It all started in August of 99'. I had met "M" (my abuser) several times before in a chat room but when we first met we both had relationships going on. Each of us still talked about our lives and what was going on. We talked about the brain cancer that he had 2 years prior and how it affected his life. I really thought I was getting to know him and I got to where I would look for him when I would go into chat. I went for a good while without seeing him. Then out of the blue we saw each other again that was in August of 99'.
We were both just out of our relationships and he felt sad and so did I. He had told me that he thought no one would ever love him again because of his cancer and I was beginning to think that there was no one there for me since I had been divorced for 10 years and hadn't found anyone. So we agreed to meet each other.
We met at my house where I lived with my Mom and we had supper with my Mom. He wasn't uncomfortable with that and all went well. We continued to e-mail each other and talk on the phone. Then we got to where we were spending each waking hour with each other. He had pretty much moved in with us. We began to talk about marriage at that point we decided to do it on Feb. 8th so we got engaged. We started making plans for our life together.
It was at this point in our relationship that I found out that most of what he had told me was lies. He had told me that he had a job of which he had none, but he got up every morning and went to work. He had told me that I could visit him any time on the job they wouldn't mind. So one day I had went to visit him one day on the job because we were trying to get a mobile home together and they told me he hadn't worked there in a good while. I was furious with him for lying to me. So I confronted him about it. He made up a lame story that he had just got fired from that job and he didnt know why that guy had told me what he told me (another lie). I broke off the engagement at this point.
We had went before all this to try to get a mobile home together so that we could have our own place. He had told me he had 30 thousand dollars in the bank because he had sold his house to his Mother and Father. Since we were broke up I contunued with my plans to get the mobile home. Two weeks after we had broke up he came begging me to take him back. I had made him promise me NO more lies and he agreed. When we went to finalize the deal on the mobile home I found out that there had been so many more lies than I even dreamed of. There was no money in the bank and about all he had was what he had on his back. Which wasn't much. I managed to strike a deal with the mobile home dealer that was a good deal for all involved. So we got the home delivered and started moving in. Of course all the lies were made before he made his promise to me. Things were pretty good at first for about 2 weeks then we got into an argument at about 4 am in the morning. His sister had borrowed his truck so he had called her to come pick him up. He was getting all his stuff and loading up his truck. A friend of his had given him some electrical wire for us to use to hook up the trailor with since I had used all my resources to get us into the trailor. The wire was rolled up at the bottom of the steps going into the trailor. We were arguring over the wire and him taking it with him. I stepped down the steps to get closer to him so that we wouldn't wake up the whole neighborhood. When I got to the wire at the bottom of the steps and was stepping over it he picked it up and pulled on it. When he did this it cause it to wrap around my legs and pull my legs right out from under me. I had fractured my ankle on September the 9th and was still recovering from that. He drug me on the concrete for a ways before stopping. At this point my Mother had heard the commotion and had came around the corner and told him to get the Hell out of there before she called the police. My Mother came to where I was lying on the concrete and helped me get back into the house. The next day the bruises from my fall started to appear all over my body especially on my hip and arms where I had landed on them.
I talked to my Mom and she agreed to move in with me and sell her mobile home she had just got moved in with me and "M" called me on a Sat. morning and wanted to come by and get the rest of his stuff. I agreed to let him come get his stuff that he had left when we split up. He was so nice when he came to visit and I did miss him a lot. We talked for about 3-4 hours about everything. I agreed, like a fool I let him come back to give it one more try.
When my Mom got home we told her we had got back together she wasn't to happy about it but she let me make my own decision as any good Mother would do. That weekend we moved her back to her mobile home. She had told me that she would not move back in if we split up again. For a good while all was real good. Since he was at home all day he did most of the house work and made me something to eat when I got home from work in the evenings. We talked again about marriage and then one day on the spur of the moment we went and got married by a Justic of the Peace that was November 15, 1999. Our witnesses were my Mother and his Mother.
At Thanksgiving his daughters came to meet me. This was our 1st meeting. I had thought things had went well but was to later find out that things had not. This caused a lot of problems between "M" and myself.
At Christmas "M" was wanting to see the girls really bad but they didn't want to come visit us. It was around this time that his oldest daughter started going to a councler for what she had witnessed happen between her mother and "M". I had talked to his ex wife on the phone and she had told me a lot of what had happened to her that "M" had been abusive to her during their marriage. But "M" had told me he was not that way anymore since he had had the brain surgery. He blamed all of it on his tumor. Until the night he hurt me then I was not so sure that was the reason anymore.
We had got into an argument about what the heck I cant even remember for sure, it was over probally how he treated Sheba (my dog). We argued over that all the time. Anyhow this was the 1st big argument that we had while we were married. I had quite a temper on me when I get mad and that night I was really mad. He was standing in the door way to the bedroom. I had came back at him with some smart remark and made a move to go toward him. He then caught me in the side of my mouth with his thumb and kneed me right below my ribs. I fell to the floor in pain. I layed there weeping, curled up in a ball for protection. He walked by me and went to the livingroom leaving me on the floor crying. He acted like he could have cared less if I was hurt or not. About 5 minutes went by then he came, picked me up out of the floor and layed me on the bed. He was appologing all the while he was checking me over to see what damage was done telling me he was sorry and he would never do it again. The next morning we went to my doctor. I covered for him telling them that I had got dizzy, fallen and hit this side of the bath tub. The week prior I had went to the doctor for ear problems. I had an inner ear infection in both ears which caused my balance to be off so no one qustioned my lie.
It was at this point that more of his quirks started showing. He was extreamly jealous of my dog (Sheba). He had asked me not to let her sleep on the bed anymore because she shed to much to not create problems I agreed but really didn't like it. Sheba had slept with me from the time that I got her till I had met "M" and she didn't understand why her Mom wouldnt let her on the bed anymore she thought she was a "Bad Girl". "M" would raise his voice if she got on the bed and it was then she started acting strange around him. She would cry every time he picked her up. The other dog (Bell) that I had got for my Mom right before I met "M" was showing signs also of being scared of him also. Then one day she came up missing. "M" had said he had left her out side when he had came to pick me up from work but, she wasnt home when I got home. I'm not sure what actually happened to her.
During the 3 months that we were married Sheba was taken to the vet 3 different times...on the 1st visit Sheba had all of a sudden got blood around her eyes and would cry real loud if anyone touched her. When I took her to the vet had asked me if she had been run over by a car. I had told him no she hadn't. He told me then that she was showing sign of blunt force tramma. He gave me medications to give her and sent us home. I wondered what might be going on while I was not at home at this point. She got better on the medications. Then on a Saturday that I was working the 2nd accident happened while she was in his care. I got a call from "M" saying that he believed that Sheba has broke her leg but, he said he really wasn't sure what had happened. He told me he thought she had got it caught in a hole on the back side of our cabinets. I couldn't picture a place like that where she could get her foot caught like that. I told him to take her to the vet. He reminded me that I had the only truck we had since he had let his get reposessed. I told him to go next door to Mom's and get her to take him. I called Mom and asked her to take "M" and Sheba to the vet "M" had thought she had broke her leg. They took her to the vet and sure enough she has 2 broke toes on her foot. The vet kept her over the weekend resetting her toes and putting them in a splint. That night when "M" showed me where she had got her foot caught I thought to myself there is no way she could have got her foot caught in there.
Friday Feb. 11, 2000
On the friday before Sheba's last visit to the vet. "M" had took me to work and had the truck because his parents were moving. "M" had been working in the yard that morning. We had discussed having lunch together. When I called before I was to go to lunch to see if he was coming or if my Mom was. He had told me that if he was where he could leave he would come and eat with me or Mom would come and get me if he wasn't finished. When I talked to him on the phone I knew he was mad but really didn't know why I could tell by his tone he used with me. I had just called to see who to look for when I went to lunch. Well he wasn't finished outside and I tried to explain that was ok just send Mom to have lunch with me but he said "NO I'll come and get you!" he was really hateful. Anyhow when he got to my job and picked me up he was mad because I had interupted him from what he was doing. So he took me on a terror ride. He was driving between 50-60 mph (speed limit was 35)down one of our busiest streets weavin in and out of traffic. Needless to say I was really scared! I asked him "Please slow down you are scaring me" he shot me a look that would have killed me if looks could kill. When we got on the interstate going to our house he was going between 80-100 mph. All I could do was close my eyes & pray. I had a death grip on my seatbelt and had started shaking from fear. When we finially reached home which was about a 20 min. drive. I was a nervous wreck. I stayed in the truck even tho we had stopped in our driveway. I knew better than get out of the truck because my legs would not have helt me up. So I just sat there till he made me get out of the truck so that he could get something from behind my seat. When he went back in the house. I got back in the truck and left without saying a word to him.
Tuesday Feb. 15, 2000
The following week was Sheba's last and final visit to the vet. "M" was still helping his parents to move and he had got up that morning taking me to work. At lunch he came to pick me up he wanted to go to his parents for lunch but I knew Sheba needed to go outside to do her duties. So I told him lets go home and have lunch so we could let her out. When we arrived home I found her in the livingroom floor lying in her own mess. I picked her up as gentally as I could went and washed off the mess. "M" blow dryed her while I ate what little I could eat. Then we rushed her to the vet. They kept her overnight for observation. I went back to work when we left the vet. While at work I called Mom and asked her to clean up the mess so that it wouldnt be there when I got home. Mom had just moved in with us the week before to help her get back on her feet. She was having trouble making it without me to help with the bills. She was going to sell her trailor and get an apartment so that she wouldn't have the hassle of maintaining a home.
When I got home that night she has missed a spot in on hall floor so I had got some water and a rag and was going to clean it up. I couldn't see very well so I went to turn the hall light on and right below the light switch there was mess on the wall. I called "M" and asked him "How could that get on the wall like that?" He told me he had no idea how that got there. I went and sat down in the livingroom trying to figure out what could have happened. Then I noticed "M" had shorts on. That morning when we left he had sweat pants on and I remember us joking about how he didn't have his shorts on under his sweats like he usually did. I then asked him when did you come home and change into your shorts? That is when he lost it....The rest is a blur to me but I will try to piece it together the best I can.
We started arguing over him having sweats or shorts on when we left that morning. His temper flaired really bad over me questioning him. I was getting scared. He kept telling me to call his parents to verify that he was there all day. So I finially called his parents house explained to them what was going on. They did say that he was there most of the day except when he had went to Walmart to get us some potting soil for us to plant some of our new seedlings that we had started growing in the house. We were planning a garden, had bought seeds, planted them in seed starter kits and they were growing like crazy . "M" continued to get madder by the second even when he talked to his Dad who could usually calm him down. The argument esculated. He finially said he didn't want to be around me anymore that he didn't have to take this. He started getting his things together to leave. All the while he was doing this he continued to get madder. I called his Dad again hoping he could calm him down again but that just made things worse. He wouldn't talk to his Dad this time. His Dad told me just leave him alone and let him calm down. So when I hung up the phone from his Dad that is just what I did. I went back to my Mom's bedroom trying to stay out of his way while he packed. Then he called me back ito the livingroom so that I could make sure he wasn't taking anything that was mine. I didn't want to go back in the livingroom with him but I went to keep him calm. I sat on the couch shaking as he threw stuff into the boxes he was packing. That is when he got more violent he saw the seedling we had planted. He went over to them and put his fist into the top of each of them that we had (there were 4 planters holding 72 seedlings). Then he saw the roses and the plant that he bought me for Valentines day. He picked up the plant and started slinging it around. This was my signal to get the heck out of the room so I carried the phone with me back to my Mom's room pushing redial I called his Dad and was connecting with him when "M" came back to her room and said "What are you doing calling the police?" I tried to expain to him it was his Dad that I was calling not the police. He then directed his anger at my Mom telling her "Get out of my house you Bitch" he repeated that several times. He grabbed a shelf that my Mom had her TV and stuff on and started to pulling if over on us. My Mom grabbed the other side to keep it from falling on us and told him "M" get out of my room". At that point my thoughts were to protect my Mother and I stayed between him and my Mom. I kept telling him "Calm down "M". Please calm down". He walked in the hall and my Mom shut the door and locked it behind him and was going to put her chester drawers against the door but before she could get it moved. He started beating on the door before she could get it unlocked he kicked the door open breaking the frame of the door. He started yelling at us again, calling my Mom a bitch again and telling her to get out of his house. He was adiment that my Mom leave so I got him to agree to allow her to leave and he calmed down just enough for me to get her out of the house. She didn't want to leave but I made her. I knew that if he did hurt me at least someone would get me help. This is when I called his Dad back not knowing what else to do. His Dad asked me if I was ok I said "No Dad I'm scared" he asked me "Is he still mad" I told him he was sitting in the chair right now. We continued to talk all the while I was telling him I was scared he said we need to get "M" some help because something is not right with him. He then told me to call the police and have him arrested. I repeated him telling me to call the police out loud so that "M" would know that his Dad had told me to do it. When we hung up that is just what I did...I called 911. While I was on the phone with 911 "M" looked at me with anger in his eyes and said "Bet you don't take me back now". They stayed on the phone with me until the sheriff arrived. "M" had went outside and pulled the tailgate down on the truck and was waiting for them to arrive.
When they drove up he was still there and raised his hands above his head. At this point I went outside and was sitting on the steps going into the house. One sheriff stayed outside with "M" while the other came inside with me asking me what was going on I showed him the destruction that "M" had done to the house. They arrested him and hauled him off to jail.
The sherriff's department and the CIU Unit (Crisis Intervention Unit) was at my house util 1:30 am that morning. The CIU had called and made me an emergancy apointment with an advocate from the Safe House for the next morning. When things finially calmed down and Mom and I were alone we were still so shocked over what had transpired and couldn't believe we were still alive. We were still in shock so much that we couldn't sleep. When we finially were able to get some rest that night we slept together because we were still scared even knowing he was in jail.
Wednesday Feb. 16, 2000
The next morning we got up and were getting ready to go to the safe house. I had woke up with the idea that we needed to get out of town for a while. We really didn't know what we were doing that morning just knew they had told us that this was what we needed to do for protection so we did what we were told. We were kinda numb for lack of sleep and the emotional distress that we had been thru. His Dad had called me and told me that he had talked to the judge and that if "M" (his son) was to get help that I was going to have to go to the judge. When we got to the safe house we filled out all the paperwork that they requested of us. Then we went into the advocates office and had to tell her what had happened. This was very emotional for me during this time all I could do was cry. The advocate then called the judge to set an emergancy meeting with him to get an emergancy protective order issued. We went to the judges office and he asked me a lot of questions also which I complied with answering. The judge issued the order right then and had made plans with my advocate to send the paperwork to her. We left his office and my advocate told me then to go home and get some rest.
When I got home I was still in shock but were getting our stuff together to leave town for the remainder of the week and the weekend. I answered a lot of phone calls from his family wanting to know what I planed on doing. I told them that I was going to go out of town for a while. They had pretty much told me that I was his wife and what did I plan on doing with him. My feeling were to leave him in jail and let him rott for the terror he had inflicted on me. Later that day his sister called me asking me for $600.00 of "HIS" money to get him a place to live. I had told her that all of OUR money was already gone it had went towards bills for that month. The rest of the day went by real fast and before we knew it it was night again. Mom and I had been reading the brocures that we had got from the safe house. In it it tells you to make an escape plan for if your abuser returnes. So here we are at 11:30 at night making an escape route and planning how the heck we are going to get to safety if he returned. That night we lay in bed and talked about what was happening to us. We had felt pretty stupid planning an escape route but we were really scared. We were emotionally and physically exhausted. We were really scared to stay and wait for him to get out of jail but also afraid to stay where we were. We finially dozed off for lack of sleep we weren't getting very much at all during this time.
Thursday Feb. 17, 2000
The next morning we woke up a couple of hours later and we decided to call my brother to let him know what was going on and what we were planning and to see if it was ok to stay with him. When I got him on the phone it was about 5:00 in the morning. I talk to him for about 15 minutes and we hung up the phone. About 5 minutes later the phone rang and it was my brother calling back. He told us to get enough clothes to stay awhile with him and his wife at their house. He also reminded us that "M" had brain cancer and he had nothing to loose by hurting us. He said the next time I might not live thru it. He also said to plan on never going back unless he went with us. So when we got off the phone with him we taked about what he had said. So my Mom called her job and quit her job. She was working the morning shift and had to be at work at 6:00 a.m. I had to wait till it was later to call my job and quit also. My abusers parents called me and I told them that I was going out of town for the weekend and that I would leave M's stuff in the carport for them to pick up later. His Dad then told me he would be right out to pick up his things while I was still there. We waited for his Dad before we left. When his Dad got there I helped him load up his stuff and talked to his Dad before he left. I had asked him if he wanted to go into the house and see what his son had done to the house. He said no he had seen the destruction he had done to the house that his son and his first wife had. It was then that his Dad told me that he had kicked him out of his house for the abuse that he had done toward his Mother and that was when he had come to stay with me because he had no other place to go. I was shocked and wondered why no one had told me any of this before we had got married. The only person that gave me even a slight hint to watch out for the violent side was his ex wife when I had talked to her on the phone. But other than that NO one had said nothing. It was like they didn't want him in their house either for fear of what might happen. We then left town, headed towards my brothers and safety.
Thursday Feb. 18th. thru 25th. 2000
We stayed a week with my brother and his wife while seeking a new place to live. We finially found us a place to move into. But because neither my Mom or myself had jobs we could not rent a place. So my brother had to rent it for us. He also paid all the deposits that we needed to get moved in (Thank God for my brother). We then made plans to go back and get the rest of the stuff that we had left. We got up at 4:00 in the morning and was on the road by 5:00 pulling 2 trailors behind 2 trucks. We got there about 9:00 in the morning. We started packing all that we had and putting them in the trailors to haul back. About 4:00 that afternoon we were getting to where we were all tired and still had a long drive back. So we decided to leave what was left and come back later for the rest. We got in late that evening about 9:00 and left everything in the trailors to unpack the next day.
Sunday Feb. 26, 2000
We got up the next day and took the stuff to our new place. We finished fully unloading about 3:00 that afternoon. We were really tired then. But we were safe! While we were moving in I had met my next door neighbor and he seemed like a real nice guy. And about an hour after meeting him he had got ready for work and to my amazement and joy guess what...He was a police officer! Never in my life have I ever been so glad to have an officer as a next door neighbor.
Feb. 28th thru March 5th 2000
Mom and I spent the next week trying to get the house together and finding all our stuff. When we had packed we had just put things in boxes and carried them out as we packed them. We had no idea where anything was and had to sort thru each box to try to find all our stuff. We cleaned and put things up as we went along.
Monday March 6, 2000
Today Mom and I went to the shelter here and had our first counceling session to help us deal with what has been happening to us. Today was pretty easy we were asked general questions about what had been going on. We were told that our next sessions would be when we would start to work on and deal with what has happened to us. Our councler wanted to see us again that week because she could tell we really needed help dealing with all this. We then spent the rest of the day getting signed up with the Texas Workforce Commission so that we could file to get our unemployment and get possible job leads.
Tuesday March 7, 2000
I went today to get my taxes revised at the IRS so that I would not have to deal with anything to do with "M". We had filed a joint return because we had been married at the last of the year. I explained to them my situation and they checked my status on my taxes. They told me that there had been an offset of $121.00 on back taxes that "M" had owed but that I sould get the rest of the taxes due to me on March 20th and to just wait till then. So I left the taxes alone and did what they had suggested for me to do.
Thursday March 9, 2000
Today we went for our 1st real counceling session. Unknown to me it would not be as easy as our 1st visit at least for me it wouldn't be. Mom and I had seperate appointments on this visit. When it was my time the 1st thing my councler said was "We are going to work out some of those emotions burried deep inside you". I had thought to myself "Yea sure" but I did what she asked of me. By the time that I had done the exercise that she had asked me to do was over I had had more emotion surface than I ever dreamed was burried. I felt like I had cried a river of tears and had went from one emotion of being depressed and sad to the other extream of being really mad. I left that session exhausted emotionally but feeling much better.
March 13th thru 17th 2000
This week I am having a big problem getting myself to get out of the house. I don't want to go anywhere or do anything. I want to stay where I feel safe. I have started receiveing e-mail's from "M" that are begging me just to talk to him via e-mail. He has been asking me what I plan on doing getting a divorce or what all the time saying he hopes I don't want a divorce. It all started when a friend of mine wrote me saying she had seen him and that he lived with his parents right behind her boyfriend. Her letter made me real upset. I was mad that she had even talked to him. I was afraid she might slip up and tell him where I was. I was so mad and upset that I wrote her a not so nice letter telling her just what I thought about her talking to him. Fear was my 1st emotion that hit me that maybe he would find me and I was not prepaired to deal with that. She wrote me back a not so nice letter telling me that there was no possible way that she would reveal my location to him. What did she think she was stupid or something. See she herself has been in abusive relationships and she said she could tell what game he was playing. I sure hope she knows what she is doing because she is dealing with my life now.
Thursday March 16, 2000
Today was my third visit with my councler. This time she said I was looking better than the last week and I was doing better. I told here that I was stll having trouble sleeping at night. She explained to me that is not abnormal for me not to be having that problem right now after all that I have been thru. She explained to me that since most of my troubles had happened at night that is what she would expect to happen to me. We also discussed my feeling and how was I dealing with them now. I explained that I was trying but that it wasn't easy. She said that was normal and take them as best I could as they came but that if I needed help all I had to do was let her know.
Monday March 20, 2000
Well today I spent most of the day in bed asleep got up about 5:30 p.m. I have done that for the last 3 nights. I'm having trouble sleeping still at night. I had called to see if my taxes were deposited into my checking account and they were not there. So I called the IRS to check on why they were not there and the automated system told me that I should have received mail informing me on why they were delayed. We had not been to the mailbox in a couple of day so Mom went and sure enough there was the explanation...They had took out the $121.00 that I was informed about but now they were taking the remainder for back child support that he had not paid on a child that he said was not his. This of course made me very upset because I was really needing that money now. When I had went to bed that night I had just given up hope. I felt that all the fight that I had in me was gone and truthfully felt there was not much reason for me to live anymore. I went to bed thinking that I would just stay in bed from now on and the hell with everything!
Tuesday March 21, 2000
Well today Mom woke me up and 10:00 a.m. but I didn't get up I just went back to sleep. I woke up at about 12:30 p.m. and laid in bed thinking that "I can't believe you are just laying here in bed and letting him get to you again". I then got up with a fighting attitude again. I fixed my hair back in a ponytail and put clothes on (which I had not done in 3-4 days). Mom and I talked I told her what I was feeling and how dispair had got the best of me, but that I had decided not to let it. She said that since it was late in the evening lets just go do our errands to the tax office and taking back applications tomorrow when I was doing better.
I went to a temporary service and registered with them today. They called me to go interview for a job just when I got back from their office. I'm not sure about this job but I really need a job so I will go to the interview. We had to go to the food bank today just to have food to eat we are just about out of money. There is no way we are going to ask for anymore help we have already got enough. We have got to get ourselves together now its time for me to get it together and get a job!
March 24,2000 Well now I am waiting on if I got the job or not.
Well they called and they want to interview me again I guess that is good.
March 27,2000 Well I got a job! I start tomorrow!
Well now I have been on the job for 1 month and just got hired full time. Its not as bad as I was thinking it was going to be. I have been learning a lot of new things. I also take care of all the customers that come in the store and keep the books for the store. Its a one woman office. The office is very relaxed which is just what I need right now.
Well I bought a computer this month and I am going to work on putting items on e-bay for my brother. He is going to give me a percentage of each item I sell on e-bay. This will be a way to make extra money to try to dig us out of our money problems. I hope it goes well. I won't know till I try.
Well this month I had my truck reposessed. I have not been able to keep up the payments they were as much as my apartment rent so I was not able to keep them up. Mom just has a part time job so most of my check goes to the bills. Money has been tight but we are surviving (bairly). My Brother saved my hiney again I am driving one of his trucks. Thank God for brothers that save little sisters!
Well I went this month and checked on getting a divorce. It will cost me $300 the lawyer said I could file for an annulement. Now if I can just get the money to do just that. It will take time to get it together but I will have to try. She (the lawyer) also suggested that I file for bankruptsy.
Well this month Mom & I have a trip planned we are going to meet some internet friends....we can't wait! It's kinda a birthday combo fun trip. It's so nice to have something to look forward to. Well we are going this weekend we are so excited and can't wait!
Well we just got back from our trip it was a blast we met so many nice ladies. Also I was going to stop by my brothers on the way back home so I called him to let him know that we were coming he informend me that I had received some mail at his store (he owns an antique mall). So I had him open it and guess what! I am single "M" gave me a divorce! Since he does not know my where abouts that is the only location that he had for me so I guess he had them mailed there so that I would know. The divorce was finial on the 18th of Sept. 2 days before my birthday what a great birthday present! Also I filed for bankruptsy because things have been so rough on us I see no way of digging out of all of this.
Since I am now divorced this will be a finialization of my story. I will update it if anything important happens but now I have shared my story with everyone. I truely hope this helps someone to realize that they are not alone when it comes to abuse and maybe with this I will help someone else that is my hope and prayer!