Update 2008
We had gone through almost all our savings, $20,000 of 401K monies and I had used credit cards up to a certain point and just my salary to keep us a float up to December of that year. I debated on using the home equity line since he was still not ready (mentally) to become employed. The medication had not totally taken hold yet and I suggested that he try using an employment agency to get a job some where, especially with benefits because COBRA was just about to end. He got a production job in a plastics manufacturing plant and little by little I saw my husband emerging again. He had worked on the machines that he was now getting parts out of. One night on his shift the supervisor was grumbling about a robot that would be taking parts out of a machine not working. My husband said that he could take a look at it and see if he could get it running. With the tools in the shop he managed to repair the robot and it was working when he left that morning. When he came home and told me what he had done I knew a corner had been rounded and he was back on track again. Soon he was promoted to a maintenance tech and working on the machines. Once he finally made up his mind that he could no longer drink and medication had "kicked in" he had some self worth especially when he was repairing machines again.
He went to AA and found a meeting that comfortable for him. He would go and I would use the time for myself, a walk, chatting on the computer or doing crafts. Sometimes he would come home and tell me what the lead was about and we would discuss it. It helped to keep me from being shut out of what had become a part of his life. He did do the lead one night. It was the anniversary of his first year sober. He came home and told me that the members had "Sainted me". I laughed to myself and thought if they only knew that he didn't remember I could probably make Pontiff. He started to taper of the AA meeting, only going once a month or less. Then only to get his next token (he carries them with him and has had people comment when he pulls them out with his pocket change). He still greets all the members he has met when he sees them on the street.
I want to also talk about the "in between" too. There is been a lot of nice and good things sandwiched between when I left off and now. To start off with a 3 legged white with black ears and tail kitty cat found her way to our front porch and adopted us. She presented us with 5 kittens, which my husband helped her deliver. She and 3 of the kittens live with us. I must admit that I believe that animals help by giving unconditional love. Considering adopting one if you can or volunteer at a shelter. We gave made it a point to "reward" ourselves with a vacation when we could. We have camped and made a yearly trip to the outer banks of North Carolina for the past 4 years and try to camp every other weekend when we can. I was worried about the first campfire with no alcohol but it came and went with no problem. I also thought that my years of going to an area bar for their food was out. The first time we went there after his choice of sobriety I was not quite sure about. Food could always be ordered as take out, but again we ate in and he had diet Coke and we go back once a month. It is getting past that first time. Now we go into any of the bars food that we used to, no problem what so ever.
He did and still does feel that he let me down and he put us in a financial position we are having troubles getting ourselves out of. Before he was fired for drinking we were not rich but except for the utility bills , truck and house payment we were doing well. There was no credit card debit and the equity line was not being used. At least I had them all available when I needed them, but we sure took a hit and are now living pay check to pay check.
He has on more then one occasion told me that he will never go back to drinking alcohol again. I will never argue with that, but I will never put my guard down because it is just too hard to ever have to go through again. He has been sober for more then 5 and a half years. He is on medication and will always be for the Bipolar. He has been very open with me when it comes to any problems or cravings he has had. If it can't be worked out here at home he sees his doctor. She is one of the reasons he is doing as well as he is. She is concerned about her patients and I always hope that others can find the same type of mental health professional. I know I am wishful thinking, but I really feel that unless this happens everything just starts up again and back to square one and frustration for everyone. That is why we were willing to drive 45 min. out of our way to keep her as his doctor when it looked like she would be leaving the area. Luckily that did not happen, WHEW!!
Sign of the times 2008:
He was just laid off due to lack of work (Sept 2008). This time he is employable and there is unemployment benefits. COBRA is expensive but we need to see that he continues to received treatment. It is not same as before but we are still just keeping our heads above water. This bout with unemployment or the economy in general (really not good at this time) may take us down. One good thing is that he has started a job which he needs to get past the 3 month period to get in. The job is again production, but more complicated then he has been used to. Frustration has been high because he is having trouble focusing and grasping the instruction he is being given. When he was getting frustrated I heard him comment about "5 and a half years for nothing". With that I told him that it maybe his medication is the problem and he needed to call the doctor. He did and we found out that Bipolar and ADHD go hand in hand. He was prescribed something that would take effect daily instead of after a month of use to get him focused. He says it helps and I am glad. I read the med sheets that came from the pharmacy over and know what to be on the look out for. I have come to take it upon myself to do this since I have been "burned" too many times in the past. I don't trust all that is on those sheets either and go on line and check there too. You can NEVER be TOO careful when it comes to medications anymore. READ and LEARN it could save a life.
