Then the blue and white #2 Miller Ford came flying by and tapped the left rear quarter panel of God's car spinning him out into the wall amid a cloud of smoke. "What was that!!!" exclaimed the man... "Oh", said St. Peter, "that was the Devil... he likes to think he's Rusty Wallace..."

Generation Next

Four men went on an African safari. An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Jeff Gordon fan, and a Rusty Wallace fan. At the end of an all day hunt, they were sitting around the campfire drinking their favorite beverage. The Englishman opens a bottle of ale, turns it up, drinks it, then throws it up in the air, takes out his pistol and shoots the bottle out of the air while shouting "God save the queen". Then the Frenchman takes out a bottle of wine, turns it up, drinks it, then throws it up in the air, takes out his pistol and shoots the bottle out of the air while shouting "viva la France". Then the Jeff Gordon fan opens a can of Pepsi, turns it up, drinks it, then throws the can in the air, takes out his pistol, and shoots the Rusty Wallace fan while shouting "This is payback for Richmond!"

You Know You're A NASCAR Fan If:

You can't balance your checkbook, but CAN explain the point system.

You run out of gas and try to explain to the cop (who's giving you a sobriety test) your weaving from lane to lane was just an attempt to get fuel into the pickup. You teach your child to count like this... 1. Park, 2. Wallace, 3. Earnhardt, 4. Hamilton, 5. Labonte, 6. Martin, etc. and then it confuses him because of the driver changes every year

When you have an accident, the first thing you try to do is pull off the steering wheel.

The second thing you do is blame Mike Skinner.

Every time you rotate your tires at home you put the stop watch to it and record the time and try to better it next time.

You're sitting behind someone at a red light, and when it changes, you yell, "GREEN! GREEN! GREEN! GO!"

If you were Rusty you would have just gone when the other light turned yellow!

You know you're a Rusty Wallace fan if you go on green and cop pulls you over for going too soon on the green.

You time yourself on your wrist watch when you pull into the self serve gas n go.

On an Interstate exit ramp you stay on the outside to keep the RPMs up.

You try the left foot braking method and kiss the windshield.

You draft with a Fox Photo delivery car because "that Kodak car is stout."

You get away from a Lowe's delivery truck as quickly as possible.

You make sure to stay under 55 as you leave the gas pumps.

You say "But officer, I wasn't tailgating, I was drafting"

When you pass someone on the highway you refer to it as taking them on the inside.

You pull into the gas station behind someone else just to see if you can beat them out. (requires the wife to clean the windshield & son to check the tires).

You count the cars you pass going to work as positions gained and when they pass you, positions lost.

Your buddy is passing someone on the interstate, you're in the passenger seat yelling,"CAR HIGH !!!.....CLEAR!!

Only the driver's side of your windshield gets cleaned.

You think nothing of getting up at 5am, driving for 4 hours, sitting in a traffic backup for 3 hours, baking in the sun, spending 3 hours to get out of the parking lot, driving 4 hours home, getting up the next morning at 6 am, going to work on 4 hours sleep, and telling everybody what a GREAT time you had.

You line your diecasts up in the same order as the starting grid each week.

You put together an extra 1/32 scale Revell Snaptite to have a backup car in the 1/32 rig you have.

You drive up close behind somebody in hopes you can "get him loose" in order to be able to pass him.

You have ever told your body shop guy "just pull the fender out with your hands" because you want to get back out there and trade some more paint.

You find yourself having a tough time explaining to the patrol officer why you fell asleep and hit the wall during heavy traffic. (Sorry Dale, it was too good to pass up)

You install an ignition kill switch in the center of the dash in your Geo Metro.

The big story at your parties is how you put Dale Earnhardt (or other name here) into the wall at Talladega in your Nascar Racing 2 game.

You think the first car at a stoplight is "on the pole."

At a stop light with two lanes each direction, you pull into the left lane because you 'qualified faster' than the guys on the right.

The wife asks how your day was and you start by saying, "Well, I had a real good car today..."

You go on long trips with a buddy driving another car. You drive right on his rear bumper "drafting" to the front.

You peel out of gas stations loudly and try to beat your buddy to the on ramp to get "the preferred line".

Traffic slows or stacks up, you wave your right hand from side to side, signaling to your buddy that there is trouble ahead.

Before traffic begins to resume regular speed again, you find yourself weaving side to side warming up the tires to optimum temperature.

At gas station stop #2 you actually let a half pound of air out of the tires to fix that "push" you picked up after the 1st stop.

When a car comes flying up from behind, you speed up trying to stay "on the lead lap". If he passes you, you try to pass him back to "get your lap back".

At gas station stop #3 you "block" your buddy in his "pit stall" preventing him from beating you out of the pits.

You sign your name above your driver's side door.

Top 10 Reasons Why Dale Earnhardt Is Having A Really Lousy Hunting Season

By Trevor Kane

10. Heard the rumor that Waltrip might retire and he's worrying that would make him the old guy.

9. Feels Ernie Irvan is lurking somewhere ready to wreck his day at any moment.

8. Trying to figure out a way to convince Teresa to let him paint his Supertruck black.

7. Too much time hanging around RCR trying to keep Skinner out of his seat.

6. Endless negotiating sessions with Petty for an unexpected second year of those 7 & 7 souvenirs.

5. When Papa John's pulled their truck sponsorship it also meant the end of free pizza delivery to his favorite hunting tree.

4. Used up all of his killer instinct at Daytona in February 1998.

3. Brought Hornaday along as a reward for his wins in the truck and found out that he can shoot as well as he drives.

2. Had to break in a whole new set of guns after he realized that Remington sponsors a Ford.

1. It has rained a lot this fall and he keeps shooting at (and missing) the RAINBOWS.