The Footy Banter Team

PO Box 987

Leichhardt NSW 2040

Mr Andrew Plympton

President

St Kilda Football Club

PO Box 1034

MOORABBIN VIC 3189

Dear Mr Plympton

Application – St Kilda Football Club Coach

We refer to the position of coach of the St Kilda Club, which we understand will shortly be vacated by the incumbent coach, Mr Timothy Watson.

On behalf of Barry "alFie" Knight, Gold Member of the Footy Banter Team, we wish to apply for the coaching position of the St Kilda Football Club. Given alFie’s playing and coaching credentials, we consider that alFie would be an ideal Captain – Coach of the St Kilda Football Club.

We also put forward applications from the other members of the Footy Banter Team as alFie’s support staff in the coaching position – the St Kilda Coaching "Dream Team", as it were.

alFie’s attached curriculum vitae demonstrates that his football playing and coaching record is second to none. We have no hesitation in recommending alFie for the position and would be pleased to discuss this application with you at your earliest convenience.

The Footy Banter Team can be found at:

https://www.angelfire.com/ok/footybanter

Should you have any queries in relation to the above, please do not hesitate to contact the undersigned.

Yours faithfully

Crullers

FBT COMMUNICATIONS OFFICER

Curriculum Vitae

alFie

Juniors (up to Under 16):

3 times Club Best & Fairest.

2 times Club Captain

Interleague Representative - 4 years

Interleague Captain - 2 years

Represented Wimmera - Schoolboy Championships

Senior Career:
1987 – Horsham United F.C. (Wimmera F.L.)

Senior debut Horsham United v Nhill, Age 15

Played 7 Senior games

1988 – Horsham United F.C.

Played every Senior Game, Horsham United, W.F.L.

Member Horsham United Premiership Side

Best First Year Player, Horsham United

Teal Cup Representative

Represented W.F.L. Under 18

1989 – Horsham United F.C.

Interleague Training Squad

Senior Best & Fairest, Horsham United

3rd Toohey Medal, W.F.L. Best & Fairest.

1990 – Horsham United F.C./Sebastopol F.C. (Ballarat F.L.)

Horsham United (4 games), Sebastopol, Ballarat F.L. (14 games)

3rd Sebastopol Senior Best & Fairest

Best Under 21 Player, Sebastopol Football Club

1991 – Sebastopol F.C.

Sebastopol F.C. (14 games)

1992 – Sebastopol F.C.

Sebastopol F.C. (Coach Wayne Johnston)

Senior Best & Fairest, Sebastopol F.C.

1993 – Sebastopol F.C.

Sebastopol F.C. (Coach Dwayne Russell)

Senior Best & Fairest, Sebastopol F.C.

Runner Up, Henderson Medal. B.F.L. Best & Fairest

Runner Up, Courier St George Best Player Award

Interleague Training Squad

1994 – Portland F.C. (Western Border F.L.)

Senior Best & Fairest, Portland F.C.

W.B.F.L. Representative v Bendigo F.L.

3HA Team of the Year.

3rd, Border Medal, W.B.F.L. Best & Fairest

Club Winner - Hamilton Spectator Victorian Player of the Year

1995 – Portland F.C.

Senior Coach, Portland F.C. - 2nd after Home & Away, Lost Prel. Final

W.B.F.L. Representative v Geelong F.L. (voted Best on Ground)

Nomination - Western Region Coach of the Year

3HA Team of the Year

Club Winner - Hamilton Spectator Victorian Player of the Year

* Ineligible for Club B&F while Coach

1996 – Portland F.C.

Senior Coach, Portland F.C. - 4th after Home & Away, Lost Elim. Final

4th, Border Medal, W.B.F.L. Best & Fairest

1997 – Portland F.C.

Winner – Border Medal, W.B.F.L. Senior Best and Fairest.

Senior Best and Fairest, Portland F.N.C.

W.B.F.L. Representative v M.P.F.L. and Alberton F.L.

1998 – Port Fairy F.C. (Hampden F.N.L.)

Senior Coach, Port Fairy F.C. Hampden F.N.L.

1999 – Portland F.C. (Western Border F.L.)

Interleague Representative v Hampden F.L.

Leading Goalkicker, Portland F.N.C.

2000 – Portland F.C. (Western Border F.L.)

Total Senior Games: Horsham United 49

Sebastopol 59

Port Fairy 18

Portland 96

Total 222

Current Age: 28

Height: 172 cm

Weight: 75 kg

Preferred position: On Ball

Accreditation: Level 1 Accredited Coach

The Footy Banter Team Coaching "Dream Team"

Statement of Credentials

The following table briefly sets out the credentials of the Footy Banter Team’s coaching "Dream Team".

The Dream Team will assist alFie in his role as head coach of St Kilda.

Name	Position	Credentials
Arma	Skills Coach – Defenders	The hot gospelling Arma was coach of the Bangor Tigers Under 13s where his coaching record set new standards in the Sutherland League.
Leachy	Skills Coach – Forwards	Leachy’s performances as a centre half forward come will o’ the wisp half forward flanker for the Port Kembla Blacks almost single-handedly carried the Blacks to the 1997 Leisure Coast League Premiership four seasons ago.
Boydy	Club Doctor	Dr Boydy – the most eminently qualified Banterer – has a PhD in Chemistry. The switch to medicine should be a breeze for this natural genius.
Saint	Statistician	Saint has developed some of the most innovative research tools in the history of Footy Banter. He will deliver the key performance indicators that matter to the St Kilda Brains Trust that will lift St Kilda’s onfield performance to heights never previously thought possible.
WALDO	Special Events	WALDO has attracted some of the biggest names in Sports Entertainment to FBT Conventions – he has the runs on the board to handle the St Kilda Special Events Co-ordinatorship with aplomb.
Crullers	Team Psychologist	Crullers has spent endless hours on pool tables at dives around the country torturing the minds of countless loose cannons. He will use this intimate knowledge of the loose cannon psyche to bring out the best from St Kilda’s rudderless rabble.
Krakatoa	Skills Coach – Ruck	The tallest bloke in the FBT, Krakatoa is naturally equipped for this position.
Aggressive One	Aggression Management	Something that the Saints have been lacking in recent years will be rectified by the grossly misnomered Aggressive One.
Punchy	Cheer Squad Leader	As one of only two Saints supporters in the FBT, Punchy was born for this role.
Mero	Media Liaison	Having appeared on both television and the internet on behalf of the FBT, Mero has a proven track record in handling difficult media situations and is ideally suited to this position.
Mopsy	Club Mascot	As one of only two St Kilda supporters amongst the FBT, Mopsy was born for this role.
Crooksy	Development Officer	Crooksy will attend to the players’ needs with a view to establishing a career path for the players post-AFL. With most of the current list’s playing future decidedly shaky, Crooksy’s input will be of the essence.
moose	Marketing	The doyen of the sales caper in the greater Geelong area, moose could sell ice to the eskimos, moccassins to the Essad’n cheer squad, skis to Melbourne members… St Kilda’s sales will go through the roof with moose on board.
Ockers	?	The consummate loose cannon – surely there must be a role for him at Moorabbin.