Very very clever. A favorite among my college friends ;)
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Jay: Yo, I feel good today, Silent Bob. We're gonna make some money. And you know what we're gonna do? We're gonna go to that party, and we're gonna get some pussy. And I'm gonna f*ck this bitch, and I'm gonna f*ck this bitch. I'll f*ck anything that moves!
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Veronica: Why don't you open the shutters?
Dante: Someone jammed gum in the locks.
Veronica: You're kidding.
Dante: Bunch of savages in this town.
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Dante: A woman makes a guy cum, it's standard. A guy makes a woman cum, it's talent.
Veronica: And I date you?
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Veronica: You'll sleep with anything that says 'yes.'
Dante: Animal, mineral, or vegetable.
Veronica: Vegetable meaning parapalegic.
Dante: They put up the least amount of struggle.
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Dante: 37! My girlfriend sucked 37 dicks!
Customer: In a row??
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Randal: Why're the shutters closed?
Dante: Someone jammed gum in the locks
Randal: Bunch of savages in this town.
Dante: That's what I said.
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Randal: Some guy just came in refusing to pay late fees. Said the store was closed for two hours yesterday. Tore up his membership.
Dante: Shocking abuse of authority.
Randal: Hey, I'm a firm believer in the philosophy of a ruling class. Especially since I rule.
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Randal: She cheated on you how many times?
Dante: Eight and a half.
Randal: Eight and a half?
Dante: Party at John Kay's senior year. I get blitzed and pass out in this bedroom. Caitlen comes in and jumps all over me.
Randal: So that's cheating?
Dante: No, in the middle of it she called me Brad.
Randal: She called you Brad?
Dante: Called me Brad.
Randal: Eh, that's not cheating. People say crazy shit during sex. One time I called this girl "mom."
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Dante: Interesting postr-script to that story. Do you know who wound up in that dark room with Brad?
Randal: Your mother?
Dante: Alan Harris.
Randal: Chess team, Alan Harris?
Dante: The two moved to Idaho together after graduation. They raise sheep.
Randal: That's frightening.
Dante: Takes different strokes to move the world.
Randal: In light of this alluric tale, I don't see how you can romanticize your relationship with Caitlen. She broke your heart and inadvertantly drove men to deviant lifestyles.
Dante: There was a lot of good in our relationship.
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Dante: That's what high school was about. Algebra, bad lunch, and infidelity.
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Customer: Are either one of these any good?
Randal: I don't watch movies.
Customer: Well, have you heard anything about either one of them?
Randal: I find it's best to stay out of other peoples' affairs.
Customer: You mean you haven't heard anyone say anything about either one of these?
Randal: Nope.
Customer: Well, what about these two?
Randal: Oh, they suck.
Customer: These are the same two movies. You weren't paying any attention.
Randal: No. I wasn't.
Customer: I don't think your manager would appreciate-
Randal: I don't appreciate your ruse, ma'am.
Customer: I beg your pardon.
Randal: Your ruse. Your cunning attempt to trick me.
Customer: I was only pointing out that you weren't paying any attention to what I was saying.
Randal: And I hope it feels good.
Customer: You hope what feels good?
Randal: I hope it feels so good to be right. There's nothing more exhilerating than poiting out the shortcomings of others, is there?
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Customer: Well, this is the last time I rent here.
Randal: You won't be missed.
Customer: Screw you!
Randal: *calls down the street after her* Hey! You're not allowed to rent here anymore!
Jay: YEAH!
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Dante: He said he has to find the perfect dozen.
Randal: The perfect dozen?
Dante: Yeah, each egg has to be perfect.
Randal: The quest isn't going well, huh?
Dante: Obviously not. Look at all the cartons that didn't make the grade.
Randal: Why doesn't he mix and match?
Dante: I told him that, and he yelled at me.
Randal: What did he say?
Dante: He said it was important to have standards, and he says nobody has any pride anymore.
Randal: It's not like you laid the eggs yourself.
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Randal: Why'd you apologize?
Dante: What?
Randal: I heard you apologize. Why? You have every reason in the world to be mad.
Dante: I know.
Randal: Jesus, that seems to be the late motif in your life, ever backing down.
Dante: I don't back down.
Randal: You always back down. You assume blame that's not yours. You come in on your day off. You buckle like a belt.
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Randal: I gotta tell you, my friend. This is one of the ballsiest moves I've ever been privy to. I would never have thought you capable of such a blatant disregard to store policy.
Dante: Hey, I told him I had a game today. It's his own fault.
Randal: No arguments here. Insubordination rules.
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Randal: Just let me borrow your car.
Dante: Why should I loan you my car?
Randal: I want to rent a movie.
Dante: You want to rent a movie.
Randal: I want to rent a movie. What's that for?
Dante: You work in a video store.
Randal: I work in a shitty video store. I want to go to a good video store so I can get a good movie.
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Customer: Cute cat. What's its name?
Randal: Annoying customer.
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Silent Bob: You know, there's a million fine-looking women in the world, dude. But they don't all bring you lasanga at work. Most of 'em just cheat on you.
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Randal: This job would be great if it wasn't for the f*cking customers.
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