/ dancing to silent music /
 

“Hey, lovebirds, wake up.” I felt a bright light being shone into my eyes. I opened my eyes, and saw Ike covering his.

“What’s going on?”

“Get up! Get up!” Zac yelled.

We both sat up and noticed Taylor and Zac opening all my window blinds.

“Guys! What time is it?” Ike yelled.

“It is precisely... 9:05am. Get up, sleepyheads!” Zac chirped, already too hyper.

“Why... so early?” I yawned.

Ike looked over at me and smiled. I returned the gesture and rested my head on his shoulder.

“What are you doing? You can’t go back to sleep. Get up!” Taylor said.

Zac came over and pulled me up while Tay tried to pull Ike up. But Ike wouldn’t budge. I went over and pushed Taylor aside, jokingly.

“You have no strength!” I grabbed both of Ike’s hands and pulled. No movement. I looked at his face and saw he was trying to conceal his laughter. I tried again, but this time he pulled me down on top of him.

Taylor and Zac busted up laughing. They started towards the door. “Hey, be downstairs in ten minutes, or we take the surprise away. Ten minutes. No later.” Taylor threatened, playfully, before they left.

I smiled. “Ding dong, the witches are gone.” Ike smiled and pulled me into his lap, and we both sat there, relishing the new-found feeling.

We broke apart and slowly got up. I grabbed my clothes and turned around, bumping into Ike. My clothes fell to the floor as he wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me closer to him. The moment reminded me of something my mother once told me... She said: “Sometimes the best music is the music you hear beating in your lover’s heart.” I smiled and placed my ear over his chest, listening to the sweet rhythm.

He kissed my hair then looked down at me. “I’ll let you go so you can get dressed, but be downstairs in...” He checked his watch. “... Four minutes.”

I smiled. “I’ll try my hardest.” He kissed me softly before leaving.

I quickly got dressed and walked downstairs. I passed the boy’s bedroom and saw no one was in there, so I continued on. Suddenly I felt strong arms go around me. I bit my lip and made my voice as whiny as it would go. “IIkkee...” I turned around a gasped. I yelled and tripped over the person’s feet, which sent me flying into the banister. I tried to get up, but a sharp kick from behind toppled me down the steps and onto the hard, wooden floor. The last thing I saw was the man running back down the hall into the guy’s bedroom, then blood distorted my vision.

“Devon! Oh my God! Ike! Tay! Call 911!”

I felt Zac put his hand in mine and then everything went black.
 
 

/ connected /
 

I woke up to an annoying beeping. I couldn’t quite open my eyes though. I felt something warm against my lips, but then it was gone.

“Devon, I hope you can hear me.” So that’s what the warm sensation was. “I am so sorry about this. I knew I shouldn’t have left you alone... well, they finally caught him. The man that has ruined our lives, yet brought us together.” He laced his fingers through mine and rested his forehead on our clasped hands. “I don’t know how he knew you were back... and I don’t know how he escaped from jail. But I promise you that it will never happen again. He’s being locked up in the psycho ward as we speak. And you can’t escape that. Trust me, we asked when we tried to commit Zac.” He laughed lightly and stroked my fingers. I was starting to get the rest of the feeling back in my body.

“How comes whenever something good happens, something bad has to follow. I mean, something wonderful happened between us and now look.. Why?

“The doctors say since you lost so much blood and you hit your head really hard, there’s a chance you might not make full recovery. Even though I gave you some blood, they still say that. Well, that’s bull because I know you’ll make it.”

He gave me blood? We really are connected now. He saved me. I would have cried. I wanted to, but I couldn’t.

I slowly opened my eyes and let them adjust. When things started to look clear, I gazed over at him. His head was still down and a silent tear rolled down his face. Just seeing him that way, made me ache.

“Ike,” I whispered. His head shot up and he stared at me. His eyes got wide as he climbed on the bed and hugged me.

After a few minutes, he pulled away and smiled at me. He gently pushed the hair away from my face. “You had us all worried. How do you feel?”

I smiled slightly, then winced in pain. I slowly brought my hand up to my face and sighed. “How bad is it?” I ran my fingers over the bandage.

He put his hand over mine. “It’s not that bad. It could be a lot worse. Plus, it’ll heal in time.”

“I hope so. Did you really give me your blood?” I asked, softly.

He kissed my hand that he was cradling between both of his. “Yeah, and you know I’d do it again.” He whispered back.

I smiled at him with a new admiration. I gently pulled his hands. He understood and sat down beside me. I pulled him down and kissed him softly and hugged him the best I could.

“I think the rest of the family would like to see you too.”

“They’re here?”

“Of course they are. I’ll go get them.” Then he disappeared out the door to the waiting room. Within minutes, he returned with the entire family. He was holding Mackie, whose eyes got huge when he saw me. I hit the button on the bed to make it rise more.

“Devon!! You’re alive!” Zac yelled, running over and hugging and kissing me.

I laughed lightly and scratched his head. “Yes, Zac, I’m alive.”

Taylor came over next. “I’m glad you’re alright, Von.”

I smiled brightly and stroked his cheek. “You haven’t called me that in a long time... thank you Dan.”

He leaned over and kissed my forehead. “You’re welcome.”

After everyone else came over, Isaac brought Mackie to me. Mac practically jumped into my lap. He hugged me tightly and started firing his questions. “Are you okay? Are you coming home soon?”

“Yep, I’m good now.”

Mackie sighed and wiped his forehead. “Good, because I don’t want Ikey to be a window.”

I looked at him, confused. “A window?”

“Yeah, I heard that when you’re married and if the person you marry dies, you are a window.”

I looked at Ike and he had a confused look on his face also. I glanced at everyone else and they looked the same. I thought for a second and then it registered.

“Oh! You mean a widow!” I laughed and soon everyone else joined in. I snuck a look at Ike and he smiled, lovingly.

A nurse came in. “I’m sorry, but visiting hours are over. You can come back in the morning.”

“Okay, we’re soon leaving.” Diana supplied and picked up Avery. Walker grabbed Jessica’s hand and walked over to get Mackie.

“Wait! I gotta give Devon a squish!” Mackie leaned over so he could kiss me goodnight.

“I’ll see you later, dude.”

“Bye Devon.”

Everybody left, except Ike. “Aren’t you going to miss your ride?”

“No, I drove my own car. Do you need anything?”

“Nope. But you look beat, so why don’t you go get some rest.”

“Oh, I see, you’re just trying to get rid of me. I see how you operate.”

I smiled and kiss his hand. “Never.”

“I don’t like leaving you here, but it looks like I have to. Sweet dreams and I’ll see you in the morning.” He leaned over and kissed my forehead. “Love you,” he whispered.

“Love you, too.”

He walked out the door, turning around once to wave goodbye and to blow a kiss. I smiled and snuggled back down into my bed, waiting for the dreams to come.
 

/ lucky? /
 

Four times I was awakened that night. By nurses and doctors taking my blood pressure and temperature. Frankly, it was becoming quite annoying.

I was woken again, but this time by someone rubbing my hand. 'I swear, if that's another friggin' nurse, she's getting belted.' I opened my eyes and saw Isaac smiling his irresistible smile.

"You're lucky. I was just about you slap you."

He laughed and sat down on my bed. "Why?"

"You would not believe how many times those nurses came in last night and this morning. I think I got about an hour of sleep."

"Aww, poor baby."

I crossed my arms across my chest. "You better thank your lucky stars I'm in this bed or I'd..."

"You'd what?" He asked, amused.

"Wouldn't you like to know!" I turned my head away, smiling. He turned so he was facing me. He brought his hand up to my face and turned it back to him. Ironically, he was still smiling.

"You'd what?"

I smiled, evilly, and grabbed the collar of his shirt, pulling him over to me. I let my lips linger around his for a few seconds, too tease, then kissed him hard. We broke apart and I smiled at him. "That. Any questions?"

"No, but I'd like a another demonstration later." I laughed and pushed him away. "So, are you hungry?"

I rubbed my stomach. "No, not really."

He looked at me, concerned. "You have to be hungry. You haven't eaten any real food in three days."

"What? How long was I out? I thought I was only out for a couple hours."

"No, you were unconscious for three days. That's why the doctors were a little worried."

I sighed. "But really. I'm not hungry. Thanks though. But when do I get out of here?"

"The doctors say within the next two weeks."

"Two weeks! I have to stay here for two weeks! Why can't I just leave tomorrow?"

"Oh waa!"

I gave him the look again, threatening that I would repeat my actions unless he shut up. He just smiled and leaned closer.
 
 

/ answer to getting away /
 

"Do you have everything?" Zac asked, two weeks later.

"Well, considering I'm leaving with more stuff than I came in with... I think I have everything."

Taylor smiled. "Good. We wouldn't want you to forget any groovy hospital souvenirs, now would we?"

"Oh no, we would not."

Isaac walked in, humming some tune. "Okay, the car is out front, you ready?"

I looked at Tay and Zac and we all just started laughing.

"Yeah... all... right, I obviously missed something." Ike stated, confused.

"Sorry babe, had to be here."

Zac picked up all my clothes, Taylor was holding the *hospital souvenirs*, and I grabbed my bookbag with my personal stuff. Zac and Tay headed out the door while Ike came over to me. "Here, I'll carry this." He pulled my bookbag off and threw it over his shoulder.

"You sure?"

He grinned and grabbed my hand. "It's not THAT heavy."

We drove home, listening to oldies on the radio. I didn't even attempt to sing. The guys knew every lyric to every song imaginable and my voice could never be heard over them. I'm not complaining though. I enjoyed the mini-concert.

Ike pulled into the driveway and we all piled out. Mackie was the first to attack me, throwing his not-so-chubby arms around my leg. "You're home!" I bent down and picked him up. His sticky fingers found their way into my hair.

I laughed and hugged him tightly. "Someone was eating some candy." He pulled back and looked down, sheepishly. He mumbled some word than squirmed out of my arms, running into the house. We followed behind him.

"This has been a very long month and I just want to go to sleep for a very long time." I plopped down on the couch.

Ike sat down beside me. "This month has been pretty eventful, hasn't it?"

"I need a vacation." I said, before grabbing a pillow, putting it on Ike's lap and laying down. Taylor walked into the room and flopped onto a recliner.

"Did someone say they needed a vacation?" His sarcastic smile made me laugh.

"Yeah that was me. Unless I was just saying that in my head and Ike's voice got incredibly higher..."

"Oh yes, I do need a vacation." Ike said, in a high-girlie voice. We tried to keep straight faces.. it just didn't work out.

"You're such a goof. But I love you anyway." I said, rubbing his leg/

Taylor looked at me. "Gee, I feel loved."

I leaned over Ike and rubbed Taylor's leg. "You know I love you, Taylor."

A content smile spread to his face. "Okay, thank you."

"Anytime." I laid back down on Ike's lap.

"So, did you tell her yet?"

I looked up. "Tell me what?" Isaac looked at Taylor, who nodded.

"Okay, I'm not getting this brotherly lingo. What's going on?" I slowly got up, wincing slightly from the pain.

"Okay, you know how we told you about the tour coming up? Well it's starting next month. How would you like to tour with us?" Ike asked.

My eyes enlarged. "Are you serious?"

"Yeah, what do you say?" Taylor asked.

Just then, Zac popped out from behind the couch and scared us all. "Please! Please say yes!"

I smiled. "I dunno, Zac." Then I pulled him over the couch into my lap. Minimal pain. I could handle it. He wrapped his arms around me.

"Please! Please! Please! You can't leave me alone with these guys. They'll mutilate me!"

"In that case, I'm definitely not going."

I almost died from his expression. His eyes widened and his jaw dropped. I gently pushed his jaw back up and smiled.

"I was kidding. Of course, I'll go. I don't have anywhere else to go." He sighed, relieved, then jumped off my lap and ran into the kitchen.

"I swear, that boy has more energy than a nuclear bomb." Ike said, shaking his head.

I smiled, "Yeah, that's our Zac." I yawned and stretched. I heard my back pop and yelped. "Ooo! Remind me to never do that again." I rubbed my now soar back.

"You okay, D?" Ike asked.

"Yeah, I just popped my back and it hurt."

"Aww, poor baby." Taylor said.

I looked at Taylor, then at Ike. We both started laughing, remembering our hospital experience.

"Okay..." Taylor trailed off, confused.

"Inside joke." Ike explained.

"Um, okay, I'm going to go help Mom in the kitchen."

I laid back down for the third time but this time I faced him. He pushed the hair out of my eyes lightly and smiled down at me.

I smiled back and grabbed his hand. I looked at his ring. It was the first time I really looked at it. I realized it was the same one that he gave to me over a year ago. I pulled the chains from underneath my shirt. I picked up the ring and put it right beside his. "Snap." I whispered.

He smiled. and picked up the other locket. "What's this?"

I sat up in his lap. "Your mom and dad gave it to me for my birthday. You never saw it?"

He shook his head and opened it. He flipped it over and read the inscription. He smiled as his eyes read over the engraved words. "There is a lot of love in these families, isn't there?"

I smiled, then frowned and looked down. "Well, what's left of that family." I said, pointing to my own family, or lack their of.

He put his arm around me. "Hey, just because they aren't here physically, doesn't mean they aren't here," he said, pointing to my heart.

"I know," I whispered, looking down again.

"Come on, why don't you get some rest? You look beat."

"Me? You should look in the mirror." I stood up and extended my hand to him.

"You're right. I am tired."

"See." I smiled. I turned around and saw Diana standing at the kitchen doorway. She smiled, then turned around and went back into the kitchen.

I started to feel a little light-headed but I just shook my head and waved it off. Ike wrapped his arm around my waist and we started walking towards the steps. The more I walked, the more nauseated I felt. I clutched Ike's hand, tightly, with both hands. I started rocking back and forth with my eyes shut.

"Devon? What's wrong?"

I swallowed a couple time and the nausea what gone, but I was still a little dizzy and shaky. I opened my eyes and sighed. "That was freaky." I whispered.

"What happened?" He asked, concerned.

"I just got nauseated and light-headed and stuff out of nowhere."

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, just a little shaky still."

He looked at my hand, which ws clutching his, and saw both our hands shaking. Then he looked at my other hand, which was now grasping the railing, and my knuckles were turning white. "A little shaky?" I smiled, sheepishly, and shrugged.

"Come on, put your arm around my shoulders." I did as he told me, then he swooped down and picked me up. I wrapped both arms around him tightly. He carefully carried me up the steps to my bedroom and laid me down. Then he laid down beside me.

"Now get some rest. I'll set the alarm for 5:00 so we can be up in time for supper. Okay?"

I smiled. "Okay." I turned over and saw him setting the alarm. He turned back around and pulled me closer. I snuggled against his warm chest as he wrapped his arms around me and kissed my hair, softly.

"Goodnight. Love you."

"Love you too," I whispered back, before falling into a deep sleep.
 

/ happy /
 

"Its time to wake up," Isaac whispered into my ear.

I opened my eyes and stared into his big, brown eyes. "Hey," I whispered, smiling.

"Hey yourself."

"Okay. Hey Devon, how are you doing? I'm doing great now, thank you."

Ike laughed. "You're impossible."

"I know."

We just stared at each other for awhile, smiling. Then, he pulled me over and kissed me softly. I gently pushed him over on his back and rolled on top of him. A shooting pain ran through my back, but I ignored it. Like reading my mind, he started running his hands up and down my back. I smiled, inwardly. He always knew how to relax me.

We reluctantly pulled away, but I stayed where I was. I neatly tucked my head under his chin. "Can I ask you something?"

He gently stroked my hair. "Of course."

"Did you ever think that we'd be together, like this?" I intertwined my fingers with his, and they rested on his chest.

He thought for a minute. "Actually, I have. I think after our little marriage, I really started wondering what we would look like together. Did you?" He ran his thumb, rhythmically, over my hand.

"Yeah, I did. Especially when I was gone. You know, when you're practically gone for a year, you have a lot of time to think. I promised myself that I would do something about it if I got back to you. But when I did, I just had too many things to worry about. Like Dad. And I guess I kinda lost track of what I was doing. Then, at my birthday party. You know, before we went in. When we talked, you know, you told me how you felt and I guess that kind of reminded me. Then, of course, the people at the party that kept 'awwing' and stuff... I'm sorry, I'm rambling, majorly." I blushed and buried my face farther into his neck.

"Don't be sorry, I'm glad you're telling me how you feel. I am happy we're together now, though."

I looked at him and smiled. "Me too," I whispered then kissed him softly.

"As much as I'd like to stay up here, we better get down there before they come up here."

I smiled and got off of him. We walked downstairs, hand in hand.

"Well, nice of you two to join us." Walker joked.

"Sorry Dad," Ike said, simply.

We sat down at the table and after the boys said, "Amen" we ate. While eating, I looked at Zac, shoveling in the food, looking up ever so often to catch me staring at him. He'd offer a goofy smile and there was no way I couldn't smile back. I looked out the window and saw the sun beginning to set.  I realized it had been so long since I had watch the sun set with a clear conscience. Tonight was going to change that.
 
 

/ sunset /
 

Grabbing two blankets, I walked out to the front porch swing. I sat down and wrapped the warm blankets around me. A few minutes later, I heard the front screen door squeak open, and Zac walked out.

"Hey, want some company?"

I smiled. "Always."

I opened up my arms and he crawled into my lap, then I wrapped the blankets around us.

"Beautiful, isn't it?" I asked, staring at the breath-taking scene.

"Yeah it is. Like the moon."

"Ahh, both so beautiful, yet so different. The sun gives us this wonderful yellow glow and warms even the coldest heart."

"And the moon gives us mystery and casts shadows in the darkest nights."

We stayed as quiet as we could. I looked at Zac and saw he was trying so hard not to break the moment. He looked at me and then we both did it.

We laughed.

"We read WAY too much Hanfic, don't we?"

I poked Zac in the ribs. "We? I only read that one story that you MADE me read! You're the one addicted." We both wiped the tears from our eyes and sighed.

"So, mighty *H.A.A.s, would you mind some more company?"

I looked over and saw Ike standing in the doorway, smiling. I looked back at Zac. "Do you think we should let him?"

"I don't know." Zac looked at Ike. "Okay, but if you guys start kissing, I'm outta here."

I looked down at him and ruffled his hair. "Now, Zac, would we do a thing like that to little, innocent you?"

"Um, yah!"

Ike came over and sat down. We all just stared at the sun. Finally, its orange glow could not be seen. I looked down at Zac, and saw he was sleeping. I smiled and kissed his forehead. I rested my head against Ike's shoulder and soon, we were all fast asleep. Good dreams were inevitable.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
*H.A.A= Hanson Addicts Anonymous
 

/ leavin on a jet plane /
 

"Okay, is everything packed? Devon, do you have all your stuff ready? How 'bout you guys?" Diana asked, one month later.

"Yes, Mom, everybody has everything packed." Ike answered for everyone.

"Okay, well, gimme kisses because I'm won't see you for a couple of weeks."

Diana was staying home with the little kids until they returned to America. Jessie and Mackie both had the flu and we didn't want it to get worse with them flying around everywhere. So, they would tour with them when they came back, and hopefully all sicknesses would be gone.

Everybody hugged, kissed and said their goodbyes to all those staying.

"Zac," Walker started. "Go call Tanya and tell her we'll pick her up in about ten minutes."

"Okie dokie." He ran to the phone and quickly dialed.

We carried all our luggage out to the van and packed up. We said our final goodbyes then went to Tanya's house. She was waiting out on the sidewalk and smiled when she saw us coming. We stopped and loaded her stuff, then headed towards the air port.

Once we were on the plane, a nasally voice crackled over the loud speakers. "Please fasten your seatbelts..."

I looked over a row and saw Tanya practically clawing the armrest. "Hey Tanya, its going to be alright. Let the poor armrest go."

She just gripped the defenseless cushion tighter and squeezed her eyes shut. I laughed lightly and leaned back into my chair. This was going to be a long ride...
 
 

/ pillow fight /
 

"Welcome to Jakarta. I hope you enjoy your visit." The pilot announced, ten hours later.

I opened my eyes and looked around.

"Mornin' beautiful."

I looked up and smiled. "Hey handsome."

Isaac kissed my forehead then inter-twined his fingers with my mine. We stood up and grabbed our carry-on bags.

"What time is it?" I groggily asked.

He studied his watch for a few moments. "It's 5:17am."

I groaned. "Way too early for me, man."

He laughed. "Well, you better get used to it."

We got off the plane and drove to our hotel, only running into three screaming squads. How can they have that much energy this early in the morning?

"Welcome to the Hilton, where we suck up your money and treat you like crap." I said, flopping on my bed. We all shared a common laugh then smiled at each other.

"So, when is the first concert?" Michelle asked, flopping on her own bed beside mine.

"Um, tomorrow at 8:00pm." Taylor answered, resting in a nearby designer chair.

"Well, at least you can sleep for a little while." I said, rolling over on my back.

"Actually, we can't. We have to do interviews at 8:00am and 9:30; be at soundcheck at 12:00; do interviews again at 3:00 and 5:00; be back at the concert hall by 6:30 and showtime at 8:00." Zac offered, not bothering to look up from his position at the end of Michelle's bed.

"Wow, Zac. You have the whole schedule memorized, don't you?" Isaac asked, who was sitting on the floor, with his head resting against my bed.

"Yep." He smiled, weakly. "Hey, I'm going to take a nap. We have to be up by 7:00 for supper."

"Well, I'm gonna follow the little dude. See you tonight." Taylor got up, and entered his room behind Zac.

"Later guys."

"I guess I better go, before they lock me out. See ya in a little." Ike said, kissing my temple. "See ya Michelle."

"Bye Ike." We chorused.

I looked at Michelle and she was smiling. "What?" I asked, smiling back, intrigued.

"Nuttin'" She said, still smiling, and then turned away from me.

"Chelly! Come on! Tell me!" I said, pulling the pillow from beneath her head and hitting her with it.

"Oww!!"

"Like that hurt! Tell me!"

"Never!" She yelled, picking up my pillow and whacking me with it. Soon, we were in a full-fledge pillow fight.

We heard laughter from across the room. Turning, we saw the guys standing at our connecting door.

Michelle and I looked at each other, nodded, then took off towards them. Taylor ran back into the room and shut the door, while Isaac and Zac tried to grab our pillows.

"Taylor! You're such a pimp! Get out here!!" I screamed, kicking the door and shmackin' Isaac with the pillow.

"No! I'm going to bed. You kids have fun." Then a distinct 'click' could be heard.

Everyone stared expectantly at the door. "That pimp locked you out."

Isaac looked at me, somewhat amused. "Devon, what's with the 'pimp'?"

I blushed lightly and looked away. "Sorry, word of the day underwear."

"Screw him." Zac finally said, grabbing the pillow from Michelle's hands, and chased her around the room.

While I was watching them, Ike stole my pillow. I eyed him. "You wouldn't."

He proved me wrong. I received a light blow to the head. "Oww! That really hurt!" I spoke in my fake British accent.

He laughed.

I got him back.

The pout.

His laughter ceased and he put his arm around me. "Are you okay? Ego and all?"

I slowly grabbed the pillow and whacked him hard, causing him to fly backwards. But if he was going down, so was I... it was a mutual thing, I suppose. His arms flew around my waist, causing me to fall on top of him.

Tired of fighting, I grabbed the pillow and raised it up. There was brief fear is his eyes but then he saw my attentions and lifted up his head. I tucked it underneath and smiled at him.

"All forgiven?" I asked, batting my eyelashes.

He laughed and pulled me beside him. "You know you don't have to bat your eyelashes to charm me..."

"I know... it was just an extra touch."

He leaned down and kissed me softly. I smiled into it, relishing the feeling I got in the pit of my stomach. He ran his fingers over my forehead and cheek, then slowly pulled away.

"You know," I started, staring into his eyes, pushing the hair from them. "I could definitely get used to this." I ran my fingertips over his soft lips.

He kissed them and smiled. "I think I'm already addicted."

I smiled down at him, kissed his nose lightly, then rested my head beside his. He turned on his side to face me. I gently ran my fingers over his cheek. "I am so lucky."

I know he wanted to ask me why I said, so I started again before he could ask. "After the hell I've been through this past year, with my dad dying, the whole stalker thing, falling down steps, being in the hospital... After all those horrible things... I realize, I am incredibly lucky. I have you in my life. I have you loving me everyday. And that there is enough to keep me alive. Then I have your family... your amazing family... and Michelle. I'm just so blessed to have all you wonderful people in my life. And even though I don't say i nearly enough... thank you." I looked up teary eyed. "I don't know what I'd do without any of you guys... especially you." He pulled me over into a tight embrace and just held me as I cried.

"Well," he finally whispered. "We are very lucky to have you in our lives. Ask anyone, they'll tell you the same thing."

We pulled away from each other and just stared. I think we were both wondering how we were lucky enough to end up with each other. But like the song goes... we must have been a blessing from above.
 
 

/ secrets revealed /
 

"We get to back to the US of A! Wahoo!!" Zac yelped, kicking his feet on the bed.

"Zac! Shut! Up! And! Go! To! Bed!" Taylor said, emphasizing each word with gritted teeth.

"Fine, Mr. Grumpy! Its not my fault that chick dumped you!"

"She didn't... oh, just shut up."

"Guys, we are all tired, just please get some rest before you say anything you'll regret." The reasoning voice of Isaac concluded.

*

"Rise and Shine!" Zac sang into my ear. I pulled the pillow over my head but he was already in hyper-active stage. Letting me go back to sleep was not on his 'to do' list. So, I decided to get up before I was completely drenched or covered in shaving cream... knowing Zac, it'd probably be the latter.

"Fine. I'll rise, but I'm not guaranteeing any shine!"

Zac nodded his approval then made his way over to Taylor's bed. I looked at Ike, who was staring up at me.

"Mornin' Sunshine!" I said, smiling extra wide.

He laughed and pulled me down beside him. "Uh, you are way too chipper for the morning."

"Yeah well, I think Zac is wearing off on me or something..." I smiled before he kissed me.

"That's Zac for ya."

"Did I hear my name?" Zac asked, jumping onto our bed.

Ike grabbed and pulled him between us. "Yep, we were just talking about how you still wet the bed AND your Barney addiction."

"Ike!! You promised you wouldn't tell anybody!! I trusted you!!" His mock anger looked so real. I smiled at the duo. They would make an awesome comedy team.

"Don't worry Zac, your secret is safe with me."

"Thank you Devy, that means so much to..."

"Yeah, yeah. Taylor, did you know about Zac's addiction to Barney?"

"Devon! You just promised!"

"Yeah, but my fingers were crossed."

"Just wait till Michelle hears this!" Taylor yelled, running out of the room to find Chelly, with Zac hot on his trail.

"Dang, Devon, you sure know how to clear a room." Ike said, staring at the empty doorway.

I smiled and wrapped my arms around his shoulders. "Are you complaining?"

He didn't have time to answer. My lips had already found his own.

*

"Hey Devon, whatcha doing?"

Three months later, the tour had finished and we were all back home.

I looked over as Isaac sat beside me then back down to the envelope in my hands. "I wrote a letter to Grams and Gramp... I haven't seen them in so long, so I thought I'd write them and let them know everything is okay."

He gently stroked my hair. "That's sweet. They're probably dying to hear from you."

"Yeah... Well, I'm going to mail this.. wanna come? I know its not like.. a major adventure or anything.. but we could have fun..."

Isaac smiled and pulled me up with him. "Every day with you is an adventure..."

*

"Hey Devon!" Zac's voice drifted up the stairs. I heard him cough slightly then a weird, AOL-type voice followed. "You've got mail!"

"Zac, that was good man!" Taylor's voice came out slightly muffled. I wonder what they're doing.

"Okay, I'll be right down."

I looked into the mirror again and fixed the one curl that would NOT stay in place. Finally deciding to do something different with my hair, and it wasn't working... I carefully pushed it behind my ear again, and waited for it to pop out.. again. But it didn't. I left the bathroom while the odds were still on my side.

I walked into the living room and found the guys sorting their mail.

"Dang! You guys get more mail then Ho-Ho!" They looked up at me and smiled.

"Cool hair, D!" Zac said, grabbing a remote control of some sort.

"Yeah, I dig the 'do'!" Taylor said, taking a sip of his Dr. Pepper.

I smiled my thanks then sat down next to Ike on the couch. He leaned over and kissed the top of my head. "You look great."

I blushed slightly, and instinctively pushed the hair behind my ears, then sighed when the hair didn't come out. "Did Zac say I have mail?"

"Yeah, this came in from our personal address, so it's probably family." Zac said, putting the letter on a motorized Tonka Truck and controlling it over to me.

"Thanks Zac." I pulled the letter off and watched as the truck made its way back over. I slowly opened the letter. "Hey alright! Its from Grams!"

I read over the letter twice. Making sure I had read correctly. The second full time around, the tears were fully running down my face. But I hid it from the guys. I was pretty much a silent crier. A tear dropped from my chin, onto the letter. Unfortunately, Ike saw it.

"Devon? Are you okay?" He gently touched my arm. I started shaking and all the words on the page became a blur.

"D? Devon!" He shouted, but I was gone. I felt two more presences around. Undoubtedly Taylor and Zac, but I couldn't recognize who was who.

"He's... dead... She.. hates... He's dead, she hates." Those were the only four words I could produce. Everything else was blank.

"Devon, good we need you to talk to us. Tell us what's wrong?" Taylor's voice broke through.

I became angry. I don't know how and I don't know why. I don't even know how I was able to move. But I did.

"Quit talking to me like I'm a damn child!!" I pushed whoever was in front of me to the floor and ran out the back door. I instantly regretted what I did... I knew he would forgive me. But after what the letter said I did, I didn't think I could forgive myself.
 
 

/ break me, shake me /
 

I sunk down into the soft grass. Almost wishing the world would just open up and swallow me. But that would be the easy way out, and I've already been down that road once. One time too many. I cried again. Which was to be expected.

Six hands found their way on my body. I didn't even bother hiding the tears anymore. I  turned around and fell into their arms. Ike in front, Taylor and Zac on either side of me. If I wanted to get away, I couldn't. This time I didn't want to run.

I looked at Taylor. "I'm so sorry... I didn't mean what I said or what I did..."

"I know, D, don't worry about it." I smiled and pulled him closer.

A few moments later, I was sick of crying and hugging so I slowly pulled away.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Isaac asked, gently laying his hand over mine.

I sighed and picked up the letter. I handed it to them and waited. Watching their eyes move at the same pace and direction was almost humorous. Almost.

Zac looked up first. I nodded at him then got up. "D? Where are you going?" I ignored him. It was hard. His voice was so innocent and nearly broke me again. I felt a soft hand grab my own. I turned around and Zac was staring at me. His gaze wouldn't let me go. "Don't run away again. Stay and talk with us."

I couldn't help but smile. "Zac, I'm not running away... I just need to clear my head, okay?"

He wouldn't let go of my hand. "No, stay and clear your head with us. We'll talk all night into the morning if we have to... You're not leaving."

"He's right Devon. We let you go once, its not going to happen again." Isaac said, grabbing my free hand. Taylor came over and stood behind me. Another one of those "almost humorous" moments.

"You guys are the most stubborn I know... but also the most amazing. Fine, if you want to deal with me crying and screaming... this is your last chance to get out of it." None of their faces nor positions changed. They were determined.

"No one else is home, you can scream all you want." Taylor supplied, gently nudging me towards the house. We made our way onto the back porch, pulled the wicker chairs together and just stared at each other for awhile.

"She's right, ya know." I finally said. I hated silence.

"No she's not D. She wasn't here..." Taylor started.

"Didn't you read it? Shall I refresh your memory?... It's your fault our son is dead. You had to be selfish and run away. We know you wanted attention, but that was not the way to do it. You drove your father crazy... he looked for you day and night... finally he couldn't take it... He was so depressed... He would have paid more attention to the road if he didn't have you on his mind..."

"Devon! Stop it!"

"Why Ike? Its true! If I had stayed here, I would be dead instead of him!" There. I finally said what was bothering me. All the anger drained from my body and the tears I didn't even know existed anymore, started falling again.

Ike pulled his chair in front if mine and grabbed my hands. "Is that how you feel? Is that what you wanted to happen? You die instead of him?"

I looked up, wishing his face didn't look so caring. I didn't deserve to be cared for. "Why should he die for me? I should be the one dead, not him. I took the easy road. I ran away. He didn't deserve this."

"And you would have? Devon... no one knew what was going to happen. Your father's death was an accident. No one was at fault, least of all you. She doesn't know the whole story... She doesn't know why you felt you had to leave. She doesn't know that there was someone after you. Devon please, look at me."

I looked away for a second, to wipe the tears, then looked back at him. "I know... I guess... I just... This is so hard. How can I redeem myself with her? I can't bring her son back... and now she just lost her husband, because of me..."

"What?" Taylor spoke up, coming over.

I looked at them. Each looked genuinely confused. "Didn't... Didn't you read the P.S.?" They all shook their heads 'no'. "Well, then let me do the honors." I took the letter from Ike's hands and flipped it over.

"Dev..."

"No, its okay Ike. I've read it three times, I'm immune to it." He reluctantly pulled his hand away.

"P.S.- Not only did you have a hand in your own father's death, but now the death of your grandfather now lies on your head. The overwhelming stress caused by your run away and his only son's death, was too much. He had a heart attack two weeks ago and died three days ago. I day I received your letter. You missed the funeral, but you weren't invited. My only regret was not inviting the Hanson family. But I knew you would come along."

Zac's hands flew to his face. "How can she do this? Devon, there is no way you're responsible for that. You know Gramps has had heart problems since he was forty. She's just looking for someone to blame so she feels better."

I attempted a smile at Zac but failed. "I know, but it doesn't make it hurt any less..."

A door being slammed inside cut me off. We looked in and saw the rest of the family coming in, each carrying grocery bags. I looked back at the guys. "I'm not feeling too well. I think I'm going to take a nap. Can you tell your mother I'm sorry I won't be up for dinner."

Ike rubbed my hand as I got up. "Get some rest and we'll be up, okay?"

I smiled and kissed his forehead. "Thank you." I did the same to Taylor and Zac, then made my way upstairs, thankful everyone was in the kitchen.

I fell asleep as soon as my exhausted body hit the bed.
 
 

/ nowhere to run /
 

"Hey, I'm going for a walk. I'll be back in about fifteen minutes or so, okay?" I asked Michelle, two months later. She quickly scribbled some last thoughts down then looked up at me, a distant look on her face.

"Sure... You want some company?"

"No, that's okay. I just need to be alone for a little while. If Ike calls, tell him I'll be back soon, alright?"

"OK... But um, are you sure you're alright? You and Ike aren't fighting are you?"

I rolled my eyes and wrapped a scarf around my neck. It was mid March and as cold as ever. "I'm fine Chelly. Ike and I are fine also. I've just been in the house too long, I need to get out. Remember, if Ike calls..."

"I know, I know. Have fun and be careful."

"Yes Mommy." I muttered before stepping outside. My eyes were greeted with darkness. I looked down at my watch and realized it was only a little after five. I dug my hands deeper into my jacket and started walking.

I looked around to make sure no one was within hearing (or seeing for that matter) distance. "Well, tomorrow is a big day. I can't believe Taylor is going to be fifteen. I'm getting so old." I laughed outloud, then covered my mouth - looking around. "Man I can see the headlines now - Rock Star Isaac Hanson's girlfriend IS A LOON! Excellent Devon!"

"Excuse me, ma'am?"

I stop abruptly and my face warms. I turn around to see a man in a black van, the top half of his body hanging out the window.

"Can you tell me where I am? I'm a little lost."

I breathe a sign of relief and smile. "Sure. You're on Maplewood Lane. Who are you looking for? Maybe I can help."

The guy smiled, cleared his throat and gave me the once over. "Well I was supposed to meet some business partners of mine. But they can wait... Why don't you hop in, we'll go for a drive."

Have you ever been so scared that if felt like your heart was pounding in your head? "Nn-no. That's ok. I'd rather walk... besides I don't live that far away." Saying that could have been good or bad. Good because he might realize that if he tries anything, someone will see or hear it. Bad because he now knows where I live.

"Please, it would be my pleasure. You're freezing and the van is warm. Do you live near the Hanson's? Because that's where I'm going. My partners and I are working on their next project."

The breath I had been holding was suddenly released. I smiled, genuinely, for the first time. "You're working with the guys and Gus? That's so awesome. They showed me some of the treatments. Its going to look amazing."

He smiled brightly and opened the door. "Well then come on! I'll give you a lift there and maybe we can share ideas."

I hopped into the van and buckled up. My skin began to tingle with excitement. Maybe this could be my directorial debut. Just thinking that made me giddy.

The van halted in front of the house. I stared at the front door, waiting for him to cut the engine. I suddenly felt his hand on my cheek. "Wave goodbye sweetheart."

My heart beat raced as I unhooked my seatbelt and pulled frantically on the door handle. "Whoops, did I forget to tell you the door is broken. Once its locked, you can only open it from the outside... with the key, of course. Tricky bastard." I ran to the back and headed for the double doors. The van picked up and I slammed into the sides. Slipping in and out of consciences, that last thing I remember was his satanic grin... then a shovel.
 
 

/ scar tissue /
 

I woke up with the sun blaring down on me. The concept of it even being a nightmare couldn't have happened because I knew what he did. I could feel the pain that soared through my body and the blood that was caked on my skin. I tried to sit up but it felt like someone was jack hammering my abdomen. I could feel the tears making their way down my face, but I didn't even come close to having the strength to push them away. So I laid there.

After half an hour, I was finally able to sit up. My head was pounding from the obvious concussion I obtained and I couldn't keep my hands from shaking. But I knew that if I didn't get out of there now, I would never get out.

Just as I opened the back doors, I heard a faint whistling. I held my breath, for fear of sobbing and quickly jumped out. I ran to the nearest object that could hide me, which happened to be a baby blue Cadillac. I crawled underneath and cradled my stomach. How I was going to get home... was beyond me. I didn't even know where I was...

Just then the doors slammed and I heard footsteps clamoring towards me. "Where the hell did she go?... Girl!!" My eyebrows furrowed and I stared hatefully at his form. He didn't even know my name yet he took advantage of me in the worst way possible.

"Screw this, I'm outta here..." He hopped into his van and stormed out of... where ever we were. I carefully pulled myself out and sobbed into the pavement. A few moments later, I wiped my eyes and leaned against the car. I looked around for anything that might trigger where he took me. My eyes widened when I saw the McKasky Church of Christ sign. That meant two things. One - I was in the old church parking lot. Two - I'm no more than two minutes walking distance from home.

Thankful that the old car didn't have an alarm on it, I stood up and headed for my safety. One minute and forty seconds later, I felt like I was going to collapse - but I kept going. If not for me, then for everyone else in the world who might happen to be going through what I am.

I soon found myself at the bottom of the porch steps. For the first time, I looked at my body and was nearly disgusted with what I saw. My jacket had long been discarded. My jeans were drenched with blood along the waist band and my shirt was ripped up the center.

I took a shaky breath and climbed up the steps. "DEVON!" I nearly fell down the steps backwards when I heard the only voice I wanted to hear just then. I grabbed the railing and turned around just in time to be enveloped by Isaac. It hurt a lot, but I would sacrifice that pain just to have him hold me like that. I looked over his shoulder to see Taylor closing the driver's side door and raking his fingers through his hair. He waited a few moments before coming over. Ike let go and I immediately missed his warmth. Taylor came over but didn't hug me. He looked down at my tattered clothing.

"Christ Devon, what happened..."

I knew what happened. They knew what happened. Why was he asking me to tell him... I wrapped my arms around my stomach and sunk down onto the porch. "We need to get you to the hospital, D..."

"No wait, we need to know what happened first."

Isaac stared heatedly at him. "Taylor, that's not important right now. We need to get her checked out."

"Ike, she needs to get it out. How are we supposed to help her if we don't know what happened. Was she in a car accident? Did she fall?" His voice became low. "Was she raped?"

Isaac's eyes inflamed. "Taylor, why do you have to be such a dick. You know very well what happened to her... you're such an insensitive..."

"Yes, Taylor..." I looked at Isaac and ran my fingers down his cheek. "I was raped." God, that hurt to say. "I was raped and I'm in a lot of pain right now."

Taylor's eyes suddenly became sad. "I'm sorry Devon... I just thought maybe if you said it... Maybe..."

"It would go away... I'm sorry to disappoint you baby but I'm stuck with this for the rest of my life." I tucked the hair behind his ear. "But thanks for caring about me." I pulled him over to kiss his forehead and he fell into me, sobbing. I stroked his head, starting to cry myself. "Hey, I'm the one that's supposed to be doing that..."

Ike wrapped his arms around both of us and I buried my head in his shoulder. "Then do it." That's all the motivation I needed. I cried while Ike held me, and Taylor cried while I held him. What a family...

A few moments later, I lifted my head as did Taylor. We both wiped our faces and silently agreed we would be strong from this point on. Isaac helped me up and we went inside to tell everyone I was... alive. I was taken to the hospital where they performed blood tests and specialized tests for rape victim. Rape victim. God, those words still tasted sour in my mouth. They asked me if I knew him and I just stared blankly at the wall.

I didn't want to know him. I didn't want to prosecute him because that would mean I would have to see him. And that's the last thing I wanted.

While the doctor was out, Diana came back to sit with me. "Hey honey."

"Hey." I replied softly. I suddenly broke. "I'm sorry Diana..."

She immediately got up on the bed and started stoking my hand. "And why is that sweetheart? I don't seem to remember you doing anything wrong."

I took a deep, sob-filled breath. "I knew it was wrong to get in the van with him... God my first reaction was to run... But I didn't... I listened to him and I believed him... Now look at me!"

"Honey, calm down. Do you honestly believe anyone here thinks this is your fault? Isaac? It would kill him if he knew you were talking like this... Devon... You are such a strong person. But even the strongest people in the world can't stop the things they can't control."

I was about to have my weakest moment. And Diana saw it coming. "I don't think I can make it through this on my own."

A single tear ran down her face and she kissed the top of my head. "You won't have to sweetheart. There's a man I know out in the waiting room who is madly in love with you. He'll help you. There's also two young gentlemen who love you like a sister..." She paused slightly, pulled herself up, and smiled. "And on some days, a little bit more."

I laughed lightly thinking of the guys. And at that very moment I knew.

I would survive.