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Gwyneth Winston walked down an unusually quiet New York street. It was early in the morning, so not many people were up yet. She hadn't been able to sleep, so she had thrown on some sweats and gone walking. She wasn't going any place in particular, just walking. And thinking.
She'd had another one of those dreams. With him in it. It was like a nightmare almost. He was caught under water, drowning, with her helpless to save him. The thought of it . . . him . . . brought hot tears to her eyes. What ever made me think I could handle living here? Without him? She stopped at a bench and sat down. The tears over flowed onto her cheeks finally. It had been almost three years since she had left him. She had only seen him once, and it was only because he was in town for a concert. That meeting had probably been one of the most awkward in her life. He wouldn't even look at her. It made her feel so worthless. Someone sat down next to her. A tall man with chin length blond hair, wearing a gray trench coat, that he had tightly wrapped around him. His hair was in his face, covering up his eyes and nose.
"Are you okay?" he asked. He pulled out a handkerchief and handed it to her.
"I'm fine, really," she replied. "I was just thinking about someone." She blew her nose. Pulling the handkerchief away from her nose she noticed the initials monogrammed on it. Z W H was written in small script letters. She gasped.
"Me, too...I came here to find someone. But so far, I haven't even been able to find out her address or phone number. The operator wouldn't give it to me. And I went over where she used to work, but she isn't there anymore," he said. "I'm about ready to give up."
"Did you love her?" Gwyn asked.
"Very much . . . I still do . . . that's why I'm here trying to find her," he replied. Gwyn began crying again. He looked over at her finally. She saw his brown eyes, hiding beneath a crop of hair. He gave her a startled look, realizing who she was. "Gwyn?" He shoved his hair out of his eyes.
"Hi, Zac," she said. He threw his arms around her. Suddenly they heard a horn honking. An eighteen-wheeler coming their way. Zac shielded Gwyn as it came, about to the hit them. "Noooo!" she screamed.
"Noooo!" Gwyn sat up in bed, covered in sweat. She kicked the sheets off, running into the bathroom. "It was just a dream . . . just a dream . . . ," she repeated to herself over and over. She turned on the faucet, splashing ice cold water onto her face. She reached over and grabbed a towel, wiping off her face. She turned the water off and tossed the towel aside. Her eyes were bloodshot, from lack of sleep, her face pale with fear. Her alarm clock was still ringing. She walked back into her bedroom and turned it off. It was 7:30. Time for her to get ready for work. She walked back into the bathroom, and turned on the shower. She undressed and got inside. The water was cold, but she didn't care. She felt numb anyway.
Quickly washing off, and getting out, she dried her hair and got dressed. She pulled her planner out of her purse. She opened it to Tuesday, November 2. Appointment with Doctor Shiller at 8:30. Shoving the planner back in her purse, she put her purse on her shoulder and went to the door. She grabbed a bagel and left, locking the door behind her. She walked down the street to the subway entrance. She walked through the turn style, pushing a few coins into it to pay for her fare. Then she got on the subway that would take her to Fifth Avenue, where Doctor Shiller's office was located. Things flew by in a blur as the subway rode along.
"Stop number 15, Fifth Avenue and Cramer Street," a nasally voice said over the intercom. Realizing this was her stop, Gwyn got off, walking out of the subway station. She walked down the busy street to the doctor's office. She walked into a large red brick building. Doctor Shiller's office was the first door on the right. She walked inside, and over to the window. She signed in and knocked on the thin pane of glass separating her and the secretary behind it. The secretary looked up and smiled. Gwyn walked over to one of the stiff chairs in the room and sat down. She picked up a copy of People Magazine. Zac and his brothers were on the cover. Sensing herself about to cry again, she threw the magazine aside.
The door opened, and a crying woman stepped out, with Doctor Shiller behind her. Doctor Shiller motioned to Gwyn for her to come back. Gwyn stood up, walking past the weeping woman. She followed the doctor into her office.
"Sit down, Gwyn," she commanded. Gwyn sat down in a small leather arm chair. "How have you been doing?"
"Okay, I guess," Gwyn said. She picked at a hole in the faux leather. "I'm still having those dreams though."
"Are they getting any better?" Doctor Shiller asked.
"No...only worse. Steadily worse," Gwyn responded. The doctor nodded. "I miss Zac...I miss home..."
"Then maybe it's time you went home," Doctor Shiller said. Her voice was deep and rough. "It's obvious that you're homesick, as well as lonely. You aren't handling things here too well, and you're probably better off there. I've done all I can for you. I think you have some issues that you need to deal with, and they aren't here. They're in Tulsa, with Zac." The doctor closed her notepad. "I'd like to ask you something . . . why did you come here?"
"To go to school at N Y U," Gwyn answered.
"I know . . . but I'm guessing that there may be some other reason. But truthful, Gwyn. Why did you really come to New York?" Doctor Shiller probed. Gwyn felt as though Doctor Shiller's eyes were burning a hole into her soul.
"Zac . . . I was running from Zac . . . ," Gwyn replied, slowly.
"What about Zac?" the doctor asked.
"We were in love . . . he wanted to marry me . . . I got scared," Gwyn said.
"And do you love him?" Gwyn nodded. "Do you want to marry him?" Gwyn nodded again. "Do you honestly know whether or not he has seen anyone else since you left?"
"I keep in touch with my mother and my best friend, Elaine. They both say that he hasn't seen anyone since I left. So has his brother Isaac . . . I keep in touch with him, too," Gwyn responded.
"Then there's your answer. He's waiting for you . . . I think the nightmares will stop when you resolve this with him. He is your heart . . . from what I can tell . . . and you left your heart back in Tulsa. You must go home," the doctor said.
"Are you sure?" Gwyn asked.
"It is the only way I know of that can possibly help," Doctor Shiller replied. "Your time is up, Gwyn."
"Yes, ma'am," she said softly. "Thanks...and bye."
"Bye, Gwyneth," the doctor responded. Gwyn stood up and left the room. She walked to the window outside again. She wrote out a check for the bill, then left.
Same subway ride home. She opened the door to her apartment, walking inside. She shut the door and walked over to the phone. Picking it up, she dialed a phone number.
"Hi, Mom? Yeah, it's Gwyn. Look, I've decided to come home," she said. A wave of relief rushed over her body.
Gwyn packed up the last of her belongings into a box. She took them out to her car and locked it up. She went back upstairs. A woman was waiting, sitting in a small wooden chair.
"Here's the key, Mrs. O' Banian," she said, handing a tiny silver hey to the old woman. "Bye."
"Bye, Gwyn. Have a safe trip home," Mrs. O' Banian responded. Gwyn walked out the door, to her car. She turned on the engine and drove off, never looking back.
She had decided to drive straight to Tulsa without stopping, because it was just easier. It would only take about 20 hours. Ohio . . . Illinois . . . Kentucky . . . Tennessee . . . Missouri . . . Arkansas . . . finally she saw the sign for Oklahoma. You are now entering Oklahoma . . . God's Country. Only one more hour to go.
Finally, she pulled up in the driveway of a small red brick home. She turned off the car and got out. Home at last , she thought to herself. It felt good to finally be somewhere familiar. It was comforting to her. She felt better already, just being back in Tulsa. She walked to the front door. She put a large gold key into the lock and opened the door.
"Mom?" she called. Her little 8-year-old sister Evie and her mother came running into the room.
"Gwyn!" Evie called. She ran to Gwyn and wrapped her arms around Gwyn's waist, hugging her.
"My you've grown!" Gwyn exclaimed. "You're almost as tall as me now, Evie-Bear." Evie laughed at Gwyn's joke. "Hi, Mom." She walked over to her mother, hugging her. "It's good to be home."
"Well, it's good to have you home," Mrs. Winston responded. "Your dad's at work. He'll be home in a little while. Come into the den. We'll sit down and talk." They walked into the small den, sitting down on a flower-print couch. Gwyn pulled Evie up into her lap.
"How is everyone?" Gwyn asked. "Isaac, Elaine . . . has the baby come yet?"
"No, not yet," Mrs. Winston replied. "They're fine. They found out that the baby's a girl. And the rest of the Hanson clan is doing quite well. So are your grandparents and your brother. Micah's at baseball practice. You know how he is. Baseball comes before everything else. Moira Owens is engaged to a guy that she met at U of O.K. She told me to have her call you. She wants you to be a bridesmaid."
"How is Zac?" Gwyn asked timidly. "I mean, does he know I'm back?"
"I left that up to Isaac and Taylor, to tell him. I figured it would come better if it came from them," Mrs. Winston replied.
"Hey, Gwynie, I've got straight A's this year in Mr. Norman's class," Evie bragged proudly.
"That's wonderful!" She squeezed her little sister. "Do you like third grade?"
"Yeah, I like it a whole lot. I'm the class monitor," Evie replied.
"Mr. Norman's wanting to skip her up a grade to fourth. She's got the best grades in her class, and he thinks she could handle it. I'm not so sure," Mrs. Winston said.
"Well, that's cool, Evie-bear," Gwyn said.
"I don't want to skip a grade," Evie said simply.
"Why not?" Gwyneth asked.
"Because then I can't be class monitor anymore," Evie said. Gwyneth laughed at her little sister as she pranced out of the room.
"She's a mess," Mrs. Winston said. "She's just like you, though."
"That's not a shock, since she is my sister, and she spent a lot of time around me before I left," Gwyn responded.
"Well, let's get your luggage inside," Mrs. Winston said. They went out to Gwyn's car and pulled all of her stuff into the house and up to her old room.
As they unpacked everything, Gwyn looked around the room. It hardly seemed possible that she had ever lived there. There were pictures all over the walls. A few were of movie stars and such, but they were mostly of Zac. Gwyneth probably had the largest collection of Zac Hanson pictures in the world. And they weren't all out of magazines. The majority of her collection of pictures were photographs taken by her. And each had its own special memory. Zac had been her guinea pig for photography, and now, eight years later, she was a professional photographer. Still, she thought her best pictures were of him. Her favorite was a picture of him sitting on a couch at an interview. His hair had been pulled back that day, and he was wearing all black. He was looking off into the distance, deep in thought. He had looked so adorable that day. Memories flooded Gwyneth's mind, as she looked around . . . .
Zac and Gwyneth met in 1997, eight years before, during an interview for her middle school paper, for which she was the photographer. It was right before their first single was released. Sure, Isaac and Taylor were cute, but there was just something about Zac. He loved to pose for the camera. Gwyn was a year older than he was, and she was in the sixth grade. They kept in touch, but didn't meet again until her sophomore year, at her friend Elaine's party. Elaine, who was about two years older than Gwyn, had been seeing Isaac for about a year at that time. She had invited Isaac and his brothers to her party. To say it was love at first sight for Zac and Gwyn was an understatement. Through writing each other and phone calls, Zac and Gwyneth had somehow fallen in love. And that party was just the culmination of the inevitable.
Two years later, Gwyn had made the decision to go to N.Y.U., which meant leaving Zac behind. A decision she still regretted. Lonely and homesick, she had doubled up on her course load and managed to graduate in two years, instead of four, with honors and a degree in photography. At about that time, she saw Zac, at a concert. His treatment of her forced her decision to stay in New York. She had assumed that he didn't care about her anymore.
Gwyn snapped back to reality, as the phone in her room rang. Mrs. Winston reached over to answer it. "Let me," Gwyn said. She picked up the phone. "Hello, Old MacDonald's Funny Farm. You kill it, we grill it."
"Gwyn?" a male voice said back. "Hey! It's Isaac!"
"Hey!" she responded. "How are you?"
"Wonderful! I was just calling to talk to you," he said. "Elaine's having the baby, and she wants you to come up here"
"She is! Great! I'll be up there in about ten minutes!" Gwyn replied. "Bye!" She hung up the phone excitedly. "Elaine's having the baby! And they want me to come up there!"
"Okay...well go! And tell your dad I said hi. But wait until after he helps Zac deliver the baby," Mrs. Winston said.
"That's where Dad is? Oh, yeah, it's Zac's first delivery, isn't it?" Gwyn asked. Mrs. Winston nodded, smiling. "Well, I'm going! Bye! I'll be back in a little while!" She grabbed her purse and ran out the door. Mrs. Winston laughed to herself, then remembered how awkward this was going to be for Gwyneth. She said a little prayer that Gwyn would be able to handle it maturely and calmly.
Gwyneth pulled into the parking garage of the hospital and turned her car off. She suddenly found herself feeling very nervous. The thought of seeing Zac again was enough to give her butterflies. She wasn't sure how he would react to her. She just hoped that he would at least be civil to her.
She walked through the hospital to the maternity ward. Isaac and his mother, Diana, were sitting in the waiting room. He stood up when he saw her.
"Gwyn!" he said, enveloping her in a bear hug. "God, it's good to have you home."
"How's Elaine?" Gwyn asked.
"Good, good. She's at four centimeters, and her water broke about an hour ago," Isaac replied. Diana stood up to greet Gwyn.
"Hi, Diana!" Gwyneth exclaimed, giving the woman a hug. Diana was beginning to show her age, with hints of gray in her blonde hair, while Isaac still looked exactly the same as he did when Gwyn had seen him a year ago. He really didn't look like he was 25.
"Hi, girly! It's wonderful to see you!" Diana responded. "You got back just in time!"
"I know! It feels so good to be home," Gwyn said. "Where's the rest of your crew?"
"Oh, they're all down in the cafeteria," Diana replied. "You should see Zoe. She's gotten so big!"
"Well, hello, Gwyneth," she heard a familiar, deep voice say. She turned to see Zac in the doorway. He looked even better than she remembered. His hair was shorter now though, and he was wearing blue scrubs. He walked over and hugged her. It startled her slightly, to see him.
"Hello, Zac," she responded, her eyes beginning to fill with tears. He backed away from her, still holding her in his arms. He looked her over, just as much in awe of her as she was of him.
"You're crying," he said softly, a concerned look on his face. "Why?"
"I'm just happy to be back home...to see everyone again," she replied, wiping a tear away. "My, you've certainly grown up. You don't look so much like that little boy that used to play the drums, that I remember."
"Well, you hardly look like the girl - next - door, either. New York had a good effect on you," he responded. He hugged her again. "Well, it's good to have you home again. You look . . . incredible," he said, smiling. "Well, Elaine is completely dilated, so it'll only be a little while longer."
"Did your mom tell you that the baby's a girl?" Isaac asked. Gwyn nodded, still looking at Zac in awe.
"Well, I'd better get back in there. Gwyn, I'll send your dad out in a few," Zac said. "It's good to see you again."
"You, too," she responded. He walked out of the room. Gwyneth sank down into a couch and began to cry again.
"Oh, Gwyneth," Diana said sympathetically, sitting down beside Gwyn. She put her arm around the girl and pulled her close to her. "It's okay."
"I don't know what I was expecting. I guess I figured he'd sweep me into his arms and kiss me...like nothing had changed," Gwyn said, sobbing.
"Look at me, Gwyn," Diana said. Gwyn turned to face Diana. "He has missed you like crazy, not that he'd ever admit to it. He just has a lot on his mind right now."
"Yeah," Isaac chimed in. "You should have seen the look on his face when I told him you were coming home. His jaw almost hit the floor. I'm almost positive he still loves you."
"Yeah, right," Gwyn said. "It's been almost three years, Isaac. I left him, I chose to leave him. He doesn't want me anymore."
"Then why hasn't he dated anyone else since you left?" Isaac said. "I mean . . . he still has a picture of you on his night stand. Doesn't that say something?"
"Not really . . . other than the fact that his room still looks the same, and he just isn't any good when it comes to girls," Gwyn replied. "Even I know that." She smiled slightly. Then she began to dry her eyes. "Look at me...I'm a successful photographer, almost 21 . . . and I'm still hung up on my high school sweetheart. Boy, am I pathetic."
"No, you're not," Diana said. "You're just in love. They say true love never dies. And I think that what you and Zac have is true love. You two have been in love since you met when he was eleven. And I don't think Zac would throw something like that away that easily."
"Then you're mistaken, because he already has," Gwyn said. "When I saw him last year, he wouldn't even look at me . . . much less speak to me. He doesn't love me anymore. I might as well stop fooling myself." She stood up and walked out of the room. She walked down the hallway to the water fountain. There stood Zac, tears streaming down his cheeks. "Hi again," she said softly. He looked up.
"Hey," he said hoarsely. Gwyn walked over to the water fountain and took a sip. "I'm glad you're home."
"What?" she said, wiping her mouth off.
"I'm glad you're home," Zac said. "I've missed you."
"I've missed you, too," she said quietly. Zac closed his eyes, still leaning against the wall.
"Please tell me I haven't totally ruined things with you," Zac said.
"How so?" Gwyn responded.
"When I saw you last year...I acted like a baby," Zac said. "I wouldn't look at you, but all I wanted to do was hold you in my arms and beg you to come home. I needed . . . need you here with me, by my side."
"Then why didn't you?" Gwyn said. "Because I wanted you to . . . I wanted to come home. The only reason I stayed in New York after I saw you was because I thought you didn't love me anymore."
"Why did you think that?" Zac responded. "I have always . . . will always . . . love you. You mean everything to me."
"Just how you treated me when I saw you," Gwyn replied. "You not looking at me . . . not speaking to me, was the worst feeling. It hurt so much." She started to cry again. "I would have done anything to make that feeling go away . . . to make you love me again."
"I'm sorry," Zac said. "I hadn't meant to do that . . . god, Gwyn . . . you have no idea how sorry I am. I have missed you so much." He walked over to her and put his arms around her. "I'm so sorry . . . please forgive me."
"I forgive you . . . I forgave you a long time ago," she said. "But that still doesn't change how things are . . . things are different."
"How?" Zac said. "I love you, you love me . . . what's different?"
"We're not together . . . at least not technically, anyway," Gwyn replied.
"If I asked you to marry me now, would you say yes, instead of no, like you did three years ago?" Zac asked.
"I don't know," Gwyn said, starting to walk away. Then she stopped and turned back around. "Ask me."
"What?" Zac said.
"Ask me again," Gwyn responded.
"Will you marry me?" Zac asked. She ran over to him and wrapped her arms around his neck.
"Yes," she whispered. Zac smiled and wrapped his arms around her, picking her up and spinning her around.
"Yes!" he exclaimed, putting her down. He leaned over and kissed her gently. "You're crying again." He pulled out his handkerchief and handed it to her. She looked at it. His initials were monogrammed on it. Z W H in small script letters. She cried harder and kissed him again. This time the dream was ending the right way, except it wasn't a dream. It was finally for real.
