(two men and two women come down the stairs)
Basil:(a hoarse whisper) Polly! Polly! Are these Germans too?
Polly: Oh yes, but I can deal...
Basil: Right, right, here's the plan. I'll stand there and ask them if they want something to drink before the war...before their lunch...don't mention the war! (he moves in front of the guests, bows, and mimes eating and drinking)
2nd German: Can we help you?
Basil:(gives a startled jump) Ah...you speak English.
2nd German: Of course.
Basil: Ah, wonderful. Wounderbar! Ah - please allow me to introduce myself - I am the owner of Fawlty Towers, and may I welcome your war, your wall, you wall, you all...and hope that your stay will be a happy one. Now, would you like to eat first, or would you like a drink before the war...ning that, er, trespassers will be - er, er - tied up with pianowire...Sorry! Sorry!(clutches his thigh) Bit of trouble with the old leg...got a touch of shrapnel in the war...Korean, Korean war, sorry, Korean.
Communication Problems
(They go into the office; Mrs Richards is there)
Basil:(loudly) Mrs Richards, how very nice to see you. Are you enjoying your stay?
Mrs Richards: There's no need to shout. I have my hearing aid on.
Basil:...Oh!
Sybil: Mrs Richards, I've explained to my husb...
Richards: I've just been up to my room. Eighty-five pounds has been taken from my bag which I had hidden under the mattress.
Basil: Oh yes?
Richards: It's a disgrace, I haven't been here a day. What sort of staff do you employ here?
Sybil: Mrs Richards...
Richards: If you knew anything about running a hotel, this sort of thing wouldn't happen! Well...what have you got to say for yourself?
(Basil launches into a long, but entirely mimed, speech)
Richards: What?
(Basil continues to mime. Sybil nudges him)
Sybil:(very quietly) Basil.
Basil:(mimes 'Yes dear?')
Sybil:(very quietly) Don't.
Richards: Wait, wait. Wait, wait, I haven't turned it up enough. (she fiddles with the control and looks at Basil; he rubs his hands)
Sybil:(whispers warningly) Basil!
(Mrs Richards turns the control full up)
Basil:(fortissimissimo) I said I suggest...
(Mrs Richards reels back holding her head in her hands and bangs her head on the shelf on the wall behind her)
Richards: My head!
Basil: Has it come away?
Sybil:(pushing past Basil) Get away. (to Mrs Richards) Did you bang your head?
Richards: Yes, yes.
Sybil: Oh dear, let me have a look.
Basil: You'd better go and lie down before something else happens.
Sybil:(elbowing him) Shut up Basil.
Richards: Why don't you call the police?
Sybil: We will the moment we've searched the rooms.
Richards: My money's been taken.
Sybil: Yes, yes, I know, try not to speak.
Basil:(offering something he has found on the floor) Is this a piece of your brain?
(Sybil kicks him in the shin. He sits down clutching it)
Richards: Eighty-five pounds.
Sybil: Take my arm.
Richards: I don't need your arm, thank you. I can get down the stairs perfectly well by myself.
Basil: Down the stairs? Oh, well, don't stop when you get to the basement, keep straight on. Give my regards to the earth's core.