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The BBC (the Bureau of Backhand Christmas)
(don’t ask) would like to apologise for the following:
Jiggle Boobs,
Jiggle Boobs,
Jiggle, Bounce, Bounce, Bounce
Oh, what fun it is to watch
Your -- oh, are we on?
Are you sick and tired of last minute
Christmas shopping? Having to shoot it out in the parking
lot just to steal the last handicapped parking space (even
though you’re not handicapped)? Having to push and
shove your way through the maddening crowd and beat anyone who
comes between you and a coveted item to a bloody pulp, and, as
a warning to others, stringing their entrails across the -- oh,
you actually enjoy that?
Well, on the outside chance that you
don’t, it’s The Catalog (Christmas edition) to the
rescue! We’ve got some really randy handy dandy
items for you! Great for stuffing... er, in your
stocking, of course!
From Force
Enterprises, makers of the
galaxy-famous lightsabre, comes the all-new LightGinsu™!
Guaranteed to cut through anything! Not only does it chop your food, it also
cooks it! (Although some items have been known to
mysteriously disappear.) Amaze your friends!
Frighten your enemies! Even Lord Vader and Master
Yoda give it a big two, er, thumbs up!
Are you tired, irritable, nauseous,
fidgety, nervous, cranky, restless, upset, itchy, angry,
sullen, confused, impatient, paranoid, tense, miserable,
achy, stressed-out, jumpy, distressed, edgy, haggard, bothered,
hapless, down, indecisive, listless, melancholic, moody,
neurotic, sleepless - in short, are you discombobulated?
Then what you need is Dr.
Spleen’s Recombobulator! Just the
thing to completely mess with your head! So, don’t
settle for being half-screwed up - let Doctor Spleen make you
complete! Available wherever finer torture instruments are
sold.
Has this ever happened to you?: It’s
late at night. You’re hungry, but there isn’t
anything worth eating in the house. You’re so
desperate, you’re just about ready to eat anything!!
It’s the FoodMaestro to the rescue! The FoodMaestro quickly reduces anything into
bite-size chunks - furniture, automotive parts, ceiling
fixtures, appliances (small or large!), even real estate!
So, chew a chair! Bite into a bathtub! Enjoy an
electrical socket! (Note: not responsible for adverse
effects from items not intended for consumption.)
Forgetful? Then try Instant Mnemonic!
Just simply attach the large gong included with the kit
to the back of your head, and the next time you need to be
reminded of something, the gong will sound, instantly jogging
your memory!! No more missed appointments! No more
forgotten anniversaries! Get Instant
Mnemonic today!!
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