Pete GOD THIS PLACE SMELLS!
Jordan What's your problem?
Pete Pontiac smells...like, REALLY BAD! I'd rather be on Three Mile Island!
Jordan You're just looking to get your ass kicked, aren't you?
Pete *smiles* Pretty much!
Jordan Well, there are about 80,000 people here at the Silverdome that would be willing to do it for ya!
Pete Nah...that's ok! I'm content!
'Unreal' by Soil begins to play over the speakers, and Co-Prez RJ comes out, microphone in hand.
Co-Prez RJ Hello hello...I know it's not everyday you guys see me out here.
Jordan Something seems wrong. Usually RJ does the whole video thing...why's he out here?
RJ walks around on the stage... he puts his hand to his head, stopping in his tracks. After a few moments, he looks up again.
Co-Prez RJ I usually make announcements via video, but I thought this one should be made in person.
Pete C'mon, spit it out! We don't have all day! I wanna see those women fight...c'mon, c'mon, c'mon!
Jordan Shut up, Pete. Let the man talk! He signs your paychecks ya know!
Pete He does not...the last paycheck I got had the name Zai on it...SO THERE!
Co-Prez RJ I've been here since the beginning. We've had some problems, but I've managed to figure things out, to keep the place going...
Jordan Uh-oh, this doesn't look good...
Co-Prez RJ Well, the time has come for me to retire...I've already sold my share of the EWF to somebody...and I know HE will do a great job with the company.
Pete WOOOOOOOOOO!! THE WHINY ASS IS GONE!!!
Jordan What are you talking about? He's the guy that brought you in, and gave you a job!
Pete True, he did. BUT HE CRIES SO DAMN MUCH! I CAN'T STAND THE GUY! I hope somebody cool like, Dr. Heinrich, or something...
Jordan Doctor Heinrich? ARE YOU CRAZY??? That man is nuts! COMPLETELY NUTS!
Co-Prez RJ I'm sure you all want to know who is taking my place...right?
Crowd YEAH!
Co-Prez RJ *nodding* I know, I know you do. Sorry though, he wasn't available for tonight's show. However, he did inform me, that he would be around for next weeks show...all will be revealed next week, on HAVOC!
'Unreal' by Soil begins to play again, as the former Co-Prez walks off of the stage, and back to the locker area.
Jordan: Well, ladies and gentleman, that was a huge surprise, our co-prez is retiring from the company. An IC Title Defense, and up now in singles competition is Faith and Krissi.
Pete: Whoa, lesbians versus extremely HOT chick, oh god who do I route for?
Jordan: Pete, its women wrestling, just vote like you normally do, for whoever is winning at the time.
Pete: Whoa, Jordan, great idea, I am glad I thought of it, oh wait here comes Krissi right now, WOOOOO!!!! Go Hottie, make my loins ache, take me now and I will love you forever!
Jordan: Or until someone hotter comes along and her comes Krissi. Seems like the crowd is into her also, let’s see if this Veteran can give this crowd a show, being new to EWF, but I am sure she can hold her own.
Pete: Look at that ASS, whoa baby she can hold it with me.
“Crawling in the dark” by Hoobastank kicks in, and Krissi makes her way down the ramp giving high fives to the fans as she comes down. Entering the ring she gets a huge pop from the crowd, she stands on several turnbuckles and raises her fist high in the air receiving more huge pops from the crowd. Suddenly “Pain” Stereo Mud kicks in and Faith comes running down the ramp. She slides into the ring and gets hammered down by Krissi; referee signals for the bell.
Jordan: Well, that didn’t take long to start, looks like Krissi to be in direct control from the set here throwing Faith into the ropes, oh clothesline to Faith.
Pete: Go Krissi, kick her ass, and then let me play with YOURS, WOOOO.
Jordan: You are truly sick man.
Pete: Thanks Jordan from you that is a complement.
Krissi goes to the top ropes, jumps with elbow to the chest, goes for the cover…1…2…Kickout…
Jordan: Oh, that was so close, Krissi trying to get this one over early.
Pete: Come on Krissi finish her off then finish me!
Jordan: Don’t get too excited their happy boy; faith just turned the tables on Krissi.
Pete: WOOO, go Psychotic woman, kick her ass!
Jordan: You are as lowest of all male life Pete. Never mind it looks like Faith is really taking it to Krissi with fists of fury to the head. A standing Hurcarrania, and Krissi is down for the count.
Faith grab’s Krissi buy the hair and runs her along for a flying bulldog, and then pulls her to the center of the ring and goes to the second turnbuckle for a quick moonsault. Pulls the leg up for the cover…1…2….kick out…Faith bashes Krissi in the head a couple of times for kicking out.
Jordan: Is there something about Faith that seems different Pete? Pete? Pete? Pete don’t do that live on TV that disgusting.
Pete: What, man I couldn’t hold it any longer, I needed to take care of it, and they couldn’t see me anyways.
Jordon: Pete, we could all see you, never mind. Looks like Faith isn’t agreeing with the Ref’s count.
Pete: I will say, HEY REF, count faster you idiot, we got a psychotic who can kick your ass so freaking count faster.
Faith Irish whips Krissi into the ropes oh back drop on Krissi, Faith picks Krissi back up, and pulls a body slam, hooks the leg…1….2..kickout again. Faith is furious, she slides out of the ring and grabs a steel chair, and the crowd is booing her. The referee tries to take the chair away from her. Oh Krissi half out of it slams the referee into chair from behind knocking him out cold.
Jordan: Oh boy, we have a wild one going here, the ref down, a chair in the ring and Krissi and Faith both going for it. Pete? Dammit Pete you going to say anything?
Pete: Yes sir, GO FAITH, smack the slut like she has one coming!!!WOOOOOOO!!!
Jordan: Oh god why do I even bother.
Krissi grabs the chair first and swings, misses. Faith karate kicks the chair into Krissi’s head. Oh she is out cold, Faith grabs the chair and smacks Krissi repeatadle over her back…1…..2…..3…she then throws the chair down and turns Krissi on her back into the center of the ring. She climbs the top post and stares at the crowd for several seconds and then goes off the top turnbuckle.
Jordan: IT’S THE glimmer, she nailed the Glimmer the referee is coming too…1….2…..3 Faith wins Faith Wins.
Pete: Umm, somebody tell her that.
Jordan: What? Oh my god she has the chair again, she is taking more shots to Krissi’s body, oh god she just nailed the Referee, somebody get out here and stop this psychotic woman.
StereoMudd kicks in and Faith tosses the chair at Krissi, she raises her hands in victory as the crowd boos her, she kicks Krissi a few more times before she casually walks up the ramp.
Jordan: What the hell just happened?
Pete: I think she just snapped. WOOO! That’s my lesbian! WOOOO!
Jordan: Well folks don’t go away, a IC title Defense, three way dance, and GOD making is debut.
Pete: Right, GOD, what type of name is that?
Jordan: Its God Pete, he doesn’t have to answer to you.
Jordan Welcome back! If you're just now joining us, you've already missed some great action!
Pete No shit! Faith kicked some MAJOR ass!
Jordan shakes his head at his partners comments.
Jordan Not only that, but Co-Prez RJ gave us shocking news...he's retireing! He's sold his share of the EWF to somebody, but nobody knows who it is...
Pete As long as it isn't RJ, we're all set!!!
Jordan What's your problem with him anyways?
Pete *shrugs* I just don't like the guy...
'Ain't Your Sunshine' by DMX begins to play as Ace walks out from behind the curtain.
Jordan This is Ace's first appearance on Havoc...he's got a tough match lined up for himself. Think he'll be able to pull his way through it?
Pete I don't care...I don't think anything will be able to compare to the match that I just saw...screw these guys...lets see some more women!!!!! WOOOOOO!!!!
"F*ckin' in the bushes" by Oasis begins to play as Tony 'T-Dogg' Badinski enters the arena. People boo, people cheer. Tony smiles, and walks down to the ring.
Jordan He had quite the showing in the Main Event at Armageddon Now! He just didn't have what it took to beat the World Champion, Zaibatsu. Will he be able to pull out of this match a winner?
Pete Again, who the hell cares? SHOW ME THE WOMEN!!!
Jordan shakes his head...then the British National Anthem begins to play.
Pete Here's eveybody's hero... WILLIAM FERRIGAN! HE RULES!
Ferrigan steps out from behind the curtain. His face twisted into a sneer. As he walks down the aisle, people throw their glasses of soda, and other various items at him. Ferrigan walks to the ring, un-phased by the crowds reaction to him. Climbing into the ring, the ref calls for the bell.
Jordan Ferrigan isn't to popular here in Pontiac, Michigan, thats for damn sure.
Pete That's because the people here are dumber than ficking rocks!
Jordan Ficking? What the hell is that?
Pete How the hell should I know? I just open my mouth, and words come out... Do you really think I think about what I say, Jordo?
Jordan Good point! OH the match is underway! This should be interesting...William Ferrigan, who is pretty much a veteran here in the EWF now, is taking on two of the newest guys on the EWF roster in this triple threat match!
Pete Ferrigan won't have a problem. You saw how easily Zai got rid of T-Dogg at Armageddon, right? Heh, and Ace. PSH! He ain't nothing but shit on the 'Doggs' boots!
Jordan We'll see! Ace is off to a great start thus far. He's really pounding on T-Dogg's head. Ferrigan's standing in the corner, watching. What's wrong with him?
Pete He's being smart...letting the other two boneheads waste their energy!
Jordan I see, well, he looks like a coward. Must be the British in him...
Pete OOOOOOH, that was BAAD!!! I can't believe you just said that, Jordo. What's gotten into you man?
Jordan Nothing has gotten into me, and would you stop calling me Jordo...PETUNIA!
Pete Hey now, that was uncalled for! ROLL-UP! ONE! TWO! TH...Damn that was close. Ace almost had T-Dogg there.
Jordan Ferrigan is getting into the mix! Fists of fury on Ace. T-Dogg from behind, just took out Ferrigan. T-Dogg is putting the boots to Ferrigan now.
Pete ACE IS ON THE TOP ROPE! HOLY HELL! HE'S FLYING!
Jordan MISSLE DROPKICK! ACE WITH THE COVER...ONE! TWO! THREE!!!
Pete NO! The ref is saying it was only two! It was only a two count!
Jordan God that was close! Ace almost won the match! SHAKE DOWN ON ACE! SHAKE DOWN ON ACE!!!
Pete Oh don't tell me...
Jordan ONE! TWO! THREE!!!!!! T-DOGG WINS!
Pete Yeah, he can beat these guys, but he sure as hell can't beat the caliber of Zaibatsu! He proved that! I still say he sucks!
Jordan: Welcome back to EWF Havoc! We have had a stunning show so far, and the best is yet to come!
Pete: Yea! Two psychotic Japanese guys are gonna kick the CRAP outta some nobodies!
Jordan: Um, well yes but I was referring to our main event.
Pete: Oh that. Eh, big deal, that loser redneck Mark Daniels is gonna lose an IC title match. AGAIN! I mean, how many times do we have to see that?
Jordan: Anyway… We have a an interesting match up right now. I’m not sure what our Commissioner has against these new superstars, but he placed them both in matches against two of the most brutal, sadistic, and frankly more than a little mentally unstable men in the federation.
Pete: Yea! Aint it COOL!
Jordan: Quite a trial by fire. I suppose that if they make it through these matches they will have truly tested their metal here in the EWF.
Pete: Metal shmetal, let’s see some carnage! WOO!
Suddenly the lights dim and a deep bass rhythm fills the arena as Sheer Greed by Opus – 4 kicks up. A red light strobes with the slow tempo as the Hooded Ronin makes his way down the ramp. His eyes shift back and forth as though expecting an attack at any moment. As the higher pitched keyboard chimes in he methodically walks around the ring, up the steps, and into the center of the ring. He brushes his robe aside drawing his sakkuba, he stares intently up the ramp waiting for his opponent.
Jordan: He does know that this is not a hardcore match up doesn’t he?
Pete: I don’t follow…
Jordan: That damned sword is illegal!
Pete: You just go up there and tell him that Jordo.
The lights come on an Toxicity by System of a Down cuts off Ronin’s music. Jeremy Davis comes running down the ramp ready for action.
Jordan: Well the bell has rung and this match up has begun, the ref seems to be trying to talk Ronin into hand over his weapon.
Pete: Yea, like that’ll happen.
Jordan: OH MY GAWD! Ronin just struck the ref with that damned sword!
Pete: Ow, right in the head too.
Ronin stares down Jerm, his eye twitching.
Jordan: Oh no. What is he gonna do now?
Pete: Well the ref is out, so he can do whatever the hell he wants now can’t he?
Jordan: Ronin is approaching Jerm, the new athlete seems unsure how to handle this.
Ronin lets the sword drop to his side. The twinge in his eye is the only warning.
Pete: Whoa! Karmic Strike! Nobody saw that comin!
Jordan: What the hell? This isn’t fair! He’s got a damned weapon! How is Jeremy supposed to approach him?!
Pete: Looks like he won’t have to worry about that in a sec here.
Jordan: What is Ronin doing? Jerm is being tied up in the ropes it seems, just what is this sadistic monster planning?
Pete: I don’t know but I bet it’s gonna be bloody!
After tying up the stunned Jerm, Ronin begins to strike him repeatedly with the sakkuba.
Jordan: This is just SICK! Somebody stop this brutal assault!
Pete: Um.. I’m all for blood and carnage and everything but this…
Jordan: The ref has finally come around, he’s calling for the bell. Ronin is disqualified!
Pete: He just stopped…
At the sound of the bell the Ronin ceased his attack. He glares over his shoulder at the ref. He approaches the terrified official slowly. In one swift movement he swings, and the blunt edged weapon stops inches from the ref’s neck. Ronin then wipes the blood from his blade on the ref’s shirt. The audience stands in stunned silence as the Hooded Ronin sheaths his weapon dons his robe and leaves the ring as his music plays.
Jordan: My god… what have we just witnessed?
Pete: Whoa…
Jordan: EMT’s are rushing in to help Jeremy.
Pete: That… was sooo COOL!
Jordan: What kind of twisted human being are you?
Pete: If the rest of tonights matches are as brutal as that, a very happy one!
Pete: That's my kind of guy, hit a guy when he's not looking and get an advantage.
Jordan: Seek help Pete. GOD rolls Oni into the ring and he's now just stomping away on Oni in the corner, if Oni doesn't do something quick he's going to end up on the losing end of this thing.
Pete: Give the man time he just needs to warm up.
Jordan: GOD with the whip into the corner and he's charging in but Oni got the boot up and kicked him right in the face. GOD charges again but Oni now using his speed advantage and moves out of the way. Quick kick to the back of GOD's knee and another and one more for good measure. Oni's got GOD reeling now.
Pete: Told you he just needed to warm up. Now look at him connect with those kicks to the ribs in the corner. Oni coming off the ropes and going for a cross body but wait, GOD caught Oni like a football and oh my god he just nailed a huge powerslam. He going for a cover.
Jordan: 1..2.kickout. That was to close, but now GOD is right back on the offensive. Powerslam by GOD and a big legdrop. Now he's got Oni by the neck and he's going for a chokeslam but Oni with a kick to the groin and he comes off the ropes with a dropkick to the knee. Oni charges in again but GOD sidestepping sending Oni sailing over the top rope.
Pete: Oni laid out on the floor and here comes GOD but Oni with a low blow that staggers GOD.
Jordan: What the hell is ONI looking for under the ring.
Pete: That would be a kendo stick Jordan. Holy shi....
Jordan: Watch the language Pete!
Pete: He just cracked that stick over GOD's head and he's out cold.
Jordan: Oni rolls him back into the ring and covers. 1..2..3! Oni wins the match.
CUZ I'M A CONFEDERATE BAD ASS!!!! Mark Daniels walks out from behind the curtains...a cocky smile on his face. The crowd goes nuts at the sight of this EWF star. Daniels walks down to the ring, slapping a few lucky fans' hands, on his way.
Jordan There's Mark Daniels...one of EWF's veterans. He's been an IC Champion before...will he be able to do it again?
Pete What a stupid question. Look at who he's facing! Reaver...he's facing REAVER!!! There isn't a chance in hell, that Mark Daniels will walk out of here a TWO TIME IC Champion...it just ain't gonna happen!
The arena lights shut off, leaving everybody in darkness. A white spot light is turned on, and is moved all around the arena. White pyro goes off, then a loud explosion, followed by the beats to 'Dragula' by Rob Zombie. Reaver comes out from behind the curtain, a demonic smile on his face.
Jordan Look at that sick, sick man.
Pete WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!! Kick ASS!!! REAVER'S THE MAN!
Jordan Relax Petey...you'll have a heart attack!
Pete Nah, I'm in good shape. The doc gave me a clear bill of health, well, except for high blood pressure...*shrugs* like thats gonna do anything to me!
Jordan You aren't very smart, you know that right?
Pete Yeah. *pause* HEY!
Jordan And the match is on! Reaver is starting it out quick, hitting Daniels with a clothesline!
Pete Shadow Assassins rule. I still can't believe Daniels was given ANOTHER shot at this title! It seems like he'd give up by now, with as many chances as he's had to win back the belt!
Jordan The people are given shots if they are deserving. Somebody in the power box thinks Daniels is worthy...thats all there is too it, we just call the match!
Pete FIRE THE BASTARD THAT KEEPS GIVING DANIELS CHANCES!
Jordan Pete, what if the person that keeps giving Daniels the title shots is Zai...then what will ya do?
Pete Zai made the match...ummm....uhhhh...I never said anything. I don't know what you're talking about Jordo!
Jordan Yeah, thats what I thought. Daniels is mounting a come back now, elbow to the guts, another elbow...Daniels sending Reaver into the ropes! OOOOOOOOHHH! Daniels should have known better to take his eyes off the opponent on that one. His jaw can't feel to good after that boot!
Pete And somebody thinks this old fart deserves to be in the ring?
Jordan Apparantly...
Pete Oi, some people, they just aren't all that bright...OI!
Jordan POWERBOMB! Reaver just powerbombed Daniels. Cover! ONE! TWO! THRE...WOW! Daniels kicked out!
Pete He has spunk...but no intellegence!
Jordan What do you mean?
Pete I'd lay down, and let Reaver win! That guy scares the hell outta me! Rumor has it, that he ate a dead person...then belched really loud!
Jordan Bad table manners, apparantly!
Pete chuckles to himself at Jordon's comment. Daniels attempts an Irish Whip, but Reaver reverses it. He then hits the SOUL CRY!
Jordan THATS THE SOUL CRY! IT'S ALL OVER...WE'RE WAITING FOR DANIELS TO TAP!
Pete YOU WHINY PATHETIC PIECE OF SHIT! TAP OUT!
Jordan Daniels has NEVER Tapped out before, not once in his wrestling career...he doesn't look like he's gonna tap out to me.
Pete Oh come on, Jordo. Look at the pain in his eyes! He's practically crying in there!
Jordan Is that a tap???
The bell rings, and Dragula begins to play. The ref gets the IC Belt for Reaver, who takes the belt, and leaves the ring...a evil smile on his face...
Jordan Hey, wait a minute...I don't think Daniels ever tapped out!
Pete He did too! The ref saw it...do you really think that the match would be over, if he didn't tap out! Daniels tapped out!
Jordan I still don't believe it...Tune in next week...we'll have a great show for ya...thats all the time we have...
Pete SEE YA NEXT WEEK......LOSERS! WOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!