"Look at her. Isn't she pretty? You can have her," the woman told the little girl who was staring at the doll. She smiled at the woman but still appeared not to want to get in. "Isn't she cute? Mindy?" the woman asked again, putting on a tone of excitement. Mindy nodded but did not say anything. The new 1980 van, shiny brown with large red and yellow bars on the sides, looked well cared for. Mindy finally lunged for the doll with half of her body falling on the floor of the van. The woman helped her get all the way in as she hugged the doll tightly. The woman then slid the door closed and walked to the front to get into the driver's seat.
After they pulled out of the parking lot and started going on a street that led to the freeway, the woman looked back and saw that Mindy was still enthralled with the doll, caressing her at times and then alternately touching and examining her pink dress. "I'm glad you're getting to like her. I think you could get to be real good friends."
The woman was driving back home to Gainesville, Florida, after spending three weeks at her parents' home. She and her husband Jim had moved there from Flint, Michigan, three years ago when he couldn't find a job, but she had harbored a secret hope that Jim wouldn't find work in Florida so that they could move back and still be able to say they had tried. Jim, however, found a good-paying job soon after they got there. In summer, she and Jim went back to Flint for his vacation, but he had not come this time. She had told her relatives that he had too many responsibilities at work, which was the truth but not the full truth.
"Lori," he'd said, "I think it'd be better if just you went back to Flint by yourself this summer."
"You're right, Jim. I've been terrible, I'm sorry. I know it's my fault."
They had been arguing too frequently, and while there had been no violence or rancor, there was often an inertially sullen atmosphere in the house. So many times she couldn't control her actions. She was unhappy with the way the marriage was going and, even worse, she was unhappy with herself.
An hour after they had left, Mindy began to cry. Lori looked back and saw the doll lying by her side. Mindy was probably getting hungry. Lori had luckily brought a half-dozen donuts. "Don't cry now. Everything is going to be just fine," she reassured as she reached into the bag of donuts, took out a chocolate cake one, and pinched a quarter piece out of it. She reached back to give Mindy the piece of donut, "Here. It's good." Mindy gave it an almost cross-eyed stare and then reached for it. She stopped crying, but after she had eaten the piece she began again. Lori quickly took another piece and gave it to her and continued this until Mindy seemed to have her fill. Lori then reached for a cardboard box placed on the floor in front of the passenger seat. It was a doll's tea set still wrapped in its original package.
"Look, this is for your doll. She'll like it." She tore off the cellophane cover. Mindy became attentive as Lori set out the dishes on the floor. It took several minutes since Lori had to move slowly because she was driving at the same time. Mindy caught on quickly and was soon playing with the dishes and moving them around in different ways. It made Lori proud to see her success in soothing her.
Several hours passed as Lori drove immersed in her thoughts. Luckily Mindy slept part of that time. Lori was well aware of how hard Jim tried to be patient, but there were times when he couldn't take it. Arguments started over inconsequential matters, and it had reached a frightfully intolerable level before she left for Michigan. Fortunately, she and Jim had talked on the telephone almost daily while she was in Michigan. It helped that she was much more relaxed with all her family around and was usually too busy to dwell on her problems. She and Jim had several long conversations in which they were able to learn more about what each one felt about the situation. She felt reassured that Jim still loved her in spite of everything and believed things would be much better between them from now on.
She had tried psychological counseling for several weeks but had dropped it when she failed to see any benefit. She had also taken a job to try to keep her mind occupied. This helped for a month or so. She had worked as a clerk in the Alachua County tax office where most of the employees were women. They all had children, even two who had never been married, and she got tired of listening to how much they enjoyed their children. She wasn't interested in a job. Jim had told her she didn't have to work. She would have much preferred staying home and raising a family.
She remembered how good it made her feel each time they had taken one of her nieces back to Gainesville to stay with them for a few weeks during the previous summers. Her self-esteem and optimism had even remained up for a month or two after the girls had gone back. She knew she had done a good job as a temporary mother and remembered that Jim and each of the girls had also been happy. She wasn't so sure that Mindy would be happy.
Lori knew she was edgy and hard to get along with at home because she had not been able to have any children in the 12 years of her marriage. She felt so empty and different not being able to have children. It was such a fundamental thing. It was there in the very beginning of the Bible where God said, "Go ye forth and multiply." All their friends and all the couples at their church had children. Lori got the sense that people felt pity toward her and Jim, which made her very uncomfortable.
A gynecologist had worked with her for several years trying to see what she could do to help her have children but had finally given up and announced to her five months ago that she thought there wasn't a chance. Lori still felt some hope, but she had to admit that her expectations were lower than ever. She couldn't help but feel guilty about not being able to have children even though she tried to convince herself otherwise. It often made her cross, which naturally made it difficult for her to act kindly toward Jim.
Mindy started to cry again. She was surely hungry now at 2:30 in the afternoon. The freeway signs said they were now passing Lenoir City, Tennessee, which was just south of Knoxville. She took the next exit and began hoping to find some place like a McDonald's with playground equipment that could pacify Mindy. It wasn't long before she spotted a McDonald's. Mindy stopped crying when she smelled the beef patties on the grill as they entered. They shared a quarter-pounder and a strawberry milk shake outside. After that they spent a long time on the slide, with Lori helping Mindy get up and off the slide and Mindy giggling and showing no fear at all. Lori enjoyed playing with her so much that she momentarily forgot her problems, but after nearly an hour she knew they had to leave.
Lori had not been able to bring any one of her nieces with her this time. One of her sisters was going to travel to California on vacation, and another was going to visit her in-laws in Virginia. Another niece from another sister that Lori would have liked to bring was attending summer school. Lori had been very disappointed. The doll and the tea set had been bought with a niece in mind.
She had checked in at that motel last night. As she looked out the window of her motel room just before going to bed, she saw a family arriving with four children, two boys and two girls. Lori heard them call the youngest child "Mindy" and fell in love with her right away. That morning, Lori found her playing on the sidewalk right next to her door. Mindy said "hi" right away.
"What are you doing?" she asked the little girl. "You know, you sure are a pretty girl." Mindy had a very healthy complexion, blonde hair, and an appealing little face. Lori walked to the nearby Dunkin' Donuts to get breakfast. She had already turned in her room key and was fully packed and ready to go. When she returned to her van, Mindy came up to her as she opened the side door to make a final check on things. It was only then that she had gotten the urge to bring Mindy along. She meant no harm. She hadn't stopped to think of the possible consequences. By now her parents had surely reported her missing to the police.
She started imagining that there was a roadblock ahead, set up just to intercept her and Mindy. She had crossed state lines which was probably a Federal crime--much more serious. She finally started to realize the true seriousness of what she had done. She thought of the parents of the child. They were surely terrified. Where were they now? Probably still sitting in the motel hoping for good news. She hated to think she was responsible for putting them through anguish, but then they still had three children left. Plus they could have more--and probably would. They should have been watching Mindy more closely. For all anyone knew, they were terrible parents who abused their children. Maybe she was rescuing Mindy from a terrible situation.
Mindy began to cry again. Lori looked back and couldn't see anything wrong. "Oh, it's O.K. Everything's going to be O.K. You wait and see." Lori tried to rearrange the dishes in an attempt to get Mindy interested in playing once again, but Mindy kept crying. She tried to caress the doll and focus Mindy's attention on it but to no avail.
Lori turned on the radio. They could be flashing bulletins. She was sure no one had seen her with Mindy at the motel. No one had even gotten a good look at her except for the motel clerk. Of course, they could have a good description of Mindy, even a photograph. She had seen how they would flash photographs of missing children even on nationwide television. It was too soon, however, for the networks to get ahold of a photograph. Besides, who ever paid attention and remembered them. She remembered a recent T.V. show she had seen that talked about what a big national problem missing children had become. She would have to stay on the freeway all the way home. They would have to stop for gas, but she could also buy food in the gas stations. They probably wouldn't have to stop more than twice.
Mindy was still crying but not as loudly. It was closer to whimpering. "You want to come up here?" she asked as she patted the passenger seat. Mindy didn't move or stop crying. Lori kept trying to get her to pay attention to the doll and dishes and then tried to give her another donut, but none of these made any difference.
A chill went through her as she thought of how insensitive she was being to the child's parents. Maybe she should drive into the next town and turn herself in. Maybe the police would understand and forgive her, especially if she gave Mindy back this soon. She could say that Mindy had snuck into the van without her noticing it for a long time.
Mindy could eventually become very happy with her and Jim. She wasn't concerned for a minute about that. Mindy was a perfect darling. She and Jim had tried hard to adopt. There were so many prerequisites, and it was especially hard to find a young child that one could start off right. She was sure about Mindy. Jim would love her, too, but what would he say about keeping her?
Jim was very strict about obeying the law and might be very angry at her for taking the little girl the way she had, but then he wanted children, too. All this time Lori kept trying as hard as she could to pacify Mindy but couldn't and that made her even more nervous. She kept a close watch ahead for any roadblocks. Lori thought of how the only trouble she had ever had with the law in her life was two traffic tickets, and that had been more than ten years ago. She had even donated money to Crime Stoppers in the past. It wouldn't surprise her if Jim were to want to immediately turn Mindy over to the police. He would put her in the car and drive straight to the police station. Perhaps she was wasting her time going through all this. But Jim did have a soft side. Then again, what was to stop her from going off and raising her by herself? If Jim could just have enough time to get to know her, he . . . .
She saw the flashing red roof lights of a police car ahead. She froze as her heart started to race. She could hear the rhythmic gushes through her carotid arteries. She pulled over to the side of the road and thought about crossing the median and going back in the opposite direction. She could then get off at the next exit and find a side road to get around what looked like a roadblock about one-half mile ahead. She looked and saw that metal road barriers made it impossible to cross the median, so she decided to stay parked and hope that they would remove the roadblock before long. It was now almost 5. It seemed strange not to see the line of cars one would expect at a roadblock. Traffic flow was perfectly normal. She sat there hoping a good idea would come. She would be all right there. But then what if someone saw her and figured she was trying to avoid the roadblock.
After about 10 minutes, she took another look at the police car and realized for the first time that it wasn't stopped in the middle of the highway as she had immediately thought, but on the right side. Also there was only one police car. A roadblock, especially one on a wide interstate freeway such as this one, would have to involve more than one car. Because the police car was so far away, it was hard to see exactly what was going on. Lori had first been able to spot it because there was a turn in the road to the right and a downhill slope ahead. After studying the scene as closely as she could, she decided to proceed cautiously. The traffic passing by was not slowing down at all. She felt silly. The police officer was probably only giving out a ticket. She eventually came up to the scene and saw that it was a car that had trouble, was sticking out a little into the highway, and was being shielded by the police car.
She was relieved and felt how emotionally exhausted she was. She realized she had not heard Mindy cry for some time. She looked back and saw Mindy lying on her right side asleep. She was probably exhausted, too. She was getting to like her more by the minute and was now very eager to get her home. She was hoping to get all the way home without stopping to sleep. They would arrive sometime in the middle of the night, but Jim would be glad to see her even if it meant losing some sleep.
By 7 she had to start looking for gas. Time rushed by as she played and replayed the same hopes and worries in her mind. She hated to have to get off the freeway. She would try to stay as close to it as possible. At the next town, she saw what looked like a small convenience gas station. Hopefully, Mindy wouldn't make a scene. She went to a self-service bay and noticed that some teenagers parked by the building kept looking in their direction. She hoped they were just admiring the van as she ran into the store to prepay. Mindy was still asleep as she left the van. She also bought supper--two cellophane-wrapped sandwiches, a large bag of Doritos sour-cream-flavored corn chips, and two packages of Hostess chocolate cupcakes with a cute stripe of white icing across the top. She tried to look for a toy for Mindy, something new to keep her busy, but there was nothing that would do. She hurried. Mindy could wake up at any second. At the counter, there were two people ahead. It was taking so long. The teenagers were still there. Finally she paid and went out to pump the gas. Mindy was still asleep. They were soon back on the freeway. It looked like the teenagers had only been waiting to use the public telephone. It had been a warm sunny day all the way. It was good not to have to struggle with bad weather.
It flashed on her that perhaps many of the people who were taking children were adoptive parents just like her. People like her might actually take better care of the children than their natural parents.
If they kept Mindy, they would have to come up with a good explanation on where they got her. She was dumbfounded. Maybe this would be their ultimate stumbling block. It didn't seem right that it could turn out that way. A simple solution came to her. They could tell everyone in Florida they had been able to adopt her in Michigan and everyone in Michigan that they had adopted her in Florida. Of course, they could be caught in a contradiction someday. Perhaps they could say they had adopted her in a neutral state--like Ohio. She tried to relax about that problem now. Surely they could come up with a convincing story.
Mindy woke up a half-hour later. She was quiet and started to play with the doll again. Lori tried to talk to her, and Mindy tried to say a few words back. It made Lori feel much better. It looked like Mindy was beginning to like her, too. She reached back and stroked her head momentarily but could barely reach her. Psalm 113:9 flashed through her mind: He gives the barren woman a home, making her the joyous mother of children.
After dark Lori had to get off the freeway to find a field they could use as a natural restroom. Luckily they found an unfenced farm lot. Mindy cried when they got out but luckily it wasn't loud. Lori always carried toilet paper on trips. After they got going again, Mindy kept playing with the doll and dishes as well as talking to Lori at different times until she fell asleep about 10 o'clock.
Lori was determined to get home that night without having to stop to sleep. Her thoughts went back to how she felt so incomplete not having a child. She thought of going back for counseling. She couldn't come up with an explanation for her feelings. They seemed deeply ingrained. At midnight she started to nod. She tried to ignore it, but it became increasingly difficult. She decided it would be safer for both of them if she stopped. The highway signs said Valdosta, Georgia. She thought of finding a motel to get some good, safe rest but worried about being seen. A small side road would be private, but then somebody might come up to hurt them. Instead she simply pulled to the shoulder of the freeway although she knew that would not be completely safe.
She got in the back to lie beside Mindy who then woke up and started crying. It sounded like a fearful cry. Lori embraced her. "Whoe, now, everything is all right. There's nothing to be afraid of. You can go back to sleep," she reassured, but Mindy tried to push her away. It hurt Lori to see this, but eventually Mindy allowed Lori to hold her closer. She cried herself back to sleep as Lori kissed the tears on her cheeks.
Lori couldn't fall asleep. The crickets and cicada seemed to be chirping extra loud tonight, the smell of fresh grass too strong a distraction. What if someone came up and tried something? Or what if the state police stopped just to check to see if they were all right and then recognized Mindy? She hated to have to stay there yet knew she shouldn't go on. After hours worrying and listening to the sounds of the passing cars, she fell asleep. It was a restless sleep, and in another hour, she was awake again. There was the beginning of daylight outside. As she lay there hoping she could sleep more, she felt pangs of guilt for taking Mindy. She imagined delivering Mindy to the police. She knew most people would say it was the right thing to do, but as she looked at Mindy lying there with what appeared a slight smile, she couldn't see how she could bring herself to do it.
Before they got going, Mindy, for the first time, wanted to sit in the front seat and seemed cheerful. They only had to drive a few hours more before they finally made it to Gainesville. Lori caressed her cheeks and stroked her hair frequently.
When they finally arrived, Mindy went readily into the house and seemed to like it. Jim was at work. Lori started to unpack, and then feeling very tired, she and Mindy took a long nap together. After waking up, Lori thought about how she would approach Jim but could decide on no definite plan. At six, Jim came home and was clearly glad to see Lori as he kissed and held her tightly.
"This is Mindy," she said.
"Oh, hi, Mindy," Jim said cheerfully as he knelt down to her level. He obviously took a liking to her right away. "I hope you'll like it here with us." They all made more small talk. Eventually Jim asked, "Which one of your cousins does she belong to?"
"None of them," said Lori. She had decided to face the issue head on.
"Who is she then?" he asked as he popped open a bottle of beer.
"I found her in the motel I stayed in yesterday."
"And what about her parents?"
"Oh, please, Jim, say you're not going to make me take her back." A look of shock came to his face that faded into a faint smile as he sat down.
