His mind wandered back to something he had thought about many times in the last several months. Looking back he figured his problems had started about the time his wife had begun complaining about his abilities as a lovemaker. She hadn't said anything when they were courting or during the first few years of their marriage, but one day she complained. It had been a period of time during which she had been avoiding sex.
"I guess the reason I'm not that interested anymore," she began, "is that I feel you just want sex to gratify your physical desire and that's all. You just want me to service you--wham, bam, thank you, ma'am. Sex should mean a lot more. Sex should be an intense means of communication between a man and a woman who love each other. In fact it's the most sublime and deep way two people can reach complete union. That's one reason they call marriage sacred."
Coll was a little bewildered by what his wife Hilda was saying. He had honestly never given it much thought, but it sounded all right. Up to then sex had only been something that made you feel good. They had several discussions on how sex was perceived by the two genders. Hilda pointed out that it seemed that many men had the same attitude as he did. She had been reading and hearing about it more.
Coll didn't oppose her suggestion that they go to marriage counseling. He felt open to discuss their differences and was willing to try to understand what Hilda was talking about. They went to a Dr. Amy Freitag who Hilda said was supposed to be good with sexual dysfunction. Coll liked her but had a hard time accepting everything she had to say. Essentially the counselor took Hilda's position. He didn't mind this but wasn't willing to accept it completely.
"Women do seem to have more of a need," the counselor said, "to make the sexual act an expression of love. That's why they seem to want to have the act surrounded by the proper romantic atmosphere and then afterwards to be held closely by their mate rather than have it all end suddenly. Men need to change and be more sensitive. Women need to be reassured that they are wanted and loved."
"Yes, but how much reassurance do they have to have?" Coll wondered. We've been married for years and Hilda knows I love her and always have. I also tell her often that I love her, so why does it have to be such a big production when we go to bed? I can see making a big deal some of the time but sometimes it's late and we both want to go to sleep, so I don't see why we can't get a quick one in and go to sleep. Besides, I've been hearing that there are women who enjoy sex by itself."
They were in counseling for almost a year, and Coll eventually came around to seeing what Freitag and Hilda were talking about. He became a much more gentle and considerate lover, and his wife told him so. Hilda even bragged a little about him to other people which made him feel good. Coll lapsed into his old ways occasionally but mostly the next several years in their relationship were wonderful.
One day after his daughter Wendy had become 11 years old, he felt an unusually strong attraction for her. He suppressed the feeling. He had always been close to his daughters. He was not only a good provider, as anyone who knew the family would attest, but also an attentive father. There was a younger daughter of five. His daughters loved him very much. The feelings of attraction for Wendy came back, but he kept fighting them. Then finally he approached her. It was just caressing of the lower parts and he assured her there was nothing wrong. He loved her very much. It would make her feel good, he told her, and she seemed to enjoy it. Sex was an expression of love between two people, he said.
Things progressed until finally he was doing everything with Wendy. He also told her it would be good for her to know these things for the future when she got married. He was always very tender with her. At the same time he continued to have a sound relationship with his wife. Years passed and he was very happy and satisfied. Wendy never told anyone.
One day, when Wendy was 15, Hilda came back unexpectedly from her evening job. She never came back home early because for one thing her work was very far away, but this time there had been a power failure and she hadn't been able to do her work. Coll and Wendy were having sex in front of the television. Hilda shrieked.
Within a week the police came to the house to arrest Coll. He tried to talk to Hilda to explain, to tell her that it had always been tender and loving and unselfish, and to ask her what was so wrong with that. It was a physical showing of affection just like they had discussed with the psychologist.
Now here he was. Thirty years in prison, even though he had a perfectly clean record before. He had asked Hilda to bring the girls for a visit, but she refused.
