I had a dream the other night. I dreamed I was with someone, but I wasn’t with another person, it was sort of an extension of myself, my other body, my "soul mate" I suppose. It felt so wonderful to be with this person, it was like we were the only thing that mattered.
But when I woke I came to reality and it struck me, as reality does, and I thought of all the people I know, there is no one who does not have their faults. There are no perfect people, there are no people with whom I could be totally myself and totally comfortable with. And a deep sadness filled the whole of me. It reached right down my throat, into my chest and my stomach, and sank there at the bottom. I walked through the streets all of that day, staring at people, wondering which one of them could realize my blackened self. Which one of these people that I have never met is the one that belongs to me, that belongs to us?
I don’t know if that is possible. I know there is love, and if you are lucky enough to find it, you have something that will always fill your life with joy and hope for the future. But in a world such as we live in, can we ever really let go of ourselves? By that I mean our bodies, our physical extensions of our souls. We project our soul through our body, and with it comes all those materialistic physical characteristics that make up a person. When I look at you, am I really seeing into you, or am I looking for something less deep, just scratching the surface? Do we ever do that? Do we ever wonder what it would be like to know someone, to know who they are, or what they are.
It would be wonderful to throw off our physical entities, and float freely in the world, not seeing, not smelling, not touching, but feeling each other. I think that some people are lucky enough to reach that point, to know mental awareness and the power of the being. But I wish with all my heart that I could too. I am so jealous, so full of envy and all the terrible emotions that despise and disgust and revenge people. Sometimes I catch myself being into a person, being there, in the moment. But I am always catching myself, and catching myself means I am no longer there.
The only solution? If you ever see me being in the moment, being myself, searching for that other part of me I can never quite find, don’t do anything. Sit and relax and get cozy and just be... Run free and wild and happy. And maybe you’ll be the one. Wouldn’t that be wonderful?