the bar with a smug look on his face. "Good morning Matt." I said softly. He looked up and then back down again. Jeff grabbed his jacket and a can of gasoline. "Well, I'm going to go get my bike, see you two in a few hours." After he left the house was silent and I fixed myself a cup of coffee and sat down across from Matt. He sighed, "I should have guessed you and Jeff were together." I choked, "Me and Jeff? I guess that's what it looked like, but we're not." Matt frowned, "Yeah right, so you were just fucking him because you're friends?" I groaned and stood up, "I don't know what happen, ok!? I didn't plan on it." Tears started to slide down my face and I ran into the guest bedroom. I couldn't even face him. After all, what was he suppose to think? He had caught me screwing his bother and there I was trying to say it wasn't my fault. I could still hear my step-father calling my a little whore. "You little slut! There ain't nothing good about you, maybe I should put you on the corner where you belong!" The words stung and I cried into the soft feather pillow.

I heard the chair in the kitchen scoot and heard footsteps waling down the hall. Matt knocked on the door softly, "Carrie? Look, I didn't mean..." "Just forget it! My step-father is right, I am a whore, a little slut just like he said!" I heard the door click open and Matt walked in and sat on the end of the bed. "You're not a slut or a whore. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have made a big deal over it." I sniffed, "It is a big deal. I just..." Matt leaned down into my face and went "Shhh... listen, it's all right." I looked into his eyes and bit my lip, then shook my head. What was I thinking? I just had sex with his little brother and now...now... "Hey," Matt's voice brought me back to reality, "...listen, you just need to forget about it, it was just one of those moments. I mean...well...you and Jeff have known each other a long time. Sometimes feelings grow up with you and you don't even know it until a right moment." I laid my head back down on the pillow and sighed. "But I want me and Jeff to be just friends, like always." Matt looked down at me and smiled. "Hey, if he's really your friend, he'll understand. Listen, I'm going to town here pretty soon, wanna go?" "No thanks just the same, I just want to be by myself for a while." He nodded and stood up. "Can I get you anything?" I shook my head. "No thanks."

An hour later I heard the front door open and close. "Carrie?" Jeff's voice echoed through the house. I wasn't in much of a mood to talk to him, so, I pretended I was asleep. He walked into the room and stood over me. "Hey, you awake?" I didn't answer and I kept my eyes shut. He sighed softly and laid down next to me, placing his arm around my waist. He kissed the back of my neck and yawned, laying his head next to mine. I shivered despite his warm touch. Even though I loved Jeff, I knew us being together would be the end of our friendship. I sighed and listened to him fall asleep. Well, it can wait until Matt gets back.

I woke up when I heard the front door close. Jeff's arm layed across my waist and I slipped from under it easily. Matt was in the kitchen, putting away groceries. He looked at me and smiled. "Hey. I couldn't resist, I picked you up some Sweet Tarts at the store." he said and pointed to the small bag of candy. I smiled, "Thank you." "No problem. Where's Jeff at?" he asked, expression changing. I sighed and pointed to the back room. "He came in while I was asleep I guess." Matt nodded and folded the brown paper sack, setting it under the counter. He sighed and sat at the table, pouring himself a drink. "You should talk to him." he said softly as his face reflected the taste of his drink. I nodded and sat across from him. "I know. I plan on it as soon as he wakes up. I can't let him go on thinking we're actually together just because..." I stopped when Matt looked up at me, sadden. "...because we let our emotions go overboard." I sighed and slouched in my chair, running my fingers into my hair. "Maybe I should leave." "Leave?" Matt set his drink aside, "You can't just leave. Where would you go?" I shrugged, truth was that I didn't have anywhere to go. Matt's hand skimmed over the table and landed ontop of mine. He smiled and gave it a gentle squeeze. "Just talk to him, he'll understand."

Matt sat on the couch, flipping through the channels on the TV. He looked up just as Jeff walked into the living room. Jeff looked at him and grinned. "Hey bro, where's Carrie?" Matt narrowed his eyes at him, "She went for a walk." Jeff sighed, disapointed, and sat down next to him. "She's something, ain't she Matt?" Matt nodded. "I've known her ever since we've been kids, you know? And now, it's the strangest thing, now I'm starting to really love her Matt." Matt sighed and continued to flipped the TV channels as Jeff continued. "She's beautiful. I can't get her out of my head, she's just so-" "And how do you think she feels about you?" Matt looked at him and asked, "Hmm? Think she loves you like that?" Jeff smiled and sat back, "Bro, if you only knew. I think she feels the same way. I'm almost positive." Matt's left eyebrow rose in question as he turned back to the TV. "Shouldn't get your hopes up unless you know for sure, Jeff."

I walked back into the house and paused at the front door when I seen Jeff. He looked at me and smiled. "Hey." I smiled slightly, "Hey, you're awake, that's shocking." He chuckled lightly and stood up, walking towards me. "I'm going back to the city tonight, I was wondering, do you want to go?" Matt looked up from position at us. I looked at him, then and Jeff. "You know, I'm just really tired, I think I'll just stay here for tonight, maybe tomorrow." His face filled with disapointment and he directed his attention else where. "Well, ok, then I'll be by tomorrow." He grabbed his coat and keys, then , kisses me gently on the cheek. "See you tomorrow." he whispered and went out the door.

I shivered as Jeff shut the door. Matt sighed and sat back on the couch. "So, what are you going to tell him tomorrow? You just can't blow this off anymore." I groaned and nodded. "I know, I know, but it's so hard." I pouted and fidiged with my hands. "We've been friends for a long time, and he says he's always wanted us to be together, I mean...I just can't break his heart like that..." "But if you don't tell him, in the end, you will." I knew Matt was right. I sighed and stood up, walking to the back bedroom. "Carrie, look, I-" He paused and sighed. "Nevermind." I nodded, un surely, and went to the bedroom. I collasped onto the matress and smoothered my face into the pillow. Jeff loved me and I didn't love him; I think I want Matt but he doesn't seem to notice; listen to me, I just fucked his brother! At that moment I wished I was back at home, step-dad or not, at least I wouldn't have this mess on my hands.

What was that look? It's like she expected him to say something to make it easier on her. But what could he say?

"Jeff, I don't love you in that way." I bit my lip as I saw the look of disapointment cross his face. "You don't love me? But what about the other night-" "The other night wasn't suppose to happen, I don't want to be with you like that anymore, I don't love you." He frowned and the disapointment turned to anger. "Why the Hell not? What have I ever done not to make you love me?!" I whimpered as he grabbed my wrist and growled. "Don't you understand? I love you, I want you, and I will have you!" He pushed me to the bed and started to tear off my clothes, ripping the buttons on my shirt. "Matt! Matt, please help!" I screamed as Jeff slapped me across the face. "Matt, please...." Then, I woke up.

Matt stood over me, his hands on my shoulders. "Carrie....sshh...it's just a bad dream.." Tears streamed down my face as I clutched to his arms. I whimpered and cried, grabbing a hold of him tightly. He placed his arms around me and squeezed tightly, petting my hair down my back. "You're ok.... you're ok...you're safe right here-" In my arms he fnished in his thoughts.

I didn't really think Jeff would hurt me, he never would. Yet, at the present moment I didn't care about Jeff and my problems. I woke up when the rays of dawn had came thre the window, my face buried into Matt's chest. His arms were wrapped around me protectivly and his chin rested on my head. I sighed at the warmth and snuggled against it, then, remembered what I had just done with Jeff only a couple days ago. I groaned and sat up, waking him up. He yawned and wiped the sleep from his eyes, then saw me. "Oh, um, morning." I blinked and looked at him. "Um...mornin." Silence fell about the room until the clock radio buzzed loudly. Matt turned off the alarm and the radio came on.

She's saying "Love is like a barren place, and reaching out for human faith is like a journey I just don't have a map for." So baby's gonna take a dive and push the shift to overdrive send a signal that she's haging all her hopes on the stars. What a pleasant dream.

I would fly to the moon & back if you'll be... if you'll be my baby. Got a ticket for a world where we belong. So would you be my baby?

We looked at each other as the song played on to a finsh. Matt reached out slowly and slid his hand against my arm. I shivered and pulled from his touch. "I can't... " His eyes grew soft as he reached out for my hand. "Carrie, it's ok, c'mere." He took me into his arms and kissed the top of my head. "You're not a slut, all right? Just because that happened doesn't make you a slut. You're beautiful Carrie, and you don't need to think that just because Jeff took the advantage that I-" He stopped and looked at me, thinking. "That I don't have feelings for you. I can't explain it, but I know deep down that this-" He paused again and lowered his face, hovering his lips above mine. "That this is right." he said and brushed his lips against mine. He wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me against him, kissing me with a little more force. I put my arms around his neck and melted into him, sighing as his hands carressed my sides and back. I whimpered as he licked my lips with his tongue and manuvered our bodies to where I was laying against the bed and his body was above mine. He looked at me and sighed softly, his hands rubbing against my stomach and under my shirt, pulling it off. He kissed my stomach and I squirmed under his lips, arching my back for him to take off my bra. He stared at my half naked body a while, taking it in, then, move to carress it. His hands took my breasts in their grip and I gasps softly, arching myself into his touch, moaning softly as he paid special attention to my harden nipples. I work to get his shirt off, letting it join the pile of clothes that had started on the floor. I admired his chizled chest and arms, tracing them with my fingers. Matt moved back long enough to pull off my jeans and underware and slip out of his as well. His erection stood proud as it pushed into my body, causing my hips to rise off the bed and into him. He groanded softly and kissed me hard, rubbing my legs and thighs, slipping his hand between my legs and sliding a finger between my slit. He pushed my hungry body to the bed and slipped his body bewteen mine, guiding my legs around him. He slid into me slowly, clenching his teeth as he filled me comepletly. He pushed into me, setting a slow rhythm for me to follow as he moved against my body. His hips started to grind into mine as he pushed harder, trying to keep his control. His hands massaged my breasts and his fingers carressed my nipples as he pumped in and out of my body. He groaned softly as my body bucked up into his, whimpering. My insides tightened around him and he gasped, grabbing my hips and slamming into me. I was lost in a sea of passion, my body on fire under Matt's touch and the feeling of him inside me. At the brink of orgasm he looked into my eyes, beads of sweat sliding down his forehead. We kissed hard, wrapping our arms around each other as we came together. His body collasped onto mine, his hands rubbing my sides gently as his lips released mine. I panted, shivering slightly as he looked at me. His breathing started to go back to normal as he laid next to me, taking me in his arms, kissing my forehead. "You're beautiful..." he whispered softly before he slowly started to nod off to sleep. I smiled slightly and kissed his slighty. "No Matt, you're beautiful."

The next morning Jeff came in while Matt and I where eating. He looked at us and smiled, "Smells good." Silence fell on the home as the three of us looked at each other. "What?" Jeff finally asked. Matt looked at me and I at him, then, looked to Jeff. I sighed and stood, grabbing his hand. "Come on, we need to talk." He looked confused for a moment, but followed anyway. Matt only took a sip of his coffee and waited for the fireworks.


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