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| March 14, 2002 Angry Johnny Am I psyched? Yes! Am I ready? Yes! Am I paying attention to the stupid 1/2 countdown. No. We start of with R-V-held-Down VS a Man's Man Steven Regal Kickin ass to start the show. Regal shows his critics that they should finally shut the fuck up. Oh, he can't have a good match with Edge. BOO HOO. After that sweet suplex reversal of the RVD style enziguri it should occur to you that maybe that's EDGE's fault. RVD is jumping off things so often I can't help but think of Juvi. RVD's kicks and Regal's stiff slams/suplexes alternate control and Regal hits a chicken wing powerbomb. Anyhoo, RVD Van Daminator's a pair of knucks down Regal's throat and hits the Fivestar to win the IC Title. ***.5 THAT HOT BLONDE talks to Christian who thinks he's an American now. You wish. It's me it's me it's DDP VS CHRISTAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWN for the USELESS Belt. Nice match. Page starts with control. Then Christain makes him his bitch ringwise. And when DDP is made someone's bitch in a match there's no doubt it ends with a Diamond Cutter out of nowhere. Nice. **.5 DDP is proud of Christian. Christian whines, thus destroying DDP's pride in him. Buck up DDP, I bet Booker T needs guidance. Rock makes Coach say his prayers. Rock rips off his shirt. Anyone who read my SmackDown recap should know that Rock is back to boring me again. now for the WORTHLESS title we have WHAT ABOUT MAVEN? VS GOLDUSTIN Brawling. More brawling. SICK looking toss into the rail. Back in the ring, Maven fucked up his only crowd popping move when he hits a dropkick on a trash can that would make Foley proud. The trash can is gold. A lot of weapons are gold. Well the shovel spade is gold but the handle isn't. Where's the consitency WWFE? I'm sure this wouldn't happen if Pogo was here. Whatever. I think Goldustin could've sold that better by pulling the can into his face when it was kicked so it may not be all Maven's fault. Really it's not all that different than jumping for a suplex. Let's end this match recap before I die. Spike Dudley comes in BY GOD and he's crazier than a pet coon as he pins Maven. Spike then runs like a scaulded dog so Crash Holly (whom most casual fans probably don't remember) can't beat him like a government mule. HC match where nobody bleed like a stuck pig. Weird. * Drowning Pool plays. I guess the music guests get the time normally reserved for the Bull Buchanen match. Whatever happened to that boy? HWA I think. Still sad considering his AWESOME Early-Jerichoesque turnbuckle springboard clothesline. HC brawling garbage in the back. I'm sure they could throw Raven in here. But they won't. THOSE BITCHES. Hurrican tarzans in and wins the title. Snow drives a golf cart into boxes. No I don't know why either. *x0 It's your Olympic Hero Angle VS through Hell, fire, and root canals it's novaKane. For reference see EVERY PREVIOUS MATCH BETWEEN THE 2 THAT YOU SAW FOR FREE. Chokeslam. Angle's arm on rope. Tombstone blocked by Kurt's tugging at Kane's mask. No worries, the fact that being burned as a child makes you loo like the fake Diesal remains hidden. Angle Slam but Kane kicks out. Blah blah blah... Kane goes up for a flying clothesline but Angle practically FLIES up and superplexes him. Angle pins with the ropes. **. RAW MATCH. Hurricane tries to hide in a lockeroom full of the wimen speakin bout der meluns. Replay of the Blackman kendostick gag. If you don't know what I mean, it wasn't funny so don't bother asking me. Ask 411. Tell em Emmie sent you. Godfather chases the once promising career of Helms out and I'd bet blood this is the last WM we see Godfather at. BLOOD. WOOOO! FLAIR VS MARKTAKER WOOOO! MarkTaker sells the first few punches. Out to annoucne table. Flair's head has a date with the steps. It's kept. Flair does the blade job that got named after him. By the end of the match his hair looked like his trunks. Taker attempts his rope walk but Flair stops him. WOOOO! TWO Manias where that got blocked in a row. WOOOO! Flair has the pipe. Flair lays pipe. Taker goes for the Chokeslam but Flair kicks his nuts and kicks em good. Flair with a Figure WOOOO! Four but Mark's arm is actually long enough to grab Flair's throat! Now that's cool. They stand and now Flair goes for the ride. Arn is in, SPINEBUSTER on Dead Heel Heat Inc. Funny how Arn can barely move one side and his Spinebuster is still better looking than HHH's. Anyway, lots of no selling leads to Flair blocking the Last Ride but getting the Tombstone. See he can do that cause you had to pay to see it and Vince doesn't want any risk of paralysis without a buyrate. Taker wins and is 10-0 at WM. Bet he retires undefeated in WMs. *** Booker has glasses, thus he is smart Michael Cole. Yeah me too. it's BOOKER T SUCKA VS EDGE Let's see A)It's Edge's hometown and B)Booker's skin color hans't changed so the WWF's booking for him probably won't. RAW MATCH. Edge wins. ** Molly wins the HC Title from Hurricane as I resist the urge to make a joke about wanting to show Molly some Hardcore moves. I have so much self restraint. *x0. HEY YO! LAST CALL HALL VS STEVE WHAT? I SAID STEVE AUSTIN Why bother? Good match but SO MUCH CRAP was crammed in its way. Everybody gets a Stunner, Hall hits a Stunner some refs get beat up, Nash has to leave (BIG LOSS) and then Stunner again as Hall does his own version of Rock's sell fo the Stunner when he stands straight up wiggling his arms to the side and I refrain from making a joke about the Road Dogg and strobe lights. Another STUNNER and this is done. *** Let's talk about Axxess. Let's not. TAG TITLES! BRING OUT YA DEAD! *DONG* Dudleyz come out and their theme is performed LIVE. Uh... great crowd reaction for the live bands. *DONG* VS APAged *DONG* VS the Hardyz (with a B that's supposed to scare you) *DONG* VS BILLY AND CHUCKY APA is out first VIA 3D. Dudleyz set up table outside. When D Von goes for the WAZZUP later Mr. ASS shoves him off the top and through the table. Wow guys, way to top TLC there. I'm absolutely fucking riveted. Swanton on Bubba. G'bye Dudz. All kinds of finishers get thrown out now (Twist of Fate,Swanton,Rocker Drop), but a tag belt across Jeff's head by Billy gets Chucky the pin. DON'T FUCK WITH THE CHUCK. The Hardy job, and that looks SSOOOOOO GOOOOOOOD TO ME! Decent. **.5 The nWo will interfere to beat up Rock. BUT WAIT! Hogan does not want them to. He doesn't? No. Why not? He must know who is best. This really sounds like the Hogan who put Greenburg through Hall and Wight huh? NO IT DOESN'T. Smell that? It's a face turn. Molly get KO'D by a door which was swung by Christian who wins the Belt with no Importance. YAY. *x0. How many times do I hafta type that tonight? Jesus. Rock VS the ORIGINAL HHH From the moves of this match, (side headlock? test of strength?) it may be 1968. The pace of this match is pure 1988. But the match itself has a weird 1998 WCW quality to it. Why go see The Time Machine when you have this for a mrere $23 more? Rock gets booed for beating up Hogan. Hogan gets cheered for his heel tactics. WHAT? Maybe all Canadians are like their snowboarding team. Rock Bottom! Now it's PURE 80s as Hogan HULKS UP. I shit you not. We sat through a few thousand Raws and a billion promos talking about the NEW WWF and the push of NEW stars and the NEW golden age of rasslin and how ECW had changed the world but Attitude still died. And we sit here in the new millenium and he's HULKING UP. And I still enjoy it. Ironic no? Boot LEG DROP! Rock kicks out. TWO friggin Rock Bottoms and a People's Elbow and it's over. It wasn't Steamboat/Flair, it wasn't Storm/Benoit, but get off your fuckin high horse, take deep breath, put down the Inoki sign, take your head out of your ass, and look how entertained everyone was. ***. Hogan and Rock shake hands. nWo is out and they turn on Hogan. Wow the nWo threat is only gonna get bigger without the invincible leader now right? Shit. BOOP, BOOp, BOop, Boop, boop, boo... Someone get BPP or Jarret STAT! Show is in NY. Good for him. stupid heel tactic using face LITA VS TRISH VS JAZZ for the Women's Title The gals disappoint anyone hoping for a T&A match by working what looks like a Steiner match. CRACK! THUD! WHAM! Ouch. When did Trish start using Buzzsaw kicks? Sheesh. Trish gets dumped outside. Jazz pins Lita with a FISHERMAN'S SUPERLEX. I didn't see that coming back when this title was about spanking and gravy bowls. **.5, when the most technical match without Regal doesn't have Angle but DOES have Lita I feel weird inside. Maven wins back his title in the parking lot. WHAT ABOUT RAVEN?* x 0. That better be the last damn time. Now it's PAUL HUNTER VS THE MAN THE INTERNET DISOWNED HHH apparently thinks psychology is shrieking like a banshee but then your leg heals so you can magic bounce up after performing your finisher twice. (YES STEPH GOT IT.) This is what I looked forward to? Eight months of waiting and Triple H still moves like a Teddy Ruxpin. God knows how many months I waited for Taker just to see him become a Biker. You know what Benoit? Thanks for the memories but it'd be safer to retire rather than see what Steph does to you. Isn't Heyman writing or something? Didn't we all watch ECW and say "Man if THIS guy wrote the WWF it'd rule" someone explain? ANYONE? From that little sidetrack of anger you probably already guessed that Jericho lost and Hunter wrestled in a way that made Ahmed Johnson look good. At least Jericho really did Main Event because the match was last. Whatever. Fuck it, **.5 8.5 out of 10 overall. Matches:14 (counting HC segments with pinfalls) Segments:8 Steph Segemnts:0 (BOO YAH!) Tajiri Screen Time: 00:00 (Kill Whitey) | ||
