The End of Summer 2002 (part 1)

This is it. I have less than a week left and then it is off to Eastern Michigan University for my first year of college. When ever I’m asked about college, weather it is a question about when I leave or where I’m going, I always just seem to wish that they didn’t remind me. As the day, August 31st, gets closer and closer I’m just getting more nervous and scared of leaving. It’s becoming hard for me to breathe when I think about it and I’ve almost reached the point of vomiting out of nervousness. So what, you may ask, has me so nervous and scared shitless? Well, here ya go, here’s everything (that I can think of) that has me worried:

1) Leaving Home - I have lived in the same state, school system, and house for all 18 years of my life. I’ve never been on my own so I have not have any idea what to expect. That scares me and moving in with a complete stranger makes it even worse so that brings us to...

2) The Roommate - I have to move into a small room with some guy I’ve never met. What if we don’t get along at all? What if we have no common interests? What if we annoy the hell out of each other? What if we never say more than a few words a day to each other the entire time we are roommates? This could just go bad in so many ways. I rarely done too well with new people...

3) All The People - Not only will I not know my roommate, but I won’t know anyone at EMU. I’ve never been much of a ‘people person.’ My main thing is a stupid social anxiety where I’m mostly afraid of saying something stupid. So what I usually do is just listen to people to try to get to know them but that doesn’t work to well sometimes. If I don’t talk to people I could end up never getting any friends. I hate talking...

4) Public Speaking Class - This is my most feared class and I’m taking it my first semester. Talking in front of people has always been my weak point in school and now I have to take a whole class based on that weakness. It took me nearly 10 years with most of the same students to feel comfortable speaking in front of them and now I have to do it in front of complete strangers. I’m screwed.

Sure, I am looking forward to college. Learning new stuff, meeting new people, and growing as a person. It all sounds great but this will be the biggest step I’ll take in my life to this point. When I think about it, all these problems are mostly in my head. I know that I can get through this. I’m not a very social person but I do like to think that I adapt well. If I can just clear my mind and go with the flow, I should do just fine.

-August 27, 2002

to be continued...