Life Goes On?

(Sequel to A New Day)

By Michelle T

CHAPTER ONE

JUNE 2001

They held onto each tightly in the quiet terminal, afraid of letting go, dreading the impending separation. The lump in her throat finally diminished enough to allow her to speak what her brain was screaming.

"I'll miss you so much, Babe. I can't believe I won't be able to touch you, smell you, see you for five whole days!"

He chuckled lightly into her ear and gave her one more squeeze before relinquishing his hold. "I know, Beauty, I feel the same. This past month has been so glorious! Having you by my side all day, all night, every day, has spoiled me rotten. I can't begin to imagine how I'll even sleep, eat, think or concentrate. . ."

Michelle started to laugh and leaned forward to kiss his full lips in an attempt to still them.

"Listen to us, D! We are so corny! It's not like we haven't been apart before. But I agree with you totally. Since our wedding day, I too have been truly spoiled having you home for a whole month. I love you so much and I'll miss you terribly." They pulled each other into their arms again and hugged fiercely before desperately seeking the other's mouth.

The final boarding call for his 6:00 a.m. flight to Los Angeles interrupted their passionate kiss. "I guess you better go," she said quietly, with a small smile and teary eyes.

"I'll call you the minute I get to the hotel," he brushed a stray strand of her hair aside before kissing her temple, "and remember, my heart stays with you." He kissed the tip of her nose lightly and turned away quickly before his own tears threatened to spill.

Michelle watched her husband jog down the ramp, with a heavy heart, missing him already. At the end, he turned back as she knew he would and mouthed 'I love you', then blew her a kiss. She caught it and held it close to her heart as she whispered back the same words. She continued to gaze down the hall for several minutes after he was gone before taking a resigned breath and walking off slowly.

She decided to go straight to the office instead of going back to their empty house in hopes of filling her loneliness. Heaven knows she hadn't been there much in the last month, but Howie had assured her that her presence at home with him was much more important. John and the rest of the staff agreed with him one hundred percent and covered for her.

Kimberly and Patti had left for Nantucket two days earlier to meet with the realtor and organize the large house that the group would share for the summer. It was intended to be both a relaxing break for the guys after spending the last year promoting and touring for their record breaking follow up album to Millenium and a chance to further collaborate on writing new songs. AJ and Howie were also hoping to concentrate further on their solo projects.

Michelle and Howie planned to meet up in Boston on Friday night and then drive down to the Cape together and catch the ferry to the island. Kevin and AJ were flying up with her, but had decided to grab a connecting flight directly to Nantucket to allow the newlyweds some private time.

Brian and Lauren were currently in England visiting her family and celebrating the birth of Lauren's twin nephews. Their wedding plans were progressing nicely. After much light haggling, they both finally admitted to hoping for a Christmas wedding. They expected to arrive in Nantucket late Saturday afternoon.

Nick had been in California for the past week visiting with his family, not realizing until then how much he really did miss them. He called daily to keep them all abreast of his activities and antics. He and Aaron were flying out Thursday to join Patti and Kimberly at the estate. Kimberly, of course, was ecstatic over the thoughts of finally meeting Aaron. They'd spoken often enough on the phone, but with Aaron's busy touring schedule, they'd yet to meet in person.

AJ had spent the last seven days shooting a Johnny No-Name music video in New York. Like Howie and Michelle, he and Patti had agreed that it was in their best interest to keep their wonderful secret out of the public eye for now. They all knew how outraged and let down their fans would feel knowing he was actually going to be a father. He was due home this afternoon after making a final stop at the studio to discuss further ideas for the next video. Upon Michelle's urging, he'd decided to opt for "Try a Little Tenderness", an old Otis Redding classic. After his initial balking, he finally sat down and listened to several versions of the song and finally understood what she had already heard in her head and was excited to get the project underway.

Kevin and Telly had spent the last week in Kentucky visiting with his mom and brothers. Telly had been a nervous wreck over the idea of meeting his family and had put the trip off for months. Only after Kevin's frustrations and temper surfaced, did she finally stop thinking about her fears and agreed to go with him. He had purposely distanced himself the last four weeks from most of the group, trying to work through his own thoughts and feelings. Telly sensed a change in him, but boiled it down to over work as he was spending so much time in the studio producing new artists. Only Brian knew what was bothering him and made a point of joining him on many occasions to keep his spirits up and to be there in case he cracked.

Michelle buried herself in her work for the next eight hours and only after John's insistence did she finally agree to go home, as his not so subtle hints about her looking pale and tired started to make her feel more tired.

"Ah, John, I'm fine. You know your brother. Kept me up all night long." She laughed heartily at his facial expression.

"You witch! I don't need to hear that stuff, it's bad enough my little brother gets hitched before me, and now I'm suddenly girlfriend-less again and horny as hell." He laughed along with her as he guided her to the Jeep.

"Damn, John, I don't need to hear about that either!" She waved happily as she drove off through the gates. On her drive, she decided to pick up a few groceries in case AJ was hungry when he got home. She missed having him around. He was in such high spirits all the time now and was never without a happy smile or a quick hug for whoever was within his reach. He doted on Patti and got her moved into the house within a week after Michelle and Howie's wedding. Michelle called the house hoping he was back early and wasn't surprised to get the answering machine. That man got so caught up in his work, his love for it was contagious to them all.

After she got the last of the groceries put away, she felt even more tired and decided a quick shower would waken her somewhat. She slipped on a light t-shirt and jogging shorts before going back downstairs to the den, just in time to receive Howie's call. They chatted animatedly for almost a half hour before Howie was being called away.

"Well, my love, I'm due back on the set now, so I better let you go." The mixture of happiness and sadness in his voice filled her heart with even more love.

"I understand, sweetie, now go break a leg, but not literally," she laughed and then yawned.

"You sound like you could use a nap!"

"Hmm, I am really tired. My husband kept me up most of the night and then had the gall to book himself an incredibly early flight, which meant I had to take his beautiful butt to the airport," she replied jokingly.

"Ooh, you think I have a beautiful butt?" he asked coyly before laughing.

"Oh babe, you have a beautiful everything! I can't wait to see all that beauty again. I miss you, Howie."

"I miss you more, I'll call you back tonight, okay? I love you."

"I love you, too."

Michelle hung up the phone with a smile and then flicked on the television and curled up in the corner of the couch. She felt a sudden ache in her lower abdomen. Surprised by the suddenness and forcefulness of it, she stood up gingerly and walked back upstairs to the bathroom. Thinking it must be that time of the month, and then grinned while complimenting herself on her perfect timing, what with Howie being away for the rest of the week. She headed back downstairs afterwards and promptly fell asleep on the couch.

CHAPTER TWO

AJ arrived home a few hours later and was surprised not to see the outside lights on. As he entered the front door, he heard the faint murmuring of the television coming from the den. He smiled as he closed the door, dropped his bags in the hall and went to find her.

"Honey, I'm home!" he sang as he entered the den. Surprised not to receive a response, he quickly peeked over the couch hoping to startle her. She was sound asleep, so he kissed the top of her head lightly and headed back out to the kitchen. He returned soon thereafter with a sandwich and a beer and sat on the adjoining couch. While he ate and flicked the channels, Michelle moaned slightly. He looked over at her with concern and saw her hands clutching her belly.

"Sweetie?" he asked bending over her, "are you okay?" He placed a hand on her forehead and noticed its warmth. His eyes flew to her face and caught her brief expression of pain.

"Michelle! Wake up," he shook her lightly.

"AJ? I didn't know you were back. How was. . ." she clutched her abdomen again and doubled over in pain. "Oooh."

"What's wrong?" he asked, fear creeping up his spine.

"Ah, nothing. Don't worry, just bad cramps. I'll be right back," she eased off the couch and walked slowly to the door.

AJ stared after her and then transfixed his gaze on the small pool of blood left behind on the sofa. He gasped quickly and felt dizzy. He stood up shakily and headed towards her but not fast enough before her knees gave out and she crumpled to the floor. "Michelle!" he screamed as he caught her head in his arms before it hit the floor. "Holy Shit! What's wrong?" he looked at her wildly.

"AJ? I'm okay," she said weakly, "Just a really bad one this time I guess. Don't worry."

"Don't worry? Michelle, you're bleeding like crazy!" he drew her up slightly so that her back rested against his chest.

"Can you just help me up the stairs and then I'll be okay." She asked looking over her shoulder at him with a feeble smile.

He gulped, nodded and eased them both up. "Are you sure? You're scaring the shit out of me!" She nodded, holding her belly and they walked slowly upstairs. He led her towards her bathroom and was reluctant to release her.

She laughed lightly, "AJ, you are not coming in with me. Now, be a good boy and grab me some clean clothes, okay?" Her voice was light but her pelvis was screeching from pain.

AJ scrambled through the bureaus searching for her clothing. When he had them in hand, he eased the door open slightly and placed them on the vanity before closing the door again. "I'll be right back, okay?"

"Okay," she replied faintly.

He ran back downstairs into the den. His eyes froze on the blood momentarily before he tore himself away and went to the kitchen. He pulled the phone from its cradle and punched in Carey's number, while grabbing a roll of paper towels and some cleaner.

"Carey? It's AJ, I need you to get over here right now!" The panic in his voice made Carey shudder.

"What's wrong, AJ. You okay?"

"It's not me! Michelle is bleeding so bad. She said it's her period, but I've never seen so much blood in my life! Please Carey." AJ strode quickly back to the den, "Oh man, hurry!"

Carey assured him he'd be there within ten minutes and hung up.

AJ dropped the phone and cleaning supplies on the floor, deciding the mess could wait. He flew back up the stairs and pounded on the bathroom door. "Michelle!" She didn't respond so he pushed the door opened and cried out at the sight before him.

She lay on the floor in a fetal position, passed out cold. He dropped to his knees and gently picked her up, his heart beating urgently as he carried her to the bed. "Come on, honey. Wake up. Don't do this to me!" he choked out as he placed her down gently and sank to his knees beside her, grasping her hands in his and holding them tight against his lips.

Carey rushed up the stairs minutes later to find AJ pacing back and forth with a phone to his ear. "Damn it! Where is he?" he noticed Carey and raced towards him. "Thank god. I don't know what's wrong. She was passed out on the floor after I called you and I can't reach Howie!"

Carey grabbed him by his shoulders, "AJ! Calm down. We don't need you panicking." He released him and strode over to Michelle. He placed a hand on her forehead and then checked her eyes quickly, before moving his hand to her abdomen and pressing lightly. She moaned slightly but did not wake up.

"AJ, get me some clean sheets and extra pillows." Carey instructed as he drew her shorts off. AJ grabbed two of the pillows on the bed and helped Carey ease them under her hips before rushing out of the room. When he returned moments later, he reeled from the sight of Carey's blood-covered, gloved hand coming from between her legs.

"This is no period, AJ. She's miscarried. Let's get her to the hospital. Right now." Carey ripped off the gloves and threw them to the floor, atop her bloody clothing. He tore at one of the sheets and rolled a section of it before placing it firmly between her legs.

AJ stood beside the bed, light headed and dizzy. "Miscarried? Oh god, Carey!" His eyes flew to her face and he quickly wrapped his arms around her, "I'm sorry, babe!"

Carey used the other sheet to cover her before pushing AJ aside and picking her up. "Move, AJ! Let's go!" AJ assisted him down the stairs and ran ahead of him to open the door.

"I'll drive." Carey said as he eased her into the back seat of his car. AJ climbed in beside her and pulled her limp body tight against his, praying silently to himself for forgiveness.

********

Two hours later, Michelle awoke feeling cold and disoriented as she glanced around the dim room and bare walls.

"Hey."

She turned her eyes towards the sound of his soft soothing voice and took in his solemn expression.

"Kev? What? Where are we?" she blinked her eyes to clear the fogginess and felt his warm comforting hand pushing back her hair. God, she missed him, and wondered why he was suddenly beside her after virtually ignoring her the last few weeks.

"You're in the hospital, hon. How do you feel?" She continued to stare at him with confused eyes, then slowly drew her hands down her abdomen, suddenly feeling empty and dark.

AJ entered the room, dragging his feet slowly. The ordeal of the last few hours had really affected him. He snapped his head up upon her sharp intake of breath and rushed to her side.

"Michelle?" he called out softly. He grabbed both of her hands away from herself and held them tightly. "I'm so sorry!"

"Sorry? For what, AJ?" she shook her head slightly wondering why she ended up in the hospital because of a heavy period.

AJ looked at Kevin, "She don't know yet?"

Kevin shook his head, "She only just came to." He glanced down at her and leaned closer. "Michelle, you had a miscarriage. I'm sorry, honey. Why didn't you tell us you were pregnant?"

She raised her eyes to him when he said that word. -- Miscarriage? How can that be? I had no idea. Oh, god, who's baby was it? -- She stared at Kevin, imploring him to read her thoughts and answer her unasked questions. -- It doesn't matter whose baby, it was my baby. --

"You didn't know?" he asked softly. She closed her eyes and shook her head briefly.

-- Why didn't I know I was pregnant? I should have known! Damn it! Why didn't I keep better track of the dates. Why did I know I felt empty a few moments ago, but didn't feel it alive in me before? Why did I lose it? Am I being punished? --

AJ squeezed her hands, bringing her out of her reverie. "Honey?" She looked up at him with watery eyes.

"Do they know how far along I was?" she asked barely above a whisper.

"Six to seven weeks. I know what you're thinking, babe. It wasn't mine." He bent over and kissed her hands again. "I'm sorry."

The tears flowed finally and she cried silently.

CHAPTER THREE

Neither man knew what to say as they watched their friend suffer. Kevin pulled one of her hands from AJ and they both held onto her, cried for her and thought of Howie.

"I should try Howie again," AJ said softly.

Michelle opened her eyes quickly and looked over at him, "What time is it?"

AJ was caught off guard from her question. "Ah. . ."

Kevin glanced down at his watch, "It's almost 10:30. Why, Hon?"

"Don't call Howie now, please. He's probably still filming or having dinner with the producers. Please don't call him now. I don't want to ruin this for him."

Kevin gently caressed her hair. "Michelle, he needs to know. You know he'd want us to call him."

"No! Please, just leave it for a few hours. He's so excited over this movie. Waiting a few hours won't do any harm. How long do I have to stay here? I want to go home." She looked from one to the other and struggled to sit up higher.

Kevin stood quickly and assisted her before speaking, "You've lost a lot of blood. You'll be here at least for tonight according to Carey." He looked over at AJ with concern.

AJ read his thoughts and agreed with him, "Michelle, you know Howie will kill us if we don't call him again soon. Damn, I've been trying to reach him for hours anyway. His cell must be off."

"He won't kill you, AJ. Just let him get through today and I promise I'll call him in a few hours. Please?" The imploring look she gave him made his mind up for him.

"Okay, but if you don't, I will call him." He leaned over and kissed her cheek, "I'm really sorry. I can't help but think that I've contributed to this. . . "

She pulled her hand from Kevin's and brought it up to AJ's cheek, "Don't, AJ. I know what you're thinking too and I feel positive that losing this baby had nothing to do with you. Don't you think Howie and I have been intimate since you and I?" She tried to give him a smile of comfort but found it nearly impossible. The tears slowly rolled down her cheeks again.

After several minutes, she composed herself enough and looked from one man to the other. "Guys? Thanks for being here for me, but if you don't mind, I'd like to be alone for a little while." She knew they were struggling to find the right words to console her and hoped to ease them somewhat with her request. They both started to protest as expected.

"Michelle, you shouldn't be alone right now. Talk to us, what are you thinking?" Kevin eased himself out of his seat beside the bed and sat next to her, facing her.

AJ took her right hand again into his own and thoughtfully ran his thumb over her fingers. "Please don't make me leave, Michelle. I need to be here."

She watched AJ's expressions carefully and her heart went out to him. "AJ, I told you. This has nothing to do with you."

He looked up into her eyes, his own eyes damp. "If I wasn't so brutal with you, this may not have happened."

She shook her head forcefully while clutching his hand tighter, "Stop. Please. I know in my heart it's not your fault. Okay?"

AJ remained silent as he took several deep breaths, "I can't. . . help it."

"AJ, don't do this to yourself," Kevin spoke a little harsher than intended, "Listen to her, please. Any number of things could have caused this."

Michelle shot Kevin a grateful look before turning back to AJ, and speaking softly, "AJ? You look so beat. Pease go home. I'm not going anywhere tonight."

He shook his head vehemently, "I'm not leaving!"

Michelle sighed deeply, torn between feelings of despair from losing Howie's child, gratitude for having such caring friends and guilt over causing yet another grievous situation. She continued to stare at AJ, her heart full of love for him, and sorrow for his guilt-ridden demeanor.

"Ok, babe. Please stay, but do me a favor? Go lay down on the other bed and try to rest." She smiled slightly at him and pulled him closer for a hug, "Thank you so much for being there for me. I probably owe you my life." She felt his arms wrap around her shoulders and hug her tightly.

He pulled away and stood up slowly nodding. "Wake me if you need me?"

She nodded in return and nudged him on with another smile. "I promise."

AJ went around the foot of the bed and climbed into the other one and fell asleep immediately. Kevin drew the curtains between the two, dimmed the florescent lights and then returned to sit aside of Michelle. She'd fallen back against her pillows and lay there quietly with her eyes closed. His heart broke for her. He chided himself for his distance of late. He had thought that was the best way to avoid dealing with his feelings for her. Out of sight, out of mind? It hadn’t worked of course, he thought about her all the time.

“Kevin? Who else knows?” He looked up to find her gazing at him, her eyelashes glistening.

“Just us so far. Why? You want me to call someone for you? Kim or Patti?”

“No, just wondering.” She tried to sort through the hundred questions running through her mind, “Kevin? Why are you here? You’ve been avoiding me.”

His heart jumped and he thought frantically for the right response. Again, this was not the time to reveal his love for her, that was something he had to keep buried, buried deep for everyone’s sake.

“I’m sorry, honey. I just thought I’d give you and Howie some space. You are newlyweds, remember?” He smiled slightly and lightly caressed her hand, which was resting upon her abdomen.

“That’s bull, Kev. I really don’t have the energy to spar with you, but I know that’s not the reason. Christ, everyone else has been around. Brian and Nick. Everyone. I called you three times last week. I’ve called Telly a couple times and even she doesn’t know what’s going on with you. She said you’ve buried yourself in work and that she’s barely spent a dozen nights with you in the last month. Kevin, I thought we were best friends, soul mates. I thought we told each other everything. What did I do to make you pull away?” The hurt and anguish in her eyes crushed him. He lowered his head and shook it slightly.

“You didn’t do anything! I’m sorry, it’s just me.” His look implored her to understand what he couldn’t say. “I’m just trying to adjust to the changes. Time is going by so fast and everything is changing. Howie’s married, AJ’s going to be a father. Brian is getting married at the end of the year. Howie is getting more and more into acting. AJ has Johnny No-Name. Nick aspires to do something solo. Brian? I don’t know what he wants, but all these things are just making me feel like everything is starting to slip away. You’re slipping away, too.” He choked on his last few words. The realization of everything he’d just said, said without even thinking about them first, hit him hard. Finally, he understood some of the turmoil he’d felt lately. Maybe it wasn’t just about Michelle, maybe he’d convinced himself to focus on her, instead of facing reality. The reality that their cozy, tight little group was moving on, moving in different directions perhaps. He’d been with these four men for so many years now. They were his family. They were his life. Hell, he was going to be 30 this year, what did he want out of life if this was all to end? What if he didn’t want it to end just yet?

Michelle saw the conflict written all over his handsome face and her heart went out to him. “Kevin? I’m sorry; I didn’t know you were feeling like this. Sure, things are changing, but they have been for years, haven’t they? And just because everyone is thinking of other projects doesn’t mean they want to end the group.” She covered her hand over his and stroked the back of it lightly. “And, I’m not going anywhere, I’m not slipping away. You can always talk to me, you know that.” Her voice was so soft, so full of conviction. “It doesn’t matter that I’m married to Howie, there is and always will be a special place in my heart just for you and he knows it. Now, come up here and let’s comfort each other, eh?” She moved gently to the right side of the bed and patted the spot next to her for him.

He kicked off his shoes, eased down next to her and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close. She in turn snuggled closer and wrapped her arms around him as well. “Are you back now? Can we be the way we were before?” she asked against his chest.

He thought to himself that things can never be the way they were before, but maybe, if he could organize all his thoughts, emotions, ideas, then maybe he could be get comfortable with their closeness once again, as long as his heart doesn’t over power his mind.

CHAPTER FOUR

They fell asleep, and while it wasn’t the most peaceful of sleeps, they both succumbed to it. Michelle was awakened around three o’clock by a nursing checking her blood pressure. She spoke quietly with the nurse so as to not awaken Kevin or AJ, and responded to the questions being asked of her. The nurse ended her conversation by advising her that Carey was on his way and would answer her questions in further detail. Kevin awoke as the nurse was leaving the room.

“Hey, did you sleep?” he asked in a groggy voice, his hair spiky on the right side from laying on it. Michelle smiled sweetly at him and attempted to smooth it back down.

“Yes, Carey’s coming soon. Do me a favor?” She asked quietly. He nodded. “Will you call Howie? I know I should but I just don’t know what to say right now. I'm so torn by all this.”

“Torn? How so?” he asked as he righted himself and rubbed his eyes.

“Well, this isn't going to make much sense, but. . . I am truly sorry about losing this baby, Howie’s baby, and I’ll always wonder what it would have been like, you know? I'll regret losing this baby for the rest of my life. But, damn it, why didn't I even sense I was pregnant? What does that say about me? I knew immediately when I was pregnant for Kimmie. I’m thinking I'm being punished for what I did before, betraying Howie, having that abortion when I was sixteen. . . and it's probably for the best that I did miscarry, cause I don't deserve it.” She looked over at him with tears running down her face. “We’ve only been married a month, only been together seven months. We’ve got years, right? Maybe I'll be able to redeem myself someday, somehow. Now is just not the time to start a family with him. I feel so disgusted for even thinking like this." She paused to wipe her cheeks. "I think Howie is going to take it a lot worse than I am.”

Kevin wasn’t sure what to say. How would he know how it felt to be pregnant and whether or not it means anything because she didn’t realize it? Of course Howie was going to be devastated, but he'd be more concerned about her. They could have a child when they're ready, right?

"Don't, honey. You have every right to feel the way you are. As I said, everything is happening so fast. And please don't even think you are being punished. I know you don't believe in God, but I do, and He wouldn't do this. You don't need to redeem yourself. There is no reason for you to even think that. I'm sure there's a logical, medical reason why this happened. Just ask Carey, ok?" Kevin hugged her quickly, not sure if he was even helping. "I'll call Howie and tell him you'll call him yourself when you get home tomorrow, ok?"

Michelle nodded mutely and tried to compose herself. As soon as Kevin left the room Carey and a nurse came in. He greeted her warmly and checked her chart. The nurse adjusted the IV drip and left immediately after. Carey gently sat on the bed where Kevin had been and spoke calmly to her.

"Michelle, I know you're exhausted and feeling pretty miserable, so I'll cut to the chase." She nodded at him, grateful for his directness. "You lost the baby because you had a cyst explode on your ovary, a pretty big one. Several little ones on your cervix, as well. I'm surprised you never complained about pain before."

"Cyst?" she looked at him wide-eyed. "What does that mean?"

"You want me to get Kevin or AJ before I go on?" he asked, concerned for her emotional state and what he was about to tell her wasn't going to make her any happier.

"What? Why would I want you to get them? Just tell me what you are trying to say, Carey."

"Michelle, it could be cancerous. They removed the cyst on your ovary and a biopsy is being done on it. We won't know until late this morning." He squeezed her hand, "I'm sorry. Let me go get Kevin." He got up but she tugged back on his hand quickly.

"NO! You tell no one, Carey, understand? I'm not going to drag the people I love into this. If it is cancer, then I'll deal with it when you know. If it's not, then they'll never have known. I won't put any of them through this, ok?" He was totally taken aback at her calmness, but deduced it as being that she probably hadn't absorbed what he'd said yet.

"I understand, but don't go through this alone. Please. You want to talk about it some more?"

She shook her head slowly, "No, thanks. I'm fine." He watched her for a few moments before leaning over and kissing the top of her head.

"I'll be right down the hall if you need me, okay?" He noted her nod and left the room somberly. Michelle lay back against her pillows and closed her eyes, feeling nothing, not wanting to think.

AJ laid behind the curtain with tears in his eyes, distraught over what he'd just overheard. He tried to control his breathing and suddenly felt like he was hyperventilating. He sat up quietly and breathed deeply behind his hands. Sweat coagulated on his forehead and face. His stomach lurched and he wanted to vomit. -- Dear God, she's been through enough. Please, please don't let her be sick. -- Instinct finally took over and he jumped off the high hospital bed and ran through the curtain separating the two beds. His actions jolted her up and she stared at him in terror.

"Tell me you didn't hear that. Please. . . " She choked out.

He answered by sitting on the side of the bed and engulfing her into his arms, sobbing quietly against her hair. She let out a low groan and fought to push him off. "NO! You were sleeping. God damn it!" He held her tighter and felt her own sobs start to release.

Kevin re-entered the room to find them in this way. His breathing stopped and fear clutched at his heart. -- Oh God, what now? -- His conversation with Howie had gone as expected. Howie listened to him quietly, shaken to the core. He asked over and over if Michelle was okay. He insisted on getting the next flight home, but Kevin reiterated everything Michelle had said about not wanting to ruin his excitement and happiness over the film he was working on. Howie swore violently and raged at Kevin, protesting that his love for her was far more important than any fucking film he was working on. Kevin understood completely, but managed to calm him down somewhat by advising him that she'd be home, safe and sound, in her own bed tomorrow and that he'd have her call him back within fifteen minutes to reassure him that she was okay.

"AJ? What's wrong?" he asked walking slowly towards them.

Michelle's eyes flew open and took in Kevin's ashen appearance. Her heart went out to him once again. No way did she want him to know about the potential cancer. God, he'd experienced it before and she wasn't going to put him through that. She pulled AJ's head closer to hers and whispered harshly. "Don't tell him!"

AJ and Michelle broke apart and Michelle looked him in the eyes quickly to make sure he understood. He gave her the slightest nod and turned towards Kevin. "Ah, Kev, I just had a bad dream and couldn't help myself. I'm becoming a blubbering idiot!" His attempt at a bit of humor seemed to ease Kevin somewhat and he heard Michelle laugh lightly, falsely.

"Thank goodness. Michelle, Howie needs you to call him. If you don't, he's catching the next flight here." He shrugged his shoulders helplessly. She nodded knowingly and reached her hand out for his cell phone. AJ and Kevin moved off to the corner of the room to allow her a bit of privacy, their heads close together as they spoke in low tones.

Michelle breathed deeply trying to control her feelings and then dialed Howie's cell phone with shaking hands. He answered before the first ring even finished ringing.

"Michelle? Oh God, are you okay?" his voice tore her apart, but she managed to control her own for his sake.

"Sweetie, don't worry, I'm fine, honestly. I'm so sorry, Howie"

"Don't babe. I'm sorry too, I should have been there."

"No, how were we supposed to know this was going to happen? I swear, Howie, I had no idea I was even pregnant. God, if I had known, you know I would have told you instantly."

"I do know that. I want to come home, now, to be with you."

"Howie, please don't, I beg you. I'm okay, honestly. Carey said I could go home later this morning. I'm fine and I want you to stay and finish filming. I'll see you in a few days anyway and then we'll have the rest of the summer to be together. Please stay and finish?"

AJ and Kevin listened to her end of the conversation. AJ amazed that she could hold back her emotions so well. Kevin was afraid that Michelle was holding back her emotions too much.

The phone call went on for another twenty minutes, Michelle struggling to keep the tears out of her voice the whole time. She loved him so much and didn't want him worrying more about her than he already was. He finally agreed to her begging and said he’d stay in California, but she was to call him every few hours, no matter what he was doing or where he was he would take the call.

CHAPTER FIVE

When Michelle hung up the phone, she was surprised to hear AJ say it was nearly five in the morning. She called out to Kevin.

"Kevin? Will you go home and get me and AJ some clean clothes? I want to be ready to leave as soon as Carey gives the clearance. And, I want you to get a few hours sleep." She noted his reluctance. "Please? And call Patti later and explain to her briefly what's going on, but don't let her tell Kimberly. She's too young to deal with this."

Kevin admired her strength and family commitments, and finally left after giving her another hug and assurances that he'd do as she had asked. When he was gone, Michelle looked over at AJ, who had been standing against the windows watching the sun slowly rise.

"AJ? Thank you for not telling him. I didn't even want you to know, but since you do, thank you. I guess I do need someone to hold my hand for the next few hours, but I'm sorry to put you through this."

He turned away from the windows and stared at her with glossy eyes. His thoughts were swirling frantically within his head. He felt so overwhelmed with the knowledge of what she may be facing, He prayed silently, continuously, that the tests would come back negative. He approached her and sank down next to her and took her two cool hands into his own, rubbing them to warm them up.

"Don't be sorry, I'm glad I'm here with you. I don't know what to say…"

"Let's not say anything, okay? Sing to me?"

He cuddled up next to her and put his arms around her shoulders, drawing her close, and thought silently,

If you lay down, lay down beside me
You can get on inside me

"AJ!" she interrupted, "not appropriate, try another one." She said poking him lightly in the ribs. He chuckled and grinned wickedly at her. She laughed lightly at him and he squeezed her tighter. He began again, hesitantly, his voice cracking just a little.

Ooh she may be weary
And them young girls they do get weary
Wearing that same old shaggy dress

Michelle smiled into his shoulder, grateful that he'd selected one of her favorite artist.

But when she gets weary
Try a little tenderness

You know she's waiting
Just anticipating
The thing that she'll never, never, never possess,
But while she's without it
Go to her and try just a little bit of tenderness

It might be a bit sentimental no no no
She has her greaves and care
But the soft words they are spoken so gently
It makes it, makes it easier to bear,

You wont regret it
No no,
Them young girls they don't forget it
[Cause] Love is their whole, whole happiness Yes, Yes, Yeah

And its all so easy
Come on and try
Try a little Tenderness
Yeah Try
Just keep on trying
You've got to love her
Squeeze her
Don't tease her

Never leave her, make love [Get to her]
Hold her tight
Just, just try a little tenderness
That's all you gotta do
You've gotta hold her tight

(Otis Redding - Try a Little Tenderness)

By the time he'd finished, she'd fallen asleep and he was relieved. He laid there for a while wishing Howie were here instead, regretting that he hadn't called him right away upon hearing Carey earlier or even letting Kevin know. He carried a heavy burden right now; afraid he wouldn't be strong enough for her if the verdict came back positive.

**************

Kevin entered Howie's house with an incredible sense of tiredness, despite the sun radiating down upon his world at this early hour. He slowly strolled through the living room and then the kitchen, picking up and straightening as he went. He grinned when he saw the mess on the counter, knowing AJ had prepared himself some food. He entered the den and reeled from the sight of the dried up blood on the sofa. He slowly reached for the cleaner and paper towels and set about cleaning it up, with tears once again threatening to spill from his eyes.

Once finished he knew he had to go upstairs and face what was up there as well. He took a long time to climb the flight of stairs and willed himself not to think about what had gone on in this house earlier. One look at the mass of bloody clothing on the floor and he ran into the bathroom and vomited in the toilet. After he'd composed himself, he grabbed a plastic bag from under the counter and quickly threw the clothes and gloves and bedding into it. He secured it tightly and brought it back downstairs and out to the garbage cans at the back. He sank to the ground, drew his knees up to his chest and covered his head while he wept silently one more time.

****************

Howie paced his hotel room over and over, alternately running his hands through his hair or over his face. He couldn't think straight. His mind reeling from the thoughts of his wife lying in a hospital bed suffering over the loss of their child and more so concerned about his reactions to it. Despite what she said, he really wanted to go home. Finally after three hours of driving himself crazy he called his mama.

"Mama? I'm sorry to call so early."

"Howie! What's wrong? What's happened, honey?" Mama D heard the desperation in his voice.

"Michelle, she, ah, she had a miscarriage today." He broke out in the sobs that had been building within him for the last few hours.

Mama D was beside herself with concern for her beloved son, her baby. She spoke soothingly to him for a long time and assured him she'd go right over to the house and take care of her.

CHAPTER SIX

Carey finally made his much anticipated, much feared appearance at noon. He brought with him another doctor, whom he introduced as Dr. Emeline Chambers, an oncologist. The word oncologist made Michelle and AJ shoot a quick glance at each other, but neither wished to see what was in the other's eyes.

"Mrs. Dorough, I'm happy to report the biopsy came back benign. The cyst was not cancerous. I do strongly suggest you come back in a month so further tests can be done to ensure it hasn't begun developing again."

AJ whooped in relief, reached over to Michelle and hugged her with tears of happiness glistening in his eyes. She sat momentarily stunned, shocked at the results. She'd felt for sure that they'd come back just the opposite. Something inside of her had made herself believe that in the last few hours her world was coming to an end.

"I don't believe it. Oh…" she hugged AJ back finally and released a small scream of relief.

Carey stood beside Dr. Chambers with a huge smile on his face and watched their reactions with joy.

"Thank you, Dr. Chambers, Carey, I want to go home! Now!" she said as a wave of energy washed over her.

"Hold on! I understand your relief and exuberance, but you still need to stay in bed for the next couple of days. Don't forget your body has been through a significant change in the last day and you are still recuperating from the loss of blood and the surgery." Carey cautioned her.

"Sure, but I can stay in bed at home, can't I?"

Carey looked towards Dr. Chambers and she nodded her head. "Give us a couple more hours to monitor you and then if everything keeps improving, we'll release you."

************

Howie arrived at the set late, full of apologies, but determined to finish his scenes on time. He explained his need to accept any telephone calls from Michelle or his friends and family, without going into details. The director acquiesced knowing that Howie and Michelle were married, but that the public was still in the dark.

He called Michelle at the hospital immediately after his first scene of the day was shot and a break was called to set up the next.

"Hi Beauty, how are you feeling?" he asked with longing to be with her.

"Howie, I'm great. I feel so much better already. Carey should be coming back any minute to release me, I hope." He was pleased to hear her in much better spirits. "Howie? I didn't tell you something earlier and please don't be upset with me for holding back."

He felt his skin prickle suddenly and became very anxious. His eyes roamed the set frantically, fearful. His heart beat double time for a second before he found his voice. "Babe?"

"Howie, I'm sorry. I lost the baby because apparently I had a cyst, a rather large one, and they had to check it for cancer. But I'm fine. The tests came back a little while ago as benign." She held her breath in anticipation of his response.

"What? My god, why didn't you tell me?" he sunk down onto a seat and closed his eyes; his heart constricting in his chest, his legs shaking violently.

"Please, honey, I didn't want you worrying all night long. What good would it have done for you to have known this?" She shivered involuntarily, hating putting him through this, but knowing she had to tell him now.

He was silent for a few moments, absorbing what she'd just said. His heart ached that she hadn't told him last night. He felt hurt, unneeded.

"Howie?" she called out to him in a small voice. "Please don't be mad. I did it for you. I couldn't stand the thought of you worrying about me until I knew the results. Please talk to me?"

"Are you sure about the results? There's no chance they're wrong?" he asked with just as small a voice.

"Yes, I'm sure."

"Then that's all that matters, that you're okay. Promise me, though, that you'll never hold back on me again." His voice rose with passion. He wanted to scream at her, he wanted to grab her and hold her tight against himself. He wanted to be with her. He told her all these things.

"Oh, I swear. God, I can't wait to see you. I'm so sorry. I want you here with me now, but if you leave now, you'll just have to go back to finish, right?" She craved his touch; she needed to see him, to be in his arms, to console him, to make sure he was okay.

"I'll be there Friday night! I love you more than anything. Oh god, you have no idea how relieved I am that you're okay." He felt his heart beating regularly finally, "Who's with you? Who knew?"

"AJ. He's right here. I wouldn't let him tell anyone else, I didn't even want him to know, but he overheard Carey earlier."

"Let me speak to him?"

She called AJ from the bathroom and handed him the phone. He took it eagerly, with relief, knowing she'd just told Howie everything, at his insistence.

"Hey D! God, it's good to hear your voice."

"Bone, thank you for everything. For being there in my place, I don't know how I'll ever be able to repay you." Howie said huskily.

"There's no need, D. Just be thankful she's okay." AJ moved aside as Carey came into the room with a smile on his face. "I think they're going to release her now, D. Don't worry, Kevin and I will stay with her and we'll meet you in Boston on Friday night." AJ handed Michelle the phone and she and Howie said their tearful good byes.

***************

Howie closed his cell phone and held it loosely in his hand. He attempted to stand up but found he didn't have the energy. He felt drained, tired, scared, and yet relieved as well. God damn, in the last eighteen hours his own wife suffered a miscarriage and a hellish waiting period to find out if she had cancer or not and he wasn't there for her. He slouched his body forwards out of fatigue, oblivious to the chaos around him.

A large warm hand touched his shoulder. He looked up wearily with sad teary eyes.

"Nick? What the hell are you doing here?"

Nick smiled shyly and sat beside him. "Kevin called me a few hours ago. He told me what happened to Michelle. He sounded pretty shaken, so I could only imagine how you'd feel. I'm really sorry, D. How you holding up?"

Howie still looked incredulously at Nick, "Nick, I can't believe you came. Wow, thank you. I'm pretty much a wreck over this. Especially…" He stopped and shook his head.

Nick watched him with worry. "Especially what Howie? What's wrong?"

Howie stared at the phone in his hand and said quietly, "She lost the baby because of a cyst and she only just found out a while ago that it was not cancerous. Damn it, Nick, I can't help but think what she went through waiting for the results. She didn't tell me when she first found it because she didn't want me worrying."

The clutter of emotions on Howie's face told Nick all he needed to know. He guided Howie out of his chair and walked him towards the row of trailers that served as dressing rooms. "Which is yours?"

Howie indicated one and allowed Nick to guide him there. Once inside, Nick shivered slightly from the difference in temperature and turned to look at Howie, who was just standing there with his eyes closed. Nick took the few steps towards him and pulled his friend into his arms. Without the slightest bit of embarrassment, Howie leaned against him and let his emotions roll out of him. They stood that way for a long time, one drawing strength and comfort, the other wordlessly giving strength and comfort.

**************

Kevin finally pulled into their driveway around two that afternoon. Michelle and AJ were both overwhelmed with longings to be back in their own home, grateful to be out of the dreaded hospital, exuberant over her new lease on life. Kevin eyed them curiously several times, during their exit from the hospital and the ride home, over their sudden bursts of smiles; however, he didn't question them, as he was just happy to see them both smiling.

Once they were inside, Michelle hugged them both quickly and started up the stairs.

"What, no arguments?" Kevin looked at her in surprise, so sure was he that she'd try to disobey the doctor's orders of bed rest.

She turned back and looked down at him with a sweet smile on her face. "I'm really tired now. I think just this once I won't give you guys a hard time." Her smile broadened at their wide eyes and she winked quickly before proceeding up.

When she entered her room the smile melted away and the tears of sadness and relief took over. She welcomed the sight of her freshly made bed and after kicking off her shoes, climbed into it and pulled the covers high over her head and cried her heart out.

CHAPTER SEVEN

Monday late afternoon, Patti hung up the phone with a heavy heart and a throbbing headache. AJ had just finished telling her the news, even about the cancer scare. He couldn't help it. He couldn't keep it to himself any longer. Patti cried quietly as he spoke for yet another loss within her small family. First, her mother, then Matt, Rob and now this, her sister's unborn child. She slowly eased into a kitchen chair and rested her head in her hands. -- God damn it! What the hell did we ever do to deserve such misery in life? -- She was beside herself with grief and grateful that Kimberly was next door, having already made new friends after only three days. Patti allowed her emotions to take over her body. Hell, her hormones were totally out of whack as it was, from her own pregnancy. She moved one hand over her abdomen and lightly rubbed the tiniest of bulges that only she could feel, and said a silent thank you to whomever, whatever, for at least allowing her to so far have an uncomplicated pregnancy.

Once she was drained of her tears and self-pitying for herself and her sister, she stood back up and resolved to finalize the house plans, so that Michelle and Howie and AJ and all the rest could have a fun, relaxing, easy going summer. She pulled a bottle of raspberry water from the refrigerator and made her way back out to the patio to go over her lists once more.

The realtor had done an excellent job in finding just the right house. A large eight-bedroom clapboard home on the beach, in the lesser-known Tom Nevers section of Nantucket, was the perfect setting for a vacation. Just the right amount of privacy and only a short drive back to the center of town. So far, Patti had enlisted the services of a couple of local women to assist her in making the house suitable for her friends. She'd even rented two vehicles and a dozen bicycles, along with a small boat for Nick. Nick and Aaron were due in on Thursday and both she and Kimberly were excited over their arrival.

Patti looked up at the sound of feminine giggling in the air and looked over at the three girls running towards her. Kimberly pulled her friends, Gracie and Hope, onto the patio and they all sank into chairs around the table laughing and out of breath. Patti smiled warmly at them, happy that she'd had this chance to spend some one on one time with Kimberly, her only niece.

"Auntie Patti, will you take us to the cinema tonight? There's the new Joshua Jackson horror movie out and we're dying to see it!" Kimberly asked sweetly.

Patti laughed aloud and shook her head in amazement. "How can you like that horror crap? Gives me nightmares for weeks after watching them!" She shuddered involuntarily.

The girls all giggled and tried talking over each other to get their favorite types of scenes imbedded into Patti's head. She finally threw her hands up and agreed to take them.

"On one condition! You three go inside and clean up that den. Your CD's and hair things and magazines and all that junk is all over the place!" She laughed as she tried to sound stern, knowing they'd never believe it anyway.

**************

Michelle awoke several hours later and felt much better. Her dreams were full of Howie running to her, holding her, kissing her. She smiled lazily and stretched her legs as she tried to hold the dreams inside for as long as possible. She reached over and pulled the phone off the nightstand and dialed his number. It rang several times before he breathlessly answered.

"Michelle? God, I'm glad I didn't miss you." He laughed quickly, "I couldn't find the phone!"

She laughed along with him, savoring the sound of his voice against her ear. "I just woke up from the most wonderful dream of you! I had to call you right away to hear your voice. To know that you aren't upset with me and that you really love me still."

Howie's heart gave a quick pang before he answered, "I'm not upset, Beauty. How could I be? The diagnosis totally outweighs your lack of telling me sooner. Let's just forget about that, ok? And I'll love you forever, and ever, no matter what, understand?"

“I do, honestly. I don’t mean to sound so insecure sometimes Howie.” She regretted her comment and wished she’d worded it differently. “I’m sorry. How are you? Are you enjoying your sex scenes?”

He laughed heartily and teased her for a few moments before sobering up, “Beauty, you know I don’t have any sex scenes in this film. The only sex scenes I’ve got are with you and that’s all I ever want!”

“Baby, you say the sweetest things! Is it any wonder why me and millions of females are so madly in love with you?” She so loved hearing his laugh and felt greatly relieved that he was sounding so much better than earlier in the day.

“Nick’s here. He showed up earlier and has been a great comfort. I think he’s getting the acting bug though.”

“Nick? How’d he hear?” Michelle suddenly felt nervous.

“Kevin called him apparently. I guess he needed someone to talk to and without meaning to really. I also told Nick about the other thing.” Howie sounded a little remorseful, but relieved. “I’m glad I did though.”

“Oh babe, I’m sorry. Look what I put you through!”

“Michelle, they are our friends and though not related by blood, they are my brothers in my heart. We can’t keep things from them. It would be unfair. They’ve shared so much of their lives with us and we need them to share ours. I think you’ve got to call Kevin and tell him before one of us slips and says something.” Howie was right, she knew it, but something inside her didn’t want to.

“Howie, I don’t know. He’s got so much going on. We had a talk earlier, about his distance lately. He’s harboring a lot of fears, you know. He feels like everything is slipping away. You guys and me. I tried to emphasize that I’ll always be here for him, but something tells me he really needs you guys to assure him that you all aren’t planning on quitting any time soon. I’m sort of afraid for him and I don’t want to add to his fears.”

Howie listened quietly and with complete understanding. He vividly recalled the Kevin of two years ago, the Kevin that hid his fears and demons, and the Kevin that tried to kill himself. “Michelle, call him please. By not telling him, you are holding back and that will hurt him more. Please, you of all of us know what it’s like to feel like things are slipping away. Call him; quell his fears about yourself. I’ll do the same as soon as we get to Nantucket this weekend.”

She twirled the phone cord around her fingers as she listened to reason. Howie was right, of course, Kevin needed them, needed his brothers, and he needed her and Kimberly. She wasn’t blind to his affection for her daughter. He loved her truly and had been a surrogate father to her since the day they met. Kevin hadn’t seen Kimberly in over three weeks. He must be really hurting to have avoided her as well.

“Okay, I’ll call him in the morning. I love you so much, Howie. You are so smart!” She eased off the bed and stretched her body. “I’m going to take a shower now and see what’s going on downstairs. I’m surprised AJ’s not glued to my side. I woke up a few times earlier and he was sound asleep next to me every time. You do realize he’s harboring some guilt over this too?”

Howie nodded knowingly, “I know. He didn’t say anything, but I know my best friend and I know what he’s thinking. Just let him play nurse and look after you for the next few days in my absence. With Patti gone already, I’m sure he’s feeling out of sorts.”

“Howie, listen to us. We sound like a couple of parents worrying about our kids. . . oh, I didn’t mean that!” Michelle cringed at her poor choice of words once again, “I’m sorry, I keep putting my foot in my mouth today!”

“Honey, let’s not have to watch what we say just because of the miscarriage, okay? I know it’s still an open wound, but we’ve got to keep moving on, right? Did Carey or Dr. Chambers say anything about the possibility of you being able to have any more children?” Howie held his breath. He’d thought of this topic of conversation numerous times today but didn’t know how to ask her about it until now.

Michelle released her breath slowly, gratefully; glad he had broached the subject that had been on her mind all damn day. “I don’t know yet. I’ve thought of it all day, but am rather scared to find out. Give me the courage, Howie, to ask the question.” Her eyes were misting over once again. What if she could never give him a child now?

“I’ll call Carey for you, okay?” He again mentally kicked himself for not being there with her.

“No, Howie, I’ll do it. You just finish up with your movie and stop feeling guilty for not being here! Got it?” She didn’t need his courage; she needed to make the call because of him, for him, for herself. “I’ll call him and see what they have to say. I don’t know about you, but I think we shouldn’t rush this anyway. We have so much life together ahead of us and we don’t need to rush everything so soon.”

“I agree with you, Beauty, but, you know, sometimes you just can’t help but wanting everything right now. What I really want now is to be with you. I am so looking forward to this summer. Whoever had this brilliant idea of escaping for two months is going to get one hell of a big kiss from me!” He laughed merrily at the thought. Michelle did too.

“Well, if I recall it was Nick and Brian at the wedding reception who came up with the idea. So lick your lips, baby, and get to it!” She doubled over from laughing at the thoughts of her husband kissing Nick and Brian.

“Ewww, stop it or I’ll have to stick Nick on the next plane to Timbuktu to get these thoughts out of my head! You’re so naughty. I thought Patti suggested Nantucket?”

“Oh, she did! But it was Nick and Brian who suggested all of us going somewhere. Okay, you don’t have to kiss Nick or Brian, but you better save it for me instead.”

They chatted a few more minutes and Michelle hung up the telephone with a brilliant smile and headed into the bathroom. She glanced at the clock quickly and once again was surprised at the time, ten at night. Her last two days had just totally flown right by her. She shook her head and groaned slightly over the thought of all the packing she still had to do and now only a couple of days left to do it in.

CHAPTER EIGHT

Michelle wandered down the stairs thinking of what Howie had said about talking to Kevin. She dreaded it, but decided he deserved to know. They did use to tell each other everything, up until a month ago. She still felt somewhat hurt by his lack of presence in their lives lately, but told herself she understood it better now. She strolled through the empty house, wondering where AJ had gone. Hopefully out and about, she thought. She entered the kitchen, opened the refrigerator and stared at the contents in disbelief. Mama D must have been here, she thought. There were numerous containers full of entrees and several different bottles of beverages. She opened a blue container and inhaled the appetizing scent gratefully, suddenly feeling quite hungry. After she reheated some of the food, she carried the bowl with her as she continued walking through the house.

Howie and AJ had totally different tastes, but they’d managed to make a beautiful home. She lovingly picked up a wooden carved zebra off the hall table and turned it around in her hand. On the bottom was the signature of a fan that had carved the animal for AJ. She replaced it carefully and stood back a bit to gaze at the artwork on the wall above it, another work of art from a fan. They were indeed lucky men to have so many adoring fans and she felt so proud to have gotten to know them personally. Her life had taken a definite turn for the better on that rainy November night last year. She proceeded down the hall and heard tinkling from the piano.

“Kevin? I’m so glad you’re here.” She said as she stepped into the studio.

He looked up quickly at the sound of her voice and smiled. Her heart caught in her throat as she gazed upon her best friend, her soul mate. He was the man who had taught her to love again and not be afraid of her past. She’d forever remember their night of passion and how wonderful he had made her feel. She loved him in a very special way and her heart still swelled at the sight of him. No one had ever affected her in such a way before. She never knew before that she could love a man so much and yet not be in love with him.

She walked towards him while she ate the soup and offered him a bite.

“Mmm, must be Mama D’s,” he said, moving over to make room for her on the bench.

“Must be. Was she here then?”

He nodded and accepted another bite, “Yeah, she and Polly came by a few hours ago. They were very concerned about you and were relieved you were sleeping so soundly, so they didn’t wake you. They’ll be by tomorrow though. I made Polly take AJ out.” He grinned as he stole the spoon from her and helped himself to her food.

“Hey! Get your own, mister.” She laughed at his antics, “I’m glad you did that though, he needed to get away from all this,” she said, referring to herself. “I’m glad you’re here too. I wanted to talk to you.” She accepted a spoonful of the soup from him.

“You want to tell me about the cancer?” he asked slowly, looking her directly in the eye.

Her eyes widened and she looked back at him in shame. “Oh shit, Kevin, I swear that is what I was coming to talk about. Who told you? AJ?”

He shook his head as he put the bowl down on the piano, “No, I spoke with Patti earlier. I called to talk to Kim and when we were done, Patti came on the line. She thought I already knew.” His voice didn’t hold any malice as she’d expected. He just sounded tired, slightly hurt.

“Kevin, I’m sorry. I didn’t want you to know because of all the memories of your dad. I didn’t want anyone to know until the results were in. I didn’t tell AJ, he overheard and I begged him not to tell you. I’m sorry. I just didn’t want you to have to deal with it. I would have loved your support last night, I hope you know that.” She placed her hand on his arm and looked at him, her eyes begging for him to understand.

“Honey, you don’t have to apologize. I’m not your husband; hell, I haven’t even been a good friend lately. You don’t owe me any explanations.” His words hurt her even more.

“Don’t say that. I do owe you an explanation. I owe you everything, Kevin! I’ve told you so many times before that I love you. You’ve been my savior for so long. You’re the only one who truly understands me. Why don’t you realize that anymore? What has happened to us?” Her heart ached, her pelvis ached, and now her head ached. Why couldn’t she recall what she did or said to make him retreat in this way?

He shook his head as he turned away from her and walked towards the sliding glass doors leading to the back yard. He leaned over and placed his hands on the glass and stared out into the dark night. She sat on the bench and watched him silently, shaking slightly, confused.

“Kevin?”

“Michelle, I can’t help it. The day you married Howie was the hardest day I’ve had to live through in a long time.”

She walked slowly towards him, fearful of his sudden sullen tone.

“Why?” she asked softly.

He pushed himself away from the glass and turned towards her. His arms hanging limp at his side, his dark brows knit in thought, his green eyes darkened and his mouth set in a thin line.

“It’s the day I realized that. . . “

“Hey guys!” AJ bounded into the studio, pulling Polly behind him. Kevin tore his eyes away from Michelle and thanked God that he had been interrupted. He’d almost made a drastic mistake telling her.

Michelle jumped at the sound of AJ’s voice and turned towards him quickly, instinctively.

“Michelle, babe, what are you doing out of bed? Damn, the minute I turn my back, you are ignoring the doctor’s orders?” He came over to her and hugged her tightly. She felt suffocated and in a daze. -- What was Kevin going to say? What did he realize? What did I do? -- She hugged AJ back briefly before gently pushing him off.

“AJ, stop. I’m not doing anything wrong. I’m fine, honestly. Hey, Polly.” She said moving towards her sister-in-law. Polly pulled her into a hug as well and spoke quietly to her as she led her over to the sofa. AJ looked over at Kevin and noticed his solemn demeanor.

“Kev? What’s up, buddy? You look awful!”

Kevin pulled himself together quickly and took a deep breath. “Thanks, Bone! You do have a way with words.” And timing, he thought to himself.

Michelle talked with Polly for several minutes, but her mind was on Kevin. He worried her tremendously. What was he going through? What could she do to help him?

Kevin and AJ moved over to the piano and AJ read over the song Kevin had been working on. “Man, Kev, this is deep. But, I like it.” Kevin acknowledged him with a small smile and watched Michelle and Polly. He could tell that Michelle was only half listening to Polly. Her hands gave her away. She picked at her thumbnail continuously. He knew she was lost in thought. He knew he’d concerned her and she was racking her brain trying to determine what he was going to tell her. He thought quickly of an alternate response, as he knew she wouldn’t let it go. He also thought how too quickly his alternate response came into his head and he reeled from the thought, finally admitting it to himself once and for all.

A half hour later, Polly excused herself and went home, promising to return tomorrow with Mama D to help Michelle pack. AJ walked her to the door. Michelle immediately got up and moved over to Kevin. Determination evident in her expression.

“What Kevin? What did you realize the day I married Howie?” Her hands were on her hips in an attempt not to let him see their shaking.

He looked directly at her and smiled feebly. “Michelle, I realized I wasn’t really in love with Telly that day. The love you and Howie have made me see that I just don’t have that in me with her.” Saying it out loud, saying half of the truth, made him feel better. At least he’d refrained from confessing his love for her. That was what was most important. He didn’t want to cause her any further turmoil.

“Oh Kevin. I’m so sorry.” she walked around the piano and hugged him tightly, “I’m sorry, honey. God, now I understand why you’ve stayed away. I’m sorry, really. Seeing me and Howie so happy must have been so hard on you.”

If only she knew how hard it had been on him.

CHAPTER NINE

The next two days dragged rather slowly for Michelle. AJ was constantly at her side, enforcing that she stay in bed. She had to laugh at his persistence; he was only trying to protect her best interests, specifically her health. She felt much better as each day wore on. However, whenever he wasn’t exactly in the room with her, she did get up and pack and organize as much as she could. Mama D and Polly came over on the Tuesday and spent the day with her, keeping her company, enthralling her with stories of Howie’s younger years, reminiscing over old times. Mama D knew better than anyone how Michelle was feeling over losing her baby. Of course, she’d had it a lot worse, but she was there for her and she comforted her in her moments of need. They helped her pack, but the longer Michelle had to stay in bed, the more she thought of what she’d forgotten to pack. They would be gone two months after all and not only did she have Howie’s and her own things to think of, but Kimberly’s as well. Patti had done a thorough job before she left and had ensured she and AJ would have everything they needed. On Wednesday, the shipping company showed up and took the majority of their things, including a couple of Howie’s and AJ’s guitars and Kimberly’s keyboards. Kevin had been teaching her all these months and Michelle was so impressed with Kimberly’s abilities.

Michelle used her time as well to finalize several contracts for John and Howie. They were purchasing more land and hoping to start construction by the fall. She dealt with the realtors and the attorneys and felt confident by Wednesday afternoon that everything was in order. While she was in Nantucket, John was only going to send her the most important contracts to review. If he had his way, he wouldn’t send her any, but she was insistent upon doing what little she could from so far away.

AJ entertained her in his usual way. Making her laugh until her sides ached, making her flustered over his flirting and teasing. They had slowly eased back into their flirtatious relationship, but still were both very much aware of how far they went. They had both seen Dr. Jack Towers a couple of times since that fateful night and both were still dealing with their own issues. For the most part, both were just so happy that neither harbored any ill feelings towards the other and that they could still be as close as they always were. In Michelle’s mind AJ saved her life. She didn’t ask Carey what would have happened if AJ hadn’t been there, but she knew anyway.

Howie called several times a day and was feeling less guilty about not being there for her, as she sounded better every day. Nick had stayed with him in Los Angeles and was having a blast hanging around the sets with Howie and the other actors. Every night they went out with a group of people and had a fun time. Howie felt somewhat guilty about that as well, but Michelle assured him that she didn’t mind and that he deserved to have a good time.

Kevin came by only briefly on Wednesday morning, claiming he was swamped at the studio and had to wrap up the production of an album. Michelle knew he was still hurting. If AJ would release her from the prison he’d made, she would have gone directly to Kevin’s office and demanded he get out and focus on the brighter things in life. For now, she resolved, she’d just be there for him for when he was ready to open up again.

On Thursday morning, Michelle was awakened by the sound of her bedroom door closing. She rolled over and through sleepy eyes saw Kevin walking towards her.

“Kevin? God, what are you up and about so early for?” She rubbed the sleep from her eyes and pushed her hair away from her face.

He sat on the bed next to her and took in the sight of her. He loved seeing her so innocent in the mornings, hair all messed up, no make up on her eyes, slight indentations on her cheek from the pillows. He reached out a hand and pushed another piece of her hair behind her ear.

“Michelle, why haven’t you called Carey yet?” His question took her by surprise and she sat up and turned towards him.

“What?”

“Why haven’t you called Carey and made a follow up appointment? And why haven’t you asked him about the chances of you having another baby?” He asked her with a calm voice. His own longings, desires, and wants pushed to the back of his mind. He was here for her, as a friend.

“Who have you been talking to? Howie?” She was confused and honestly didn’t want to discuss the subject.

“Yes, and Carey. You were supposed to call Monday afternoon to schedule something for today or tomorrow. Carey knows we are all leaving tomorrow afternoon and he called me out of concern because you haven’t called him or returned his calls. And I spoke with Howie this morning and he expressed his concern over the fact that you had promised to call Carey and discuss your future possibilities with him.” Kevin got off the bed and went over to open the blinds. “Michelle, you can’t do this. You can’t deny and or try to forget what happened the other day.”

“I’ll never forget, Kevin!” she climbed out of the bed and walked towards her closet, feeling anger starting to swell within her. “What the hell makes you think I could ever forget losing a baby or the thought of having to deal with any future cancer scares?”

Kevin looked back at her, growing equally as angry. “I’m not talking about the baby, Michelle! Don’t mess with your life. Don’t start thinking that if you avoid going back to the doctor’s that you can avoid dealing with this. It’s just a check up for christ’s sake.”

Michelle walked out of the closet with clean clothes in her hands. “Why are you doing this, Kevin? Why are you trying to upset me?” The tears were starting to form. She hadn’t expected anyone to know what she’d been thinking. Damn him! Why did he know her so well?

He walked the few steps towards her and pulled her against him. “I’m just trying to make sure you stay alive.” With those words, she broke down and cried against him, releasing her fears. “Sssh, don’t worry, hon. They aren’t going to tell you have cancer. You just had the surgery a few days ago and everything came back fine. But you need to make sure you keep going back when they tell you to, to make sure nothing else has developed.” He held her tightly, feeling her fear as it washed over her. “I won’t let you ignore this. Ever. I’ll keep after you constantly about this. And in my heart I know you’ll be fine, but God forbid, if anything ever does develop, I will be there in every fucking possible way.” This made her cry harder and she clung to him for dear life. He felt his own tears sliding down his cheeks. He should have realized sooner that she had these fears, instead he’d only been thinking of himself and his own feelings. He resolved right then and there to be the best friend he could be for her. Fuck his self-pitying and pathetic feelings! From this moment on, he was going to give her his friendship one hundred and ten percent.

“Michelle, come on, you have a doctor’s appointment in forty minutes.” She pulled away from him and looked up into his face. He gently rubbed the tears from her cheeks and bent down to kiss them. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you cry.”

She threw her arms around his neck and held him again, tightly, “Thank you, Kevin. I love you so much.” She pulled back and kissed his lips gently. “Only you would have picked up on my thoughts. Do you see how much I need you?”

He nodded, “I know, I promise the old Kevin is back and I’m here for you, for anything, any time, any place.”

Everything went fine at the doctor’s appointment. Carey thought she was healing nicely, but expressed concern that her blood pressure was a bit low and to continue to take things easy for the next several days. His response to her question regarding future pregnancies was a little guarded. “Michelle, only time will tell. I don’t see any reason why we can’t hope for a successful pregnancy. Just don’t worry about it and when you’re ready, we’ll see how it goes.” Michelle nodded quietly and accepted his response.

Kevin took Michelle to lunch afterwards and had her laughing in no time. They found a great little deli down in the center of the city and ordered massive sandwiches, which they ate as they walked along the busy streets towards the truck. Several times they were stopped as Kevin was recognized and Michelle graciously held his sandwich each time while he signed autographs or posed for pictures. A small number of the fans knew she was Howie’s girlfriend, fortunately totally oblivious to the fact that she was actually his wife, and they got her autograph and picture as well. Michelle laughed happily, still in awe that people wanted her autograph or picture just because she hung around with some famous people.

“Kevin?” Michelle asked as she got back into his truck, “When the fans find out I’m Howie’s wife, will they hate me for very long?”

Kevin was taken aback at her question, “Well, if they do, then that’s just because they’ll be jealous. But, remember, they don’t know you, the real you or anything about you. If they say they hate you, you can’t take it personally. Okay?”

She nodded her head and buckled up her seat belt. “Okay, boss! Just a moment’s worth of panic there. I won’t even think about it. Now, what’s next? Where we going?”

Her eyes were shining and her smile was genuine. “What do you want? Where do you want to go?” He asked with a grin, glad that she was happy.

She shrugged her shoulders, “I don’t know! I’m just so happy to be out and about and to be with you. You look happy again, too.”

He smiled beautifully and realized he did feel happy. “I am.”

She nodded and continued, “I’d love to go Disney Village and walk through the gift shops. What do you say? You know I love it there. I’ll even buy you a present and an ice cream.”

Her laughed at her and took her to Disney Village.

CHAPTER TEN

Kevin and Michelle didn’t return until almost dusk. After spending hours at Disney Village, they decided to take a ride over to the studio and he wrapped up the last few things he needed to do on the new artist’s album he was producing. Michelle was thrilled with his final product and ensured him that as far as she was concerned the album would indeed be a great success.

AJ threw the door open as they were just about to open it. “Where the hell have you two been?” The look on his face was a mixture of annoyance and concern.

Michelle laughed lightly at him and poked him in the ribs gently. “AJ, chill out. We were just shopping and stuff.”

“Shopping! Damn it, you are suppose to be resting and getting better, not running all over town. The least you could have done was call me!”

Michelle looked over at Kevin and laughed at his sheepish grin. “AJ, I forgot my cell phone and . . .”

“Oh, you mean this one?” he asked holding up her phone. “What about you Kevin? Forget yours too?”

Kevin pulled his from his pocket, “Of course not. Oops, the battery is dead though.” Michelle burst out laughing and took her phone from AJ’s hands.

“I’m sorry, AJ. It was just so good being out and things went well at the doctor’s. I really didn’t mean to concern you.”

“What did Carey say?” AJ asked, looking at Kevin. Kevin walked past him towards the kitchen.

“Her blood pressure is a little low, but otherwise, everything is fine. I’m going to call Howie and let him know.”

Michelle looked at the two of them and shook her head, “Um, excuse me, but am I not in the room anymore? Kevin, I can call Howie, and AJ, you can stop worrying and go out and play now.”

AJ caught her elbow and gently guided her towards the stairs, “Oh no, you’re back in my house and you’re back under my supervision. Up stairs with you and get back into bed. Kevin call Howie.”

Michelle protested all the way up the stairs, but gave up as laughter overtook her. She affectionately held AJ’s hand as he led her towards her room.

“How was your day, aside from worrying?”

“I had a great day. I was at the studio. . .”

“Studio? We just left there.”

“You did, what were you doing there?” AJ pushed her into a sitting position on her bed and began taking her sandals off.

“Kev just wanted to wrap up his work before we leave tomorrow. AJ, you’re going overboard. I can do this.”

“Hush you. I have something great to tell you.” The excitement on his face was beautiful. “I finished recording ‘Try a Little Tenderness’, but I’ve decided not to release it under Johnny No Name.”

“What? Why AJ? What are you going to do?” she asked as she scooted to the middle of the bed and made herself comfortable against the headboard.

“I want it to be a Backstreet Boys’ song and if the guys agree, we’ll record it next month and I have some great ideas for a video on the beach at Nantucket.” He walked around the room in circles full of excitement and plans running through his head.

“Wow, that sounds amazing.” She smiled brightly for him.

“Yeah, and I want you and Patti and Lauren and Telly in the video as our girlfriends. I don’t know about Nick, he needs a new girlfriend and soon.” He stopped and turned back to her quickly, “No, wait. He’s the heartthrob. We’ll just have Kimberly and a bunch of other young girls we can find up there, chase him on the beach and stuff. Yeah, that would be awesome!”

Michelle laughed at the picture in her head of poor Nick running away from a group of pre-teens. Then she thought of Kevin and Telly. What if he didn’t want her there or she didn’t want to be there? They’d spoken about his relationship earlier in the day and he was very torn over it. He did love Telly, to a certain degree, but he wasn’t sure if they were going to continue much longer. She felt sad for him and kept her fingers crossed that he’d decide soon, to his ease one burden off his mind.

“AJ, why would you want us in it? You should get some professional models or dancers or something.”

“Michelle, I want to slowly introduce the world to Patti. I want them to start seeing us together, because I’m not going to keep her or my child a secret forever. And, I know Howie feels the same. Why not let the fans get accustomed to our real life loves?”

Michelle smiled at him, “Thanks, AJ. That’s a really bold move, you know? Trust me, I don’t care if the world doesn’t know about me and Howie. I love him for who he is, not for being famous.”

“We all know that. That’s not the point. Sooner or later, fans are going to find out about us, and all our secrets. Better off coming clean ourselves. The fans won’t feel as betrayed that way.”

Kevin returned shortly thereafter, telling Michelle that Howie would call her back after he wrapped up his next scene.

“We’ve decided to make a couple of changes for tomorrow,” he said as he sank into a chair.

“What changes?” Michelle asked him as AJ turned the television on.

“Well, don’t get pissed or anything, but we both agreed that you’re not going to hang around the airport for three hours waiting for D’s plane. You’ll take my place or AJ’s on the connecting flight and one of us will wait for him and then catch the next flight out to Nantucket. We’ll skip the rental car in Boston and just get another in Nantucket.”

Michelle stared at him with an open mouth, “No! Who the hell do you two think you are making plans for me like that? I want to be there when Howie gets off the plane. Don’t you understand, I need to see my husband and I’ve been looking forward to this all week? I need him.”

Kevin got up from his seat and approached her, “How’d I know you’d react like this? Listen, Howie insisted you go right to the island. It’s only a few hours difference. You’ll see him soon enough. I wholeheartedly agree with him. Look how pale you are now after spending a few hours out. Michelle, please don’t fight it and let us take care of you.”

The anger in her eyes remained and tears threatened to spill. “But. . .”

“No buts!” AJ chimed in. “I think it’s wise as well. Hell, you get to see your daughter sooner this way.”

Michelle looked over at him, feeling instantly guilty for not thinking of that sooner. “Men! You know the world would just not believe what you guys are like in real life. Bossy and mean as hell!” AJ and Kevin both chuckled at her, “Fine, but this is the last time you guys get to run my life, got it? I’m twenty-nine years old for christ’s sake and right now I feel about ten!”

“Good girl.” Kevin teased as he made himself comfortable on the left side of her and patted her head. “What’s on TV, Bone.”

AJ made himself comfortable on the right side of her and flicked the channels rapidly. Michelle snuggled up to Kevin and pinched his belly. He in turn pinched her arm and she cried out, “No fair! I didn’t pinch you that hard.” AJ laughed wildly, so Michelle kicked his leg with her foot. He in turn kneed her in the back of the leg. “Oh, you two are so mean.” They all laughed as they continued to attack each other.

CHAPTER ELEVEN

The flight to Boston was uneventful and quiet. Michelle, Kevin and AJ were the last to leave the plane, as always. Their summer plans were not public knowledge, but somehow the fans always found out what flights they’d be on. By the time they got off, only a few fans were mingling around in hopes of a chance meeting with them. AJ and Kevin walked ahead of Michelle and graciously chatted with the six girls and gave them autographs.

“Why is it we always see Howie’s girlfriend with you two?” one fan asked boldly while her friend snapped away with her camera.

Kevin and AJ shot quick looks at each other before AJ replied quickly, “She may be Howie’s, but she’s our best friend. We’re just keeping an eye on her. “ He said and winked at the girl, “Don’t worry, Howie is meeting us later.”

“Oh, okay, meeting you where?” she replied eyeing Michelle. “And, who’s wedding band is she wearing?”

Michelle froze at that and quickly readjusted her jacket so that it hid her hand. “Wedding band? Oh, it’s my mother’s and I wear it in her memory.” Michelle said, hoping not to sound too unconvincing. The girl seemed to accept it and moved off as another fan was pushing her aside.

They were led directly to a VIP lounge where they waited until the connecting flight to Nantucket would be called.

“Oh my god, I totally forgot about my ring. What are we going to do?” Michelle was pacing nervously back and forth in the small room.

“Don’t worry about it, babe. Your explanation was good enough.” AJ said quickly. “Damn it, this is what I was talking about yesterday. Do you see now why we need to incorporate more of the girls into our public lives?” he asked Kevin.

Kevin nodded, “I know, it’s not fair to them. We’ll tell the other guys about your ideas tomorrow and then work on a plan with management, okay?”

AJ and Michelle left right after to catch the connecting flight. Kevin made himself comfortable with a drink and a book while he awaited Howie’s arrival.

Minutes before the plane was expected to land in Nantucket, Kimberly started showing her excitement by jumping around the terminal and singing ‘Everybody’.

“Kim, chill out, chick, you want to bring attention to us?” Nick asked, with a huge smile on his face. She stopped and turned to him quickly, crossing her eyes and sticking her tongue out at him.

“Yeah, Nick, I want the whole world to come running in here and jump all over you two blonde dorks!” She was ecstatic to have her favorite person in the whole world back at her side, as well as his cute little brother.

Patti and Nick burst out laughing while Aaron eyed them all wearily. “Nick? I thought she was your friend?” That caused Nick to laugh even harder as he quickly stretched out his arm and pulled Kim down in the seat next to him.

“She’s my best little friend. I think you should marry her one day, Aaron, to keep her in the family.”

Kimberly and Aaron, both blushing furiously, protested vehemently at Nick’s suggestion, disgusted over the thought of marriage.

“Geez, Nick, she’s not anywhere near dating age and you already have her married off.” Patti said while trying to contain her laughter. She looked towards the door once again and Nick caught her.

“Patti, the plane has to land first before they come walking out that door. How many times I gotta tell you that?” Patti playfully punched his arm and then grinned at Kimberly.

“Looks like we’re in for a long summer, Kim. I hope you’ve been using your imagination and have plenty of activities planned.” She said with a wink.

Several minutes later the small plane finally landed and once again they were last to get off. However as it hadn’t been discovered yet that the group was in Nantucket, there weren’t any fans waiting.

“MOM!” Kimberly flew into her mother’s arms and they joyously reunited. Patti stood and watched AJ swagger over to her, with a brilliant smile firmly plastered on her face.

“How ya doing, cutie? Wanna get funky with a Backstreet Boy?” he teased as he threw his backpack at Nick and grabbed her and kissed her deeply.

Nick and Aaron looked at each other and shrugged helplessly. Seconds later Michelle was hugging Nick furiously and thanking him for being there for Howie. Nick smiled shyly and assured her it was his pleasure, before introducing Aaron to her. AJ and Patti finally broke apart and AJ slung an arm around Nick’s shoulders and ruffled Aaron’s hair playfully.

“Hey, watch the hair, Bone!” he cried as Kimberly and Michelle laughed at them.

“Let’s go guys. Where’s your bags?” asked Patti grabbing AJ’s hand away from Aaron’s head.

“We don’t have any, virtually everything your sister owns has already been shipped,” AJ said with a wicked grin firmly in place.

“Hey! Nick, beat him up for me, will you? He’s been such a pain the whole trip,” Michelle said hooking her arm through Nick’s and holding Kimberly close. “Boy, did I miss you guys. Hey! Patti?” she suddenly realized she hadn’t greeted her sister.

Patti stopped dead in her tracks and turned quickly to her, “Oh, aren’t we the loving family? Come here you!” They hugged each other tightly.

“How you feeling?” they both asked at the same time and burst out laughing.

“Excellent!” “Great!” They continued on their way and exited the airport.

******************

By the time Howie’s flight had arrived, Kevin had consumed four scotches and his eyes were slightly glazed.

“Hey man!” Howie shouted as he entered the VIP lounge. Kevin looked up from his book and stood to greet his friend.

“D! Good to see you. How was the trip?” His tone conveyed a false sense of delight.

Howie looked curiously at Kevin, “Fine. This isn’t like you to drink so much, Kevin. What’s going on?”

Kevin shrugged his shoulders and fell back into his seat. “Just wallowing in my own misery.”

Concerned, Howie gently set down his two bags and sat next to Kevin, “What misery, Kev?”

Kevin took a large sip of his fifth drink. “The misery of life, D. You wouldn’t understand, buddy. You’ve got it all.”

Howie stared at him, fearful for his friend, “Kevin? Why do you say that? You’ve got it all too, man!”

“No I don’t. I don’t have what you have.”

“And that is?”

“Michelle.” Kevin replied in an incredulous tone, slurring her name, “What else would I be talking about?”

Howie sat stunned. What was this all about? What was going on here?

“What the fuck are you talking about, Kevin? I know you’re drunk, but you must realize what you’re saying.”

Kevin looked him in the eye and blinked a few times, “What?”

Howie’s anger was slowly rising, despite his best efforts to remain calm and find out what was going on with Kevin.

“You said you didn’t have Michelle. She’s your best friend, what more do you want?” He hated the question, fearful of the answer.

Kevin stood up clumsily and walked towards the bar and ordered another drink. Howie quickly followed him and canceled his order, before drawing him to the far side of the room. “Kevin.”

Kevin collapsed in a seat and dropped his head into his hands and Howie could see his shoulders heaving, “Kevin?” He placed a hand cautiously on Kevin’s shoulders and felt an immense sense of compassion. “Please tell me what’s wrong.”

Kevin gasped heavily into his hands several times, “I’m sorry, D. I don’t mean anything. I’m just drunk. Forget everything I said.”

“No Kevin, I won’t. Tell me now.” Howie grasped his shoulder a little harder and forced Kevin’s head up from his hands.

“I’m in love with your wife, man!” he said slowly bringing his eyes up to meet Howie’s. Howie drew in his breath and fell back against his own seat.

“Shit!”

Kevin dropped his head back into his hands and cursed quietly. Howie allowed his gaze to settle on the ceiling tiles. What the fuck is going on here? Why did he have to pressure him into answering? That was the last thing Howie wanted to hear.

“Michelle know?” he asked quietly.

Kevin pulled his head up once again and turned to Howie, instantly regretting opening his mouth and telling the truth. “Of course not, Howie! I’m a stupid fool, but I’ll never destroy your marriage or her love for you. Forgive me. I’m so fucked up right now and totally didn’t intend on telling you any of this. Jesus Christ!” The realization that he just confessed his feelings to his friend, about his friend’s wife, overwhelmed him. “Oh fuck, Howie, I’m so sorry.” He attempted to stand up once again and felt his legs give way on him. He fell back into his seat and rested his head on the back of it.

Howie sat mutely in his seat and continued staring at the ceiling.

CHAPTER TWELVE

Nick pulled the van into the circular driveway in front of the house.

“Oh my god, this is amazing!” exclaimed Michelle as she got out and stared at the huge house. “I’ve never seen anything more beautiful.” She looked at the huge house and surrounding grounds, taking in the heavenly scent of the rose bushes flanking the driveway.

“Wow, this is something,” replied AJ, as he stood next to her.

“Well, come on, the inside and the back yard are even better than this,“ stated Patti as she led the way to the front door. Inside was indeed better. The house was huge and airy and beautifully decorated in soft blues and creams. Patti led them down the main hall past the staircase to the back of the house, indicating the large living room and dining room on the left and the airy kitchen on the right. She led them directly to the back wall and slid open one of the many sliding doors. She stepped down onto the patio and walked to the railing, inhaling the intoxicating scent of the salty sea air.

Michelle, AJ, and Nick followed her and stood around her admiring the gorgeous view of the luscious green lawn and the slight bulges of the sand dunes directly off it. The ocean rushed towards them from a distance of a couple hundred feet, before collapsing along the shore in beautiful sprays of white foam.

“This is heavenly,” sighed Michelle. She looked behind her and smiled at Nick. “Where’d Kim and Aaron go?”

Nick laughed and indicated back inside. “Guaranteed they couldn’t pass the den without stopping in and having a game of pool.”

“Pool? We got a pool table?” asked AJ, overly excited. Patti laughed happily at him and slid her arm around his waist.

“Yes, baby, you don’t think we’d let you suffer two whole months without a pool table, do you?” She asked while leaning into him and relishing the familiar scent of him. She had truly missed him, more than she had expected.

He looked down at her and wrapped his arms around her. “God, I love you!” He leaned closer and whispered in her ear, “Fuck the pool table, where’s our bedroom?”

She laughed huskily and pulled him inside and they ran quickly toward the stairs. Michelle and Nick burst out laughing and went back inside towards the kitchen.

“Can I get you a drink, Shelley?” Nick asked as he opened the refrigerator.

“Sure, Nick, thanks. You look good. California seems to have relaxed you,” she said as she settled on a stool at the counter and watched him.

“Yeah, I had a great time. It was good to be back with the family. I really enjoyed my stay this time.” He handed her a coke and sat opposite her. “What about you? Feeling better?”

She looked at him adoringly and nodded her head, “Yeah, I feel pretty good, Nick. Thanks for asking. Of course, Kimberly knows nothing about any of that. Aaron doesn’t know, does he?”

Nick shook his head, “I haven’t told anyone else, except Brian, who I’m sure told Lauren.”

“Brian! I keep forgetting how far away he is. Thanks for telling him, Nick. I’m kind of sick of talking about it, you know?” She took a sip of her soda as he nodded, “So, what have you been doing since you got here?”

“Well, we’ve got this really great boat to use and the four of us took a ride this morning. Kimberly is a natural on the water skis now, you know. She really picked it up quickly. She and Aaron are getting along great, a little shy with each other at first, but you know kids,” he rambled on and on. Michelle smiled a silly smile at him the whole time. “And then Kim introduced her friends to us. Gracie and Hope, from next door, and they totally freaked out! It was so funny. They kept looking from Kim to me to Aaron and back around again. I guess she hadn’t said whom she was staying here with. They asked her how she knew us and she blurted out that her mother was married to Howie. Well, they totally flipped out over that.”

“Wait a minute! She told them we were married? Oh god, I should have known she wouldn’t be able to keep it a secret for very long.” Michelle was tempted to cry over her sudden exposure, but took a deep breath instead and shrugged her shoulders, “Oh well, it’s bound to be discovered some day soon, right?”

Nick looked at her with a compassionate expression, “Don’t worry, Shelley. I asked them to keep it a secret for now. Of course, I had to bribe them with free tickets to our next Boston concert, and backstage passes,” he said rolling his eyes, “so, I think they’ll keep it to themselves for now! Oh yeah, I also had to promise to take them out on the boat tomorrow!”

Michelle laughed out loud and thanked him. “Want to take a walk on the beach?” she asked him. He looked closely at her.

“Sure you’re up to it?”

She nodded her head and jumped off the stool, calling out to Kimberly. “We’re going for a walk on the beach, wanna come?” Kim and Aaron bolted out from the den and grabbed a Frisbee and a beach ball on their way.

********************

A security guard entered the VIP lounge and quietly informed Howie that their flight was ready and they needed to board right way. Howie thanked him and then looked over to Kevin. Kevin was passed out in his seat. Howie sighed heavily and went over to him.

“Kevin, come on, man. We gotta go.” He shook Kevin’s shoulder several times before he came to.

“Howie? Where are we?”

Howie looked at him with a mixture of disbelief, anger and concern. “We’re still in Boston. Let’s go, our flight is ready.” He turned away and collected his two suitcases and strode to the door. Kevin pulled himself up from his seat; wobbled a bit and felt his head spin.

“Fuck, how much did I drink?” Howie turned back to him and looked at him curiously.

“You don’t remember?” he asked incredulously.

“No, I don’t. Why do you seem so pissed? What’d I do?” Kevin walked slowly towards him and bent to collect his book. He saw the five empty glasses on the floor next to his seat. “Shit! Tell me I didn’t drink all that? No wonder I feel like shit.”

Howie just stared at him for a moment before turning and heading to the gate. Kevin followed at a slow pace behind him, wondering what was eating Howie.

Once they were settled into their seats, Kevin asked Howie what was wrong.

“What’s wrong? You blow me away, Kevin. I’ll tell you! You sit here totally oblivious to what you told me two hours ago?” Howie’s hands were shaking uncontrollably so he grabbed the arms to his seat and clutched them tightly.

“D? What the fuck did I say?” Kevin asked suddenly scared.

Howie ignored him for several moments while he attempted to calm himself down. He pursed his lips tightly and debated dropping the matter, however, his anger got the best of him.

“Fuck you, Kevin! How dare you? How dare you tell me that you are in love with my wife!” Howie turned to him, his eyes glowing with anger, his teeth clenched.

Kevin gasped loudly and slammed his hand against his forehead. “Oh fucking hell, please tell me you didn’t just say that!” He looked back down at Howie and tried to remember exactly what he had told him earlier. “God, Howie, I’m sorry. Jesus christ, I didn’t. . .”

“Didn’t what, Kevin? Didn’t mean to wreck my homecoming? Didn’t mean to covet my wife? Didn’t mean to destroy our friendship?”

Kevin reeled backwards from the force of Howie’s words. “Howie, please, believe me. I may have admitted I love her, but I swear to God, I’ll never act on it. Please, Howie, please believe me. The last thing I want is to hurt you. I swear I’ll never tell her, I’ll never show her. Please, Howie, don’t do this!”

Howie closed his eyes against his own rage and felt a scream forming in his throat. He choked it down and balled his hands into two fists. Inside he was just barely holding on. How could one of his best friends be in love with his wife? How could he not have seen it before? How could he have let her go to him last December? Why did he allow it, knowing they’d end up in bed together? Why was he such a trusting person? Why, dear god, why this?

Kevin laid his hand gently onto Howie’s left hand. “Howie, please. I’ll get on the next plane and leave right away. Please forgive me. I’m so sorry.”

Howie allowed Kevin’s hand to remain where it was. “Kevin?” he asked after fifteen minutes, “how long have you felt this way? Since the beginning?”

Kevin sat up straighter and turned towards him, “No, Howie, I swear. I only realized these feelings last month. God, that’s why I’ve stayed away from you guys all this time. I told Michelle it was because I realized I wasn’t in love with Telly, but I swear your wife does not feel the same about me as I do her. I swear it, Howie.”

“Fine, Kevin.” Howie said quietly.

Kevin watched him, not understanding his last comment, “Howie? What does that mean?”

Howie unclenched his hands and turned to face Kevin, “Fine means fine. I’m sorry you fell in love with my wife, but she’s mine. I love her more than life itself and I won’t let her go, ever! I’m sorry, but you’re going to have to keep your feelings to yourself. I can’t hate you for loving the same woman as I do, Kevin.”

Kevin noticeably exhaled a deep breath, not realizing he’d been holding one in. “Okay, Howie. I promise, I’ll keep it to myself. Forever!”

Howie nodded and turned back against his seat.

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

Fortunately the few hours since their arrival passed quickly. By the time Nick, Michelle, Kimberly and Aaron returned from their walk, Patti and AJ were lounging on the patio, sipping lemonade and catching up.

“Hey, you two, it’s so great here. I feel so relaxed already,” commented Michelle as she walked the few steps up to the patio.

“It is indeed. I’ve been here all week and every day feels more glorious,” replied Patti, happily. “Want me to show you which room is yours?”

Michelle and Patti went inside and up the stairs. “At the top of the stairs, your room is the first on the left. Mine and AJ’s is on the right. Nick and Aaron took the third and fourth rooms on the left, leaving the second one open. Kim has the third on the right, leaving the second and fourth ones open. I thought you and Howie would like the end room, it has an amazing view of the ocean.”

Michelle held her little sister’s hand affectionately. “Thanks, Patti. You’ve done an amazing job setting this all up for us!” They reached the top of the stairs and went into the bedroom on the left. “This is beautiful. Feels like I’m living in a fantasy sometimes.”

Michelle strolled around the room and lightly fingered the furniture and materials covering the bed and windows.

“I know what you mean,” sighed Patti, “Who’d have ever thought we’d be here? I remember coming when we were young, but we never stayed in anything so spectacular.” She grew wistful over their early years. “I miss Mom and Matt and Dad.”

Michelle turned back to her and smiled knowingly. “I know you do, sweetie. I do too, a lot. Can you believe Dad’s been gone for almost fifteen years? You think we’ll ever hear from him again?”

Patti shrugged her shoulders and walked towards the windows. “Who knows, it’s been so long. At least that’s one thing AJ and I have in common. Absentee fathers.”

“Patti, you and AJ have a lot more in common than that and you know it.” Michelle gently rubbed Patti’s back as she stood next to her. Patti nodded her head and turned away from the windows.

“Okay, let’s make a pact. No more sad thoughts. We’ve got so much to be thankful for now.” Michelle looked directly at Patti as she spoke.

“It’s good to hear you have that attitude. Howie should be here in less than two hours. You must be dying to see him.”

“More than you know!” Michelle said passionately. They chatted for a while longer and went back downstairs to join the others. A couple hours later, Michelle stood impatiently on the front steps watching and waiting for Howie.

As Howie followed the directions Patti had left for them, he looked quickly over at a somber Kevin. “Kevin?”

Kevin hesitantly looked back at Howie, still feeling like shit and with a throbbing headache. Three hours to sleep off all that alcohol had not done the trick. While he didn’t feel intoxicated any longer, he knew it was definitely still in his system. They hadn’t spoken more than ten words since the plane and their last conversation. Kevin didn’t blame him; he hated himself for drinking so much earlier and losing his tongue.

“Yeah, D?”

“Promise me once again you won’t take her from me.” The apprehension in his voice pierced Kevin’s heart.

“God, D, I swear on my life. I’ll never ever take her from you.” Kevin’s eyes implored Howie to believe him. Howie pulled off the road quickly and put the car in park. He rested his head on his hands on the steering wheel and sighed deeply. Kevin sat helplessly next to him, desperate to turn time back and have his words stricken for all eternity. “Howie?” He asked softly after a few minutes. “Please believe me. I’ll stay away from her, totally.”

Howie looked up and rubbed his eyes before turning to him, “How can you do that, Kevin? You know how hurt she was that you avoided us all last month and just last night she was telling me how happy she was that you were back.”

Kevin swallowed the imaginary lump in his throat and gazed back at Howie wordlessly.

Howie continued, “I want you to go on as you always did, before this, and be the friend she believes you to be.” Kevin was about to interrupt, but Howie held his hand up to stop him, “I’ll never forget what you feel for her, but as long as you don’t act on it or tell her, then I’m going to do my best to ignore it. Understand? But I’ll be watching, don’t doubt that.”

Kevin nodded his head quickly and thanked him. “Howie, I hate putting you in this position, but I am sincere when I say Michelle loves you and only you. I’ll get past this, somehow, someday. God, Howie, I spent all day yesterday with her and I swear it was just like old times, I was just happy to be with her. I didn’t pine for her or attempt to seduce her. I’m so screwed up with all this.”

Howie nodded, “Maybe you should have seen Dr. Towers before you left. Can you call him?”

Kevin nodded and Howie put the car back in gear and pulled out onto the road, “Good.”

Ten minutes later they pulled into the driveway and they both saw her sitting on the front steps. She leaped to her feet and smiled broadly. Howie flew out of the car without a second thought about Kevin. He met her halfway and they hugged so tightly, so totally, so much more so than when they had departed last Sunday. Kevin got out his side of the car and made his way toward the house.

“Oh Howie, I missed you so much.”

He choked on his reply, “Me too, babe.” His lips sought hers and they clung together, ravenous for the other’s touch. Time stood still as they savored the presence of each other, stroking a cheek or an arm or frantically entwining their fingers, kissing frantically each other’s eyes, foreheads, lips, and cheeks.

Patti flung open the door just as Kevin approached.

“Kevin!” she cried happily at the sight of him. “Get in here you!” He smiled genuinely at her and hugged her tightly.

“Patti, you look great. How you feeling?” he asked once she closed the door behind them.

“Excellent, now that you all are showing up. I see the lovebirds are lost in their own world.” She commented indicating with her head to the door.

Kevin nodded and allowed her to pull him down the hall. “AJ, Nick and Aaron are in the den playing pool and Kim’s upstairs.” She led him into the den and he was greeted joyously by his friends. After ten minutes of catching up he looked over to Patti.

“Which room is Kim’s?” She told him and pushed him towards the door.

“Go up, I’m sure she’ll be thrilled to see you.”

Kevin jogged up the stairs, hopeful that she would indeed be awake and happy to see him. He knocked quickly on her door and opened it cautiously. Kimberly was sitting on the window seat with a notebook in her lap. She looked up quickly and broke into a huge smile.

“Kevin!” she cried gleefully while flinging the notebook and pen down and running to him. He bent down and she threw her arms around his neck as he lifted her off the ground and hugged her forcefully.

“I missed you, Squirt.” He said into her ear. She held him tightly and replied in same. Kevin’s heart swelled. He felt like he was holding his daughter, loving her unconditionally, feeling her love in return. How could he ever chance losing her? He had to quell his feelings for Michelle, get back to the way they should be. He couldn’t bear to lose them, not after all this time; not after loving them both so much that it amazed him.

They stayed in her room for ages, chatting about anything and everything. Kimberly questioned him on his absence and he apologized profusely and promised it wouldn’t happen again. He didn’t explain anything to her and she didn’t question him further. She was just accepting that he was here now and would be for the next two months.

When they finally ventured back downstairs, they found everyone in the living room lounging on the sofas and chairs and floor and laughing happily.

Michelle jumped up from Howie’s lap at their arrival and greeted them both affectionately. Kevin hugged her back, somewhat reserved, glancing quickly at Howie. Howie watched them briefly before turning his attention back to AJ. Michelle rejoined Howie and he possessively pulled her back onto his lap and nuzzled her neck. Kevin sat beside Nick and commenced a conversation with him. Everything seemed normal.

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

By eleven o’clock, Michelle could stand it no more and leaned over to whisper into Howie’s ear. “I need to go to bed.” She pulled back and gave him a sweet smile. The gleam in his eye as he lovingly looked at her sent a slight shiver through her. “Coming?”

Howie replied by pushing her off his lap and quickly getting to his feet. With a quick “Good Night” to everyone he grabbed her hand and led her from the room. Michelle looked back at Kimberly and was about to speak when Kevin caught her eye.

He looked from Michelle to the sleeping Kimberly and said he’d carry her up later. Michelle nodded and thanked him before gently pushing Howie down the hall. They walked quickly hand in hand down the hall, up the stairs and into their room.

Breathlessly, Howie closed the door behind them and then backed her up against it, burying his hands in her hair and cupping the sides of her head.

“Do you really and truly love me?” he asked huskily. She moaned deeply and kissed his lips hungrily.

“I love you more than you’ll ever know. God, Howie, I’d die for you!” she proclaimed in between her kisses.

He pulled her closer by sliding a hand down around her back and brushing his lips across hers before gently prying them apart. Their tongues met and they both melted into each other more so. She grasped him around the waist and felt intoxicated from him holding her, loving her.

As their kisses intensified, they slowly maneuvered towards the bed. He lowered his sweet kisses to her neck while she lovingly caressed his back and shoulders. His thumbs nudged the thin straps of her top down and he proceeded to ravish her bare shoulders with his swollen lips. She moaned lustily and moved her hands down to his bottom and pulled his crotch closer to hers.

He broke away from her, panting heavily, and kissed her mouth longingly once again. “Should we be doing this?” he asked.

She caught her breath. “Definitely!”

“But what about. . .”

“I don’t care, Howie. I’ve yearned for this moment all week. I’ll be fine, just please make love to me.” She ran her fingers to the back of his head and easily pulled his hair from the elastic confining it. “Please, Baby, I need you so bad. I crave you.” She spread his soft locks with her hands as she reclaimed his lips.

He pushed her top down to her waist and sought her breasts eagerly. His hands stroked and cupped her expertly, causing her nipples to harden instantly. His mouth once again broke away from hers as they carelessly fell upon the bed. She brought her hands to his chest and swiftly unbuttoned his shirt, sliding it off his golden shoulders before tasting his magnificent chest with her lips and tongue. He groaned huskily as he slid her shorts down her hips and off her legs.

While she continued to lavish hungry kisses along his torso, her hands trailed down to his waist and quickly unclasped his pants. They both mindlessly shed him of his clothing before he fell across her and kissed her deeply. Her hands roamed his body, seeking to forever absorb the touch of every inch of him. She twisted slightly so that they lie side by side and settled her hands on his hardened member finally and brought forth a ravaged cry from his mouth. His hands in turn slid under her panties and gently yet greedily massaged her pubis.

They expressed their love and desire with soulful, poetic, sweet words mingled with sensual moan and cries, while they explored and gratified each other. Their longings and desires escalating ever further. Their temperatures rising.

Feverishly they joined as one. Howie holding back slightly, fearful of hurting her. Michelle tensing slightly as he entered her. Within seconds both shed their inhibitions as their love and hunger overpowered them. Their union was captured in blissful harmony, their bodies moving in perfect unison with one another. Their cries of passion, love, desire, and need resounded all around them. As it was meant to be, they exploded simultaneously, feverishly, breathlessly.

They clung together afterwards absorbing and cherishing the beauty of their love. They continuously stroked one another gently, lovingly, long into the night.

******

Michelle awoke the next morning with the sun shining brightly upon them. She quietly turned to her side and gazed at the beautiful man sleeping soundlessly beside her. Her heart was so full of love for him. She lightly traced his forehead, his eyebrows, his cheekbones, and his jaw. With each passing second she grew happier and happier in the knowledge that he was actually here, beside her, forever. She swore to herself to love him for all eternity.

She quietly eased herself out of the bed and padded into the bathroom. After washing her hands and face and brushing her teeth, she slipped into some light summer jogging pants and a tank top. She tiptoed back over to him and placed a feather light kiss on his forehead before leaving the room.

As she walked through the hall towards the kitchen, her smile increased at the sound of the familiar voice singing in there.

“Brian!” she exclaimed as she walked towards him, “What are you doing here? I thought you guys weren’t coming in until later today.”

He turned at the sound of her voice and smiled sweetly before giving her a quick hug. “Hey Shell, how are you?”

“I’m great. So, what happened?” she asked as she poured a cup of coffee.

“Well, the weather was really lousy the last couple of days in England, so we caught an earlier flight. Got here just about an hour ago.”

“Where’s Lauren?” she asked looking around.

“Outside with Patti. Where’s Howie?” he asked grinning.

“Still sleeping. I’m glad your back, Brian. I missed you two.”

She settled on a stool across from him and changed her tone to one of seriousness.

"I was hoping you could talk to Kevin."

“Oh?” he instantly tensed up, wondering what had happened.

“Yeah, he’s really going through some stuff lately. He told me that he realized he wasn’t in love with Telly and he’s struggling over whether or not to continue the relationship. He avoided me for almost a month, but was back full force the last couple of days and then, again, last night, he seemed so reserved and withdrawn. I’m really worried about him.”

Brian nodded somberly, "I'll talk to him, Shell. Don't worry. I'm sure he'll sort it all out and be fine." He didn't want to get into the conversation much further than that, not until he talked to Kevin first. "He's out on the boat with Nick, Aaron and Kim and a couple of other little girls. I haven't seen him yet."

They took their coffee cups and went out onto the patio to join AJ, Patti and Lauren. After a half hour of catching up with Brian and Lauren, Michelle went back inside to shower and get dressed.

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

As she entered their bedroom, she quietly walked over to the bed and sat beside Howie, who was still fast asleep. She kissed his lips softly, but he didn't stir. Not wanting to awaken him, she slipped into the bathroom and took her shower.

Later, as she was leaning over the vanity applying eyeliner, he quietly came up behind her and slid his arms around her waist. Instantly, a huge smile formed on her face.

"Good morning, sleepy head," she said meeting his eyes in the mirror.

"Mmm, a good morning it is now that you are in my arms." He replied while moving his lips to the side of her neck and bringing one hand up to caress her breast. His other hand slid down to her hip.

"Oh, Howie, you have no idea how much you turn me on." She moaned as his tongue and lips slid down to her shoulder. She dropped her eyeliner in the sink and clutched the edge of it with both hands as he started to grind his naked penis against her behind. She moaned again, dropped her head and pushed herself back towards him.

"See what you do to me?" he asked huskily. She couldn't verbally reply as her breath was taken away as his right hand slipped beneath the elastic of her panties. His fingers slowly stroked down towards her clit, rotating slowly over it, driving her crazy. He continued to suck and lick her neck and shoulders as he teasingly moved himself up and down along her ass.

"God, Howie, you know what that does to me!" she cried. He chuckled lightly as he used his other hand to ease her panties down allowing him better access to both sides of her. He quickened the pace of his fingers and hips, causing her to cry out in ecstasy as she came.

"Ready?" he asked mischievously.

"YES!" she shouted while raising herself higher on her toes. He slid smoothly into her convulsing vagina and held firmly around her waist and chest.

"Oh God!" he moaned into her neck as he thrust himself into her over and over and over, finally collapsing against her back as he thrust one more time and came powerfully inside her.

They both breathed heavily for several moments before Howie pulled out and she sunk back down onto her heels, her legs feeling weakened. She turned around quickly enough and wrapped her arms around his muscular chest, laying her head against his throat.

"Oh, Howie, you are amazing!"

He lifted her face and brought his lips to hers, kissing her sweetly. "I love you, Beauty," he whispered feeling her heart beating quickly against his chest.

"I love you more, baby." She brought her lips back to his and kissed him again.

"I've come to a conclusion," he said against her lips.

"Really? And what would that be?" she asked moving her lips towards his ear.

"I conclude," he said pushing her away just enough to look at her face, "that I am not going on this tour unless you come with me for the whole thing."

Michelle stared at him in amazement. "Howie. . . "

Shaking his head and placing a finger against her lips, he continued, "Hear me out. After this past week, the hell we both went through, I'm not leaving you behind again. You are my wife and I'm not going off for several months without you."

Michelle's eyes watered slightly, "Oh, Howie, I'd give anything to go with you. . ."

"Don't, just listen. We hire a tutor for Kim. You can still help me and John at the business, long distance. Hell, I'm almost never around for it anyway and it still works out. You don't even need to work anyway."

"Howie, I'm not going to live off you! Well. . . not totally."

"Beauty, let's not get into that again. I understand your need to contribute financially, but you've already invested a large portion of Rob's life insurance into the business, so it's partially yours anyway. Please, honey, we need to stay together. I can't go without you, plain and simple."

"I don't want you to go without me." She said quietly, "Do you remember that Macy Gray song from last year? 'I try to say goodbye and I choke, I try to walk away and I stumble, though I try to hide it, it's clear, my world crumbles when you are not there'. That's what I've felt with you for the last eight months. I'd love to go."

His eyes shone as he gazed down upon her, "Then you are coming! It's settled. We'll work out the details over the next couple of months." He pulled her back against his chest and hugged her tightly. She hugged him back just as tightly. "God, I'm so ridiculously happy right now." He said laughing. They pulled apart and kissed passionately.

"Ok, Happy Man, you better get in the shower. The kids, Nick and Kevin should be back anytime now and I know Kimberly wants to show you off to her new friends." She moved around him, turned the shower on and adjusted the water temperature. When she turned back to him, he had the biggest silly smile on his face. "What?" she asked laughing at him.

"Happy man junior is happy too," he said looking downwards. Michelle's eyes followed in the direction of his and she burst out laughing.

"Well, then," she said merrily while moving closer to him and reaching for his erect penis, "let's just make him even all the more happier, shall we?"

It was nearly a half hour later before both were finally dressed and heading back downstairs. As they walked through the house, hand in hand, they heard everyone out on the patio, laughing and talking over each other.

"Howie!" yelled Kimberly as she jumped up off a bench and ran towards him. She grabbed his hand and dragged him towards her friends, "You have to meet Gracie and Hope. They can't believe you're my step-father!"

Howie went willingly, smiling broadly. Michelle smiled and shook her head over her daughter's exuberance. She looked around the patio and smiled at all the happy faces. She noticed Kevin leaning against the far railing chatting with Lauren and Brian and made her way towards them.

"Well, how was the boating?" she asked him as he watched her advance. She reached up and kissed his cheek. His eyes shone brightly and a happy smile covered his face.

"It was excellent! The kids were so much fun and we had a blast." Michelle watched him as he continued to enlighten her about his morning on the boat. Oh please, let him stay this happy. He so deserves it.

"Okay, now that we are all together, let's get down to business." AJ said as he got up from his seat at the table. "We need to figure out the schedule for the studio and decide when we're going to work and when we're going to play."

"Ah, AJ! It's our first real day. Let's do this Monday," whined Nick.

"Nick, he's right, let's get the boring stuff out of the way so we can enjoy the rest of the day," said Howie as he moved away from the girls and took a seat next to him at the table.

"Well, in that case, we'll get out of your hair. Who wants to go the beach?" Michelle asked as she looked over at the girls. Patti and Lauren got up and echoed her. Within moments, the three girls and Aaron took off running across the grass towards the sand.

"Well, I guess there's your answer," said Brian as he pulled Kevin towards the table. "Have fun ladies." The women grabbed a few beach towels and beach bags and headed off.

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

Patti and Lauren spread out a few of the beach towels, while Michelle squirted out the sunscreen into the kid’s hands.

"Make sure you get your noses. Don't need any Rudolphs in this group."

The kids did as told, reluctantly, and then took off running towards the water.

"This is heavenly," exclaimed Lauren as she made herself comfortable on the towel and commenced dousing herself in sunscreen.

"That it is. What room did you take, Lauren?" asked Michelle while settling next to her.

"The one next to yours, and, ah, by the way, try to keep the noise level down," she said with a grin, drawing a laugh out of Patti.

Michelle looked at both of them and blushed, "What? You didn't hear. . ."

Lauren burst out laughing and shook her head, "No, I was just kidding! But now we know what took you so long getting ready this morning."

Michelle threw a beach ball at her, "Oh, you! Why didn't you take the one next to Patti and AJ?"

Lauren laughed even harder at that, "Oh, Michelle, those two? They could wake the whole island with their moaning and groaning. . ."

"Hey!" cried Patti and swatting her on the leg, "Well, I guess I can't help it." She said with a devilish grin, "That man of mine is incredible."

"Yeah? Not as incredible as mine." Chimed in Michelle.

"Yeah right! Mine's the most incredible. He does this very creative twisting thing with his hips." Lauren declared while jumping up and trying to rotate her hips in imitation of Brian.

"Oh my god," gasped Michelle after they had all collapsed from laughing, "Why does the conversation always lead to sex with us?"

Patti sat back up and wiped a tear from the corner of her eye, "Because we're a bunch of love sick women. Just wait until Telly finds out about missing your little demonstration," she giggled looking at Lauren.

"Well, I'll just have to show her, too," she caught her breath and settled back down on the towel, "When's she arriving?"

"Tomorrow," replied Michelle. And I hope Kevin is prepared for it. I hope seeing her in a new environment will help him make up his mind.

A few hours later, the guys arrived with a radio and a cooler of cold drinks.

"Miss me?" asked Howie stretching out next to Michelle and whispering in her ear. She smiled lazily, opened her eyes and turned towards him.

"Nope."

"What?" he exclaimed with wide eyes. She laughed at his expression and brought her hand up to his head. Stroking his cheek softly, she replied, "How could I miss you when you were in my thoughts the whole time? And, boy, were those some incredible thoughts," she winked at him and traced his lips lightly with her thumb.

"Ah, you had me going there for a second." He bent down and kissed her lips, "For that, you are going in the ocean!" He jumped up quickly bringing her with him.

"Oh, no, you don't!" she screamed trying to pull away but was unsuccessful as he scooped her up into his arms and ran towards the water. "Howie! Don't!" He ignored her and ran them both into the freezing water, while everyone else egged him on.

"Oh my god! This water is so cold," she sputtered after surfacing and grabbing onto him. "You'll pay for that, mister!" She slung her arms around his neck and dragged him back under with her.

Within moments everyone was in the water, either having dived in willingly, or being tossed in by someone else. The rest of the afternoon was spent on the beach with everyone having a wonderful time.

"Okay, we better get back to the house. We've made dinner reservations in town and knowing you ladies, it will take y'all forever to get ready." Brian said as he pulled Lauren up from the sand.

"Really? All of us?" she asked while brushing the sand from her legs.

"Well, all of us adults. Gracie and Hope's father came by and hung out with us for a while. Cool guy. And, he graciously agreed to keep Kim and Aaron entertained."

"Wow, we haven't all been out together in ages," exclaimed Michelle as she eagerly jumped up and pulled Howie up with her.

"Let's go then," he said as he wrapped his arms around her and brushed the sand off her back and behind

"Keep doing that and we'll never make it," she said softly into his ear while running her hands across his back.

"All right, you two, break it up," Nick pulled them away from each other, "I, for one, am getting hungry!" Michelle and Howie blushed slightly and set about helping the others gather their belongings.

Two hours later, the eight of them were finally settled around a rectangular table in a darkly lit restaurant. They had all dressed up for the occasion and were in high spirits. The restaurant was fairly crowded and conversations flowed all around. A six-piece band took up position on a small stage and commenced playing soft romantic music. The three couples got up and danced the first two songs. When they returned to the table, Kevin and Nick were engrossed in a conversation about boating.

"Enough of that boring stuff, you're dancing with me." Michelle informed Kevin as she pulled on his hand. He broke off in mid-sentence and looked up at her. He took in her sparkling eyes and sweet smile. He wanted to dance with her. He looked quickly towards Howie and noticed the slight nod he was given.

"Okay, how can I resist?" he said softly and led her to the dance floor. Patti pulled Nick up as well and led him off. AJ looked after them with a lost look and then grabbed Lauren's hand. "B-Rok, you don't mind?" Brian shook his head and shooed them off.

Howie quietly watched the couples on the dance floor. "Howie, you okay?" asked Brian after noticing Howie's solemn expression.

Howie tore his eyes away from Michelle and Kevin and looked at Brian, "Yeah."

"You don't look okay, D. What's up?" Brian slid across the padded bench seat so that he was closer to Howie.

"Nothing, Bri. It's nothing." Howie took sip of his drink and smiled at Brian.

"Bullshit, D. I know that look and something is definitely bothering you. You worried about Kevin?"

His question caused Howie to jump slightly and spill a little of his drink on the table. As he quickly wiped it up with his napkin, he asked, "What do mean?"

Brian sighed slowly, "Howie, I know what Kevin told you. He told me earlier and he deeply regrets it. He deeply regrets everything."

Howie stared at him with an open mouth. Brian continued, "Howie, you don't have to worry. God, Michelle is totally in love with you, we can all see it."

Howie shook slightly and nodded, "I know that, Brian," he said softly, "but, I'm afraid she'll wake up one day and realize she loves him more."

Brian reached out a hand and placed it on Howie's arm. "D, that won't happen. Trust me."

The music ended and AJ, Nick and Kevin returned to the table. Brian looked quickly at Howie, and noticed he'd put a fake smile back on his face. "Where are the girls?"

"Ladies room," replied AJ rolling his eyes, "you know, one has to go, they all have to go." The others laughed and agreed with him. A waiter came over with a fresh round of drinks and spoke quietly to them.

"Excuse me, gentlemen, but aren't you the Backstreet Boys?" he asked wistfully.

They nodded and Kevin extended his hand, "Yes, we are. Nice to meet you." The waiter took his hand and shook it nervously.

"Oh my god, I knew it. My fellow employees were going crazy back in the kitchen saying it was you. Listen, I may be out of line, but at ten o'clock, we turn the tables and have open mike. Would you guys please do some songs for us?"

Kevin looked at the rest of them and they all either shrugged their shoulders or nodded. "We'd love to. It's been a while since we kicked back and played just for such a small place, but we'd be happy to."

"Excellent. Thank you very much. I promise you'll have a great time. We've got some wild and crazy folks here and I'm sure you'll enjoy their acts as well." The waiter beamed at them all before removing the empty glasses and hurrying off.

"Well, this should be fun." Nick said with a wide grin. AJ and Brian agreed with him, while Howie nodded quietly. He was lost in thought.

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

The girls returned to the table as the music changed to a slow beautiful song.

"May I have this dance?" Michelle was at his side, offering her hand.

Howie looked up in surprise and then smiled broadly at her before standing. "I'd love to," he said quietly.

She led Howie to the empty dance floor. "I requested this song for you."

Howie pulled her into his arms and looked at her questioningly.

At Last
My love has come along

He smiled at her and pulled her close. They were the only two on the dance floor and he looked around in amazement.

My lonely days are over
And my life is like a song

He gathered his arms around her tighter and felt his heart quicken.

Oh yeah yeah

At last
The skies above are blue
Well my heart was wrapped up in clover
The night I looked at you

I found a dream
That I could speak to
A dream that I can call my own

His heart swelled at the words she had chosen for him, to show her love for him, without realizing that was exactly what he needed tonight.

I found a thrill to press my cheek to
A thrill that I have never known
Oh yea yea

You smile

He did smile, he smiled against her hair and felt whole, felt loved, felt that his world was complete, and most importantly, felt secure once again.

You smile
Oh and then the spell was cast
And here we are in heaven

For you are mine at last

The music ended and he heard her against his ear. "I love you so much, Howie. Thank you for being mine."

He felt the tears in his eyes ready to spill. He buried his head in her hair briefly before moving his lips to hers and kissing her delicately, so sweetly. The feel of her lips on his entranced him, causing him to shiver. He deepened the kiss and crushed her against him. It was only the loud cheering and applause surrounding them that pulled him back to reality. He pulled away reluctantly and looked deeply into her eyes.

"Honey, I love you. That was so perfect, thank you." They continued to gaze into each other's eyes before slowly moving off the dance floor.

Brian watched them from his seat with a lighter heart and a huge smile. What did I tell you, Howie?

He cast his glance towards Kevin and noticed the slight smile, the kind of smile he'd seen so many times before - the one that was put there just for show. He looked at Kevin's eyes and there he found what he expected. Glazed and sad.

Kevin excused himself quietly and headed towards the men's room. Brian watched him for a moment, cast one more look out onto the dance floor and then got up to follow him.

"Where you going, babe?" Lauren asked as Brian passed behind her.

"I'll be right back," he said lightly, "duty calls."

Kevin entered the men's room, grateful to find it empty. He leaned against the wall and closed his eyes. Be strong Kevin. She's not the only woman in the world. I can move past this. I can give someone else my heart. Telly. Telly deserves my love. God, I'm not in love with Telly. I can't hurt her. There will be someone else. Kimberly. I can't let my love for Michelle destroy my relationship with her. Fuck! I can't destroy Howie. I won't destroy Howie. Michelle loves Howie, not me. I have to get over this. How do I get over this when I'm with her every day? Damn! Okay, I can do this. Michelle needs me. I need her. She needs Howie. Just be her friend. Get back in control, Kevin. Don't let this get out of hand; too many hearts are at stake.

The bathroom door opened quietly and Brian slipped in. "Kevin?" He stood facing him and gently laid a hand on his shoulder.

"I'm okay, Brian. That. . . out there, with Michelle, just proved to me that I'll never have her." He spoke slowly opening his eyes and meeting Brian's. "It's okay though, as long as she's still in my life and Kim too." He smiled slightly, suddenly feeling determined. "I don't know why I suddenly fell in love with her, Brian, but I won't let that wreck everything we have."

Brian stood speechless, wanting to believe that Kevin could do it. "Kevin, I don't know why you suddenly fell in love with her either. Maybe you were a little all along. But, are you sure you can handle this? Seeing her everyday? Seeing her with Howie?"

Kevin pushed himself away from the wall and walked over to the sink. He turned the cold water on and ran his hands under it. "Yes, Brian. Yes, I will, damn it! I have to remember what brought us together in the first place. She and I connected instantly. We've been there for each other all these months. Christ, she pulled me back up from my downward spiral last Christmas. Remember? I almost lost it again, and she's the one who pulled me back. Only five weeks ago, I was there for her. We need each other. I need her, Brian. I can't chance losing everything. I can't lose Kimberly either." He shut the water off and dried his hands before turning back to Brian. "Brian, don't worry. I'm going to get past this come hell or high water. I'm determined now!"

Brian nodded his head and watched Kevin's green eyes come back to life. "Ok, Kev, but swear to me, swear that you'll talk to me if. . ."

"No, ifs, Bri. Trust me. I'll always love her, you know that. I'll always be there for her. I'll cry for her when she's sad, I'll smile for her when she's happy. She'll do the same for me. Now, let's go back out there and I'll start right now being the friend to Michelle and Howie, that they deserve to have."

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

The evening continued for the eight friends with hundreds of laughs, sweet kisses shared between lovers, and the playful bantering among brothers and sisters flying across the table. Brian continued to keep an eye on Kevin and was relieved to see that he had joined right in, laughed, conversed, and had his fair share of dances with Michelle and the other women. Brian watched Howie as well and noticed the lack of strained smiles or tense shoulders, only pure happiness and love were evident. Michelle had gotten through to him without even knowing what she'd done. Brian shook his head in amazement and grasped Lauren's hand tighter, amazed at the power of love.

The drinks flowed freely, however, Kevin, Patti and Nick remained sober. Patti since she was pregnant, Kevin not wanting a repeat of his last drunken performance, and Nick, well, Nick was sensible. He hated getting drunk. The boys performed one song after another, taking requests from the crowd, singing their hearts out. Michelle, Lauren and Patti sat back with their hearts full of pride, joy and love. To be able to share their lives with these incredible men was overwhelming.

The next morning, Michelle awoke slowly, painfully. The bright sun casting through the open windows caused her to groan, roll away and squeeze her eyes shut tighter. After fifteen minutes of trying to raise her head off the pillow, she finally rolled off the bed and stood gingerly.

"Oh, god, what the hell did I drink last night?" she mumbled to herself as she dragged her feet towards the bathroom. The long shower eased the nausea and queasiness somewhat. Slowly she pulled on shorts and a top. Deciding she couldn't be bothered with shoes or drying her hair, she grabbed three Advil and headed downstairs.

As she entered the kitchen, she narrowed her eyes from the brightness once again.

"Good morning, sleepy head."

"Oooh, god, Kevin. Don't yell!" she cried softly holding her head. He laughed heartily at her while he pulled her into his embrace.

"Does someone have a hangover?" he asked with a devilish grin on his face.

She looked up slightly and smiled slowly. "I haven't felt this shitty in years." He led her over to the table and eased her into a seat. She sighed gratefully and popped the pills into her mouth before grabbing his water glass and drinking from it thirstily.

He laughed again and got her another. "Why are you so chipper?"

"Um, geez, maybe because I didn't drink myself silly." He responded playfully.

She grinned back at him and finished off the second glass of water. "Did I do anything stupid?" she asked.

Deciding to tease her, he replied, "All depends on what you consider stupid."

She slouched back in her seat and put her feet up on the chair next to her. "Did I fast dance?" she asked giggling and then groaning and holding her stomach.

"Oh, is that what you were doing out there?" He asked shaking his head in wonder, "I wasn't sure."

She groaned again and letting her head fall against the back of the chair, closed her eyes and smiled softly. "You're such a bastard, Kevin."

"Ouch, you're a bitch."

"Prick."

"Cunt."

She pulled her head up and opened her eyes in amazement before laughing. "I can't believe you just said that!"

He closed the notebook he was writing in and shot her a sly grin. "You know I didn't mean it." He got up from the table and opened the refrigerator, "Cranberry, orange or apple?"

"Orange and make it a double!"

"Make that two." Rasped AJ as he walked in, lighting a cigarette.

"Give me one?" she asked smiling at him. He handed her his lit cigarette and then pushed her legs off the chair.

"Hey! Brat."

"Snizzler. Why don't you ever buy your own cigarettes?" He asked sitting down and allowing her to put her feet back up on his lap.

"Cause if I buy them, I'll smoke 'em all." She drew deeply and savored the feeling of the smoke filling her lungs. "Did I smoke last night?"

Kevin nodded his head. "Don't you remember anything, Michelle?" He asked, handing her a tall glass of juice.

"Thank you, babe. Um, I remember you guys singing. You actually sounded pretty good or do you think that was just my inebriated state imagining that?" she asked, biting her bottom lip to prevent herself from laughing.

AJ choked on his cigarette smoke and slapped her thigh lightly.

"Ouch!"

"Ha, that's what you get for smoking those disgusting things." Laughed Kevin as he slapped AJ on the back.

"At least we didn't make fools of ourselves trying to sing Spice Girls’ songs." AJ laughed uproariously at Michelle.

She slammed her glass down on the table and stared at him in fear. "Please tell me you're kidding!" She swung her eyes towards Kevin and blushed deeply at his nod.

"Oh god, how could you let me do that? Now, I'm really humiliated." She burst out laughing, "Who did it with me?"

"Lauren and Brian." Kevin gasped as he doubled over in laughter. All three couldn't stop laughing for several long minutes.

"Oooh, I think I'm gonna be sick," she said getting up from the table and holding her stomach. "I need food!"

While she rummaged through the refrigerator, Kevin opened his laptop and got online.

"Hey, Kev, find us some good fanfics to read." AJ said as he joined Michelle in their search for food.

"Okay, let's see what our favorite authors have new."

Michelle pulled her head from the fridge and stared at him, "You read fanfic? Oh, my god!"

Kevin and AJ broke out laughing once again, "Well, yeah. Our sex lives online are a lot more creative and exciting."

She couldn't control herself and ran over behind Kevin, "Let me see." She wrapped her arms around his neck and hung over him as he entered a web site address. "You even have the site's memorized?" She giggled into his ear.

He pushed her head away slightly and scrolled through the site. "This is a good one." He said allowing her to read over his shoulder.

After a couple of minutes, she exclaimed, "Oh my god, why didn't you ever do that with me?" and burst out laughing.

Kevin reddened slightly and winked at her, "Well, if you want. . . Come on, AJ. She's wants group sex."

AJ ran over behind her and grabbed her around the waist while simulating a humping motion.

"Ahhhhhh, I was just kidding!" she cried as she pulled away from between them and fell on the floor laughing uncontrollably. "Oh god, you two are too much."

AJ bent over and helped her up. She caught him in a hug, "Is it no wonder you two are my absolute best friends in the whole world? Oh, and Howie too." She winked as he entered the room.

He stood looking at them with a huge smile. "I don't even want to know what you three have been up to." Michelle pulled away from AJ and went around the table to her husband.

"Howie?" she said happily, "did I embarrass you last night, too?"

He gathered her in his arms and kissed the side of her head, "Ah, well, only that Spice Girls thingy." This caused all four of them to collapse in laughter once again.

"Oh god, I'll never live this one down." She said as she settled herself on his lap.

"That's okay. AJ's strip tease at Brian's engagement party will always take the cake." Howie tossed out, grinning at AJ.

"Damn! I forgot about that for a minute." AJ said before sitting back down. "Where's my woman?"

Kevin unwillingly pulled his eyes from the computer screen, "She and Nick took Kim and Aaron to town. Where you been, Howie?" he asked cautiously, not sure if he and Howie were actually on speaking terms.

Howie pulled his lips away from the back of Michelle's neck and met his eyes. "I went for a long walk on the beach. Cleared my head, you know?" he replied with hidden meaning.

Kevin nodded and closed the laptop. "Well, I'm going for a run."

"I'll join you." Howie's comment caused Kevin to blink in surprise. Howie pushed Michelle off him gently, "See you later, Beauty."

Kevin grabbed a couple of water bottles from the fridge and followed Howie out the door.

"Well, I'm going to shower." AJ mumbled between bites of his banana while getting up from his seat.

"Ok, sexy, see you later."

AJ stopped in mid stride and looked back at her, "It's good to hear you call me that again."

She turned around towards him and smiled, "Yeah, it was good to call you that again. It's okay then?"

He walked back to her and pulled her up against him. "Yeah," he said into her hair as he hugged her, "The past is behind us, right?"

She nodded against him and held him tightly, "Absolutely. I love you, honey"

"I love you too, babe." He kissed her cheek and released her, "I'll be back."

She watched him leave, relieved that everything seemed to be getting back to normal.

CHAPTER NINETEEN

The two men jogged side by side silently for almost two miles before taking a break at a cluster of rocks lying along the shore. Howie took a long pull on his water before turning to Kevin.

"Kev. We need to talk," he said swiping the sweat off his forehead. He took a seat on a boulder next to Kevin.

Kevin pulled his own water bottle away from his mouth and nodded, "I know, D. Listen, I. . . "

"Let me, Kev. Please." Howie interrupted gently. "I don't know why love works the way it does or why it can both hurt and heal at the same time," he shook his head slowly in thought. "Michelle and I tend to get insecure about our love from each other. I mean, I know I love her more than I can even say, but sometimes she still questions it, inside, and I guess I do the same with her. Last night, I got my security back, Kevin. I know she truly loves me and I know how that must hurt you." Kevin sat with his shoulders hunched forward, elbows on knees and his gaze fixed on the ocean. "I'm sorry, Kevin. I can only imagine the pain you are feeling. I wish I could take it away for you, but I can't." Howie stood and moved in front of Kevin, "Kevin, I love you like a brother, you know that. When you hurt, I hurt."

Kevin kept his eyes averted from Howie, not wanting him to see the tears pooling within them. He didn't trust his voice either, so he just nodded. Howie stepped closer still and laid his hand on Kevin's shoulder. "Kev, I, better than anyone else, can understand why you love her. She's got all those qualities we're always looking for. She gives herself one hundred and ten percent in everything she does, including loving us. You and Michelle are bound together for eternity and I know that. I can live with that, Kevin." His words flowed smoothly and soothingly. "I told you both last November that I won't come between you two and I'll always support your relationship. As long as she loves me still, I'll be happy, Kevin."

Kevin inhaled deeply before finally meeting Howie's eyes, "D. I don't know what to say. How do you do it? You gain more strength when faced with adversity. I, on the other hand, wilt and just end up hurting people," His quiet words struck a chord with Howie.

"No, Kevin," Howie interrupted him again, "That's not true. Hasn't been true in a real long time. You've definitely pulled yourself back together in the last two years. Just stop and think about it. You have been so strong for us as a group. You've led us to where we are today. You've been the best friend Michelle could ever have hoped for. You've been a wonderful father figure to Kimmie."

Kevin let out a slight sob in amazement at his friend's generosity, support and understanding.

"Thanks, D," he said after a moment. "I vowed to myself last night that I won't destroy any of our relationships because of my feelings. I only hope I can have your strength in following through with that. I can't risk losing you, Michelle or Kim." He placed his own hand on Howie's shoulder and looked directly into his eyes, "As long as I can remain a part of their lives, I'll be okay, D."

Howie smiled kindly and responded, "Kevin, you'll definitely always be a part of their lives. Hell, I know the bonds you share with both of them can never be broken. I know Kimberly is tighter with you than me, and that's okay. We've got a lifetime to build up to what you and she have. Just promise me, Kevin, that you won't change the way you are with Michelle because of me." He paused and thought for a few seconds, "When I saw you, her and AJ in the kitchen this morning, I was relieved. All of you have faced and endured some incredibly hard times over the last few years and you are good medicine for each other. Okay?"

Kevin stood up and held out his hand to Howie. Howie clasped it firmly and pulled them together for a hug.

They pulled away simultaneously and picked up their water bottles, "Let's go home, Kevin. We can torture Michelle some more about last night. Teach her right to try upstaging us." They both grinned wickedly at the thought.

**************

After AJ left the room, Michelle made some toast and reopened Kevin's laptop. Logging in under his name, she clicked on the last web address they'd been to earlier and got engrossed in the fanfics. After reading a variety of them, she linked onto Backstreet.net and read the latest news and gossip. As she scrolled through the guest book, her eye caught on a particular entry, especially when she saw her name. She read it through three times before clicking on the blue hyperlink contained therein.

When the web site was fully loaded, she sat and stared at the large heading and the picture of herself below it. Slowly and painfully, she looked at all the pictures and captions and made her way through the majority of the links and pages crying out for her attention. Taking a deep breath, she clicked on the guest book and read those entries as well, with silent tears running down her face.

She absentmindedly pulled a cigarette out of the pack that AJ had left on the table earlier. While she smoked two of the cigarettes in a row, she continued reading the hurtful and scathing entries about herself, Patti, Lauren and even Telly. The only one they spared was Kimberly and Michelle said a silent thank you for that.

AJ sauntered back into the kitchen feeling rejuvenated and singing to himself. He headed straight for the refrigerator and pulled out a beer. "God, it feels good to feel good." Not getting any response from Michelle, he turned towards her with a big grin and then froze.

"Babe? What's wrong?" He placed his bottle on the counter and rushed over to her. She remained silent and motionless with the tears still running down her face slowly. He knelt beside her and gently pulled the dead cigarette butt from her fingers. At the same time, Kevin and Howie entered through the back patio engrossed in a conversation, which ceased when they saw AJ.

"Bone? What's going on?" Howie asked nervously as he made his way towards them.

AJ shook his head and gently turned Michelle's face towards him. "Michelle?"

Howie and Kevin both saw her damp cheeks at the same time. "Michelle?" Howie wrapped his arms around her shoulders and drew her up against him. "What is it, Beauty?" he asked tenderly.

"What the hell is that!" Kevin asked forcefully, making his way around them. AJ and Howie turned their attention to the table and gawked at the screen and swore.

"Shit!"

"Fuck!"

Kevin went to close the laptop but AJ stopped him and looked up at him questionably. "We've got to see what they said to upset her like this." He clicked on the Home button, which brought them to a bright red screen with large black letters.

"BACKSTREET BITCHES"

Michelle remained against Howie's side, his arms wrapped protectively around her. "Click on my name," she said bitterly.

AJ did as she instructed and watched in horror as the first picture and caption loaded. He clicked on the next and then the next. Kevin slammed his fist down on the table. "What the fuck is their problem! This is total shit, Michelle." His vehemence caused them all to jump inadvertently. Howie held onto her tighter, his heart beating wildly at the cruel words about his wife. AJ scrolled a little further, before clicking on Patti's name.

"God damn it!"

Kevin took over the mouse and clicked on Telly's name, then Lauren's name. He shook his head in anger before slamming the laptop down.

CHAPTER TWENTY

The four of them stood in silence for several minutes before Michelle spoke quietly. "I don't want to care what they say about me, but why did they have to make our relationship seem so dirty? Is this what it looks like to the whole world?"

AJ and Kevin both looked over at her with pained expressions. "They just don't know, babe. They don't know anything about us, or you." AJ replied softly.

"He's right, hon. These are just pictures of you and us having a good time. Nothing here is dirty. They don't know how close we all are to you." Kevin added.

Michelle looked at them, the hurt and anger blazing from her eyes, evident to them all, "I'm known as the Backstreet Whore because some over zealous fans got together and created a web page and found every picture they could with me in each of your arms. Didn't you read it? 'Howie gives his gal to his pals', 'Kevin gets a piece of Howie's girlfriend', 'AJ bones Howie's woman'. Those were the mild ones! And the worst part is the derogatory remarks they make about you guys and your own girlfriends. 'Telly can't keep Kevin satisfied so he seeks comfort with the BSB Whore', 'AJ bumps and grinds sisters', 'Howie needs band mates to keep his girlfriend happy'." She grew angrier as she went on and pulled away from Howie. "And the others? What did they ever do to deserve what they said about them? They are decent loving women. How dare they judge them and spread such horrible rumors!" She shook her head with her hands tightly fisted, "I'm so disgusted."

"Beauty, please, you can't let it get to you. . ." Howie searched frantically for words to calm her. "This kind of trash is all over the Internet, but trust me, there are a thousand good things being said for every horrible thing." He tried to pull her back into his embrace but she resisted gently.

"I know that, Howie," she said, pulling both of his hands into hers, "It's just these are the first I'm seen of that caliber. I'm going for a walk to cool off." She kissed him quickly on the lips and headed toward the back door.

"I'll go with you," he said quickly and caught up with her, gently turning her back towards him. His soulful eyes bore into hers as his fingers lightly traced away the drying tears.

"Please, babe. Just give me a little time alone. I want to scream and swear and get it out of my system and I don't want you to see or hear it and be filled with anguish or pity for me." She wrapped her arms around his waist and held him tightly. The beating of his heart resounded against her ear bringing forth yet another gush of love for him. "I love you." She said softly and walked off the patio.

Howie leaned heavily against the doorframe and watched his wife walk slowly across the lawn. His heart aching for her for what she'd learned, the downside to being his wife, a Backstreet Wife.

He felt a comforting hand on his shoulder and looked over to find Kevin watching him. "Don't worry, D, she'll get over it. She's strong enough and smart enough not to let it eat away at her for too long."

Howie nodded and turned back into the kitchen, "I don't know about you guys, but this type of shit just makes me want to tell the world all the more that she's my wife and that I love her. I'm sick of hiding it!" He dropped into the chair Michelle had vacated and roughly pushed the laptop away.

"D, I understand totally and agree with ya." AJ grabbed his forgotten beer bottle off the counter and took a long swig, before yanking out an adjoining chair and sitting down.

"Then let's do it our way from now on. Fuck management, fuck the fans that can't handle it and fuck that!" Kevin said forcefully pointing at the laptop.

Howie and AJ both shot him a grin and nodded their heads. Brian and Lauren made their first appearance of the day as Kevin was speaking.

"What's going on?" asked Brian, looking like death warmed over.

AJ laughed at him and started singing, "If you wanna be my lover. . . " Brian cuffed him off the side of his head before pulling two water bottles from the fridge and a bottle of aspirin off the counter. "Get your boxing gloves back on, Brian. We're going into the ring yet again."

Michelle walked slowly to the water's edge, trying desperately to control the anger and sadness that was overwhelming her. Her mind reeled from what she’d just read, those hateful words. All the photographs were innocent, brief seconds of time captured forever. There were a few photos from Key West. One in particular actually brought a brief smile at it’s memory, the one of her and Howie lying on the grass laughing in each other’s arms after the water balloon attack from Nick, Brian and Kim. That was the beginning, the first days of her new life, her new love. Then there were some of Michelle and Kevin coming out of his house during the few weeks that she and Kim lived there. Another was of her and Patti in AJ’s arms at a club last March. There were numerous pictures, all taken by fans at the most innocent of moments. All innocent. Even the one from only a few days ago; her and Kevin walking in downtown Orlando. It was the captions and comments containing the hateful, spiteful, jealous observations that made them take on a different meaning.

She stared morosely at the small waves crashing down upon the shore as her mind wandered back over the last eight months. They had been the happiest months of her life or so she had thought, but now she felt compelled to pick apart every embrace, every kiss, every action. Goddamn, she’s loved these men from the first day of meeting them and they’ve all shown the most incredible love and support for her and Kimberly.

Although very few people actually knew that she had been intimate with Howie, Kevin and AJ, she felt the whole world now knew. With half a sob and half a tortured scream, she dropped to her knees on the wet sand and fought against the tears blurring her vision.

Those site owners may not know the truth, the real truths, but they certainly exceeded in bringing back all her guilt and self-loathing. Damn it! It was only five weeks ago that she had finally confronted her final demons and dealt with them. Funny how a few insensitive remarks, and some hurtful and hateful observations could crush someone so quick, bring back those feelings of self-hatred and disgust.

She allowed the tears to finally fall. How could she stop them anyway? The more she thought of everything, the more she hated herself for creating gossip and filth for the guys. She should have realized a week ago when she lost the baby that no matter how often life teased her into believing that she could be happy and free, that she’d only be slapped back down to reality by something. Last week losing a baby. Today losing her spirit.

She jumped up quickly after a half hour of staring morosely out to sea and looked around her. She was on a beautiful, serene beach and living in a gorgeous house set back a few hundred yards. In that gorgeous house were the most important people in her life. She lovingly gazed at the house for several long moments. She’d do anything within her power to protect them all. How can she then stand here and allow their reputations be marred because of her? Because of her love for them? No matter what anyone thought, she did love them, all of them, each holding a special place in her heart.

As she continued staring at the house, with a hundred thoughts scrambling around inside her head, she could just barely make out the shadowy figures passing behind the windows.

She saw Kimberly and Aaron come running around the side of the house. She heard their laughter as Aaron tackled Kim to the ground and grabbed something out of her hand.

She saw Kevin emerge through the patio doors and smile at them before hopping over the low railing and snatching the object from Aaron’s unsuspecting hands.

She saw both children scramble to their feet and clamor around Kevin, trying to grasp whatever it was he was holding out of their reach. She heard his deep laughter as he evaded them.

She saw Patti and AJ come out from the living room sliding doors, his arms around her shoulders, her arms around his waist, sharing a sweet brief kiss before turning their attention to the others.

She heard the soft strains of music steadily rise as Brian emerged with a boom box and she saw him place it on the table before jumping the railing and joining the fracas on the lawn with a wild whoop.

She saw Nick bolting from the house moments later, laughing uncontrollably and then screeching as his pursuer, Lauren, drenched him with a water gun.

Michelle watched her family with longing, with love. Why couldn’t she just let go and share their joy? How can she be so happy one minute and then so conflicted the next? Why did her thoughts control her so powerfully? Why did they take on such extreme measures? Why was she so powerless to stop the emotions from carrying her away?

She slowly searched through the bodies once again. He wasn’t there. . .

Was she dragging him down with her? If she weren’t in his life, he wouldn’t have had to deal with that horrible scene in May between her and his best friend. He wouldn’t have acted so unlike himself, so impulsively, as he did in marrying her. He wouldn’t have had to suffer the loss of a child. . .

She drew her eyes up to the second story towards their bedroom, sensing that he’d be there. What else has he had to endure since meeting her? Surely, he must miss the freedom. The freedom to let loose while on tour. The freedom to accept one or two of those numerous offers from very willing women. The freedom to come and go as he chose.

Her eyes met his through the window. He was leaning with his shoulder against the glass, arms crossed over his chest. His eyes had watched her every movement for the last fifteen minutes.

He wanted to burst through the glass and save her from her inner turmoil, for he knew she was fighting with herself. He only held back because he knew she needed to sort everything out in her own way before knowing what to do with herself. She’d told him before that there were times when she couldn’t determine right from wrong, whether her decisions were for the best or not. Just like the time she slit her own wrist.

His heart skipped a beat at that painful thought. Don’t let her ever go that far again, he prayed.

They continued to stare at each other for several moments before Michelle smiled briefly at him and walked off to her right. He eased himself just a bit at her smile and then let his eyes follow her, taking in her hesitant steps, her defeated physical movements, the way she hugged her arms to her chest, the way her head hung slightly downward.

He’d decided that he’d allowed her enough time alone and now was the time to go to her and take her in his arms and assure her everything would be fine.

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

Michelle broke her gaze from Howie when she could take it no more. There he was silently standing guard over her, being there for her, loving her, while allowing her to have her own space. He was so special, so understanding, so loving, and so damn good. He had been there for her, always, quietly listening, absorbing, and never judging.

He was the one to comfort her after her first night with Kevin.

He was the one that had sent her to Kevin in his time of need, knowing what the results would be.

He was the one that welcomed them back afterwards and cried with them over their pain and guilt.

He was the one who assured them that their being together was the right thing.

He was the one that had whisked her away weeks later to Paris for Valentine’s Day, to shower her with his undying love.

He was the one who held onto her so strongly and kept his wits about him all those many times they were caught in a maniacal crowd of fans, keeping her safe.

He was the one who loved her enough to accept the differences in their beliefs, while his own were so strong.

She quietly walked and wondered again if she was holding him back, making him give up too much to be with her, perhaps his dreams or beliefs.

With a strangled cry and a fierce shaking of her head, she let out a loud groan, "Stop it, you idiot. Stop this pathetic shit right now!" She stood up straighter and pushed her hair up and away from her face, "Everything I love and hold dear is back at that house and I'm not gonna let some insignificant crap from some insignificant assholes bring me down!" she shouted to the sea.

"You feel better, Beauty?" Howie silently advanced from behind her, startling her.

"Holy shit, babe! You scared the hell out of me." She said with a short laugh as she turned around. Her breath caught in her throat at the beauty of love and concern and a hint of a smile written on his face.

"Say it again." He said softly as he slid his arms around her waist.

"Say what?" she asked grinning at him.

"The insignificant crap and assholes bit," he replied breaking out into a gorgeous smile. She eased one arm around his back and laid the other against his chest and stared into his sparkling eyes.

"Okay, I’m not gonna let," she said very slowly while trailing a finger around his parted lips, "some insignificant crap," she leaned forwards and brushed his lips with her own, "from some," she kissed him again very lightly, "insignificant assholes," she groaned slightly as his lips caught hers this time, "mmm, bring me down." She lifted her arms around his neck and gazed at him lovingly, "Howie, did I ever tell you how incredibly special you are to me?"

He playfully shrugged his shoulders.

"Oh, I see, you don't know? Well, I guess I'm going to have to show you." She moved her hands to the back of his head and drew him closer to her. He moaned lightly and kissed the corner of her mouth. She turned her head just barely and ran her tongue seductively over his full lips. "Mmm, very tasty." She mumbled before he crushed her to him and claimed her lips with his own.

"We better get back before I throw you down on the sand and ravage your gorgeous body," she murmured after a very long kiss.

Howie groaned reluctantly and stepped back from his embrace, "I think you should do that to me tonight," he said with a wink.

"I think you have great ideas." Michelle and Howie walked side by side, hand in hand, back towards the house.

As they appeared over the slight sand dune, Kevin jogged over to them and handed Michelle a slim book before bending down and hugging her quickly.

"Everything okay?" he asked.

She nodded and squeezed Howie's hand, "Yeah, everything's okay, Kev. What's this?" she asked looking down at the book.

"That is your daughter's journal and apparently Aaron clipped it earlier and has been teasing her with it." He turned back towards the house and laughed at the wrestling still going on, only now AJ, Nick and Lauren were in the midst of it. "I think they've forgotten all about it now." They all laughed as Kimberly ran from the side of the house with a bucket of water and dumped it over the pig pile of bodies.

"Don't you have to be at the airport, babe?" Michelle asked him as the three of them edged around the fracas.

"I'm on my way now, " he replied before sidestepping AJ and Nick, "and if I can get out of here in one piece." He quickly grabbed her hand and pulled her across the lawn. As Howie still had a hold of her right hand, he pulled the journal from under her arm before being pulled along with them.

"Oh, no you don't!" shouted a wild voice behind them. Just as they were about to make it to the patio, Brian came flying over to them and tackled Howie to the ground. Michelle was jerked backwards slightly, but released Howie's hand very quickly and retrieved the fallen book from the grass.

"Good luck, babe." She giggled as Howie turned the tables on Brian and gained the upper hand in their wrestling. She ran into the house and caught up with Kevin at the foot of the stairs.

"Aren't you the least bit curious?" he asked indicating the journal with a grin before pulling his damp shirt over his head.

She eyed him up and down appreciatively as they climbed the stairs, "Nah, I don't think I want to know what's in here. I accidentally saw a page once and I don't particularly like knowing my eleven year old child knows how to spell so many swear words." She laughed and slapped him playfully on the arm with the book.

He grinned down at her and threw an arm around her shoulders as they turned to the right at the landing, "Were you checking me out?" he said slowly and coyly.

She burst out laughing, "Guilty! How can I not admire such fineness," she laughed for a moment more before quickly stopping and placing a hand over her mouth and saying, "Christ, Kevin, this is the type of behavior that's earned me my new nickname."

He frowned quickly and took the diary from her hands, "Stay right here." He entered Kim's room and quickly placed the diary on her nightstand before striding back to Michelle in the doorway. He closed Kim's door behind him, grabbed her hand again and guided her down the ten additional feet to his room. "Sit." he instructed after they entered and he closed the door. She did so silently, watching him throw his dirty shirt in the hamper before coming back and kneeling before her.

He caught her chin gently in his hand and turned her face up towards his, "Now, listen to me. You do not have a new nickname. You do not have to stop and analyze everything you say or do. You do not have to explain to anybody, and I mean anybody, why you do anything the way you do. Expressing your feelings through hugs, kisses or words does not make you a whore. Understand? That web site was total trash."

She reached for his free hand and entwined her fingers with his, "Thank you, Kevin, for knowing. It's exactly what I needed to hear." Her eyes roamed his face as she spoke and finally settled back on his eyes. "I can't help loving you. I always will no matter what. I'm sorry if I've added to the rumor mill, but I don't want to ever stop hugging, kissing and telling you, and the others, that I love them, just because someone with a camera may misinterpret my actions." She leaned in and brushed her lips against his, as she's done hundreds of times before.

Kevin's heart raced frantically as she withdrew her mouth from his and settled against his chest, both their arms wrapping around each other automatically. He so wanted to pull her face back up to his and kiss her more. He wanted to gather her up in his arms and carry her over to his bed and make sweet passionate love to her.

CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

Michelle sighed gently against his chest, listening to his heart beating rapidly near her ear. Closing her eyes, she gently ran her hands across his bare back while inhaling his own incredible scent. She felt him tensing slightly and heard the low sharp intake of his breath. She couldn't help but love the feel of being in his arms, secure and loved unconditionally. As images of their last times together six months ago, flooded into her mind, she lightly pressed her lips against his golden chest and savored the faint salty taste. Kevin groaned inwardly as her lips and then her tongue sent sparks of desire shooting through his veins. He wrapped a hand through her blonde hair and pulled her head away from his chest, just enough to capture her mouth with his own. She gasped slightly but quickly returned his kiss, just as feverishly as he was giving it to her. Her hands slid from his back to his ribs and she slowly ran her fingers across his taut abdomen, as his own hands pulled her body closer still to his. She slipped off the edge of the sofa onto his bended legs and exulted in the power his kisses were having over her body and mind. His engorged member flamed all the more when the back of her thigh pressed against it.

"Oh god, I need you!"

"Oh fuck, I want you!"

"I want you. . ." she cried softly.

"Have me, baby!"

Their strangled words were mixed with moans of desire and passion.

"NO!" cried Michelle as she suddenly pulled her mouth away from his, her breathing ragged. "Oh christ, Kevin. . ."

His breathing was just as ragged as hers as he pulled her head back against his chest, "I'm sorry, Michelle, I never intended. . "

"I know, baby, I'm sorry, I didn't. . "

"We can't do this, I promised Howie."

"I can't do this to Howie."

She pulled her head slowly off his chest and met his eyes, "It wouldn't be fair to him. I can't get lost in you anymore, Kevin." The tears in her green eyes spilled, "As much as I want you, the rules have changed."

Kevin wiped her tears with his thumbs, while his own tears streaked down his face. She brushed his away before kissing him gently one last time. "You have to go,” she said faintly.

He nodded and pulled them both upwards. She closed her eyes tightly and drew in a deep breath before walking towards his door. "I'll always love you." He whispered. She halted briefly and turned back towards him and watched him walk into his bathroom with his head and shoulders sagging. "I'll always love you," she whispered back and ran from the room.

She flew into her own room and slammed the door behind her before collapsing on the bed she shared with Howie, her husband. She cried openly and forcefully. When the tears subsided, she eased off the bed and pulled her cell phone from side table and dialed the all too familiar number.

"Jack? It's Michelle. . . help me."

*********************

The rough housing went on in the back yard for nearly an hour. Patti sat back comfortably on the deck in a lounge chair and video taped the whole riotous scene. When everyone finally collapsed on the lawn from exhaustion, she stopped recording and brought the video camera into the house. She hummed softly to herself while she pulled the ingredients for a salad from the refrigerator and set about chopping vegetables. When Michelle finally came back down, Patti was singing softly to herself. "If you want it to be good girl, get yourself a bad boy!" Michelle smiled as Patti danced in place, ignorant of her audience.

"Bravo!" Michelle clapped her hands playfully when Patti finished the song. She shot her head up and blushed slightly before poking her tongue out at her.

"Where the hell have you been? You missed a good water fight."

Michelle joined her at the counter and pulled a knife from the drawer before answering, "I was just resting. What are we supposed to be making here?" she asked eyeing all the ingredients.

"Well, duh, it's a salad." Patti rolled her eyes and went back to slicing an onion.

"Patti, there is enough salad ingredients here for a freaking army? Somebody's eyes bigger than her belly?" Michelle pulled the bag of carrots off the counter and brought them over to the sink.

"Hey! I'm eating for two, don't forget!" They both chuckled and made small talk while they worked.

Howie and Kim entered the kitchen laughing, "We're starving out here!" cried Kim as she stole a cucumber slice out of the bowl.

"You guys are soaked! Have fun?" Michelle asked Kimberly while handing her a cherry tomato.

"Oh yeah! We made teams. Me, Howie and AJ against Nick, Aaron, Brian and Lauren. We kicked their butts."

Howie laughed and ruffled her damp hair, "You can say that again, kiddo!" He moved over behind Michelle and wrapped his arms around her waist and nuzzled her neck.

"Where you been?" he asked quietly before she popped a cherry tomato in his mouth.

"Upstairs," she said quietly. He sensed something and turned her to face him.

"You okay?"

Patti cast a quick glance at them. "Come on, Kim, help me carry the salad and plates outside." Michelle shot her a grateful look and watched them leave the kitchen.

She turned back to Howie and hugged him. "I called Dr. Towers."

"You did? Good idea, babe."

She nodded, "Howie, this has been such an emotional week. I'm so drained and drinking last night certainly didn't help," she added with a soft chuckle.

Howie held her tightly and kissed the side of her head, "I know it has, babe. It's been an incredibly long and emotional week." He replied, thinking about the miscarriage and cancer scare, the flight here and Kevin's confession, and this morning's discoveries; "At least, we've got several weeks to just kick back and relax."

She nodded against him and held him tightly, "Howie?"

"Yeah, Beauty?"

"I do so love you! I'm sorry about everything. I'm sorry I'm just a wreck lately."

"Sssh, you don't have to be sorry about anything. Was Jack a help?" He smoothed down her hair as they drew apart.

She eyed him briefly; deciding whether or not to tell him what Jack said about Kevin and everything else, "Yeah, he was. I'll tell you later okay? Let's just go eat and have some fun."

He smiled his acknowledgment and walked her out the back door with his arm around her shoulder.

CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

Kevin pulled into the small parking lot of the gray clapboard buildings that served as the island's airport. With only a few moments to spare, he climbed out of the rented Suburban and noticed the small commuter plane taxi towards the buildings. Taking a deep breath and pocketing his keys, he headed over to the gate to await Telly's arrival.

As the plane rolled slowly towards its final destination, Telly gripped her handbag closer to her chest and turned to the elderly woman on her left.

"I can't thank you enough, Mrs. Leduc, for listening to my pitiful ranting and your advice."

Mrs. Leduc patted her arm kindly, "Telly, my dear, you are a very bright, strong and dedicated woman. Don't be afraid of your feelings. Tell your young man what's in your heart. It's the only thing to do." Telly smiled appreciatively and bent to kiss the older woman's cheek.

"I will, Mrs. Leduc. Can I visit you while I'm here?" The sweet gray-haired woman nodded her head and withdrew a small pad of paper from her purse.

"You better, Telly. And stop calling me Mrs. Leduc! I told you my name is Jennie. Now, here's my number and address. I'll be here all summer and you pop in whenever you have a chance." Jennie passed the slip of paper to Telly before replacing her pen and snapping her purse shut. "Now, get out of here and go see your young man."

Telly smiled broadly and blew her a kiss as she walked off the small plane. Her smiled decreased slightly as she found Kevin standing at the gate waiting for her. With a very nervous flutter in her stomach, she walked over to him. He held out his arms and embraced her warmly.

"Hey, baby, how are you?" he asked pulling back and placing a light kiss on her lips.

"Good, and how are you?" she asked looking up into his eyes and noticing the tiredness and sadness there. "You look tired, Kevin."

Kevin gave her a small smile and nodded, "Just a bit. We stayed out pretty late last night and then I was up kind of early. Let's get your bag, shall we?"

They walked into the small terminal and stood silently side-by-side as they waited for the luggage to be led inside. Once they had Telly's one bag, Kevin caught her hand and led her from the airport. Both seemed apprehensive and quiet.

"Kevin?" Telly asked after they were buckled in and heading away from the airport, "Is there somewhere we can stop and talk?" She fiddled with the straps of her handbag and kept her gaze on the road before them.

Kevin cast her a quick look and sucked in his breath, "Sure, Tel." He took the next right and drove for several minutes before pulling alongside the road. "This okay?" he asked turning towards her. She looked out her side window and nodded.

"It's beautiful here, Kevin. Shall we get out?" She unbuckled her seat belt and opened her door before waiting for his answer. He quickly did the same and jogged over to her side and closed her door once she was out. She looked up shyly at him.

"Thanks." They walked through a small path of tall grass and weeds and stood at a small private opening to the beach.

Telly drew in a deep breath and then turned towards Kevin. "Kev, I've done a lot of thinking lately and, ah, oh boy. Kevin, I don't know how to say this, so I'll just say it. I'd like to cool things down a bit. We've been together a little over a year and the deeper we're getting into this relationship, the more I realize that I'm not ready for it." She caught his noticeable look of relief. "Am I to take that as you sort of agree?"

Kevin caught both of her hands in his and swallowed before answering, "Tel, you know I love you. You are an incredible woman and I have truly enjoyed the past year with you. However, yeah, I'm feeling the same. I'm sorry, Telly, but I didn't intend to mislead you at Howie's wedding by suggesting the possibility of us getting married."

She nodded quickly, "I know, babe. I didn't take it totally seriously, but it has made me do a lot of thinking. And, then when we spent the whole week together in Kentucky, I just, I don't know, sensed that it didn't feel right." She reached up and kissed his cheek. "Kevin, I don't want us to stop seeing each other, I really enjoy your company and I just don't want us both feeling guilty for not being "in love" as we both thought we should be."

Kevin drew her into his embrace, "Ah, Tel, you don't know just how easy you just made things for me. I've been struggling with these feelings lately, and, I just didn't know what to do."

She hugged him back and smiled against his shoulder, "Can we just be really great friends who have really great sex every now and then?" He chuckled against her ear and squeezed her tighter.

"Telly, you are amazing. But, promise me, if you find someone else, someone you really do fall in love with, just tell me. You deserve all the happiness in the world and the last thing I want to do is stand in the way of that."

Telly nodded and pulled away from him with a big smile, "Deal. However, you have to promise the same thing." Inwardly Kevin blanched, but hid it from her.

"Deal." He said quietly before capturing her lips in a sweet kiss. Within moments, the kiss had deepened and they both were caught up in the heated moment. "Let's take a walk." He said after they broke apart. She nodded and slid her arm around his waist as his went around her shoulders.

They walked along the beach together, both feeling freer than they had in weeks. The tension between them seemed to dissipate the further they went. Telly asked all kinds of questions about the group and the girls and then described her last week in New York at a business owner's convention. Kevin filled her in on everything and realized how good it felt to just talk with her again. He'd been distant from their relationship for weeks now, however, he said as little about Michelle as possible. Telly caught it but assumed it was because he'd barely spent much time with her in the last month as well.

CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

After a boisterous lunch on the patio, AJ and Patti took the convertible for a ride around the island. Brian and Lauren disappeared into the house and Michelle walked across the lawn to a wicker lounge chair with Kimberly. They cuddled together on the padded cushion and talked quietly about all the activities Kimberly was hoping to enjoy this summer. Sometime later, Nick and Aaron ran over to them and pulled Kim up off the chair.

“Come on, Kim, we’re going surfing.” Aaron grinned excitedly while shifting a small body board in his arms.

Michelle eyed Nick with concern as Kim and Aaron took off running. “Nick, I can’t thank you enough for keeping such a great eye on Kim for me. Without all of you, she’d be so neglected!” Nick squatted down next to her and smiled broadly.

“Shelly, you know I love hanging with her and she’s really helping me keep Aaron entertained too.” He had a mischievous twinkle in his eye.

Before she could question him about it, Howie was at her other side. “Scootch up.” he said and then settled himself behind her. She leaned back against his chest and smiled.

“What have you got planned, Nick?” she asked him laughing.

“Well, you see, I sorta have a date tomorrow night, so I figure you guys can keep Aaron busy for me.” He said, blushing slightly.

“A date? Really? Geez, Nick, we’ve been here only two whole days and you’ve got a date?” Howie asked while wrapping his arms around his wife’s ribs. She covered his arms with one of her own and laid her other hand on his thigh.

Michelle and Nick chuckled softly. “Yeah, well. . .”

“Well, who is she, Nick?” Michelle begged.

With a lopsided grin, he replied, “Her name’s AnaLee and she works down at that old fashioned drug store in town. Kim and I went in there this morning and AnaLee made us root beer floats.”

Michelle and Howie were smiling openly at their young friend. “Oh, Nick. That’s so great. So where are you going to take her?”

“Well, I just figured dinner somewhere and then maybe a walk around the wharf and those little shops.”

“That sounds very romantic, Kaos. I see you’ve learned well.” Howie teased.

“Yeah, well, so tomorrow? You’ll keep Aaron?”

“Absolutely, Nicky,” Michelle replied, “Anytime, you know that.” Nick nodded and stood up.

“Okay, I better go make sure Kim doesn’t try to drown Aaron for stealing her diary earlier. I’ll see ya.”

“Bye, Nick,” they both said with laughter in their voices.

“Mmm, this is so relaxing,” Michelle said after a few minutes.

Howie placed a light kiss on the side of her head and squeezed her a little tighter. “I love you,” he whispered.

“I love you,” she whispered back, “sing to me?”

“Hmm, what do you want?” he asked coyly.

“My favorite song, of course.” She said while slowly and gently running her hand along his left leg. He shifted slightly in the seat and made them both just a bit more comfortable and softly started singing My Heart Stays With You to her. She smiled lazily as she closed her eyes and rested against him, losing herself in his beautiful song.

A couple hours later they both slowly awakened from their nap on the chair. “This is nice,” he said, quietly rubbing his hands over her arms.

She turned her body to the left and snuggled up closer to him. “Very nice,” she murmured.

“Hey, you two! Get up here and be sociable,” Brian yelled from the patio. Michelle and Howie both chuckled before sharing a light kiss.

“Come on, Beauty. We better do as he says before he gets the hose back out.” He pushed her away just enough to stand up and then pulled her up. She groaned and leaned against him.

“The last thing I want is to get caught in the middle of one of your water fights. Oh look, Telly’s here.” They walked over to the patio and greeted Telly warmly with hugs and kisses.

“How was your convention, Tel?” Michelle asked her after they settled on a bench together.

“Boring, yet resourceful. I’ve got lots of new marketing ideas for the shop. But, I’ve got to be back by Friday. My assistant is getting overwhelmed with me being gone so much the last couple of weeks.” Telly replied smiling.

“Ah, Tel, that’s too bad. I wish you could’ve stayed longer. We’ll just have to make the most out of the time that you’re here, that’s all,” Michelle said.

Patti and Lauren joined them and the four women got reacquainted while the guys decided to play football on the lawn. “Who’s in the mood for some virgin strawberry margaritas?”

“Virgin? What’s the matter, Shelly, can’t stand the thought of alcohol today?” Lauren asked with a wicked grin on her face. She turned to Telly and expounded on their drunken festivities of last night. Michelle grimaced at her and then went inside to make the drinks. When she returned, she found the three women leaning against the railing and whispering quietly. She placed the tray on the table and stood next to Patti.

“What are we whispering about?” she asked looking at them and then following their eyes. She drew in her breath sharply and exclaimed, “Oh my!” The four women giggled like schoolgirls.

“Hot damn, look at AJ’s ass in those cut off shorts,” Telly licked her lips playfully.

“Christ, look at Howie’s glistening chest. Damn, Michelle, he is so fine,” sighed Lauren. “What it must feel like to lick that.”

“Get a load of Nick’s muscular thighs. Holy shit, if he does that maneuver one more time, I guarantee his prized possession is gonna slip right out of the leg of his shorts,” Patti panted.

“Holy shit, Lauren, when did Brian get so buff? Wow, look at his abs. No wonder you two are always disappearing. He must be getting plenty of exercise,” Michelle said in awe.

“Sure is, he’s been exercising on me. Push ups, you know?” Lauren replied distractedly.

The four women turned their gaze simultaneously towards Kevin.

“Fuck me!” cried Patti. “He’s got the best bod, no doubt about that.”

“Oh god, look at him tackling Nick. Wish to hell he was tackling me,” Lauren moaned.

“He tackled me earlier, in the sand. God, I’m dripping just thinking about it now.” Telly bit her lip wistfully, “I think I need more.” The three women laughed at her yearning expression.

“Michelle, your comment, please?” asked Patti.

Michelle looked over at her and smiled. “What can I say that you guys haven’t already said?” Inside her head, she was sadly recalling their brush with desire earlier.

“No way, you’ve got to give us one,” Telly ordered, her eyes twinkling in amusement.

“Okay, okay. Give me a sec.” Michelle closed her eyes and tried to clear her head. Just go with the flow. No one knows. Act normal. She opened her eyes and drank in the sight of Kevin. His body naked, except for the small pair of black shorts hugging his gorgeous hips. She drew in a sharp breath and sighed heavily. “Fuck, he’s too godly for words. I could cum just watching him.”

Lauren, Patti and Telly burst out laughing causing Michelle to laugh too. Their laughter escalated uncontrollably and within seconds they were all sitting on the deck laughing against each other and reiterating their lusty comments.

“Oh shit, my side hurts,” Michelle exclaimed after several minutes. She pulled herself up and turned towards the table to get the drinks. “Yikes.” She screamed and jumped backwards crashing into Lauren. “Oh god, what are you guys doing?” The other women froze and looked behind Michelle.

“Uh oh.”

“Oh Shit!”

“Oops.”

The five guys were standing there with smirks on their faces, arms either on their hips, or crossed over their chests.

“Um, ah, you, ah, need something?” Michelle croaked out not meeting any of the guys’ eyes, but instead looking back at her friends. Telly and Patti were covering their mouths to hold back their laughter, while Lauren was dying laughing against Michelle’s back.

“What was that about my abs and your tongue, Shelly?” Brian asked feigning ignorance. Michelle bit her top lip.

“Yeah, and, ah, Telly? Did I hear something about my ‘prized possession’ and your tongue?” Nick asked moving closer.

Telly stepped backwards landing on Patti’s foot. “Ouch!”

Michelle finally met Howie’s sparkling eyes and burst out laughing. “Oh god, you guys were so not supposed to hear any of that!” She doubled over holding her stomach, causing the gasping Lauren to collapse against her further. They held onto each other as they collapsed back onto the floor. With tears running down their faces, Patti and Telly laughed uncontrollably against each other as well.

CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

Within an hour, the girls had gone through two batches of strawberry margaritas and the teasing from the guys made their cheeks virtually the same bright pink as their drinks. Nick and Brian really played it up by imitating some of the women's earlier comments.

"Oh, Nicky, I just need to lick you all over," cried Brian in a very high feminine voice. Lauren lightly punched his arm.

"Oh, Brian, baby, lick me, lick me good," Nick responded, winking at Telly. Telly blushed furiously and turned her head into Kevin's shoulder with a groan.

"Jeez, Kev, sounds like one of the scenes out of that fanfic we read the other day." AJ laughed as he reached for his cigarettes and groaned at the empty pack. Crumbling it up in his hand, he threw it at Michelle. "Snizzler!"

"Oops," she said sheepishly as she climbed off Howie's lap and walked over to AJ. With her palm extended, "Give me the keys." AJ laughed and handed her a set of keys from his back pocket. "I'll be right back. Anyone else need anything at the store?" She asked, rolling her eyes at AJ's smug expression. She walked back over to Howie and bent to kiss him. "I won't be long." He kissed her back and nodded.

With much cajoling from Lauren and Patti, Kevin got up several minutes later with the empty drink pitcher and went into the house to make them another batch. While he was adding ice to the blender, Kimberly ran into the kitchen and threw the freezer door open.

"Oh, fudge!" Kevin cocked an eyebrow at her and smiled. "We're out of ice cream." With a sigh she walked over next to Kevin at the counter. "What are you making?"

He snapped the lid on the blender and pressed the button to crush the ice. "Frozen drinks."

"Booze in there?" she asked hesitantly. He looked down at her and saw her fearful expression. Putting an arm around her shoulders and drawing her close, he said, "No, Squirt. There's no booze in here. Don't worry, sweetie, no one's drinking tonight."

She nodded her head while biting her lip, "Good."

"What's wrong, Kim?" he asked quietly.

She shrugged her shoulders, "I just overheard some talk. Heard my mom got drunk last night," she said quietly and pulled a fresh strawberry off the counter to nibble on.

Kevin gave her a quick squeeze out of compassion, "Kim, don't worry about your mom. You know she almost never drinks and she just needed to let loose last night. Things have been kind of tough lately."

Kim looked up at him with wary eyes, "You know, Kevin, I understand a lot more about things than people give me credit for. I'm not a baby anymore." The hurt in her eyes totally took him by surprise. He shut the blender off and turned her towards him.

"Sometimes we all just try to protect you a little too much. None of us mean to treat you like a baby, Kim." He handed her a wooden spoon. "Stir."

Kim stirred the mixture in the blender and carefully ran her next words over in her head before responding. "Kevin, I know you drank too much the other night too. I could smell it."

Kevin sighed audibly and felt horrible. "I'm sorry, Squirt. I did drink too much. There's no good excuse for it and I'm really ashamed of doing it. I know how much drinking bothers you." He ran his hand through the back of her hair. "I promise you I won't do it again and I know your mom has no plans to drink again for a long time. I promise that you won't have to deal with that stuff ever again, okay?" He slid his arm back around her shoulder and stilled her shaking hand. "Please, don't dwell on it, honey. I swear I'll do everything in my power to make sure you don't have to live through that hell again." She dropped the spoon into the blender and buried her face into his stomach. He held her tightly and kissed the top of her head gently. "I'm sorry." He held her for several moments until he noticed her shaking had stopped. "You okay?" he asked quietly. She nodded against him and pulled away, wiping her eyes. "You want ice cream?"

She nodded and gave a short laugh, "Well, I did. . . "

"Ok, carry this outside for me and I'll go to the store." He said with a smile while handing her the pitcher. She smiled back up at him gratefully and took the pitcher from his hands. "Thanks, Kevin."

Kevin watched her leave the room and then grabbed another set of keys and headed out the front door.

Michelle bought three packs of cigarettes, two for AJ and one for herself. As she walked out of the small general store, she opened hers and lit one. She threw the keys and small brown bag onto the front seat of the car and then settled herself on the hood and smoked slowly, deep in thought.

Although they had all been sitting around having a great time for the last couple of hours, she had noticed that Kevin kept his gaze averted from her, just as much as she kept hers from his. Fortunately no one else seemed to have noticed their lack of communication or interaction. When she did catch his eye once, they both quickly looked away, but not before seeing the turmoil and conflict in the other's eyes. She sighed heavily and brushed the loose strands of her hair away from her face.

Jack had said she needed to discuss her thoughts and feelings more with Howie. But how the hell do you tell your husband that you wanted to be with one of his best friends earlier in the day? The last time she slept with Kevin had been around Christmas, long before she and Howie were married, and although they were deeply in love at the time, Howie accepted that Michelle and Kevin had been together, expected it to happen even and understood it, or so he said. There was no way he could expect, understand or accept after all this time. It wasn't right. It wasn't fair to him. How could she be in love with one man, yet crave another? Howie more than satisfied her needs, in every way, she thought, so why did she want to be with Kevin so bad earlier?

Jack said it's not uncommon to love two people in the same way. She flicked her cigarette butt onto the ground and lit a fresh one. Why did Jack say that? She was in love with her husband, she knew it and sensed it with every fiber of her being. She wasn't in love with Kevin; she just loved him like no other. You can't be in love with two people at the same time.

Jack said she needed to stop and analyze her feelings about each man, figure out what she was missing from Howie that Kevin gave her and why she chose Howie over Kevin in the first place. And what it was that attracted her to Kevin that she didn't get from Howie?

She groaned deeply, recalling her conversation with Jack and laid her head on her bent knees. Fuck Jack, he's a quack anyway. How many other shrinks out there smoke and swear with you, instigate you into exploding with rage, fluster you by twisting your words.

Good god, just imagine what Jack knows about Kevin and his feelings? He's been his shrink a lot longer than he'd been hers. What does Kevin talk about? Does Jack goad him and make him think things differently than the way you want to think them? Does Kevin talk about her?

With her head down, she continued smoking her cigarette, refusing to compare the two most important men in her life. Not now, she thought, I can't do that.

Kevin pulled the Suburban onto the crushed stone parking area in front of the general store and immediately noticed Michelle off to his left. He automatically shut off the engine as he watched her sit there, head bent, barely moving. With foreboding quickly spreading throughout his body, he quietly got out of the truck and walked towards her. He kept his eyes trained on her long blonde hair cascading over her shoulders and arms, shimmering in the early evening's fading sunlight.

CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

He gently placed his hand on her shoulder, "You okay, hon?"

Michelle jumped and snapped her head up. "Kevin!" She looked around him nervously before meeting his eyes, "What are you doing here?"

He removed his hand and slid it into his front pocket, "Ice cream run. Why are you just sitting here?"

She shrugged and concentrated on the crushed stone on the ground, "Just collecting my thoughts," she replied quietly while reaching for the cigarette pack lying next to her.

He quickly reached over and covered her hand with his own, "Don't. You don't need it. You only smoke when you're upset."

"Or drunk." She mumbled staring at his hand covering hers and then slowly pulled hers from underneath his. "Don't touch me."

Kevin snatched his hand back and turned away from her with a groan. He stood in silence for several moments, running a hand through his dark hair. Michelle stared at his back with regret. He was so stiff and quiet.

"I'm sorry, Kevin," she said softly, reaching out a hand to lightly touch him. He turned back towards her and caught her hand in his and stared at the top of her head. "I'm just afraid if I touch you anymore, I won't be able to stop."

"I wouldn't want you to stop," he said just as softly. She drew her eyes up slowly and met his. The desire in his eyes was unmistakable; she felt her heart beat a little quicker.

"That can't happen, we both know that. We both agreed."

"I know, I promised Howie," he said without thinking.

She pulled her hand quickly away from his again. "What do you mean you promised Howie? When did you talk about this?" Her voice rose steadily, in fear. "What did Howie say, Kevin?"

Kevin smacked himself in the forehead and groaned. "Christ, it was nothing, Michelle. I better go get Kim's ice cream." He turned away and took a couple of steps. Michelle slid off the car and quickly caught his arm, stopping him.

"Kevin! What the hell is going on? You and Howie had a conversation about me and you promised not to fuck me?"

Kevin spun quickly back towards her and pushed her up against the side of the car, "Can you please keep your voice down! For christ sake, we are in a public place." He held both of her upper arms in his hands and glared at her.

"Get your fucking hands off me, Kevin!" she said quietly but sternly, struggling against him.

"Michelle, stop it, please!" he implored. "I don't want to fight with you. Fucking hell! How the hell did this get so out of control?"

"Then you better start explaining to me what the fuck is going on!" Rage and fear blazed from her eyes.

"I can't, Michelle," he said closing his eyes and sighing, "I made a mistake, I said something to Howie and we had a talk. That's it. Now just forget it and let's move on!" He pushed himself away from her and ran his hands over his face. "Fuck!"

Michelle stared at him incredulously, reached over and grabbed her cigarettes and lit one before tossing the pack in the open window of the car. "Kevin," she said calmly, not knowing what to say. From past experience with him, she knew only just the right words would make him talk about something he didn't want to. "Please. Tell me what happened, I have to know. When did this talk take place? What did you say to Howie?" She knew that wouldn't do it. She frantically tried to recall any differences in Howie in the last few days. Aside from being his usual wonderful self, she recalled nothing out of the ordinary.

Kevin removed his hands from his face and shook his head, "I can't, hon. I can never tell you. I promised." He watched her eyes well up in resignation and cringed. "I'm sorry."

She turned away from him and climbed into the car without another word. She fumbled to get the right key into the ignition and swore softly under her breath at her shaking hands. Kevin took a step back and bit his lower lip. "I'm sorry, Michelle." He turned dejectedly and walked towards the store entrance. Michelle finally got the right key and started the car, quickly throwing it into drive and peeled out of the parking lot. Kevin looked back over his shoulder at her and swore softly under his breath.

When Michelle finally got back to the house, she just sat in the car for several moments, trying to compose herself. Her mind was reeling, wondering what Kevin had said to Howie about her and why Howie hadn't mentioned anything. She told herself to take a chill pill and move on, just like Kevin said, but, if something was going on that included her, then how can you just forget it? She wondered if Howie sensed her earlier desires for Kevin. He hid his feelings so well sometimes. He wasn't a good actor for nothing, that's for sure. Sometimes she was taken aback at his calmness, his serenity. He rarely blew up over anything. They've never really argued, not a good argument anyways. A few differences of opinion now and then, but he was always able to see her side of things and rationalize and smooth things over within moments. She was so proud of him and truthfully a bit envious that he was so in control of his emotions, unlike her.

Taking a deep breath to clear her mind, she got out of the car and locked it up. She noticed Kevin pull into the drive as she turned to walk into the front door. She looked at him briefly before hurrying inside. What the hell is she supposed to do? Kevin was her best friend; she couldn't stand not having him to talk to, to be comfortable with. She wasn't comfortable with him right now.

As she passed the door to the den, AJ yelled out to her. "There you are! What the hell took ya so long?" he asked with a wide grin, walking over to her with pool stick in hand. He leaned against the doorframe and immediately sensed her mood. "What's wrong?" he asked quietly looking over his shoulder at Howie who was lining up his next shot.

Michelle looked him in the eye and held out the bag to him. "Nothing, sexy. I'm fine. Here's your butts and I promise not to smoke any of them." She quickly reached up and kissed his cheek before going over to Howie. His eyes followed her, knowing something was bothering her. He heard the front door slam shut and turned his head back out to the hall. Kevin strode down it with his eyes cast downwards, two brown bags in his hands, his mouth set in a straight line. Kevin walked right past him without a word or a glance. AJ stared after him with a confused expression.

"Your up, Bone." Howie called. AJ turned back into the den and caught Howie gathering Michelle into his arms and kissing her playfully on the neck, causing her to giggle. AJ rolled his eyes, sighed and lined up his next shot.

"Where's my baby?" Michelle asked grabbing the sides of Howie's t-shirt as he nuzzled her neck.

"I'm right here, silly girl," he said licking her ear. She squirmed in his arms and giggled again.

"You are my big baby, where's my little girl baby?" she asked again before running her tongue down the side of his neck.

"Hey! You two, we're supposed to be having a game here!" AJ maneuvered his pool stick between them and waved it side to side, causing them to pull apart.

Howie smacked it out of AJ's hands and laughed. "Just wait, Bone. Next time you try to snuggle up with Patti, I'm gonna be in your face!" Michelle smiled lovingly at him and then kissed his cheek.

"I'm going to find Kim. Then I'm making an early night of it. It's been a long day." She ran her finger along his jaw and mouthed I love you at him. He playfully swatted her bottom and winked before bending over and picking up AJ's pool stick and tossing it to him.

CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN

Kevin entered the kitchen with a grim expression on his face.

"Geez, another moody one, eh?" Patti said playfully as she held out her hands for his bags.

Kevin looked down at her in surprise, "What's that suppose to mean?" he asked gruffly.

Patti sighed and took the bags out of his hands, "Between you, Kimberly and Michelle and all of your erratic moods today, I'd swear someone put downers in the orange juice and uppers in the water. What's the matter, Kevin? You look so sad and. . ."

Kevin patted her arm and gave her a small smile, "I'm sorry, Patti. I'm just tired I guess. Out of all of us, you should be the one with the mood swings, eh? You feeling good?"

Patti nodded and smiled brightly, patting her flat tummy, "Yup, but Alexander Junior here is craving mushrooms and ice cream."

Kevin leaned against the counter and chuckled at her, "Please don't tell me you've decided to name him after AJ. One AJ is more than anyone can handle." Patti laughed as she pulled a tray of stuffed mushrooms from the oven.

"Hmmm, want one?"

Kevin made a face and looked behind him into the living room, "Where's Telly?"

Patti indicated to the far end of the kitchen with a toss of her head, "Bathroom. Mmm, god, these are so good," she mumbled around her bite of her craving. "Kim's upstairs with Brian and Lauren. Nick and Aaron are playing Nintendo somewhere. AJ and Howie are playing pool and my sister has done another disappearing act. Have you talked to her, Kevin? She's so, I don't know, moody, happy one minute, quiet the next, and I'm worried." She rinsed her hands under the faucet and looked over to Kevin. He had his head down, his arms crossed and she caught his sigh. "What?"

Kevin looked back up to her and shrugged, "I don't know, Patti. It's been one hell of a week. She probably just needs to rest, relax and not worry about anything for a while. I'm going outside. Let Telly know when she comes out?" Patti nodded and went about putting the appetizers on a platter.

Michelle hung out with Kim, Brian and Lauren for half an hour, watching them play Monopoly, before she reached over and hugged her daughter. "I'm beat, baby, I'm going for a shower and then to bed."

Kim looked over her shoulder at her with a weird look, "Mom, it's not even 8:30 and you're going to bed?" The thought of going to bed that early was totally foreign to her.

Michelle laughed lightly and kissed her cheek, "Yeah, I know, but I’m tired. Brian?" She caught his eye, "make sure she's not the last one in bed?"

"Sure thing, Shelly. G'night." Brian rolled the dice and whooped for joy when he landed on Park Place. "It's mine, it's mine. I am King of the World! Ladies, be prepared to become poor and homeless!"

Michelle grinned at him, kissed Kim one more time and walked out of the room, closing the door quietly behind her. She walked down the hall slowly, trailing her hand along the railing as she went.

"Hey, babe." AJ bounded up the last two steps and stopped in front of her. "You okay? And don't tell me yeah, because I know you ain't."

She rolled her eyes and walked around him towards her room, "I'm fine, Bone. Just tired." He spun around and blocked her path.

"Bullshit. Something's going on between you and Kevin. You want to tell me what it is?"

"Nope. Goodnight, AJ," she stepped to her right to get around him. He stepped to his left blocking her way once more. "AJ, come on, huh? I'm not in the mood for your games." She put her hand on his arm and tried to push him aside.

"Michelle, I'm not playing around, I swear. I'm concerned. Please talk to me?" He cupped her chin and looked directly into her eyes, "You know it always feels better sharing your secrets with someone else." Her eyes welled up and she tried to pull her head away from him.

"AJ, please, I don't want to talk about it." He moved his hand from her chin to her hand and tugged her towards her bedroom.

"Come on." He led her into her room and closed the door behind them. "I'm not leaving until you spill it."

She ran her eyes over his face, almost frantically, trying to decide whether or not to confide in him. God knows, she needed to talk to someone, someone other than that quack Jack. He sensed her apprehension and led her over to the loveseat by the windows. He sat her in one corner and then made himself comfortable in the other facing her. "Talk."

She cast him one more glance before closing her eyes and taking a deep breath. "I almost had sex with Kevin earlier today and I don't know why I suddenly wanted him after all this time. I'm so incredibly happy with Howie and never ever want to do anything ever again to hurt him." The tears slowly slid down her face. "I've felt so confused and guilty and then Jack said that it's possible to love two people in the same way and I know that's not true. I'm in love with Howie and only Howie. He's everything I've ever wanted in a man. He loves me for who I am. I love every little thing about him. I never want to live without him." She angrily brushed the tears from her cheek. "I'm so sick and tired of crying lately. It's all I've done this past week." She stopped momentarily while she tried to control her tears. "And then there's Kevin. I do love him more than I've ever loved another friend. I love being with him, even when Howie's around. My life would not be complete if Kevin weren't in it. I couldn't go on if I didn't have Kevin to turn to. I love it when he's happy and smiles so genuinely. My heart almost explodes." She stopped again and dropped her head into her hands. "Oh fuck, AJ, I'm so fucked up."

AJ winced at her last words and quickly drew her into his arms, her head falling gratefully against his chest. He ran his left hand through her hair. "Just let it all out, honey. Get it all out of your system." He rocked her gently as she cried against him. "It's okay, it's okay." He squeezed her tighter against himself and kissed the top of her head. Michelle cried quietly for several minutes before catching her breath and wiping her face again.

"I'm sorry, AJ. I didn't mean to just blurt it all out. I thought by calling Jack earlier, he'd make everything okay, but it just made everything worse. And then I ran into Kevin at the store and he said he promised Howie that he wouldn't sleep with me again and now I'm afraid of losing Howie because I wanted Kevin." She gasped for air as she tried to control her breathing. "Oh god, what am I going to do?"

AJ had no clue what to say. He was stunned. Of course he knew about Michelle and Kevin last year. Hell, he'd punched Kevin good when he had confessed the next morning. They all knew now, well none of the girls, but damn it, he understood. He felt for her, knew the turmoil she was going through. He knew only too well the bond Michelle and Kevin shared; he knew how much Michelle and Howie were in love. They were almost sickening at times. He could only hope and pray that he and Patti would be that sickening to one of them some day. He continued to cradle her in his arms, rocking her gently, whispering soothing meaningless words to her.

When he realized that she had fallen asleep, he gently eased her back against the loveseat and got up and pulled the covers of her bed down. He went back over to her and quietly removed her sandals before picking her up and placing her in the bed. After covering her with the sheet, he bent down and brushed the hair from her forehead and kissed her softly. "Good night, babe." He quietly walked out of the room and eased the door closed.

As he turned to go down the stairs he noticed Kevin and Telly walking arm and arm towards their room. "Kevin!" he called quickly. They turned around in surprise and broke apart. "I need to talk to you, now." His voice wasn't harsh, just authoritative.

Kevin looked stunned and glanced down at Telly. She smiled sweetly and pushed him on, "Go ahead. I'll just take a bath while I wait for you."

Kevin kissed her lightly and then moved towards AJ. "What's up, Bone?" he asked with some wariness.

AJ just shot him a quick look and trotted down the stairs. "Just follow me, will ya?" He looked back to make sure Kevin was following. At the end of the stairs he waited for Kevin to catch up. "I don't know what the fuck is going on between you, Michelle and Howie, but I do know it ends now. Come on." He tugged on Kevin's arm and pulled him towards the den. Kevin was too stunned to resist. AJ stopped at the doorway of the den and called out to Howie, "D? Can we see you for a minute?" Howie looked up from his game of pool with Patti and shrugged his shoulders. He handed Patti his cue and walked towards AJ.

CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT

"What's going on, AJ?" The look of determination and frustration on AJ's face startled Howie.

"The three of us need to talk and I mean now!" He strode down the hall towards the back patio and yanked the sliding glass door open before stepping outside. Howie and Kevin looked at each other and Howie noticed the apprehension on Kevin's face.

"What's all this about, Kev?" Howie asked in confusion. Kevin just shrugged his shoulders and followed Howie down the hall.

AJ was pacing back and forth, dragging deeply on a cigarette. When he noticed both men were standing behind him, staring at him, he quickly walked over between them and pulled the glass door closed. "Ok, I don't know what the fuck you two are doing, but I can tell you that Michelle is up there going through fucking hell. Now, who wants to enlighten me?" He turned his dark eyes on Kevin and glared up at him.

Kevin blanched and looked quickly at Howie. "I swear D, I didn't tell her what I told you." Howie folded his arms across his chest and stared at AJ.

"What the fuck are you talking about, AJ? What do you mean Michelle is going through hell. Yeah, she's been up and down all day, but. . . what?" AJ sighed in exasperation and turned to Howie.

"Howie, she's afraid of losing you because she almost had sex with Kevin today."

Kevin sighed deeply and dropped into a deck chair. Howie spun around towards Kevin and advanced upon him.

"You promised me, you motherfucker. What did you do to her?" His voice rose with each word as he swung his fist at Kevin. AJ acted quickly and pounced on Howie before his fist made contact.

"Jesus Christ, D, chill out!" AJ flicked his cigarette onto the deck and pushed Howie back a few steps. "Fucking punching anyone isn't going to settle anything."

Kevin collected himself quickly and got up. Taking a hesitant step, he met Howie's glare and stopped. "I didn't tell her anything, D. Earlier today, I was just trying to comfort her over that web site shit. I had no intentions on seducing her, believe me! I was there as her friend, but it just happened, we just started kissing." Howie struggled against AJ's hold on him.

"Let me go, AJ!" he said with clenched teeth.

"No fucking way, man," AJ looked back at Kevin, "Keep talking, Train, or I will let him go."

Kevin flinched and then straightened his shoulders. With his own anger rising, he stepped closer to them. "You listen to me, Howie, I promised you I wouldn't tell her what I told you and that I wouldn't take her from you. I won't! But that kiss was mutual and the decision to stop was equally mutual. We both agreed almost instantly that there was no going any further anymore, out of respect for you and your feelings. Jesus, Howie, it was just a mistake. Michelle doesn't love me, she only wants to love you." By the time he was finished, he had beads of sweat appearing on his forehead and a look of anguish in his eyes.

AJ sighed deeply and quietly said, "That's where you’re wrong, man. She doesn't want to feel the way she does, but she wants you both. She loves you both. She just doesn't actually realize it. Fucking Jack told her it's possible to love more than one person in the same way. While I admit he's helped me a lot lately, he's just too unconventional at times." He felt Howie slacken in his struggles and released him.

Howie sank down onto the bench behind him and cradled his head in his hands. "Jesus," he whispered.

"I'm sorry, D. But you both can't let her torment herself over this. You know despite all the strength and happiness she's gained over the last eight months, that she can easily slip backwards." AJ knelt next to Howie and placed a hand on his knee, before turning to look up at Kevin. "You of all people, Kevin, know how easy that can be." Kevin nodded slightly and stared off towards the blackened sea. Howie shook uncontrollably and sighed.

"This isn't fair," he said quietly. "I've only just got started living my life with her. I need more time, I want her forever."

Kevin felt his gut tighten and took a few faltering steps towards the edge of the patio. "I'll leave, D. I'll take Telly and go back home," he said in a hoarse voice. "I'll stay away from Michelle. She's yours and you deserve her. You've been too generous and understanding all this time. I can't ask for more. I won’t ask for anymore, I swear." He gripped the railing tightly with his hands and choked back an urge to vomit.

AJ looked back and forth between the two men, his mind reeling. "What did you tell Howie, Kevin?"

Kevin remained silent as he gulped for fresh air.

"He told me he's in love with her," Howie said quietly behind his hands. AJ flinched and looked at his friend in compassion.

"D, I'm so sorry. God damn, I didn't expect any of this," AJ said huskily. “I don’t know what to say. . .”

The three men remained silent, lost in their own thoughts for several minutes. Kevin continued to breathe deeply against the railing. Howie stayed hunched over on the bench, head in hands, silent tears slipping from his eyes. AJ got off his knees and lit another cigarette and stood between his two friends, smoking quietly, casting glances at each man every few seconds.

*************

Patti straightened up the den, collected the dirty dishes and glasses and brought them into the kitchen. As she stacked them in the dishwasher she happened to glance out the window and saw Kevin leaning dejectedly against the railing, his back to her. She saw AJ pacing back and forth and the red embers from his cigarette glowing in the dark. She moved slightly to her right and saw Howie sitting on the bench, legs stretched out, head leaning against the railing and staring up at the stars. She shivered at their solemn poses and slowly walked towards the door.

“You guys okay?” she asked with trepidation, leaning on the open door for support. All three jumped and turned towards her.

“Ah, yeah, babe, just hashing out some stuff,” AJ stuttered and moved over to her, “Why don’t you go up and, ah, draw us a nice bath and I’ll join you in a few minutes?” He leaned over and kissed her nose.

She smiled brightly, in anticipation, and nodded. “Sure, babe. You sure you guys are okay? You all look a little lost.”

Howie stood up, ran his hands through his loose hair and echoed AJ’s words, “Yeah, Patti, we’re okay, just dealing with some stuff. . . don’t worry about us.” He turned and looked over at Kevin, who had his hands shoved deep into his front pockets and his head hanging down.

Patti nodded again and kissed AJ quickly on the lips before heading back inside. AJ watched her walk down the length of the hall and turn right at the staircase. Taking a deep breath, he turned back towards Howie and Kevin, “So what are we going to do, guys?”

Howie tore his gaze away from Kevin and met AJ’s. “I don’t know, Bone. Thanks for your help though, thanks for talking to her and letting me know.” His voice was raspy.

AJ looked over at Kevin and walked towards him. “Train?” Kevin lifted his head and met AJ’s eyes. AJ hated the pain and sorrow Kevin’s eyes contained.

“I swear, Bone, I never wanted any of this to happen. I never expected to fall in love with her. Brian thinks maybe I was a little all along. . .”

“Brian knows about this too?” AJ asked incredulously.

Kevin nodded, “I told him the other day. I felt so horrible for the hell I caused Howie.” He turned slightly towards Howie and caught him watching him. “I swear Howie, I meant it when I said I’m sorry, I never ever wanted to hurt you.” Howie swallowed several times and nodded. “I’m going to leave tomorrow, go back to Orlando for the rest of the summer. The four of you can work from here and. . . “

“No, Kevin,” Howie interrupted quietly. “Don’t make any plans yet, please. I’m going to talk to Michelle. I don’t want you to leave and I know she wouldn’t want you to leave either.”

“None of us wants anyone to leave,” pointed out AJ, grateful that at least Howie and Kevin were talking.

Kevin shook his head, “What good will it do, D? Just leave her alone about this. I’m sure the last thing she wants to do is hurt you by telling you anything about me. I think it’s best I just put some distance between us. . . “

“Did putting distance between you and her all last month help any, Kevin?” Howie asked quickly, knowing his answer.

Kevin blinked rapidly a few times, stumbling over his words, “Well, ah, I don’t, ah. . . “

“That’s what I mean. Just don’t do anything, Kevin, tonight or tomorrow, okay?” Howie walked closer to AJ and Kevin and stood before them both, “I know how much I love her and I’m not going to let her conscience come between us. I’ll admit that I’m hurt that I’m not enough for her, that she still needs and wants you Kevin, but I knew that in the beginning, didn’t I? And I know why she needs you. I told you both that. I just thought maybe someday that I’d get her one hundred percent.” Tears slipped from both his eyes and he turned away from them, self-consciously.

Kevin’s heart tightened at his friend’s suffering. “God D, I’m so sorry,” he said hoarsely, clasping Howie’s shoulder and turning him back to face him. Both men moved towards the other automatically and they embraced as two hurting friends do, giving each other support and strength. AJ choked back his own sob at the realization that Howie didn’t hate Kevin because his wife loved him too and that Kevin didn’t hate Howie for having the woman he wanted.

With a huge sigh, he stepped over to them and wrapped his arms around both of them. “She’s gotta be the luckiest woman in the world to have two men such as yourselves love her so much,” he said quietly.

CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE

After taking a long quiet walk on the beach, Howie entered his darkened bedroom, casting a quick glance at his sleeping wife, before shutting and locking the door behind him. He walked slowly towards the bed, kicking off his loafers and pulling his shirt over his head, letting it lie on the floor where it fell. He unzipped his shorts and let them fall to the carpet, stepping out of them as he pulled the covers down on his side of the bed. He crawled in as gently as he could and laid on his left side, watching her shoulder rise and fall in her sleep, before pulling her warm body close to his.

She sighed contentedly, snuggling her back closer to him when he wrapped his right arm around her waist. He noticed she still wore her clothing from earlier in the day and thought of how tired and conflicted she must have been to fall asleep fully dressed. He curved his body around hers and inhaled the faint almond fragrance of shampoo still lingering in her hair.

As he lay there, holding her, the words of one of their earlier songs came to mind. “If I don’t have you, to hold on to, I can’t go on, in this world alone . . . “ He let out a small groan and kissed behind her ear while gently running his hand across her stomach.

She murmured in her sleep, “Don’t ever leave me, Howie.”

Tears pooled in his eyes as he whispered, “Never Beauty, I’ll never leave you.” She turned in her sleep towards him and wrapped an arm around his waist, burrowing her head in the crook of his neck. He slipped his left arm under her and pulled her closer, kissing her forehead.

As Michelle became aware of him holding her, she clutched him tighter. “Howie? I love you so much,” she said still not fully awake. Her lips met his throat and she lightly kissed him while straightening out her body and pressing herself closer to him. She moved her arm from around his waist up into his hair and tilted her head to look up at him through her half closed eyes. “I wish I could wake up like this every time.” She smiled sleepily at him and kissed his chin before opening her eyes fully and looking at him. His eyes were watery, his brown irises almost covered by his enlarged black pupils. “Babe, what’s the matter?” she asked coming fully awake.

Howie brushed away the hair covering her cheek and leaned down to capture her lips with his own. He slowly moved across them, tasting them, savoring them. “You’ve still got your clothes on,” he mumbled passing his hand across her shoulder and down her arm. “Let me take care of that for you,” he whispered in her ear before sucking her earlobe gently between his lips.

She moaned at the sensations that his tongue and lips were causing as he made his way down her neck. She felt his hardening shaft pressing against her thigh. “Oh baby!” she moaned.

He pulled himself away from her and got to his knees beside her, tugging the sheet away from her body. He pushed her hip gently so that she lie on her back, before he slipped his fingers over the cotton fabric of her shorts, stopping finally at the waistband and gently tugged them down. She raised her hips to assist him while she kept her eyes locked with his. He pulled and then pushed the shorts down past her knees and let her kick them off while he smoothed his hands back up her thighs ever so slowly. She bit her lip and let out the tiniest of moans as his palms passed over her pelvis and his thumbs teasingly brushed her clitoris on their way back up. He smiled sexily as his hands continued traveling north, slipping easily under her white top, pushing the soft fabric up with the back of his hands. As his fingers met the undersides of her breasts, she groaned again and arched her body towards him.

Slowly, tantalizingly, he moved his hands up and over her bare breasts, pleased that she wasn’t wearing a bra. Her arms moved over her head as he continued to slowly push the shirt up and then gently over her head and off her arms. She stretched her hand towards him and caressed his smooth chest as he carelessly flung the clothing over his shoulder.

He cupped the sides of her face before sliding his mouth towards hers. “I want to make love to you, all night long, like you’ve never been loved before. I want to taste every inch of you; I want to fill you completely. I want to drive you into oblivion with passion and desire. Will you be mine, one hundred percent?”

She caught him around the waist and pulled him closer. “God, Howie, yes, yes. Anything you want, just love me, make love to me, forever and ever.”

His tongue plunged into her mouth wildly and battled with hers. She slid her hands down to his hips and dug her fingers against his taut ass, pulling his crotch closer to hers. She parted her legs and threw her left leg over his thigh, allowing his throbbing cock to slide against her panty-covered mound.

His hands kneaded and caressed her breasts as she pushed her pelvis at him. With a loud groan, he pulled away from her and quickly pushed her panties down and off her body. He cupped her mound and slid a finger in as he crushed his lips back against hers once again.

She maneuvered her right hand from underneath him and surrounded his hardness with her fingers, squeezing lightly, stroking slowly, then faster.

Cries of desire escaped from both of them as he pulled her hips towards him more and pulled her leg over his once again. “I wanted this slow, but I need to be inside you now.”

“Yes! Please baby, love me, fuck me,” she cried passionately and then moaned loudly as he pushed himself against her opening, teasing her momentarily. She moved her hand back down onto his ass and nudged him on. With an urging plea, she thrust her pelvis towards him. He chuckled lowly against her mouth and swiftly entered her, spanning his hand across her ass cheek and pulling her closer to allow deeper entrance.

“Oh good god, Howie!” she cried as he ground his hips against hers and kneaded her ass with his fingers. He moved his mouth to her shoulder and nipped her softly while thrusting into her several times.

Suddenly he stopped and pulled out, causing her to moan petulantly.

“I want you to cum for me.” He moved his hand quickly back onto her mound, dipping his finger into her moist slit and drawing it up and down the length of her opening, while hungrily reaching for her nipples and sucking one into his mouth.

He sucked and teased, driving her crazy, before sliding his mouth down her body and running his tongue through her dark blonde hair before sucking her swollen clit into his mouth. She spasmed and jerked her hips upward as he rolled his tongue around her and cupped her ass in both hands. She rolled slightly to the right and nudged his leg up and over her chest so that she could feast on his swollen cock. He groaned deeply when she flicked her tongue over the head and encircled it with her lips.

His fingers busied themselves tormenting her while his lips and tongue continued their magic on her bud. She guided his cock in and out of her mouth with her left hand as she teased and squeezed his ass with her right. Both of them moaning and groaning constantly as they pleased each other’s bodies.

Howie moved his hand downwards again and gently teased her back hole with his wet finger, causing her to thrust her hips higher against his mouth. He licked lavishly at her clit, bringing her to frenzy and then slid his finger into her, causing her to scream in ecstasy and arch higher. He sucked and licked her faster as his finger pumped in and out of her ass at a tortuously slow speed.

She licked and nibbled on his cock, squeezed his ass and teased his own puckered hole, all while raising and lowering her pelvis as waves of desire and heat overcame her body. He slid a second finger into her virgin ass, causing her to scream lustily as her vagina tightened and convulsed against him. He dipped his thumb into her pussy and pressed against her swollen walls as she came quickly from his skillful ministrations. As she moaned and twisted her body, his cock clasped tightly in her hand, Howie continued to plunge his fingers in and out of her.

“God, Howie, fuck me, fuck now, please!” she cried. He swung his body around and covered hers completely, cupping her face, plunging his tongue into her mouth as he plunged his aching cock deep into her pussy. She moaned against him, sucking on his tongue hungrily, while wrapping her legs up and around his hips. “Oh god, oh god, Howie, harder, fuck me harder,” she cried.

He moved his hands down beside her hips, raised his chest off her body and slammed into her numerous times before crying out and thrusting into her one last time. As he came, her hands flew across his chest, stomach, and hips in loving, wanting caresses. With a final groan, he collapsed on top of her.

She wrapped her arms tightly around his shoulders, keeping her feet locked around his ass, and kissed the top of his head over and over.

“God, Howie, you are too amazing,” she said softly against his ear.

“I’m not finished yet,” he replied with a soft laugh as he ran his hand languidly along her thigh.

CHAPTER THIRTY

In the next room, Lauren and Brian sat side by side on the floor at the end of the bed, tears streaming down their faces, abdomens aching from the convulsive laughter they were trying to bring under control.

"Oh, god Bri, we really should go downstairs or something. It's just not right sitting here and listening to them," Lauren said as she struggled to stand up.

Brian clung to her arm to prevent himself from falling over in another fit of giggles. "Oh, man, you're right of course, but, damn, I've never heard Howie and Michelle going at it before and that was just way too wild."

Lauren dropped down onto his lap and ran her fingers through his messy light brown hair, "Brian, you are just way too immature sometimes. Geez, you'd think listening to all that moaning and groaning, it would’ve given you some lusty ideas of your own, but no, you just sit here and make crazy faces and roll around on the floor laughing your ass off."

Brian feigned a somber expression and brought his hands up onto her shoulders and looked seriously into her blue eyes. After several seconds of staring pensively at her, he suddenly grinned like a Cheshire cat and twisted their bodies so that she slid off his lap onto the floor, his hands pushing her down onto her back.

"Brian!"

"What's wrong with rolling on the floor, eh?" he asked covering her body with his and rolling them both so that he was underneath. "You want lusty ideas, woman, I've got lusty ideas."

She grinned broadly at him, licked her lips and replied, "Well, what are you waiting for, do tell!"

************

In the next room, Nick was stretched out on his bed, arms crossed comfortably behind his head, legs crossed casually at the ankles. He stared up at the smooth white ceiling and thought about his date with AnaLee the next evening.

’ello AnaLee, you look beautiful, I'm really looking forward to spending the evening with you.' Nah, too serious, be fun loving Nick. Ok, 'Hey babe, what's shakin.’ No, you sound like a gigolo. Mmmm, ok, how about, 'Hi AnaLee, you look really pretty tonight. I need you tonight.' No, no, dumbass, you can't tell her that right away, give it a couple hours. Be smooth, be cool, dude. Yeah, I'll be cool and. . .

With a growl he rolled off the bed and flung open his double closet doors.

Oh man! What the hell am I gonna wear?

He rifled through the hordes of clothing hung haphazardly on the racks, not satisfied with anything he saw or touched.

Damn! I better have AJ go shopping with me tomorrow. Wait, not AJ, he'll make me look too funky. D! I'll have D go with me. Nah, Howie is too meticulous. Hhmmm, me-tic-ul-ous, I like that word. Nah, D will have me in the same damn store all damn day. Frick? Kev? Patti! Yeah! Patti will go and pick out just the right thing. That girlie's got excellent taste!

With a sigh of relief, Nick plopped back down onto his bed.

 Now, what should I order? Steak? Chicken? Lobster? 

***********

In the next room, a sweet young boy sat on the closed toilet seat behind the closed bathroom door, sneakily reading from a slim journal.

"Ah ha!" he cried out suddenly and then quickly covered his mouth with a guilty conscience, "I knew it!" he whispered to himself, "I knew she liked me! Yeah! Mrs. Kimberly Carter!"

He sighed dreamily and thought about the tall slender beauty with the sparkling blue mischievous eyes that he'd spent the last few days with. Inspiration hit him and he jumped off the toilet, yanked open the closed door, flew across his room, skidded to a stop, dropped to his knees and rifled through his duffel bag. "Yeah! I'll write her a song. . ."

He pensively chewed on the end of a pen as he stretched out on the floor on his tummy and opened his notebook to a fresh sheet of paper. "Hmm, now what do I want to say?" He concentrated and then concentrated some more. "I’ve got it!" he cried out, this time not concerning himself with his outburst or guilty conscience, and started writing furiously.

***********

In the next room, which was actually directly across the landing, Telly lounged comfortably against the half dozen pillows propped up along the headboard of Kevin's king size bed.

"Oh Jennie, you were so right," she cooed into the slim white phone, "How can I ever thank you. . . I know, honesty was the best policy. . . yes and he took it so well. . . well, turns out he was feeling the same pressures as me. . . oh yeah, the tension has definitely lifted and. . . I'll tell you, I haven't had so much fun with him in so long as I did today. . . well, that is until about two and a half hours ago. . . no, nothing like that, he just had to go off with his band mates and discuss business and he's still not come back yet.. . . What? No not really, well, maybe, I'm worried just a little, but you know guys, Jennie. Once they get going they loose all track of time. . . Ah, Jennie, you are a dear. . . I'd love to have lunch with you tomorrow. . . no, Kevin won't be able to make it. He and the guys have rented a small studio in Madaket and they're going over there tomorrow to start working. I guess it can't be all fun and games. . . Great, Jennie, I'll see you tomorrow about eleven. Good night and bless you!"

Telly hung up the phone with a happy smile and drew the stack of magazines that littered the bed closer towards her. As she leafed through them, she cast a quick glance at the bedside clock, 10:45 p.m.. "Where is he? How long does it take to talk to AJ?" An article in the Boston Journal caught her eye and she snuggled down into her pillows and commenced reading.

***********

In the next room, the glow of a small shell shaped night light reflected off the full length mirror attached to the back of the bathroom door. If you were to look into that mirror, you'd see the dark blonde tresses of the sleeping child hanging off the end of the bed directly in front of it.

Kimberly rarely bothered pulling her covers down and sleeping in a bed in the conventional way, opting instead to pull a pillow or two down to the end and falling asleep wherever she may lie, listening to her favorite music station on the radio.

At home, Howie or Michelle usually ended up placing a light quilt over her every night to keep her warm and comfortable. While in Nantucket, Kevin had taken it upon himself to check her every night and place a light quilt over her to keep her warm and comfortable. Kimberly shivered slightly and drew her knees up tight against her body. There was no quilt keeping her warm tonight.

************

In the next room, which was available for any potential visitors, if you crossed the room and pressed your ear against the far left wall, you'd hear the splashing and giggling coming from the next room.

************

In that next room, AJ turned off the hot water tap and crawled back over to the sleek, wet body of the mother of his son, who was expected to make his grand entrance into Backstreet World right around Christmas.

With a lusty grin on his face, AJ snaked his lean wet body through the water over Patti's and stopped to nibble on a pink nipple poking out of the quickly dissolving white bubbles.

"Oh, AJ, you do the most sinful things with that mouth of yours!" she moaned in desire as she leaned her head back against the edge of the large square tub, drowning in the waves of heat and passion that coursed through her body.

"Tell me you'll do it or I'll stop now," he teased in between lavish licks and nips of her breast.

Patti moaned hoarsely, "AJ. . . I can't."

"Yes you can," he replied softly moving his hand between her parted thighs and teasing her bud with his index finger.

"Oh god, AJ, don't stop!" she cried.

He slowly grazed his tongue and fingers over her, "Say yes then!" He slid a finger into her warm slit and pressed his thumb against her clit.

"YES! YES! Whatever you want, just fuck me, baby!" She squirmed her hips and tried drawing him closer by hooking her legs over his butt.

In one swift motion, he slid higher up her body and entered her with his hard wet cock, burying himself to the hilt. "Oh god," he moaned against her mouth, "this will be the best Johnny video I've ever done, with you seductively dancing around me in a smoky dark bar." He thrust himself into her harder and harder as she begged for more and he pictured her in a slinky dress while he sang in a raspy husky voice to her.

At the short meeting the guys had yesterday, they'd talked AJ into doing "Try a Little Tenderness" on his own, as originally planned. Brian and Nick were writing a new song they thought would be perfect to shoot a video to on the beach with all their women.

************

In the next room, which was directly across the landing, Howie and Michelle collapsed against each other one more time.

"Holy shit, D! Where are you getting all this energy?" Michelle asked breathlessly as she laid her head against his glossy chest. He chuckled deeply and wrapped his arms around her naked body lying on top of his naked body.

"Just trying to prove that you don't need no other man." The second the words were out of his mouth he regretted them.

CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE

Kevin stood stiffly, hands tucked in the front pockets of his jeans, close to the edge of the bluff, not noticing the light rain falling upon him; just staring down at the angry black sea and foamy white caps as it slammed against the cluster of boulders huddled together below him.

He contemplated taking a few extra steps forward and just letting himself fall - fall down onto the boulders that would surely crush his body.

He pictured himself lying face down, body twisted and broken, cold salty water spitting at him, hitting him, covering him, calling him coward.

He pictured hordes of people, all donned in severe black, surrounding his coffin. Through their tears they’d be saying such things as: What a shame, he was so young, or What a waste, he had so much to live for, or even perhaps, Serves him right, he was nothing but a coward.

He pictured Kimberly, standing so tall and brave, desperately trying to hide the emotions engulfing her as she so often did; reaching out a hand and tentatively touching his cold stiff one, pleading with him to come back for her. How many times had he promised her that he’d be there for her, save her from suffering a life of misery again?

He pictured Howie cradling Michelle in his arms, trying to console her over the loss of her soul mate, her best friend. Hadn't they always promised to be there for each other as well? Weren't they each other’s lifeline to staying sane, in control, happy? Without each other to grab a hand and pull the other from the depths of depression that swirled and tantalized around them, neither could surely go on. If he left her now, what would she do? Would Howie be able to take his place in that respect?

He pictured her cradled in Howie’s arms, sobbing uncontrollably over his lifeless form, a small shiny razor blade gripped tightly between her fingers.

With a strangled cry, he backed away from the edge of the bluff and looked around himself, wondering where he was. He peered through the light rain towards the beckoning glow of a porch light. The Summer House Inn standing majestically behind him and then he remembered.

Running his hands up and down his cold wet arms, he turned and jogged back up the path towards the car, sinking into it, grateful for it’s warmth and dryness. As he let the engine idle he leaned his head back against the headrest and thought once again of Howie’s last words to him.

**************

Michelle slowly drew her head off Howie’s chest and pushed the damp hair from her cheeks before meeting his eyes. They silently stared at one another, searching for the right words.

“Howie, I. . . “

Howie turned them to the right so that she slid off his body onto the soft mattress beside him. He placed his fingers against her lips, as he struggled to untangle the twisted sheets from his legs. She raised herself up as well, drawing the rumpled sheet up to her chest and turning towards him with pleading eyes, “Please, let me explain.”

He grasped her hand and pulled it towards his chest, his heart pounding fiercely. “I shouldn’t have said that, Beauty. I didn’t mean to, it just slipped out.” His dark eyes roamed her face as if trying to memorize once again every fine detail. “I just. . . “ He tore his eyes away and trained them on the wall behind her and sighed desolately.

Michelle got up on her knees before him and pulled him tight against her. “Oh Howie, I’m so sorry. You are all I need in a man. I love you totally, one hundred percent. I can’t bear to see you so sad. I’m so sorry about Kevin, I don’t know why I almost. . . “

Howie pulled out of her embrace and kissed her quickly. “You don’t have to explain. I understand. . . I understand totally. You love Kevin too and you need him in certain ways that I can’t be there for you.“

With a fierce shake of her head, “No, Howie, I only love you, please believe me.” She choked out her words, desperate to pull him back into her arms, desperate to believe what she just said. He held her off by gently grabbing her wrists and bringing her hands up to his lips.

“Beauty, please understand, I’m not mad at you. I love you immensely. I was so fearful of losing you when he first told me, but, I know, I feel, I see how much you love me, too.”

“When he first told you? Told you what, Howie? I don’t understand. Why would you even think of losing me? I have never loved someone as much as I love you. I’m the one afraid of losing you because of my feelings for Kevin.” The words just poured from her mouth as the tears pooled in her eyes.

“Kevin loves you.”

“I know that, Baby. I love him too, of course. . .”

“No, Kevin is in love with you, he told me so.”

Michelle eyes opened wide in disbelief, “No, Howie, that can’t be, you must have misunderstood him.”

“No,” he said shaking his head slowly, “it’s true. That’s the real reason he’s been so distant lately. Telly was only a part of it. He’s in love with you and it pains him deeply. He promised not to take you away from me.” His last few words were said barely above a whisper.

Michelle let out a heart-wrenching sob and pulled her hands free from his to cover her eyes, “No, No, it’s not possible.”

“Yes, and you are in love with him too. I think Jack and AJ are both right. You love us both,” Howie gently took hold of her hands once again and pulled her against his chest. “I don’t know how to deal with this exactly, that’s why I tried proving myself as more of a man to you earlier, but I’ve realized that’s not what draws you to Kevin. You need each other spiritually, soulfully, and your sexual attraction to each another is a natural extension of that. I understand it now. You need both of us.” He gently kissed the top of her head.

"No." she whispered, "no. Just you, Howie. I. . . "

"What would you do if he was gone, never to be part of your life again?" he asked softly. She pulled back quickly and the look of shock and fear filling her eyes answered his question, as he knew it would be answered. "I can't take that away from you."

She closed her eyes, bent her head so that her hair covered her face and cried, "Oh god. ."

Howie wrapped his arms around her shoulders once again and leaned them both back against the pillows. They lay in each other’s arms for a long time, not speaking, just thinking.

"I'm so sorry, Howie," she whispered against his chest as she lightly trailed her fingers across his abdomen. "I've never wanted to hurt you and I just keep doing it. I do love you totally. You deserve someone better. . . "

"Don't, Beauty, don't say that. I know you love me. Everything is going to work out fine, you'll see." They shared a tender kiss, a kiss filled with love. "If I have to share you, I will." His eyelashes fluttered slightly as he looked down at her glossy green eyes.

"You won't have to share me, Howie, I'll continue to love him as my best friend, but I'll never again sleep with him. I promise you that, I don't need that from him." Her eyes implored him to believe her. "Only you."

"I wasn't just talking about sex, babe. I'll share your love with him." She shook her head slightly and sighed deeply, amazed that this one man could accept that she loved not only him, but also another. Amazed that he could still love her, knowing she loved another almost as much as she loved him. Amazed that he knew, before she did, that it was possible to love two people in the same way.

"And you and Kevin? How will this affect your friendship? I can't bear the thought of coming between you," she asked quietly

"We'll work it out, don't even think about it." He gave her a comforting squeeze before pulling away. "I'll be right back." He eased off the bed, pulled his shorts on and padded towards the bathroom. Michelle watched his every movement, admiring the grace with which he carried himself. He was so self-assured, so peaceful. She watched him with her heart swelling even more.

"Howie?" she called out softly. He turned and looked over his shoulder at her, "I'll always love you the most." He smiled broadly and nodded.

CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO

She slid out of the bed and pulled a long robe from the closet, securing it around her shivering body. Her gaze caught the shimmering gleam of the moon, as it seemed to dance between the raindrops that were drizzling down along the window. She closed her arms around herself and leaned against the windowpane. "How will I ever prove myself to him now?" she asked herself quietly.

She felt his warm arms wrap around her waist from the back, "There's nothing to prove," he stated, kissing her cheek. "Don't be sad, baby. I know you're thinking I'm hurting, but honestly, it's not as bad as I expected. Being able to bring this all out in the open has made it seem less awful than it really is." She turned quickly in his arms and snuggled against his chest.

Shaking her head slowly, "No one has ever loved me as much as you have. No one has ever accepted everything about me that makes me the person I am. I can only tell you that I do love you with my whole heart and soul. I love you more than anyone I've ever known. My life would have no meaning if I don't have you. I love Kevin too, but not to the magnitude that I love you." She pulled away slightly and brought her hand up to his face. "Do you understand? Do you believe me?"

He nodded and drew her back into his embrace, "I do, babe. I do believe you and I love you."

"I couldn’t or wouldn't want to live without either one of you. Jack said that I needed both of you, that both of you complete me. I've been denying it all day. I've probably been denying it for months. Oh Howie, this is coming out all wrong."

He dipped his head and lightly brushed her lips as he brought his hands up to cup her face. "I understand. Trust me, I really do." He kissed her again and hugged her tightly. "I'm starving." He said after a moment's silence and chuckled.

She smiled against his neck and ran her hands over his bare back. "For what?" she asked coyly.

He laughed out loud and pulled away enough so that they stood several inches from each other. He raked his eyes over her sensually from head to toe. "Well, for you of course, always." His stomach growled softly. With another laugh, he continued, "But for now, I need fuel. I've been depleted. You hungry?"

She softly laughed along with him and nodded. "Let's go raid the kitchen then," he said pulling her towards the door. A loud groan erupted from the room adjoining theirs. They looked at each other quickly and burst out laughing. "Well, now we know what Brian and Lauren are up to?" The gleam in his eye and the smile on his lips drew her breath away. She reached over for him and kissed him passionately once more.

"God, Howie, I'm the luckiest woman in the world to have you as my husband. To have you in my life. Thank you."

He smiled even more beautifully and opened the door, "You check on our baby and I'll put the kettle on."

Michelle nodded and went to Kimberly's room. As she crossed the room, she bent down and collected the discarded clothing lying in a path towards the bed. She placed them in the hamper and then drew a quilt off a nearby chair and covered her sleeping angel. "I love you, baby," she whispered as she smoothed the long dark blonde hair from her child's cheek and placed a soft kiss on her. She smiled, for only a child could get away with ice-cream breath, salty sea smelling skin and the faint odor of perspiration in her hair. She stood back up and removed a few magazines and CD's from the bed before turning off the radio. As she turned back towards her daughter, she sighed and watched her mumble in her sleep.

"Oh baby, what am I going to do?" she whispered in the dark room.

*****************

Kevin put the car in gear and slowly drove back to the house. Howie had said to stay, not run off back to Orlando. He had said he would work everything out. He had said he would talk to Michelle. He had said he would share her, if that was what was necessary.

Kevin drew his left hand through his dark damp hair and thought about Howie. Howie always was the peacemaker of the group. The calm one, the soothing one. The one who found something good in everything he saw, in everything they came across, and in everything they did. Kevin may have become known as the "leader" of the group, but it was Howie who held them all together, time after time.

He pulled into the driveway and carefully maneuvered the car alongside the minivan. How can so much happen in one day? He cut the engine and looked up at the darkened house. The day had started off so well, he and AJ teasing Michelle. He smiled as he recalled her embarrassment and then shrugged it off, laughing along with them at herself. Then that web site shit had to take her happiness away. God, he and the other guys have had years to get accustomed to hearing sick rumors, derogatory remarks and hurtful comments. He'd forgotten how horrific it was the first time, you hardened yourself to it, learned to ignore it eventually. Michelle would eventually, too. He just knew it. Recalling the fun on the lawn with the kids brought the smile back to his face. Kimberly was such an amazing presence in his life. She laughed so genuinely, loved so totally, her heart constantly filled with happiness. She told him just the other night that she wished he lived with them too, just like AJ and Patti did. She wished that the next time he was gone for weeks that she could go with him too.

He unbuckled his seat belt and looked out the side window at the steady rain. He thought of his afternoon with Telly. They had felt so much more comfortable with each other after their talk. He understood the pressures she must endure by being with him. He didn't blame her for not wanting to undertake his lifestyle. He understood her need to keep her own life in retrospect and persevere in her own business and future. He admired that. He didn't have to feel so guilty for not being in love with her anymore. Now he just had to deal with his guilt for being in love with Michelle.

He said her name slowly in his mind as he eased his long frame from the car and walked towards the front door, not minding the rain as it fell upon him once again. He slid his key in the lock thoughtfully. What did Michelle say when Howie told her about his feelings? Would she ask him to leave? Would she ignore him? Would she. . . love him back? He held his breath briefly and conjured up a picture of her face.

Sometimes I wonder

How I'd ever make it through,

Through this world without having you

I just wouldn't have a clue

Michelle was halfway down the stairs when she heard the front door easing open. She froze momentarily, wondering who could be out this late and in this rain. Kevin emerged, with his head down, but she could see the faint smile on his lips. He softly closed the door with one hand and then began wiping his feet on the small rug beneath him. She quietly walked down several more steps until she was at the second to last, her hand gripping the banister for support. God, he looked so beautiful, she stood mesmerized.

'Cause sometimes it seems

Like this world's closing in on me,

And there's no way of breaking free

And then I see you reach for me

His hair was plastered against his head, his bare arms glistening from the droplets of rain. He raised both hands and raked them through his hair. She smiled to herself as she watched him, admitting to herself once and for all that she was indeed in love with him too.

Sometimes I wanna give up

I wanna give in,

I wanna quit the fight

And then I see you, baby

And everything's alright, everything's alright

He looked up and saw her, saw the smile, saw the love in her eyes. His heart skipped a beat and his own mouth turned up at the corners even more.

When I see you smile

I can face the world, oh oh, you know I can do anything

When I see you smile I see a ray of light, oh oh,

I see it shining right through the rain

When I see you smile

baby when I see you smile at me, oh yeah

Howie heard the door and made his way down the hall towards Kevin. He saw Michelle frozen on the last steps, just staring at him immobilized. He saw her finally smile. He placed his hand over hers on the banister and smiled up at her. She turned towards him and felt her heart double in size.

Baby there's nothing

in this world that could ever do

What a touch of your hand can do

It's like nothing that I ever knew

Kevin watched Michelle and Howie stare at each other and felt a stabbing stinging sensation in his stomach, as they seemed to hold a silent conversation. He edged forward, not sure where to go.

Howie turned his attention towards him. "Kevin."

Michelle turned her attention back to Kevin and slowly held out her hand for him to take. He looked quickly back to Howie and noted his smile and nod. Kevin held his hand out and walked towards her with trepidation, with longing, with his chest tightening. Her eyes were level with his from her position on the stairs and she caught his hand and drew him closer, her eyes scanning his face and trying to reassure him that everything was okay. "You're all wet, Kevin," she said quietly.

And when the rain is falling

I don't feel it, 'cause you're here with me now

And one look at you baby

Is all I'll ever need, you're all I'll ever need

Kevin grinned at her and closed his eyes in relief. She didn't hate him; she wasn't asking him to leave.

Howie drew closer to them and lifted Michelle's hand from the railing to place a tender sweet kiss on it. "Don't be afraid to love him."

Michelle's eyes misted up and she leaned over to him, letting him capture her lips with his own. He pulled away with a loving smile as the shrill of the kettle made its way down the hall. "Join me, both of you, when you're ready." He clapped his hand briefly on Kevin's shoulder before turning away and heading towards the kitchen.

Michelle and Kevin followed him with their eyes, hands still clasped together. Slowly they looked back at each other.

When I see you smile

I can face the world, oh oh,

you know I can do anything

When I see you smile I see a ray of light, oh oh,

I see it shining right through the rain

When I see you smile baby

baby when I see you smile at me

She stared into his piercing green eyes; he stared into her mesmerizing green eyes. She bit her lower lip lightly as she moved her gaze around his face. He drew his finger up to her lip and gently brushed across it, releasing it from its hold.

Sometimes I wanna give up

I wanna give in,

I wanna quit the fight

And then one look at you, baby

And everything's alright, everything's alright

A small cry escaped from her lips and she met his eyes again. "I do so love you, Kevin." She raised her free hand to his face and traced the outline of his lips and then inhaled softly as he leaned in towards her.

"And I will always love you," he replied before moving his lips over hers. His touch caused her to shiver violently. He released her hand and pulled her against him with a small cry all his own. Their lips parted simultaneously and their tongues re-ignited the passion that always hovered just below the surface for both of them.

When I see you smile

I can face the world, oh oh, you know I can do anything, yeah

When I see you smile I see a ray of light, oh oh,

I see it shining right through the rain, yeah

I can face the world, oh oh, you know I can do anything,

The kiss ended and they both drew back with a smile, a smile of love, a smile of acceptance.

When I see you smile

Oh yeah, baby when I see you smile, smile at me.

CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE

“I don’t. . . “ Michelle faltered, not sure what to say, or how to deal with this new compromising situation she found herself in. The last thing she wanted was for either Kevin or Howie to get hurt because of her, because of their feelings for her or because of her feelings for both of them.

How could Howie possibly imagine he could deal with her loving another man? Where on earth did the willingness to share her come from? Why would he offer such a thing?

And Kevin. How can he actually continue to love her knowing she was so in love with Howie? Did he realize how deep her feelings went for her own husband? Why would he want to love someone he couldn't possibly ever claim as his own?

Now. . .how the hell was she suppose to act in front of either one of them? What were they both expecting from her? What would Kevin say or do when she told him that she promised Howie she'd never sleep with him again? What would Howie say or do when she touched or kissed Kevin? Because she wanted to. . . very much so.

How could she ever make it up to Howie for admitting to herself that, yes, she did love Kevin, or actually, was "in love" with him too? Oh hell, she thought, what does all this mean? What does being in love actually mean?

All her life she was led to believe that you could only be "in love" with one person at a time. There was never before a time when two men proclaimed their love for her or that she felt she was "in love" with two men. Does being "in love" with two men mean that she's only half "in love" with each one? God, no! Her whole being was telling her that she loved Howie more than life itself. She would willingly do anything, anything in her power or even beyond that, for him. She'd die for him. If Kevin needed her, she'd never be able to say no, she'd willingly die for him too.

She swallowed softly and closed her eyes and leaned against Kevin's wet chest. It felt so right being in his arms; he made her feel so safe and loved, as he had done so since the night they met.

“Don’t say anything yet,” Kevin whispered before pulling her tighter against him and resting his head alongside hers, “Just let me hold you for another minute.” He breathed in deeply, mesmerized by the feel of her finally being back in his arms. God, he'd forgotten how good it felt to hold her so tightly. He'd not even realized how much he actually missed this, missed feeling her breath against his neck, missed the sensations that coursed through his body from her touch. It had been so long. . .

Her eyes brimmed with tears and she hugged him back just as fiercely. After a few long moments, she moved her hands up around his neck. “Kevin, you should change before you catch a cold.” She met his gaze and offered him a small smile, her heart beating wildly again at the look of love in his eyes. He nodded and ran his fingers through her loose hair. “Then we need to talk to Howie about this.” She felt him tense slightly and understood. “I can’t hurt him, Kevin.”

“I know that,” he replied softly, searching her eyes for understanding. "I don't want to hurt him either."

“And I don’t want to hurt you, please believe that.”

He nodded and closed his eyes in resignation. He knew what was coming.

“This is all happening too fast, and I need time to digest everything and figure out a way not to hurt either one of you.” She leaned towards him again and kissed him lightly. “Can you give me some time, please?”

He opened his tired eyes and nodded in agreement before taking a deep breath and releasing her. “I understand, hon. I’m sorry I’ve put you in this predicament. I tried to hold back my feelings, I really did. Everything seems to be crashing down around me and I know you understand that better than anyone else.” She nodded in agreement, “Michelle, the last thing I want to do is bring you down with me, or hurt Howie or anyone else.”

She jumped slightly at his words and grasped his hand, “What do you mean bring me down with you? Kevin, please, I’m begging you, if you need me, I’ll always be here. Don’t go backwards; don’t dwell on things, please. We both know we can’t go there again. We need to pull each other up, right?” The frantic expression in her eyes pulled at his heartstrings. “Promise me you won't do anything. . . “

“God, Michelle, I didn’t mean to scare you, I’m not contemplating suicide again, I swear. I just need to sort out so many things going on in my head.” He started up the stairs past her, “I’ll be right back.”

She stared after him, totally torn and conflicted. God, she did love him very much and she desperately needed him in her life. How the hell can she have such strong feelings for two men?

"Kevin?" she whispered quickly, drawing him to a stop. She ran lightly up the few stairs and wrapped her arms around his neck once more. "I just want to reassure you that I really do love you too. I'm just not sure what this all means or what we're suppose to do about it." He smiled quickly and pulled her mouth against his and captured her lips with a longing that he could not control.

Nick slowly and quietly backed away from the railing, dazed and stunned at what he'd just seen and heard. He heard Michelle say she loved Kevin! He gently stepped into his room and closed the door. Good god, what was going on there? Michelle and Kevin? Holy shit. . what the hell was he suppose to do? Jesus, poor Howie. How the hell long has this been going on? Nick shook his head in disbelief, as his heart beat frantically against his chest.

Howie leaned against the kitchen counter and looked out into the dark night, seeing nothing, but picturing so much in his mind. He envisioned her naked in Kevin's arms, legs wrapped around him, head thrown back, eyes glazed over as he made love to her over and over. Howie shuddered and clutched a spoon lying on the counter.

He had to keep himself in check. He couldn't let her know how scared he was starting to get over his offer to share his own wife with one of his best friends. And for what? To keep Kevin happy? To keep her happy? No, that's not fair, she didn't ask for this, she didn't even know how Kevin was really feeling. She was happy being his wife. He knew it. He believed it.

Well, so much for telling Kevin to keep it to himself. Only three days later and he had informed his own wife that another man was in love with her and realized that she was in love with him too. It certainly didn't take very long to have his whole life thrown into upheaval. Damn it, their vacation has only just started. His married life has only just begun and it was being taken away from him bit by bit.

He heaved a great sigh and closed his eyes. He saw her lying in a bed, eyes full of tears and regret, having just spilled her life story to him and AJ and Kevin. How they all clicked so fast that night back in November. God, he fell in love with her faster than he ever could have thought imaginable. He knew she did too, she loved him from the very first meeting, they were made for each other.

At the sound of soft footsteps coming towards him, Howie turned away from the stove with his coffee cup cradled in his hands. He formed a small smile on his lips before meeting her eyes. “Where’s Kevin?”

“Changing.” She walked directly over to him and gently pulled the cup from his hands and placed it on the counter. “Don’t, Howie. Don’t smile when you don’t feel like smiling.” She ran her hand along his cheek and searched his eyes.

He caught her hand and kissed her fingertips. "Why do you say that?"

"I see it in your eyes, D, you're scared."

He nodded slightly and ran his thumb over her bottom lip, as if to remove the traces of the kiss he knew in his heart took place. “That makes three of us, I’m sure?” She nodded and leaned up to kiss him lightly.

He turned back towards the counter with a slight sigh, “I don’t know exactly how to deal with this, Beauty. I'm sorry, I. . . didn't exactly plan on any of this happening so fast. Coffee?”

"Yes, please," she said quietly and hugged him from the back while he poured the hot water into a mug. He felt tense in her arms and she didn't blame him one bit. She slowly rubbed her hands across his tight abdomen and felt him relax slightly, leaning back towards her.

“Howie, I don’t want this. I don’t want any of us feeling like this. I don’t want you hurting. I don’t want Kevin hurting. I want all of this to just go away. I want to just close my eyes and wake up tomorrow morning and live happily ever after with you.” He closed his eyes and sighed inwardly while blindly stirring the coffee. “I want you to be happy. I want Kevin to be happy. I’m so sorry, I do love him too and that pains me tremendously to admit that to you. I don’t love him like I love you though, but I’ll never be able to prove that unless I choose you over him. And, the only way to make that choice is by hurting him.” She ended just as softly as she had begun. The desperation in her voice tore through him. “I can’t let go of Kevin right now, he needs me. I do need him too. And I’ll never let go of you. I love you so much, baby, you are my whole life."

He let out a slight sob and abruptly dropped the spoon onto the counter causing droplets of the hot liquid to splatter onto his bare arm. She edged around him and slowly drew her finger along him, removing the hot moisture and absentmindedly licking it off her finger. Taking a deep breath, his eyes followed her finger and then pulled it into his hand and kissed the top of it lightly.

She kept her gaze on his arm and whispered forlornly, “I need time to deal with all this. I know you can’t be serious about sharing me with him. How could any person act so generously and not have it tear them up?”

His heart beat furiously within his chest. She was so right, he was tearing up inside, but he knew he wouldn't lose her. He believed her. "Michelle, I. . . "

She pulled away and strode towards the kitchen table, searching for her cigarettes. “Where the hell did I leave them now?” she asked herself, her voice breaking as she tried to hold back the tears of anguish. She'd done it again. She'd hurt the most important man in her life. She scattered through some papers that were lying on the table, searching for both her cigarettes and answers.

Kevin approached her, startling her, and handed her the pack of cigarettes. “You left them in the car.”

She looked up quickly into his eyes and saw the same despair that she was sure reflected in her own. Yet, just gazing upon him, seeing him standing before her, made the small lump in her throat swell, preventing her from uttering a word.

Slowly reaching for the pack, Michelle thought desperately for a way to ease the panic rising within herself. She took several deep breaths. Howie came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her shoulders.

“Don’t, Beauty. Don’t torment yourself. We need to look at this positively, not negatively. I’ve made an offer that I wouldn't have made if I didn't know just how much you do love me. I know, now, how much Kevin loves you too. When I can’t be there for you, he’ll be able to. When I can’t help you deal with something, he will. What could be better than knowing my wife will always have someone to turn to, whether it’s when she’s happy or sad?”

“But what about you? What about Kevin?” she asked quietly lowering her gaze to Kevin's hand which was wrapped around her own. “This isn’t just about me and what I need or how having two men love me will be beneficial for me. Both of your feelings are so much more important to me than my own."

Howie pulled himself closer to her and kissed her ear softly; Kevin pulled her hand closer to his chest and bent down and kissed her cheek softly. She closed her eyes and shuddered, loving the feeling of both men surrounding her. This so isn't right, I don't deserve these two men. I'm not worthy of their love. They can both do so much better than me. Why me? Why do they both love me? Her thoughts swirled furiously within her mind. Oh god

"Michelle, I've never met another woman who has made me feel so complete before. You know me, inside and out. You know what I fear. You know how to ease my anxieties. You know how to make me smile. We were meant to be together," Kevin said huskily as he brought his other hand up to lift her chin. "Don't question it, don't fight it." She met his eyes once again and shivered.

Howie nodded in quiet acceptance and felt her body press back onto his own, knowing that she needed his strength. He moved his arms around her stomach and held onto her tightly. "And I've never been happier in my life. You've loved me unconditionally, and you've given me what my heart has always desired. You love me for who I am, not for what I do and what I can give you. You've given me a family and a normal life. Our differences have only helped me grow more as a person and be a better man. I couldn't even imagine my life without you by my side. . . ever."

CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR

With a sickening sensation building in her stomach, Michelle abruptly pulled herself away from both men and ran towards the bathroom.

"Beauty?" Howie turned quickly, eyes wide with fear.

"I'll be right back," she mumbled hastily as she covered her mouth with her hand.

Howie turned pleading eyes to Kevin, "Kev? You don't think. . ."

Kevin pulled his eyes away from her retreating back and glanced at Howie. "No, D. I know what you're thinking and no, she's not going to hurt herself."

They both ran towards the bathroom and heard the violent retching coming from within. Howie pushed open the door and sank to his knees beside her at the toilet. She continued vomiting and tried pushing his hand away from her shoulder.

"Get out!" she cried in embarrassment before another wave of nausea hit her.

Howie eased her long hair from her right hand and gently rubbed her back. "No, I'm not going anywhere. Oh baby, I'm sorry." Dry heaves overtook her stomach and she clutched his hand in support.

Kevin crouched down on her right side and gently wiped her face with a warm cloth. "Michelle, what is it? Are you okay?" His fears quickly surfaced and he immediately thought about the horrible vomiting his own father had suffered from chemotherapy. Kevin shook himself slightly and tried to push those thoughts out of his mind. Michelle does not have cancer. Everything came out fine last week. I won't let her get sick.

Howie gently guided her back to her feet and noticed the sleeve of her robe was soiled. "Are you okay now, Beauty?" He watched as Kevin gently ran the washcloth across her forehead. He also noticed that he had his arm around her waist too, but, for some reason, he realized it felt right. It was okay for Kevin to be there.

Michelle nodded and kept her eyes closed, "Yes, I'm sorry. I think that was the last of my punishment for drinking too much yesterday." Her voice was slightly scratchy and her cheeks were flushed. "Or at least, I certainly hope so." She opened her eyes and met Howie's caring ones. "Will you run up and get me something clean to wear?"

He nodded and brushed his lips across her cheek, "You need to eat something too. That'll make you feel better. I'll be right back, babe." He eased his arm from around her shoulder and gently pushed her closer to Kevin. Catching Kevin's eyes, he silently thanked him for being there.

Michelle and Kevin stood in silence for the few moments it took Howie to return. As he supported her and ran his hand in small circles across her back, she leaned gratefully against him, ashamed that both of them had seen her sick.

"Here you go, sweetie," Howie said softly as he placed a t-shirt and a pair of flannel pajama bottoms on the vanity and then undid the sash to her robe. Between the two men easing it off of her and then pulling the t-shirt over her head and helping her into the bottoms, they were done in no time. None of them blinked twice over the fact that two men had just undressed and redressed one woman. It felt natural, it was done out of love and care, not lust.

Michelle rinsed her mouth out in the sink and then turned towards both of them. "Thank you," she whispered and then threw her arms around both of them pulling the three of them close together. "What would I do without either one of you?" Both Howie and Kevin hugged her back and met each other's eyes in the mirror. An unspoken bond was formed between them.

"What's this? Orgy in the john? Can I join in?" The three of them pulled apart quickly and turned to find AJ lounging against the door with his arms held wide open.

"Oh AJ! You are too much," Michelle smiled at him and swatted his hands down. "Always thinking about sex, eh?"

AJ chuckled and slapped at her hands in return. "Why does everyone always think that?" He asked, rolling his eyes, yet immensely relieved to see the three of them together. Despite his lighthearted tone, he was deeply worried and had been all night. The only respite came from being in Patti's arms. She'd fallen asleep a little more than an hour ago and he'd just been lying there, in their big warm bed, thinking about Kevin, Howie and Michelle. Damn, he was relieved it wasn't him and now he needed some concrete proof that his three friends were okay.

"Well, Bone, your timing, as always, is impeccable." Kevin grinned as he pushed Michelle and AJ into the kitchen. Howie flushed the toilet, grabbed Michelle's robe and threw it into the laundry room beside the bathroom before pulling out a chair for his wife.

"What are we in the mood for?" he asked kneeling beside her and pushing her hair behind her ear. "Chicken? Eggs? Fruit?"

She ran her finger across his lips and bent to kiss him, "You going to cook for me?"

He chuckled and kissed her back. "Of course. Why do people think I don't cook?"

"Well, it could have something to do with your little speech on that conversation mix." Michelle winked at him, "Weren't you the one who said something along the lines of ‘I want the type of girl who will make me breakfast, make me lunch and make me dinner’?"

AJ and Kevin burst out laughing, and Howie grinned, winked exaggeratedly at her and replied, "Howie doin' sweetheart!"

Kevin and Howie worked well side-by-side, making scrambled eggs, toast and dicing fresh fruit. They spoke in hushed whispers and while Michelle and AJ were dying of curiosity as to what they were talking about, they were both just plain relieved to see them talking. AJ pulled out a cigarette from Michelle's pack, lit it for her and passed it over to her. "Are you okay, babe?"

She patted the chair next to hers and took the offered cigarette. "Thank you, AJ, for everything. I'm sorry I broke down like that earlier. The stress just got to be too much."

AJ nodded in understanding and shared her cigarette. "Well, you know I'm dying to find out what's going on down here, but you can fill me in on the details later. At least those two aren't killing each other."

"What do you mean, Bone? What happened earlier?" She edged her seat closer to him and glanced at the backs of the two men at the counter.

AJ shook his head slightly and placed his arm on the back of her chair, leaned closer to her and whispered, "I just needed to find out why you were so troubled, so I got them together and well, I guess everything just came out. Details later, I promise. Now I understand the tension and moods around here today." He pulled on the cigarette and passed it back to her. "Are you okay, though?"

Michelle shrugged her shoulders, "I'm okay, babe, I just don't know what's going to happen. I do love them both. Does that disgust you?" The need for an honest answer from one of her best friends was suddenly of extreme importance to her.

"Disgust?" AJ asked incredulously, "of course not, babe. Don't you realize how much we all love you? Nothing you do could ever disgust me. I can see why you'd love both of them. They are both distinct separate individuals and yet, they love the same way, with their whole heart and soul. That's what you deserve, because you've brought so much happiness into our lives, you've helped me find peace within myself. Without you, I'd never have met the love of my life or have a precious child coming. Don't even think it's disgusting or wrong to love them both, promise?"

The tears pooled in her eyes and she reached over and hugged him, "Thank you. I love you, you know?" AJ nodded his head against hers and squeezed her against himself.

"Okay, wipe your eyes and sit back and watch, I'll take care of this." Before she could question him, Howie and Kevin brought four plates over to the table and sat with them. Howie sat to her right and smiled sweetly at her, she couldn't help but place her hand on his thigh and return his smile. Kevin sat beside AJ and the four of them ate in silence for several minutes.

"So? What's the deal guys? You aren't killing each other and you're actually talking, so, tell me, what's happened." AJ's bluntness caught all three of them off guard and Kevin choked on his coffee. Gently tapping him on the back, AJ grinned widely at him, "Got you back, I see."

Michelle froze with her fork half way to her mouth and then chanced a sideways glance at Howie and then Kevin. Both seemed uncomfortable and unsure of how to respond.

"Well? Are you going with the sharing thing or what?" AJ nonchalantly forked another mouthful of eggs into his mouth and felt Michelle kick his foot. He threw her a quick glance and winked.

"AJ!" Kevin put his cup down and turned to him in disbelief, "Don't you think you've done enough interfering for one day?"

AJ shrugged his shoulders and plunked a chunk of watermelon into his mouth. Before answering, he wiped a bit of juice off his chin and the swallowed. "Nope! If it weren't for my interference, Train, ya'll would still be miserable and moping around like lost puppies and Michelle would be. . . "

"AJ, listen, while we appreciate your interest in our, er, situation, I don't think we're exactly comfortable discussing it right now." Howie spoke calmly and darted his eyes around the table at the other three.

"Really? And when exactly do you expect to get comfortable with your situation, D?" AJ pushed his plate away and sat back with his arms crossed over his chest. "You can't just sit here and expect the answers to fall into your lap. Now, what are the rules?"

"AJ, please, stop," Michelle begged quietly, her cheeks starting to become warm.

"Rules?" asked Howie, his anger starting to rise, "What rules?"

"Yeah, rules, like when does Kevin get to show his love? Who does Michelle cook and clean for? Do you guys have to ask each other's permission to take her out?"

"AJ! That's ENOUGH!" yelled Kevin pushing his chair back and standing over him. "What are you trying to do here?"

"I thought you were on my side?" Michelle turned to AJ with numerous questions in her eyes.

"I am, babe, I really am, but I'm sitting here watching the three of you struggle with your thoughts and I know you all are wondering about these exact questions." AJ looked sympathetically at her and noted her slight nod. He cast his eyes towards Howie and saw him place his head in his hands and sigh. Kevin strode around the table and hunched down between Howie and Michelle.

"He's right, I'm afraid. I am asking myself similar questions. D, this all rest in your hands and we have to respect your decisions." Kevin nudged Howie's arm and as Howie turned his head towards him, he saw the questions in his eyes as well.

"I have no rules, Kevin," he replied quietly, "I'm not exactly experienced in this sharing my wife business, you know? I have no idea how any of this is going to work." He shook his head and looked over at Michelle. The fear and hesitation in her expression made him long to pull her into his arms and run off far, far away with her.

CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE

"AJ, I appreciate what you are trying to do, but I'm not ready for this." Michelle turned in her seat, placed her hand on AJ's arm and looked straight into his dark eyes, "Thank you though, but I can't sit here and watch Howie or Kevin go through any more hell today because of me. I love them both and only time will tell what happens. I'm so overwhelmed right now and don't know what to think or what to say or how to act. They’ve both agreed to give me time to sort things out. I'm not going to just jump into bed with Kevin and I'm certainly not going to start cooking and cleaning for anyone, anymore than I may already do. And no one has ever had to ask Howie's permission to take me anywhere. I think enough has been said for one day and I'm tired." She spoke all this directly to him, but he understood that she was actually directing her little speech at all three of them. He looked down at her compassionately, leaned over and tenderly kissed her cheek.

"I know, babe. I'm sorry, just trying to help, you know?" AJ looked past her and apologized to Kevin and Howie as well. "Ok, well, if any of you need me or my advice, ya'll know where to find me." He stood up and bent down to kiss the top of Michelle's head. Kevin stood as well and extended his hand to AJ, who looked up at him in surprise. He knew he'd pissed him off and the last thing he'd expected was to walk out of the room without a few more harsh words directed his way.

"Thanks, Bone, you're a good friend."

Howie approached him as well and hugged him firmly, "Only you, AJ, could get away with the shit you do. Thanks, buddy."

AJ let his gaze linger on the three of them for a moment longer, in awe that they all seemed so calm all of a sudden, and then he turned, with a shake of his head, and strode down the hall.

Michelle stood up gingerly and faced the two men behind her. She slowly pushed her chair in and leaned back against it. "Howie? Can I talk to Kevin, alone? Please?"

He nodded his head and started to walk off without question. She caught his arm quickly and stopped him, realizing that he probably felt like he was being dismissed. "I love you, just remember that."

He gifted her with a small smile and moved his hand down to her waist to draw her closer to him and he kissed her deeply. Despite the jealousy threatening to burst out of him, he did his best to remain passive and just relish in the feel of his lips against hers.

With a pained look in his eyes, Kevin turned his head away from them and sighed inwardly. He sensed he was about to be told the last thing he wanted to hear, that she wouldn't accept his love.

"I'll never forget that, I promise." Howie kissed her once again and then released her.

She watched him walk around the corner and then slowly turned her attention to Kevin. She raised her eyes to his face and felt crushed when she saw his saddened eyes.

"Kev?" she called to him quietly and drew him down into the seat Howie had vacated. He stared wistfully at her as she straddled his lap and placed her arms around his neck. When he felt her cheek against his, he shut his eyes tightly and wrapped his arms around her body. They stayed that way for several moments, both seeking comfort from the other's embrace.

"I don't want you to think that I don't love you, because I do. I just can't be with you." Michelle pulled back and caressed his cheek with her thumb, following the stubble running down to his chin. "I can't do that to Howie. I can't sleep with two men. It'd be wrong and you know I couldn't deal with the guilt."

Kevin remained silent, determined not to believe what she was trying to tell him. He moved his hands down her back and pulled her slightly higher in his lap so that her crotch was resting above his. He bent down and started kissing her neck.

"Kevin . . . "

"Don't you feel it? Don't you realize what you do to me?" He slid his hands up her shirt and roamed her bare back while he spoke. "Don't you want me too?" His voice was so low and silky; it reverberated through her as he sucked her earlobe between his lips.

She gasped slightly as his hands came around to her body and his fingers lightly grazed the sides of her breasts. "Kevin, please . . oooh."

"I know you want me inside of you. I want to kiss you all over." His hands pushed her shirt up, exposing her bare breasts to him and he quickly dipped his head, caught one of her nipples between his teeth and tugged ever so gently.

She gasped uncontrollably and clung to his shoulders as he leaned her back on his lap slightly and caused her nipple to harden in his mouth. "Feel what you do to me." He pulled one of her hands from his shoulder and brought it down between them, holding it against the growing bulge in his pants. With the back of his hand he stroked her crotch causing her to moan out loud. "See, I know you want me too."

She reeled from the sensations that his mouth and hand were causing to course through her body. God, how she'd love to feel him inside of her, his powerful thrusts burying himself deep into her. As her breathing became labored, she pulled what little strength she could muster and with a loud groan swiftly pulled herself off his lap. She stumbled back a couple of steps and collided with an adjacent chair. Kevin quickly stood and caught her arms before she fell backwards. His eyes locked onto hers, holding her prisoner with his piercing gaze.

"Kevin. . . I can't," she cried softly but didn't pull away as his mouth came down onto hers. The heat and passion from his kiss made her dizzy and she leaned into him for support. He cupped her bottom with his strong hands and picked her up, her legs automatically encircling his hips.

"Please . . . " he begged against her lips as he carried her into the living room and gently lowered them both to the sofa. His warm body covered hers and held her hostage. His tongue and lips meshed with hers and while she wanted to resist, she found that she couldn't.

She didn't want his kisses or caresses to stop. Her own fingers were taking on a mind of their own and found their way beneath his shirt to taste his smooth skin. She battled with the demons within her, knowing she was determined not to do this, but yet, wanting it, wanting him so badly.

He raised himself slightly and swiftly turned them sideways so that she was trapped between him and the back of the sofa. His right hand disappeared between them and her legs parted willingly, one moving itself up and over his thigh. Her own left hand sought and found his hardened member and they both stroked each other into frenzy as their kisses continued to add fuel to their fire.

At the same time, they tugged on the elastic waistbands of the others pants and soon found the source of their desires.

"Oh god . . " Michelle cried against his mouth as he maneuvered the head of his cock against her opening. "Kevin!" His own breathing was ragged, his hot breath blowing onto her face. "Stop, oh Kevin, stop! No, I can't. . . I can't. . . "

She pushed against his chest and felt his arms tighten around her body.

"Baby . . please. . don't stop. I love you, I know you love me. I need you. Please baby, please." Kevin pushed his crotch tighter against hers and entered the head of his member into her.

With a strangled cry, she pushed against him harder. His balance suddenly shifted and he fell backwards onto the floor, bringing her down with him. She scrambled to her knees beside him.

"Kevin, oh god, I'm so sorry, I'm sorry." She frantically tugged her pajama bottoms back up while avoiding his eye.

He laid there silently, with an arm thrown across his forehead, attempting to wipe out what he almost did to her. God, he heard her earlier, but just chose to ignore it, to get what he wanted. He lay there full of disgust for himself.

"Kevin, please, I'm sorry. I do want you. I really do, but I can't . . Oh god, I'm so weak. I have no morals. I'm nothing more than a cock tease and a whore. Please, please forgive me." She readjusted her clothing and then pulled on his arm. "Please, baby, please don't hate me." Her anguished plea brought him up into a sitting position.

He ran his hands across his face and then caught her hands between his. "No, don't blame yourself. I'm sorry. I lost control. It was my fault. I'll give you all the time you need. You aren't a cock tease or a whore. I love you so much." He released one of her hands and pushed the hair out of her face. "Go to bed, hon. We'll do this your way, one day at a time." He watched her eyes fill with tears and drew her head against his chest.

He needed to get his emotions in check. He needed to stop racing with the clock and let things happen naturally. Everything was being so rushed lately, he wasn't thinking rationally and if he didn't stop now, then he could ruin all their lives.

With a jolt of realization that it was up to him to back off, he slowly rubbed her back and then pushed her away from him. Peering into her glazed eyes, he brushed the tears from her cheeks and helped her to her feet. "Just knowing you love me is enough for now. Go to bed and don't feel guilty. It's not wrong to want someone you love and Howie knows that."

Michelle shook her head slowly, quietly disagreeing with him. It was wrong. It was very wrong to want someone inside of you other than your husband; a husband who had done nothing but spoil her with his love for the last eight months; a beautiful giving man who loved her with all his heart.

"Kevin, Howie. . . " she started, but couldn't form the words to convey her thoughts. He was about to interrupt, and she didn't want him to absolve her. She felt that she didn't deserve it. "I love him so much and I've hurt him enough over the last several weeks. How can you honestly believe that he could accept this? How would you feel if your wife was suddenly sharing his bed? My god, you've got Telly upstairs, in your bed, probably waiting for you. Oh god, Kevin. . ."

"She's sleeping, and anyway, we talked earlier and it's not so serious anymore. Michelle, please just forget everything that just happened. I'm sincerely sorry for pushing you, I know you need time." Kevin stepped back from her and gently turned her to the hall. "Go! Go to bed and I promise to ease off."

She took a few faltering steps and then leaned against the corner of the wall and sighed deeply. Why does life have to be so difficult? She looked back over her shoulder and saw Kevin sitting on the edge of the couch with his head buried in his hands. Her heart ached for him, knowing some of the thoughts going through his mind.

Guilt. Why is there always so much guilt? She was filled with it and so was Kevin. Guilt nearly consumed them for hurting the people they loved over and over.

She fought the temptation to rush back to his side and wrap her arms around him. Her heart was urging her legs to move, but her brain kept her frozen in place.

Howie. She couldn't dishonor Howie or his love for her any further. Whatever it takes, whatever pain it causes, she vowed to prove to her husband that she was worthy of his love.

She turned quickly and lightly ran down the hall and up the stairs with her heart pounding fiercely within her chest. Her only thought was to go to Howie and profess her love for him, beg him to understand, promise him to physically love only him.

She quietly eased open the bedroom door and slipped into their room. Her eyes focused on the bed and it took her a moment to make his shape out in the darkened room. Slivers of blue-gray light fell across the loveseat and the end of the bed, casting an ethereal glow upon half the room. He was lying on his stomach with his head turned towards the window and snoring faintly. She kept her eyes glued to his bare back as she edged towards the bathroom.

After she quietly closed the bathroom door, she flicked on the light and proceeded to strip her clothing off and wash Kevin from her body. When she felt somewhat cleansed from her sins, she pulled on a short silk nightgown and carefully slid into bed with her husband. Her fingers automatically brushed the dark hair away from his cheek and her heart went out to the most beautiful, giving and loving man beside her.

CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX

The next week passed by in a different manner for each member of the household. For some, the days were too short, not nearly enough hours in the day to get all their hopes and dreams fulfilled in such a small period of time. For others, the days dragged on, endless hours allowing too much time to think.

Both Michelle and Kevin confessed separately to Howie on Monday morning of their close encounter. Both sought his forgiveness with wholehearted pleading and promises to stay away from the other. Howie forgave them both in his own way, silently grateful that they hadn’t consummated their admitted love for the other.

Each morning, the guys left for the studio at nine and worked for six or seven hours in their usual manner. Some hours were filled with laughter, others with aggravation. Others with perfection when they produced the sounds they wanted. Tension was evident at times as to be expected.

Amazingly, Howie and Kevin had drawn closer to each other, both drawing strength from the other, knowing the pain that was dwelling within each one of them. They were often seen huddled together deep in conversation.

Brian had cornered Kevin on Monday morning sensing his distraught state and had dragged out of him all that had happened the night before. Kevin was reluctant, to say the least, to reveal to Brian all the broken vows he had made on the previous Saturday. Although Brian couldn’t condone Kevin’s actions, he sympathized with him.

Howie had sought AJ out during a lunch break and confessed his anxiety of the night before and then his happiness of this morning once he learned that his wife did not sleep with another man.

After their initial confessions to their friends, neither Kevin nor Howie spoke again with Brian or AJ on the matter. Both were too ashamed of their actions and thoughts.

AJ and Brian watched them carefully all week with a mixture of confusion, trepidation and inquisitiveness. They also agreed between themselves that it was their duty to discover the thoughts and conversations going on between the two by questioning Howie or Kevin whenever they could get them alone. Despite all their attempts, neither one were successful in breaking down the walls that were slowly building around the two older men.

Nick was scared of the scene he had witnessed between Michelle and Kevin and was torn over what to do about it. He wanted to tell Howie, yet he didn't know how to squeal on two people he loved dearly. He wanted to confront Kevin, yet he was too fearful of his answers. He wanted to slap Michelle for her disloyalty to one of his dearest friends, yet he could never lift a hand and hurt someone he cared for. Instead, he chose to ignore her or sullenly glare at her when she spoke to him He decided that it was she that was to blame, for wasn’t she married to Howie? Didn’t she constantly profess her love for him? How dare she cheat on him!

It never occurred to the other four men to let Nick in on everything that had taken place since last Friday.

Nick had his first date with AnaLee on the Monday night and was totally taken with her. Her sweet, innocent and calm demeanor provided him with the peace that he desperately needed to feel right now. He concentrated on her and all the dates he hoped she’d continue to go on with him.

Aaron spent his days trying to impress Kimberly. It wasn’t very difficult. She thoroughly enjoyed his company and thought of him as another brother she never had. Gone were her teenybopper thoughts of meeting him one day and falling deeply in love with him. As if she even understood such thoughts at her age. After all, didn’t she have Nick Carter as her very best friend? Wasn’t her mother married to a heartthrob of millions of women? Didn’t she live in a sprawling estate with one of the most successful music groups of all time? To her, they were ordinary people who loved her and took care of her. She was enthralled with the beautiful summer days spent running down to the beach, diving into the cold blue sea, having her new friends, Gracie and Hope, spending the night here and there or going to the studio occasionally with Kevin.

Lauren spent a few hours each day at the studio as well. While her career was in writing children’s books, her passion was music. Her father, who owned Victoria’s Recording Studio in London, had often taken her to work with him as she grew and taught her more about producing music than most of his employees would ever know. She was assisting the guys with their new album.

Brian was more than pleased to have her there each day and often interrupted their sessions to break out into a love song just for her. Of course, this made for more work in the long run, but all was forgiven when Lauren agreed to officially join their team and co-produce on this new album.

Telly reveled in the newfound sense of freedom from her relationship with Kevin. The stress from not being in love with him, nor wanting to commit herself to him, provided her the opportunity to just enjoy their time together without feeling guilty. She certainly sensed a change in him. She noted his somber moods at times, and was somewhat confused about his need to pay extra attention to her. They went out every night, to dinner, to the movies, for a walk, or for a drive. She sensed he was avoiding something, but chose not to question him or deliberate about it. She didn’t want to verbally acknowledge his feelings for Michelle, for admitting to herself or him that she knew he loved her all along would just be too painful.

Patti did what she did best; she kept everything running smoothly. She prepared numerous schedules for cooking, car usage, and laundry duty. She had the two women she’d hired in the beginning come in twice a week to do the standard dusting, changing of the sheets, washing of the floors and other tiresome chores that no one really wanted to do. Weren’t they all meant to be on a vacation?

She slowly started to put on a bit of weight, however, both Michelle and AJ noted that she still wasn’t eating or resting enough. They both confronted her in their own way, however, her answers were always the same,

“I don’t need to gain forty pounds just for a seven pound baby, do I?” or “When I’m tired, I rest and you know I’m too hyper to stay in one spot for long.”

Michelle and AJ agreed to keep an eye on her. Michelle knew how obsessed Patti had been about her weight all her life and her solemn vow of never going over one hundred and ten pounds.

Michelle spent her days pretending to those around her that everything was fine. Her nights were spent in heated passion with Howie. She dared not even look at Kevin when he was in the same room as her. He understood and kept his distance, although inwardly it was very painful for them both. She steadily withdrew from the happy conversations and friendly hugs and kisses that just a week ago were so easily doled out. She concentrated on Kimberly during the day, ensuring that she was happy, had something to do, someone to do things with, or somewhere to go. She spent a lot of her time lying in the sun thinking about her actions over the last eight months, the only benefit being the beginnings of a deep dark tan. She also noticed and felt Nick’s silent anger towards her, but couldn’t find the strength to confront him. Perhaps he would just tell her what she already knew; that she was deceitful, disloyal to her sister and friend known as Telly, and undeserving of her husband’s love.

She questioned Patti twice about her pregnancy, out of sisterly concern, but aside from that she kept her conversations brief and impersonal.

AJ constantly watched her and attempted to talk to her, make her laugh, or hug her, but she was stiff in his embrace and her expected responses were stilted.

Howie knew what was happening in the evenings, but couldn’t deny that he was enjoying her attentions. From the moment he returned home each afternoon, she claimed him as her own and they spent their nights in solitude. For at least twelve hours of each day no one else existed for them. They were lost in their own little world of love and passion.

On Thursday evening, AJ put his foot down and insisted they join the rest of the family in a good-bye dinner for Telly. She was returning to Orlando the next morning and wouldn’t be returning for a few weeks. Howie immediately fell back into the old pattern of having a fun-filled time with his friends and realized how reclusive they had grown the last four days.

Michelle, however, was uncomfortable being in everyone’s presence. Her gaze fell upon Kevin several times and her eyes would mist over, realizing how much she missed him, how much she wanted to just talk to him once again, feel his hand on her arm or his arms around her. God, she missed him so much and she loved him so much that it truly and physically hurt.

Both Howie and AJ saw her pain.

“Howie, help me outside at the grill,” AJ commanded him with the intent of getting Howie alone to once again try to resolve the heartaches he knew were growing more with each passing hour.

Howie pulled two bottles of beer from the fridge and followed AJ outside.

“Since when do you offer to cook, Bone?” Howie asked him with a bright smile.

“Only since I decided you need a good talking to, D.”

Howie turned knowing eyes to AJ and let out a sigh. “AJ, I don’t want to talk about Michelle or Kevin.”

“Yeah, well, if you don’t do something, both of them are going to end up where they were a couple of years ago.” AJ replied bluntly, causing Howie to recoil in fear.

“Don’t even think that. Michelle is fine. Kevin is fine. We talk all the time.”

“Really? And what do you talk about with Kevin? ‘Cause, Brian and I have been trying like hell all week to figure you two out and you’ve done nothing but evade our questions. And what do you and Michelle talk about all night? Do you talk about Kevin? Do you talk about her feelings?” AJ yanked a long fork off the side hook on the grill and speared a steak in anger.

Howie watched AJ stab and turn over a dozen steaks before closing his eyes in resolution. “No, Michelle and I don’t talk about Kevin. She refuses to. Believe me, AJ, I’ve tried discussing him, but she stops me immediately. I can’t force her.” He took a long pull of his beer and stared off towards the ocean. “Kevin and I talk about Michelle constantly.”

AJ closed the lid of the grill and turned back towards his friend. “Howie, god man, I don’t know what to say to you, but I do know that both of them are miserable. Michelle may be fooling herself into believing she doesn’t need him, only you, but we both know how it’s killing her to not even look at him. Everyone knows something is going on, yet no one knows what to do to make everything all right.”

“Christ, AJ,” Howie blurted out and turned his sad teary eyes towards AJ, “Of course I know what it’s doing to her. I am the recipient of her actions, aren’t I? Does Patti make love to you four or five times a day? Does Patti sit in your arms and profess her love to you constantly throughout her waking hours? I know Michelle loves me, yet I can’t stop her from trying to prove it. I know she’s feeling guilty and remorseful for loving Kevin. I know she’s pulling away from everyone she loves, except me. But what am I suppose to do?” Howie turned and sat heavily in a patio chair and finished off his beer.

AJ looked down at him with compassion, knowing that what he was about to say, was not what Howie wanted to hear. “You need to talk to her, make her understand that it’s okay to love Kevin too. Convince her to show her love for Kevin. You are the one that agreed to share her love with him last weekend. Why you did that, I’ll never know, but that’s what you agreed to. If you’ve changed your mind, then fine, that’s certainly your right. I don’t know of any other men that would willingly allow their wives to love not only himself but also one of his best friends. If you don’t want to share her, then you have to tell Kevin. You can’t leave him hanging. Michelle can’t continue to feel guilty for pushing him away. Christ, D, I wish I could take all this away for you, but it’s out in the open now. It’s your call.”

Howie nodded silently and stared at the wooden floor of the patio. “I know,” he whispered hoarsely. “I know.”

AJ turned the grill off and knelt next to Howie, “I don’t know why God gave you such a big heart, but I do know that He gave it to a very deserving man. You’ve always been so generous and kind to everyone you meet. Hell, you even let me be your best friend. But, no one will blame you if you take back your offer. I don’t know if it will even help to do so, but something has to give, somewhere.”

Howie silently nodded his head and then went inside to find his wife.

Lauren, Telly and Patti were in the kitchen, chatting happily while they prepared a variety of side dishes. Brian and Nick were having a game of pool and Aaron was upstairs talking on the telephone to his mother. Michelle sat on the sofa facing away from the back deck and watched Kevin and Kimberly at the piano with silent tears brewing in her eyes, an unread magazine lying open in her lap.

Without having to see her face, Howie knew the sadness she felt from the stiffness of her shoulders and her lack of movement from the noises surrounding her. He walked gently to the back of the couch and wrapped his arms around her shoulders. She jumped slightly, quickly wiped her eyes and turned to him with a smile.

“Hey. . . she’s learned so quickly, hasn’t she?” she asked him as she indicated her daughter across the room. “She just played the whole of “Back To Your Heart” on her own.”

Howie looked fondly upon his stepdaughter and felt a chill run down his spine as Kevin leaned over and gave her a quick congratulatory hug. “She’s amazing, just like her mother.” He whispered into her ear. “We need to talk . . about Kevin.”

She turned beseeching eyes back to her husband, “No Howie, no, not now.”

He released his hold on her and walked around the couch to face her. Grabbing her hand, he pulled her up before him and cupped her face. “Then you go talk to Kevin right now. No more avoiding him. No more pretending that nothing has happened between the three of us. You can’t go on like this. Kevin can’t go on like this and I can’t stand here and watch my wife give up all that she loves just to prove to me that she loves me. I know you love me. I’ve known it from the first day we met. I’ve known it all these months and I know in my heart that you will love me always. I’m not afraid of losing you to Kevin, Michelle, I’m afraid of losing you to your own guilt ridden thoughts.” He spoke quietly just for her own ears and watched as her face crumbled before him. He drew her into his arms and held her tightly. “I love you so much that I’m willing to allow Kevin to love you as much as I do. Don’t be afraid, don’t be sorry, and don’t feel guilty. I won’t love you any less for loving him too.”

Her body shook in silent sobs against his. He maneuvered them back onto the couch and clutched her tightly to his chest. “Sssh, baby, don’t cry anymore.” He kissed her hair and ran his hands over her back, “I love you, don’t cry.”

After a couple of minutes, she finally caught her breath and wiped the tears from her face once again. She pulled back and looked deeply into his eyes. She saw no hate or disgust or hesitation in them, only pure adoration and love. “Oh Howie, I do so love you, how can you be so giving? How can you love me this much? I’ve hurt you so bad . . . “

“No, you haven’t,” he interjected.

“I did, with Kevin and with AJ and with my past.” She stroked her fingers around his face, and searched for some sign that he did hurt from her, but found none. Incredulously, he gazed back at her with only love.

“Nothing from your past matters, Beauty. I love you now and forever hereafter. Now, make me happy and go acknowledge Kevin. I won’t be hurt from your love for him.”

He pulled her up with him once again and ran his thumbs across her cheeks wiping the remaining tears away before kissing her so softly. “I’m going to thank AJ.”

“What? Howie, please, I can’t do this to you.” She caught the waist of his shorts and kept him still against her. “Please, baby, I don’t want to lose you.”

He pressed his lips against hers softly and smiled. “You’ll never lose me, honey.” He pulled her hands away from him and turned her towards Kevin and Kimberly. “Go congratulate your daughter on her brilliant playing and tell Kevin you love him. Where it goes from there will just fall into place. I need the real Michelle back. I miss her. We all miss her.” He gave her a gentle push and then walked back outside with a pounding heart.

CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN

Michelle took a couple small steps forward from Howie’s little push and then stopped, unsure, afraid of making this move. She looked behind her to see Howie slipping through the screen door and as he turned to close it behind him, he flashed her a smile, a thumb’s up and a wink before walking over to AJ.

She couldn’t help but laugh slightly to herself as AJ yanked Howie over to the grill and forcefully handed him the grilling fork to finish his job. Kicking off his sandals, AJ hoisted himself up on the deck railing with a goofy grin and started his usual ramblings.

She turned her attention back to the far end of the living room and sighed. Good god, if she goes to Kevin now it will change everything. She watched him and her daughter talking animatedly while sitting close on the piano bench. It was so wonderful seeing Kimberly interact with him. He’d been so attentive to her all week, as if for making up for lost time.

Their private conversation was abruptly ended as Aaron ran into the room and over to them. He pulled on the back of Kimberly’s shirt.

“Let’s go, Kim. Gracie and Hope just called and they said to meet them down on the beach.” The look of pure happiness on the young boy’s face made Michelle smile. He was such a good kid, so boyish, so down to earth despite the fact that he was a rising young star having sold millions of albums around the world. No matter what anyone thought about his and Nick’s mother, she’d done a good job keeping her sons real.

Lauren startled Michelle by placing a hand on her arm. “Hey, Shelly, did you hear me?”

Michelle looked sheepishly at Lauren as she shook her head, “Sorry Lauren, I was thinking about Aaron and Nick.”

Lauren nodded knowingly and then continued, “I asked if you wanted to take a ride to the market with us. We need some lovely deserts for tonight.” Her grin was infectious and Michelle once again found herself smiling back affectionately at her younger friend.

“Thanks hon, but I’ve got some apologizing to do to my best friend,” she said, turning back and looking at Kevin.

Once again Lauren nodded knowingly, “I don’t know what you two fought about, but I’m glad you’re ready to make up. You two are bloody miserable bitches when you’re not talking.” She laughed out loud as Michelle turned back to her and stuck her tongue out at her. “Good luck, luv.”

Michelle watched as Lauren, Patti and Telly grabbed their handbags and headed down the hall. Her attention was drawn back to the piano as Kimberly got up and started moving towards her.

“Hey mom, we’re going down to the beach for a while.”

Michelle moved towards her and wrapped her arms around her slim shoulders while she nodded, “I’m so proud of you. I can’t believe that was my little kid playing so beautifully.”

Kim grinned and pulled away from her mother, “That’s ‘cause I’ve got a great teacher.” She looked back towards Kevin and smiled.

Kevin sat on the piano bench watching them with a small smile and sad eyes. Michelle met his intense eyes and felt her heart explode.

“You certainly do,” she murmured before moving towards him. Kim and Aaron ran outside, with promises of being careful, knowing at least one adult in the household would shout it out to them.

Michelle halted and looked back outside at her husband one last time. He and AJ stood side by side against the deck railing. . laughing. She felt her remorse slipping away as she watched that wonderful friend of theirs throw his arm around Howie’s shoulders and ruffle the other’s immaculate hair. Howie’s response was to grab AJ’s sunglasses and fling them behind them onto the lawn, before grabbing his friend to him for a hug.

She turned back around to find Kevin hunched over the piano keys, his fingers just hovering above them. He felt her presence as she neared and looked down at her as she quietly slid onto the piano bench beside him. Without raising her eyes just yet, she gently took his left hand between her own and drew in a deep breath. Caressing his long fingers, she slowly drew her gaze up to meet his. His brilliant green eyes had such a tinge of sadness in them that she winced at the pain she’d caused him.

“I’m so sorry, Kevin.” She spoke barely above a whisper and felt his fingers tighten around her own. “I never wanted to hurt you, but I didn’t know what else to do. I love you so much and I wanted to be with you, in your arms, but I didn’t want to betray Howie.” She felt his body shift slightly as he moved closer to her. “Can you ever forgive me? I miss you so much.”

He dipped his head and kissed her lips softly for a brief moment. “There is nothing to forgive. I love you.” He brought her hand up to his lips and kissed it thoughtfully. “I’ve missed you too.”

Nodding her head, she lowered her gaze to his lips and subconsciously licked her own.

“Don’t do that,” he whispered with a groan as he lifted her chin to gaze into her eyes. “What does this mean, babe?”

“It means I love you and I want you just as much as I want Howie. I want you back in my life, Kevin. I want to see you smile. I want to hear your laughter. I want to feel your lips on mine again.” She leaned towards him and he met her instantly, placing his warm mouth on hers and wrapping his arms around her shoulders.

The tears slid slowly from both their eyes as his lips roamed hers, consuming and tasting hers. She shivered violently against him and clung to the shirt covering his chest. Pulling away slowly, she closed her eyes tightly and rested her head against him. “There will be consequences, you know that. I can’t give you everything I give Howie. I can’t shout out aloud that I love you. I can’t make any promises to you.”

Kevin shushed her with his lips once again and then gently ran his hand across her cheek. “I don’t care about any of that. All I want is to love you, see you happy, feel your happiness and make love to you whenever I can. The only consequence we need to worry about is making sure Howie doesn’t feel like he’s losing you, because I’ll never ask you to leave him for me. He’s being so generous to me letting me love you too.”

She softly caressed his face as she looked up at him with love shining from her eyes. “He’ll never lose me, Kevin. But I’m bound to lose you someday when you realize this arrangement won’t be enough for you. And I couldn’t blame you then, could I?”

“Please, we’ve only just begun. Let’s not even think of the future just yet. One day at a time for now, okay?” His emerald eyes no longer contained the sadness from only minutes ago.

She nodded and kissed his cheek. “But tonight is Telly’s. I won’t take this night away from her, Kevin. I know you two aren’t as together as you were before, but she still deserves you.” He nodded in agreement and gave her a beautiful smile as he felt the warmth reenter his soul from her presence.

The sliding door opened and AJ and Howie entered the house with the grilled steaks and empty beer bottles. Michelle and Kevin both turned towards them with small smiles lingering on their lips. AJ and Howie looked at each other and exchanged their own secret smile. AJ had amused Howie outside with his wild thoughts and wishes for himself regarding menage-a-trois’s and had successfully removed the anxiety contained within his friend.

They made their way towards the piano and Howie felt the tension leave the room as he realized that she was once again at peace with herself. He edged around behind them and scrunched down on his heels beside her.

She gazed down lovingly into his face and leaned over to kiss him softly. “Thank you, Howie. Thank you for loving me so much.”

He returned her gaze, his own eyes filled with adoration and happiness. “Kevin and I have been working on something all week, for you.” He looked up at Kevin questionably. “You ready?”

Kevin nodded and placed his hands on the piano keys. AJ walked over to the far end of the piano and leaned against it and watched his three friends, curious at to what exactly Howie and Kevin had been working on. Those two men should hate each other and they don’t, he thought to himself with a shake of his head.

Kevin began playing and looked down at Michelle as he started to sing.

I never needed love like I need you
And I never lived for nobody, but I live for you
Oooh, babe, lost in love is what I feel when I’m with you

She stared in amazement at him, recognizing the song, remembering the conversation the three of them had had at the end of last year regarding their various taste in music. As Kevin sang, Howie moved around the piano to stand on Kevin’s right, so that he could see his wife’s expression. Then as he began singing the next verse, her attention was immediately drawn to him as his beautiful voice met her ears.

Maybe it’s the way you touch me with the warmth of a sun
Maybe it’s the way you smile, I come all undone
Oooh, babe, lost in love is what I feel when I’m with you

AJ watched on in pure shock. The passion, which emitted from his two friends, was something he hadn’t seen or heard from in so long. The combination of their voices was pure magic as they sang the chorus together.

Baby, ooh I get chills when I’m with you
Baby, my world stands still when I’m with you
When I’m with you

Kevin opened his eyes and turned his head back to Michelle as he sang directly into her eyes.

I never cared for nobody like I care for you

Howie’s hand moved over his heart as he sang the next line.

And I never wanted to share the things I want to share with you

Kevin joined him once again.

Oooh, babe, lost in love is what I feel when I’m with you

The tears of happiness coursed down her cheeks as she watched the two men she loved with all her heart sing their love for her.

Baby, ooh I get chills when I’m with you
Baby, my world stands still when I’m with you
When I’m with you

Baby, ooh I get chills when I’m with you
Baby, my world stands still when I’m with you

When I’m with you
When I’m with you
When I’m with you...

(When I’m With You – Sheriff/Monster Ballads)

Nick and Brian had appeared around the corner and stared at their two friends in obvious shock. When the song ended with Howie’s falsetto voice, all six of them wore beaming smiles. Michelle opened her eyes, brushed the tears away quickly and flew into Kevin’s arms. “That was so beautiful.” She released him and moved quickly to Howie and hugged him just as tightly.

“I think we just found another song for the new album,” Brian said with obvious pride. Granted, he, Nick and AJ got virtually all the leads in their songs, but the combination of Howie and Kevin with this song, just totally blew him away. They would seriously have to rework some of the tracks they’d already laid down.

AJ sauntered over to Nick and Brian with a huge smile on his face. “Folks, we have lift off. Life in the Backstreet World will soon be returning to its most glorious state.”

Nick stood quietly between AJ and Brian, “What the hell is going on here?” he asked in a hushed tone as he watched Michelle kiss Kevin passionately.

“Come on, Blondie, help me set the table and I’ll tell ya all about it.” AJ threw his arm around Nick’s shoulders and led him towards the kitchen.

Brian caught Howie’s eye and was rewarded with a brilliant smile, just before Howie pulled Michelle back into his arms for his own passionate kiss. “Guess I’ll go get the kids,” he said more to himself and chuckled as he raced from the room.

The girls returned with much commotion a few seconds later. Kevin eased his long body off the piano bench and turned to Michelle and Howie with happiness pouring from his face. “Thanks, D,” he said clamping a hand on Howie’s shoulder, “Thanks for making me happy.” He spun around at the sound of voices walking down the hall and went out to meet the women. Michelle turned back into Howie’s arms and held him tightly.

“Oh Howie, I’ll never stop being amazed at all the things you can do and give. I love you so much.” He bent his head and kissed her temple.

“Everything is going to be all right from now on, Beauty. Let your soul rest and remember, no matter what happens, I’ll never stop loving you.”

CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT

Dinner was the usual boisterous affair that it formerly used to be now that everyone had smiles on their faces once again. Nick had listened attentively to AJ’s brief explanation of what had transpired between Kevin, Howie and Michelle and was in total shock. He kept looking at each one of them all throughout dinner; not comprehending how all this could have gone on right under his very own nose and never even have picked up on it. Oh sure, he definitely planned on thanking his friends for being so considerate in including him in the secrets of their lives. Not.

He looked upon Michelle with a tinge of guilt as it dawned on him that she wasn’t the only one involved in that kiss last Sunday night and here he was all week thinking awful things of her, ignoring her, glaring at her. While he still couldn’t quite comprehend how she could willingly allow two men to love her, heck, who was he to pass judgment? Kevin and Howie. Who would have figured?

Actually, now that he was really thinking about it, Nick started to recall the relationships Michelle had with both of them since the very first day. Of course it was obvious now that Michelle and Kevin did belong together, in some way or other. They were so similar, they had been through the same things in their lives, they knew how the other’s pains felt. So why did she pick Howie, he wondered. He looked upon his Latino friend and instantly had an answer to his own question.

Howie was engrossed in an animated conversation with Lauren about the production of some songs; however, he had the most brilliant smile on his face as his fingers were softly caressing those of his wife’s, who was listening to the woes of the children.

“Please, Mom. . . Heather and Greg said we’ll be perfectly safe. No one will even recognize Aaron. He looks just like Hope with all that blonde hair and we could pretend he’s her brother. Please, please let us go. Patti and AJ are going to New York and you’re letting them.” Nick’s attention was drawn to the conversation at hearing his brother’s name mentioned.

Michelle chuckled to herself at the innocence of her daughter. As if she could stop AJ and Patti from doing anything they wanted, not that she’d want to. She sympathetically looked at her begging daughter, “Kimmie, I trust Gracie and Hope’s parents, but you have to realize how difficult this could be for them if someone recognized Aaron. They haven’t been exposed to the screaming, loving fans like you have. Never mind the fact that where you want to go will be overflowing with young girls who will most definitely recognize him. And Patti and AJ are adults and can take care of themselves and don’t need my permission to go anywhere. Besides, Marcus is meeting them at the airport.”

Nick saw the crushed expressions on Kimberly’s and his brother’s faces. He went over and knelt between Michelle and Kimberly. “What’s going on, Shelly?” he asked her quietly with a small smile playing on his lips.

She looked at him in disbelief, shocked that he was addressing her in his old style and actually smiling at her, not even the faintest bit of a grimace.

“Gracie and Hope’s parents, Greg and Heather, have invited Kim and Aaron to go up to Boston with them this weekend to attend the Kiss 108 FM special summer concert. I’m afraid of what will happen if Aaron is recognized.”

Nick looked over at the two kids and felt their anxiety. “I missed out on a lot of things like this over the years and I know how you feel Aaron.” He turned back to Michelle and smiled his crooked smile at her. “Thanks, Shelly for worrying about him so much. How about I make a few phone calls and have our security team get a couple of our bodyguards up here to meet them? I’m sure we’ll need them here soon anyway; it’s bound to get out that we’re here for the summer. We haven’t exactly been laying low all week, you know?”

Michelle brushed a wayward strand of his blonde hair off his forehead and smiled at him. “Thanks, Nick. If you feel comfortable letting him go, then I have no objection to Kim going either. Are you sure?”

He nodded and was suddenly knocked on his ass as both kids threw themselves at him and expressed their thanks. Michelle laughed heartily as he started wrestling with them and causing their high shrieks of laughter to fill the house.

Howie leaned against her and whispered in her ear, “Kid free weekend?”

Michelle nodded and turned towards him with her eyes shining. “Yup, no kids. Now we can plan that little rendezvous on the beach and not have to worry about them.” She grinned at the delight in his eyes as she got up from the table and started collecting the dirty dishes. “I take it from the look in your eyes that you like that idea?” His hand brushed slowly across her backside in response. She bent down and kissed him quickly and then made her way into the kitchen.

Kevin and Patti were wrapping up the leftover vegetables and bread, while sharing pleasant banter. Michelle took a bowl from Patti’s hands and gave her a nudge towards the living room. “Get out of here! You helped cook, I’ll do the cleaning up. In fact, you should take yourself outside and relax in the hot tub. You’ve been running around all day.”

Patti looked at her in amusement before grinning. “Yes, Mom. I’ll leave you and Dad to the clean up.” She sidestepped Kevin’s playful slap and then turned serious. “I just want to say that whatever you two were in disagreement about, we are all very happy and relieved to see that you’ve made up. Tonight feels right once again, just like it used to. Don’t fight anymore, damn it!”

Michelle and Kevin exchanged a meaningful look before giving Patti their warmest smiles and promises to not “fight” anymore.

After Patti left the room, the two of them worked around each other in silence for several minutes. After Michelle put the last dish in the dishwasher, she rinsed her hands under the faucet and looked over at Kevin. “She can never know about us, Kev, you know? I don’t want to hide my love for you, but I can’t afford to have her hate me again. I’ve only just gotten her back after all these years and . . “

He leaned against the counter next to her and trailed a finger down her cheek, “I understand, babe. I really do. I’ll be discreet and my feelings won’t be hurt. I think it’s best we keep this between us and, well, the guys since they already know.” He crossed his arms before him in a comfortable stance and then looked towards the dining room. “Nick told me a little while ago that he saw us on the stairs Sunday night and heard you say you loved me. He’s held it inside all week, but admitted he blamed you and ignored you. It tore him apart, not confronting me or telling Howie. So he settled on you instead. I’m just glad he didn’t confront you with it and I don’t want to see that happen again, from anybody.”

She looked up at him and yearned to kiss him right then and there. God, this was going to be so hard.

Greg and Heather arrived an hour later, as did the mysterious AnaLee. Nick was both anxious and elated that she’d agreed to come over and finally meet his “family”. He’d been dying to introduce her to everyone all week, but was fearful that she’d become overwhelmed with the antics of his friends and, well, let’s face it, the stress level in the house all week had been grueling. She was a fan after all though, having admitted that to him last weekend when he and Kim had first sat at her counter at the drug store, and she couldn’t resist at least saying hello to the rest of the guys.

Nick had been so taken by her sweet, gentle demeanor, and for the first time in a long time, didn’t have one of those thoughts about being dated only because he was a Backstreet Boy.

She was truly beautiful in her own way, soft curly black hair hanging just below her shoulders, eyes the deepest shade of brown, even more so than Howie and AJ’s. She was tall and slender, and her smooth mocha skin just screamed at Nick to be lovingly caressed. He’d sat there awestruck as she went about her duties, gracing each and every customer with her warm smile as she catered to them. Once Nick had finally worked up the courage, in spite of Kimberly’s playful teasing at his shaking hands, he’d asked her out and was bowled over that she’d agreed. Their date last Monday night had been so easy going. Generally Nick found it hard to be his real self so soon after meeting someone, opting more often than not to be Nick Backstreet Boy instead of Nick Carter, but there was something about AnaLee that helped him let down his guard and open up to her. They’d spent the evening talking about themselves, the real Nick and AnaLee and their hopes and dreams, and not about their friends or families.

AnaLee had just graduated from Boston University and while was prompted to go on to law school by her locally famous father, she’d decided against it for the time being, preferring to spend her time finding herself. She gave herself one full year to decide what to do with the rest of her life. So far, she’d found no answers, but enjoyed working in the drug store for her great-aunt and dabbling in real estate for her other great-aunt.

Everyone liked AnaLee from the very first moment. She seemed shy at first, just like Nick, but opened up after a while, once she realized the guys were just regular everyday people.

As they all sat companionably on the deck, with AJ and Patty in the hot tub, it dawned on Patti that AnaLee was the very one who had recommended this house for their summer visit. Such a small world it is indeed.

Nick and Kevin made all the necessary calls and eventually had it arranged that Emilio and Mark, two of their backup bodyguards, would meet Aaron and Kim at Heather and Greg’s house in Arlington and stay with them for the weekend.

Michelle packed overnight bags for both children and at nine o’clock; the kids went home with Heather and Greg, as they were off to an early start the next morning.

Eventually everyone ended up putting on their bathing suits and joining AJ and Patti in the hot tub. Nick and AnaLee begged off, mainly because they were still shy around each other and neither wanted to be half-naked in front of the other, well not with eight other people present. They decided to take a quiet drive instead, so they said.

The remaining group shared a few bottles of champagne and chatted comfortably about their upcoming schedules. AJ and Patti were flying to New York tomorrow morning for a shopping weekend. Telly was anxious to get back to her pet store and start implementing her new marketing techniques. Howie needed to make arrangements before the end of next week to return to Orlando for a series of meetings involving the Lupus Foundation and his club, Tabu. Brian excitedly told Lauren and Patti about Kevin and Howie’s duet and even though they begged to hear it, neither could bring themselves to perform it in front of Telly.

Soon enough, Brian and AJ grew restless and commenced a playful water fight. The others endured it for about two minutes before kicking them out of the hot tub. With a howling laugh, Brian grabbed Lauren’s hand and begged her to swim in the ocean with him. She eagerly complied with his request, as she was almost just as rambunctious as he was. With a meaningful look, Patti talked AJ into going upstairs to pack and um, rest up for their early flight. AJ loved the fact that she was so frisky these days.

“Well, there’s plenty of champagne left,” Kevin remarked and leaned over the side of the hot tub to grab the bottle. Michelle snuggled closer to Howie as Kevin’s hip came to rest on her upper arm. She felt shivers cascading down her body from his innocent touch, but didn’t want to let that fact be known, especially with Telly sitting right there. She started to feel hypocritical in Telly’s presence, but for some reason the small smile Telly bestowed upon her erased those guilty thoughts. Does she know? Michelle wondered to herself.

Telly had been such a good friend all these many months. She never questioned Michelle about her closeness to Kevin or their frequent hugs and kisses. She just accepted it, so it seemed.

Telly pulled herself out of the hot tub an hour later and declared she needed to finish packing, take a hot shower and get some sleep. Kevin went to climb out after her, but a soft touch of her hand on his arm stopped him.

“No, babe, you stay and finish your drink. I’m just going to make a big mess of the room while I pack and I need to make a phone call anyways.”

“Tel, it’s almost midnight, who are you going to call?” Kevin asked.

Telly let out a small laugh and bent to kiss his head, “My sister in Hawaii, Silly. It’s not too late there and she’s coming to visit on Sunday. We need to finalize her plans. So, you stay and relax.”

Kevin grinned at her and caught her around the waist and kissed her sweetly on the lips. “Okay, I won’t be long.”

Telly went over and hugged Howie and Michelle goodbye. As she was about to enter the house, Michelle called out to her.

“Telly! Wait!” She quickly got out of the hot tub and ran over to her and caught her hand. “Telly. . . I just wanted to say. . .”

Telly silenced her by pulling her into her arms and giving her another hug. “You don’t have to say anything. I know and it’s okay. Kevin needs you. Just promise to take good care of him.”

Michelle pulled back startled and looked at Telly with glazed eyes. “I’m sorry, Tel,” she whispered softly. Telly smiled affectionately and shook her head, then leaned forward and kissed her gently on the lips.

“Never be sorry, Michelle. It’s fate, so why fight it? I still love you. Friends forever, aren’t we?” Telly flashed another smile to the guys and went in the house.

Michelle looked after her for several moments before turning back and heading to the hot tub, lost in thought. God, how can she be so. . . understanding, Michelle wondered silently.

She bumped her knee on the side of the hot tub and came out of her silent thoughts. “Shit!” She looked up after rubbing her knee and noticed Kevin and Howie staring at her with shocked expressions. “What?”

“She kissed you,” Kevin croaked out.

“On the lips,” Howie finished for him, equally as shocked.

She laughed at them as she climbed back into the warm water. “So? Friends kiss, no big deal.” She settled herself and sipped from her glass. Both men continued to look at her with naughty smirks forming on their faces. “What? You can’t tell me you’ve never seen two women kiss. God, it wasn’t sexual.” She looked back and forth between them and burst out laughing. “Stop looking at me that way and wipe those grins off your faces. Men!”

CHAPTER THIRTY- NINE

Michelle awoke to the warm sun streaming through the windows. She stretched lazily with a happy smile as she gazed through the window and marveled at the beautiful shade of blue painting the sky. She rolled to her right and saw a note propped against the phone.

Good morning, Beauty,

I’ve gone to the studio to make some calls. I won’t be long. Call me.

Love, Howie

She outlined his name with her fingernail as she recalled their peaceful night. For the first time in days they hadn’t collapsed against each other out of extreme exhaustion from their lovemaking. They just held each other, gazed into the other’s eyes and whispered quietly. They didn’t even make love. They didn’t have to. It was so beautiful and peaceful just lying there with their hands gently caressing the other.

She reached for the phone and dialed his cell phone. “Hi, sweetie.”

“Hey, Beauty. Did you sleep well?” He sounded happy, relaxed.

“I haven’t slept that good in two weeks. Ah, it was heavenly. I’m still luxuriating in our big bed, enjoying the sun cascading all over me.” She was equally as happy and relaxed sounding. “So, what are you doing there you couldn’t do here?”

“Well, I drove Telly, AJ and Patti to the airport and since I was halfway here, I figured what the hell. Plus, I left my organizer here and I needed a few phone numbers.”

“Okay then. When you talk to your brother tell him I’ve got the variance applications for the Flamingo Gardens project finished and I’ll send them out today overnight mail.”

“You did those already? God, he just faxed them to you on Wednesday.” Howie twirled a pen between his fingers as he settled his feet up on the desk and marveled over how valuable she’d become to his real estate development company.

Chuckling at the awe in his voice, she continued, “Well, you sing well, I fill out forms well. And when you call Chelsea, tell her I think the best weekend for the next fundraiser would be Labor Day weekend. Oh, and call Bruce at the club and let him know that we’ll need to close Tabu to the public on whichever day we settle on for the event.” Numerous thoughts were filtering through her mind as she got into the business mode.

“Whoa! Who said I’m calling Chelsea or Bruce? And when did you have time to get all this stuff worked out?” he asked incredulously.

Still relishing in the glow of happiness, Michelle responded in a light-hearted tone, “Listen, Mr. Work-a-holic, just call your niece and partner and whoever else you’re calling and come home. It’s awfully quiet here. Oh, and I do believe you’ve forgotten I’ve become quite the lady of leisure all week, just basking in the sun. I needed a way to keep my mind busy sometimes. What better than keeping my hubby organized?”

Howie was silent for a moment, “What would I ever do without you to keep me in line?”

She giggled at his husky tone and rolled over and caught the time. “Holy Shit, D! It’s already 11:30, I never sleep this late.”

“You needed it, that’s why I didn’t wake you this morning. You looked so peaceful and beautiful lying there with your arms tucked under your pillow, your golden hair falling across your back and shoulders, your lips half smiling, your legs. . “

“Howie, stop. You’re making me blush.” She continued to giggle into the phone.

“Well, you better get Kevin up. We have a 2:00 luncheon at the Summer House with a reporter from VH-1.”

“What? Why? What have you done, Howie?” She sat up and allowed her legs to fall over the side of the bed.

“I’m telling the world today that I’m a happily married man.” His voice was filled with pride. “If you hear from Nick or Brian, tell them to meet us there too. They took the boat our earlier with Lauren and AnaLee. She’s so sweet, don’t you think?” Her shocked silence wasn’t falling upon deaf ears. He knew she would be surprised and nervous about the interview.

“Howard!” She also knew his rambling was a delay tactic.

“Listen, honey, we’ve all been thinking lately that we can’t continue hiding our private lives. It’s just not fair to keep certain things inside. I want to show the world how happy I am. Eventually, AJ wants to release the news of Patti and the baby. We’ve been planning our strategies all week and management is aware that I’m making this announcement today. I didn’t tell you earlier because it wasn’t firmed up yet.” He paused and waited for a response.

“Okay, babe.” She responded quietly all the while thinking of the rumors already plaguing the Internet over her. If this was what Howie wanted, then Howie would get it. “What do I wear?”

He chuckled at her question. “Women! I don’t know, Beauty. I like that dress you bought in Palm Beach. Did you bring it?”

“Yeah. Howie what do I do? What do I say? Your fans are going to be so shocked and pissed off. I don’t want them to hate you.” She twirled the phone cord around her fingers and tucked her legs beneath her.

“Don’t worry about it. Sure there was some angry fans over Brian’s engagement announcement, but it’s all died down now, hasn’t it? The true fans will understand.”

They talked for a few more minutes and then Michelle went into the bathroom to pee, brush her teeth and brush her hair. She padded down the hall in her bare feet to Kevin’s room and rapped lightly before opening the door.

“Kev? You awake?” she asked quietly and watched the soft rise and fall of his bare chest as he slept. She gently shook his arm and laughed as he grimaced and rolled over, covering his head with his pillow. “Kevin Richardson, wake up!”

She playfully tugged the pillow away from him and screamed with laughter when he suddenly rolled back towards her, caught her around the waist and pulled her over his body to his left side.

She continued laughing as his arm remained encircled around her and he nuzzled her neck.

“You cheat. I could’ve sworn you were sleeping.” She kissed his tussled hair and put her own hand on his arm.

“Who the hell sleeps this late?” he asked playfully as he pulled back and looked down at her. His eyes were twinkling and his mouth formed into a very sexy grin. “You look so sexy.” His hand trailed down her side, absorbing the warmth of her skin beneath the burgundy nightgown she wore.

She gazed up into his eyes and yearned to kiss him. “Kevin. . .” He turned his eyes back towards her and sank down onto her lips. She moaned slightly as his lips grazed across hers. Her hand slid higher until it rested against his neck, her fingers softly caressing him. “Oh, Kevin,” she sighed and deepened the kiss as his hand roamed her side, causing her to shiver.

He kicked the sheet away from his body and drew her closer to him. Her chest pressed up against his, and her hips snuggled tightly against him. She felt his member growing against her thigh and slowly drew her hand downwards. She stopped briefly at his nipple and seductively drew a circle around it before slowly moving away. He groaned into her mouth and slid his own hand down her thigh, his fingers gathering up the silky fabric and raising it upwards as he went.

”Wait!” she said breathlessly and pulled away from him, “I have to go to the, um, bathroom.” She quickly climbed over his body and ran towards the door of the bathroom connecting his room and Kimberly’s. She heard his involuntary groan as she closed the door behind her. She leaned back against the door, with her hand to her throat and breathed deeply. Oh god, I want him so bad. I want him right now. She looked across the bathroom and quickly ran across it and closed the door leading to her daughter’s room. She needed the confines of a small space to think clearly.

She stopped and looked at her reflection in the mirror and gently touched her lips, remembering only too well how good Kevin’s felt upon them. But today? How can she even think of making love to him today? God, Howie is announcing to the world today that they are married. But, Kevin. She wanted him so bad. He wanted her. Howie would understand, he said so. She was torturing Kevin by her guilty thoughts. She ran the cold water and flushed the toilet for his benefit. Taking a deep breath, she turned around and eased open the door once again.

Kevin stood beside the bed clad only in his dark blue boxers. He was dejectedly pulling the sheets and blanket up. She released the tiniest of cries as she watched him. She was being so unfair to him. She loved him. She wanted him. She was hurting him by constantly pulling away.

She walked lightly up to him and placed her hand on his arm, as he was about to draw the quilt upwards. He froze and closed his eyes.

“Close your eyes, give me your hand, darling. Do you feel my heart beating, do you understand? Do you feel the same? Am I only dreaming? Is this burning an eternal flame?” she quietly sang the words to him as she looked at him in agony. She had his hand placed over her heart and she touched his face with her other one.

His eyes opened and stared down at her. “I can’t take it, babe. I can’t handle you pulling away anymore,” he whispered hoarsely.

She silenced him with her fingers. “I’ve had an eternal flame for you since the first night you showed me how love felt once again. Your touch, your kisses, the way you made love to me, are all emblazoned on my mind forever. I want to relive that night with you, Kevin. Right now.”

She got on the bed and knelt high before him. “Please, Kevin, let me love you like you loved me that night. I have no more doubts about how much I want you, how much I need you.” Her hands slowly caressed his chest. She brought her lips to his throat and kissed him gently. He groaned and tangled his hands in her hair, gently maneuvering her head up so that she was looking at him.

“Are you sure?” he asked painfully.

“I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life. Kiss me, Kevin, make love to me.” He released a small cry and pulled her against him, his lips capturing hers in a blazing kiss. Her hands roamed his back desperately, her desire to be with him engulfing her.

He slid the thin straps of her gown down her shoulders and kissed his way down to her breasts. She cried out as his lips grazed across her sensitive skin. He eased her back down onto the bed and sat gently beside her and stared into her eyes. “I love you,” he whispered.

Her own green eyes, filled with love and desire, locked with his as her hand reached for his hardened member. “I love you,” she whispered back and then gasped as his fingers pulled her gown down and off her body.

He leaned across her and took her lips once again as she encircled his length through his boxers. Passionate groans escaped from his lips as her hand found its way beneath them. He quickly stood and shed the boxers and then gazed lovingly down at her body. As his eyes roamed her, his hands followed. He caressed her everywhere causing her to arch her body at his touch. He slowly peeled her panties away and at her urging laid down beside her.

“Now, baby. Love me now,” she begged, pulling his mouth towards her lips once again. He shifted his body above hers, her legs parting willingly, and settled himself upon her.

“I don’t want to rush this,” he breathed against her.

“We have forever,” she responded breathlessly.

As he entered her, they both cried out loudly. Their lips met desperately. Her legs surrounded his body. His hands cupped her face and they lost themselves to their passions.

CHAPTER FORTY

The next two weeks turned into a whirlwind of traveling for Michelle and Howie. After the interview with VH-1 and the subsequent airing of it the following night, they were inundated with requests for interviews and personal appearances. Howie was more than happy to fly all over the country to show off his bride.

*******

Michelle tried her best to keep the guilt from sleeping with Kevin from consuming her, but as always the guilt prevailed. As they were about to enter the dining room at the Summer House for the interview, she’d tugged on Howie’s sleeve and begged him for a moment of privacy. He looked surprised but acquiesced. Brian, Lauren, Nick and Kevin went inside to meet with the reporter and Howie guided Michelle into an empty conference room.

“What’s wrong, Beauty?” Howie softly caressed her cheek as she turned to face him.

“I can’t, in all good consciousness, go in that room and let you tell the world that you are happily married. . .“ The confusion in his eyes tore at her heart. “I slept with Kevin this morning, Howie.” She said barely above a whisper. She turned her head and focused her gaze on the bland tan draperies hung across the wall opposite them, hating herself for the pain that flashed swiftly across his face.

Howie’s throat constricted and his heart quickened its normal pace. He stared down at her profile and thought wildly for an appropriate response. What was appropriate, he wondered, when he was the one that had agreed to share his wife with Kevin? He knew what his decision would entail. What right did he have now to chastise her for it? Christ, he’d been best buddies with Kevin all week, talking things out, working on her song together. He had no animosity for him, yet why did it suddenly hurt so much? He knew all along that Michelle and Kevin would fall back into bed with each other. They needed to be together, they needed to love each other completely.

He watched her struggle to breathe evenly and not cry. Her fingers clutching tightly to his hand as she swallowed her tears. “I’m so sorry,” she cried out suddenly and turned back to him, clutching the lapel of his suit coat with her free hand.

In that instance he buried his feelings of pain, of inadequacy, of betrayal. God, he loved her so much and if Kevin was the one she needed to stay alive, then Kevin could have her any way he wanted her.

He smiled gently at her and caught her hands in his. Slowly backing her up to the wall, he stared deeply into her questioning eyes. “If I should kiss you right now, what would happen?” he asked softly and slowly. “If I should trail my fingers down your throat and over your breasts, what would happen?” His heart beat faster as he watched the desire fill her eyes and the small goose bumps form on her arms. She bit her lips together to stop their trembling. “If I should lift your dress and fall to my knees before you, what would happen?” His lips were a mere breath from her own.

“God, Howie, what are you doing?” she asked weakly as her knees started to buckle when his faint touch against her neck sent waves of desire through her body.

“What do you want right this second?” His voice was so low, seductive. Mesmerizing.

“I want you,” she gasped as his fingers grazed over her breast. “I want you to fuck me, Howie, right now.” Her breathing became erratic as he sank to his knees and pushed the thin material of her dress upwards. “Oh god!”

His tongue flicked across her abdomen and his fingers disappeared beneath her white panties. “Howie!”

She pressed her shoulders firmly against the wall as he pulled the panties away from her and spread her legs. She cried out lustily as his tongue met her sensitive flesh. He lavished her swollen lips and bud with his kisses and strokes, driving her quickly into orgasm.

He pulled himself away swiftly and freed his hardened cock from its confines. He caught her wrists and pulled them upwards beside her head as he took possession of her mouth.

She moaned against him and returned his kisses with fervor. “Oh Howie, I love you so much.”

He released her hands and pulled her thighs up into his strong hands and entered her quickly. She locked her arms around his neck and devoured his lips as he thrust into her with more passion and longing than she’d ever felt. Her mind grew dizzy from his kisses and his forceful pounding. With a strangled cry, he pushed into her one last time as he emptied his love into her.

They stayed like that for several minutes, breathing deeply against the other’s neck as they regained control of their breathing. Michelle finally pulled her head back and kissed him gently on the lips. “I love you, Howie Dorough, don’t ever think otherwise.”

He closed his eyes tightly and nodded several times, “I know, Beauty, I love you, no matter what.” He released her legs and she slid down along him. He opened his eyes and smiled at her flushed face. “I’m telling the world today that I am a happily married man and no matter what you say or what you do with Kevin, is going to stop that. I’ve tried telling you so many times lately that I understand about Kevin and you can blame me for encouraging you both. So stop blaming yourself and stop feeling guilty for hurting me.”

“Why, Howie? Why are you accepting this? Why are you encouraging us? I just don’t understand.” She watched him smile as he readjusted his clothing, shaking her head in bewilderment at his ease with the situation. He bent down and gently pulled her panties back on for her.

“Two people I love dearly are each other’s soul mates. We’ve known this from the beginning, Michelle. Yet, you chose me to fall in love with and spend the rest of your life with. You may have slept with Kevin today, but it didn’t take away your love or desires for me, did it?”

She shook her head in response and wrapped her arms around him tightly. “I’ll never stop loving or desiring you, Howie…never!”

“Then let’s go get interviewed!” His smile was glorious and he kept it trained on her until hers finally equaled his.

*******

It was a Tuesday morning when Michelle awoke to find Howie already gone from their hotel room. They’d been on the road for fifteen days and she had to think for a few moments of exactly where they were once again. The flurry of interviews, dinners, meetings and such had started to overwhelm her. She was suddenly thrust into the limelight that her husband found invigorating, but to her it was still too new and she felt homesick.

She ordered a carafe of coffee from room service, took a quick shower and then wrapped herself in a luxurious bathrobe, compliments of the hotel. After making up the bed, she strolled out to the balcony and sipped her coffee as thoughts of her daughter, Kevin, AJ and the rest of her family drifted through her mind. She missed them all so much. Even the daily phone calls didn’t ease the longing she felt for their presence. She sighed and went back into the room and dialed Howie’s cell phone. Since he was going to be on the west coast anyways, he was elected by the group to meet up with Nigel Dick to discuss his producing a new video for them.

“Good morning, Beauty.”

“Hi, babe, I’m not interrupting, am I?” She curled back up on the bed and twirled the phone cord around her fingers. “I’m missing you already.”

His familiar chuckle warmed her heart, “Of course not, hon. I’m sorry I left without waking you, but I did kiss you several times and you didn’t move an inch.”

“Well, Mr. Popularity, you’ve wiped me out with all your partying. I don’t know how you manage to keep on going the way you do. Fifteen days on the road with you and I’m beat. I love it though, I love being with you every second of the day. I love seeing you so happy, Howie.”

He pushed back his chair and indicated to the other gentlemen that he’d be with them in a moment. Striding across the room, he beamed at her last sentence, but he didn’t miss the exhaustion in her voice. “Just a few more days, honey, and then we’ll be home. I’m sorry everything has been so hectic and I should have eased you into this more so. I tend to forget you aren’t as used to the lifestyle.”

“Don’t be sorry, How, I’m not complaining, really.” She chuckled slightly and decided to change the subject. “How’s the meeting going?”

“Great, as we had hoped. Nigel has agreed to work with us again and we’re throwing some ideas back and forth. Are you sure you don’t want me to come pick you up afterwards and come to the other meetings with me?”

“Thanks, babe, but I’m sure. I really want to check out the shops here and get Kim some presents and just act like a real tourist. Will I see you here in time for dinner?” Howie assured her he’d be back by four o’clock and they’d make their evening plans then.

After their conversation was finished, Michelle remained on the bed and stared off into space. She honestly was happy for him, and being with him, but. . . something was missing.

She reached back and dialed the telephone again. “Hey, Kev.”

“Sweetie? What’s wrong?” Kevin knew instinctively by the tone of her voice that something was troubling her.

She giggled slightly, “Nothing’s wrong, I just miss you.”

He was silent for a brief moment as his heart swelled with love. “I miss you more. How’s LA?”

“It’s great. Howie’s off to the meeting with Nigel and says it’s going well. How’s my baby?”

“Excellent, she just took off with my mom for the mall.” Kevin and Kimberly had flown down to Kentucky over the weekend to spend time with his family. Ann Richardson had met both Michelle and Kimberly over Easter and had fallen in love with the young girl. “I’m sure they’ll be gone for hours. My mother totally adores your daughter, you know.”

Michelle smiled into the phone and thought fondly of his mother as well. “What about you? What have you been up to?” She had the strongest desire to see him, have her body wrapped up in his strong embrace.

“Babe, what are you doing? You sound so sad.” He knew her too well. “Do you have any coffee left?”

She glanced at the carafe on the cart at the foot of the bed. “Yup.”

“Okay, get off the bed, pour yourself a fresh cup. When was the last time you had a cigarette?”

She crawled off the bed with a smile and raised an eyebrow at his latest question. “Oh, about three days ago, why?”

“Cause I bet you really want one.” His quiet laugh warmed her. “Go get them out of your bag, cause I know you have a stash somewhere. Then take your coffee and cigarettes and go curl up in the chair by the window.”

“Huh, how’d you know there was a chair by the window?” she laughed as she did as instructed.

“Babe, I’ve been in a thousand hotels, seen one, seen them all. Wait! Don’t forget Howie’s pillow.”

“You remember that?” she asked quietly as she walked across the room and pulled the pillow Howie had slept on the night before into her arms. She had told Kevin several months ago how when she was missing Howie, she’d take his pillow and snuggle up with it.

“I remember everything, hon,” he replied, barely above a whisper.

“Oh Kevin.”

“Now, that should do it. All comfy now?” She curled up in the chair, lit a cigarette and then tucked Howie’s pillow beside her and leaned against it.

“No, Kevin, I don’t have you here with me, cuddled up behind me and holding me tight. Then it would be perfect.”

“I love you, babe.”

“I love you too, Kev. I really miss you and Kim and everyone else.” A few silent tears slipped down her cheeks and she wiped them off with frustration. “I’m sorry, babe, I shouldn’t be acting like such a baby, I’m just homesick.”

He felt her anguish and longed to pull her into his arms to comfort her. “I know, darling, it won’t be long now until you’re back. We’ll all meet up in Nantucket on Saturday and we’ll have one hell of a party, you’ll see. I’ll make sure everyone is there.”

She smiled through her tears and drew on her cigarette. “Kevin, how is it you always manage to make me feel better?”

“We’re two of a kind, hon. I’m lonely without you too, you know? I need you so bad. I miss you so much.”

“You better stop right there, or you’ll have us both in tears in a second. I’m going out and I’m buying you the best present for being my best friend. Will you have Kim call me later?”

They finished their conversation and Michelle hung up the phone feeling somewhat better, having spoken to the two men she loved most in the world within the last half hour.

CHAPTER FORTY-ONE

Michelle did spend her day shopping. Normally shopping wasn’t a passion for her, but once she hit Rodeo Drive she was definitely in the mood for it. She only wished AJ was there with her. She found several little trinkets for Kimberly and a couple of pop star posters that she didn’t yet have. For Howie, she found a gorgeous thumb ring. She left it with the retailer to be engraved and then moved on to the next shop. There she found the most exquisite black merino v-neck sweater for Kevin and an oriental themed sleeveless leather vest for AJ. She continued on and bought gifts for everyone and finally returned to pick up the ring. It was almost four thirty when she returned to the hotel to find Howie lounging on the sofa wearing nothing but a black tank and his boxer shorts.

“Whoa! What an incredibly delightful sight you are, Mr. Dorough.” She placed her bags on the bed and then settled herself down onto his lap. His hair hung loose and was still damp from his shower. She twirled a lock between her fingers before leaning in to kiss him. “You look very comfortable.”

“Hmm, I am,” he mumbled before pulling her in for a more passionate kiss. “Damn, I missed you today.”

Pulling away quickly, she jumped off his lap and ran to the bed. “I bought you something today,” she said excitedly.

Howie came up behind her as she was scrounging through her bags and placed his hands on her hips, allowing them to slide seductively down along her thighs.

“Howie!” she moaned as the instantaneous tingling sensations shot through her body. She pushed all the bags to the floor before turning around and clutching his shirt. “Don’t you ever run out of energy?” she managed to ask hoarsely just before his lips crushed down onto hers once again.

“Never!” he replied after a few moments and then slowly unzipped the back of her dress.

A couple hours later they lay entwined in each others arms with the bed coverings mussed around them. Michelle absorbed every word he spoke as he relayed the events of his day. She excitedly agreed with him about the concepts they’d settled on for the new video. Howie had managed to reach all of the guys and it was arranged that Nigel and his crew would arrive in Nantucket in two weeks to film the video.

“So, we’re off to Denver tomorrow?” she asked after a comfortable lull in their conversation, her fingers drawing soft patterns across his chest.

“I’m off to Denver tomorrow and you are off to Kentucky tomorrow,” he replied as he rolled to his side and rested his head on his hand to look down at her. He smiled at her initial expression of delight and then watched as she changed it to one of confusion.

“Kentucky? Me? No, Howie, I’m staying with you. I want to stay with you.” She gazed into his eyes and wrapped her arm around him possessively. “I’ll see Kimberly and Kevin on Saturday.”

“Beauty, I know you miss them and I want you to go. I’m the one that suggested it to Kevin and only then did he tell me how much you missed them. Please, babe, don’t argue. I’ve loved having you with me every minute, but I want you to go to Kentucky and just relax for the next few days. I know you’re worn out.” He dipped his head and kissed her nose. “The meetings in Denver and Nashville are just about the real estate business and you’ll be bored silly anyway.”

“I will not.” She countered quickly, “I love your businesses, Howie. You know that.”

“I do, hon, believe me, but I still want you to go to Kevin and Kimmie. They miss you so much. I’ve hogged you from them for over two weeks.” He playfully drew his fingers across her collarbone and delighted in the shivers it produced from her.

“But. . . “

“No buts, you’re going and you’re going to have a great time. Kevin said he’d take you riding and I could hear Kim in the background begging for you to come.”

“She was? God, I do miss her.” She thought for a few moments about her daughter and then just as playfully, shoved Howie onto his back and straddled his waist. “Okay, I’ll go, but you better be prepared to make sure I don’t forget how incredibly sexy you are.”

The mischievous grin that appeared on his face told her right off that he’d make damn sure she wouldn’t forget. He quickly twisted them so that she was once again on her back, tucked securely beneath his hard body. “You might be sorry in the morning, Beauty, when you have trouble walking.“

“I’ll never be sorry for anything you do to me,” she murmured against his neck as her hands slid down to caress his firm ass.

Twenty-four hours later she was anxiously waiting for the plane to make its final descent into Lexington. She was excited, nervous, and anxious to see Kevin, who assured her he’d be waiting for her.

Moments later, she gathered her two black leather carry-on bags and literally ran off the plane. When she reached the end of the walkway she noticed him immediately, leaning sluggishly against the wall, hat pulled down low and sunglasses covering his beautiful eyes. She stopped and stared at him with a wide grin before slowly walking towards him. His own smile matched hers and he casually pushed himself away from the wall and walked towards her.

“Get over here, you,” he said gruffly when they were ten feet apart. She dropped her bags carelessly beside her and flew into his open arms. He buried his face against her neck and inhaled her essence, drowning in the fact that she was actually in his arms. “God, I’ve missed you.”

She squeezed her arms around his neck and kissed the side of his head, “Get me out of here, Kevin, so I can kiss you properly.” Despite the late hour, there were still far too many people mulling around to chance kissing him in public.

He chuckled against her and put her down. “Let’s go get your bags.” He held her hand tightly as they walked back over to her discarded luggage. “You have any more at baggage claim?”

She shook her head and smiled, “Nope.”

“Let’s get outta here then.” They walked quickly through the airport and out towards the parking garage, neither one needing to speak, just relishing in the presence of the other.

When they finally reached his truck, Kevin unlocked the back and tossed her bags in one at a time, never letting go of her hand. He then guided her to the passenger side and opened the door for her. As she slid past him, she turned and wrapped her arms around his torso and tilted her head up to look at him. He gazed down at her with shining eyes and cupped her face. “I’ve been going crazy all day waiting for this moment.” His eyes scanned her face and finally settled on her lips. “God, babe, I love you so much.” He bent his head then and sprinkled her face with a dozen little kisses, deliberately prolonging the moment until finally settling on her slightly parted lips. She matched his desperate moan and kissed him back with fervor. The annoying sounds of advancing footsteps finally broke them from their hold on each other.

The drive away from the airport was made in companionable silence. Michelle sat sideways in her seat and kept her eyes trained on his handsome face and a hand resting contentedly on his leg. He had the radio playing softly and she hummed along quietly. He often turned his head to gaze at her and smile.

"We’re going to get in an accident if you don’t keep your eyes on the road," she observed, with a smile, after the fifth time.

He laughed heartily and clutched her hand tightly. "I can’t help it, I can’t believe you are finally here." He swung into the far right lane and took the next exit off the highway with ease. "We’ll be there in just a few minutes."

A short time later he pulled up to the front entrance of a hotel, "This certainly isn’t what I imagined your mother’s house to look like," she commented teasingly and turned to look out the side window.

He brought the truck to a stop and dug a room key card from his back pocket and handed it to her.

"I lied to my mother and Kim, told them you weren’t arriving ‘til tomorrow morning," he said with a wry grin. She raised her eyebrows and unbuckled her seat belt quickly before leaning over and kissing him roughly.

"You are devious, but brilliant," she replied and started to open her door. He quickly caught her arm and pulled her back towards him and engulfed her in his embrace. His lips caught hers and they both moaned huskily as he pressed her back against the seat. After a few minutes of heavy making out, he released her, leaned over and opened the door for her.

"Hurry inside, I’ll park around the back and meet you up there. I’ll get your bags." She nodded eagerly, grabbed her handbag and jumped out of the truck.

The lobby of the hotel was quiet and she easily found the elevators and made her way up to their room. Once inside, she just stood and stared at the queen sized bed and felt a rush of anticipation and excitement for the evening ahead.

Within moments, Kevin entered the room and had his arms around her. She turned towards him and they stood in a tight embrace for several minutes. "Are you hungry, hon?" he asked quietly. She shook her head against his chest and tightened her arms around him.

"I don’t want anything but your arms around me, Kevin. I’ve missed you so. I’ve missed seeing your smile and hearing your laugh and feeling of your kisses on me." She stood on tiptoe and kissed his jaw as her arms moved up around his neck. "I’ve missed running my fingers through your messy hair, and being able to read your moods by just taking one quick look at your face. I’ve missed the sound of your hushed voice close to my ear, and the way you make me feel so safe in your arms." She ran her hands along his shoulders and down his hard arms, causing him to shiver slightly. "I’ve missed your scent and the sound of my name on your lips." Her fingers trailed back up his arms and over and across his chest. She rested her palm gently against him and felt his heart beating its rhythmic song. She raised her eyes finally to meet his and gasped slightly when she noticed they were brilliant with unshed tears. She brought her hands back up and gently traced her thumbs around his eyes. "Why are you about to cry?"

He swallowed the small lump in his throat and lifted her up into his arms and carried her over to the sofa. He turned and sat down, with her straddling his lap, and then kissed her with all the passion he could no longer contain.

Breaking away slowly, he moved his lips along her jaw line and down along her neck. "I just love you so much and can’t believe you are actually here with me. You should be with Howie, but he sent you to me. I’m overwhelmed with gratitude towards him and I’m drowning in love for you. Oh, Michelle. . "

His words faded away as her lips found his once again and all further conscious thoughts escaped him as her tongue slid smoothly between his lips. He groaned with deep-rooted desire and clung desperately to her compliant body as she commenced a low moaning of her own.

“Oh Kevin . . don’t stop, don’t ever stop.”

And he didn’t. . .

*******

The morning dawned too quickly, but Michelle awakened fully once those first conscious moments hit. She felt his warm muscular body leaning half over her, his arm wrapped tightly around her abdomen, his right leg flung possessively across her own. She snuggled her backside tighter against him and entwined her fingers in his large hand, sighing contentedly.

Knowing he could sleep for ages, she eventually eased out of the bed and made her way into the bathroom to shower and dress. She slipped quietly from the room and found a small coffee shop in the lobby.

Settling herself at a corner table, she lit a cigarette and sipped gratefully on a steaming cup of coffee. With a quick glance at her watch, she pulled her cell phone from her bag and called Howie.

“Good morning, baby,” she cooed into the slim black device. “It’s not too early there, is it?”

Howie groaned slightly and rolled over onto his back with a pleasant smile. “It’s never too early, Beauty, to be woken up by you.” He felt his heart quicken at the sound of her soft laughter. “How are you, baby?”

“I’m wonderful, Howie, thank you so much for sending me here. I feel. . . I don’t know, I feel complete. Oh Howie, I do miss you already though. This is the first morning in almost a month that I don’t wake up to see your gorgeous face next to mine. I’m missing your kisses.”

Howie smiled widely at her words and wished he hadn’t sent her to Kentucky. “I miss you too, Beauty, but if you can’t have me, you’ve got Kevin.” He winced slightly at his own words, funny how they came out so easily and with no malice.

“Oh How, it’s not the same though, I want you too. This is too weird, isn’t it? While I’m with one of you, I’m missing the other desperately.” She drew on her cigarette and then rolled the ashes around in the ashtray in front of her. “I’m sorry.”

He drew in his breath and struggled to sit up without dropping the phone. “Don’t be sorry, babe, for being honest. I wouldn’t want you any other way.”

“Are you being honest with me, D?”

He strolled over to the hotel room window and pulled the heavy drapes aside to gaze outside. “Yes, Beauty, I’m being honest. I love you and I want you to be happy.”

“But are you happy? I know you are when we are together, but. . . “

“Michelle, I’m very happy. Please don’t start.” He leaned his head against the cool glass and sighed quietly. “We’re doing what’s best for the three of us, you know?”

She wanted to agree with him, and at times did, but in her heart, she knew this wasn’t the best for him or Kevin. “I love you, How.”

“And I love you. Now, what time does your plane supposedly get in?” She gasped at his words, and laughed quickly.

“Do you and Kevin tell each other everything?”

Howie pushed himself away from the window with a lighter heart, “Absolutely, we promised each other a few weeks ago that there would be no secrets. That way no one gets hurt.”

“Oh Howie.”

“Don’t “Oh Howie” me.” He said with a hearty laugh, “What time?”

“Eleven o’clock. What about you? When’s John coming in?” Howie and his brother, John, were meeting in Denver with potential investors for an upcoming development along the gulf coast. They continued chatting for several more minutes before deciding on a time to speak again that evening.

Afterwards, Michelle called Nantucket and chatted with Aaron and AJ, as they were the only two awake. Finally, she bought two large coffees and headed back up to the room that Kevin lay sleeping in.

CHAPTER FORTY-TWO

Michelle and Kevin arrived at his Kentucky home to find his mother rushing frantically around the house. While Kimberly and Michelle hugged each other desperately, Kevin got his mom to sit for a moment and explain her panic.

“Oh Kevin, I’m so sorry about the timing and all, but I’ve got to go to my cousin Libby’s, right now. That no good husband of hers is giving her grief and has packed up and left her. You know I love her like a sister and I can’t bear to have her alone at a time like this.” Ann Richardson sighed deeply and stood up once again. “Where’s Michelle? I feel so bad she’s just arrived and I have to zip off.”

Kevin was torn between chuckling at his mother’s rare display of anxiety and her obvious remorse. “Don’t feel bad, Mom, she’ll understand.”

Kimberly and Michelle entered the living room and Ann caught Michelle in a big hug. “Darling, it’s so wonderful to see you, but I can’t stay.” She pulled back and smiled affectionately at the younger woman. “I must say that marriage has done wonders for you. You are absolutely glowing!”

Michelle smiled brightly at her and cast a quick glance at Kevin. “Thanks, Ann. I’ve never been happier. I have the best husband anyone could ask for. I’ve got my baby girl by my side and I’m with my very best friend in the whole world.” She held out her hand for Kevin and squeezed it tightly as she looked up at him with love pouring from her eyes.

Ann looked back and forth between them quickly and felt a pang in her heart. They would have made a beautiful couple . . . 

Several hours later Kimberly, Michelle and Kevin were sprawled out in the living room, their bellies full of Chinese take out. “I can’t believe how tired I am,” Michelle groaned as she crawled on the sofa towards Kevin. She snuggled against his side and sighed happily. “Swimming, riding, shopping and eating; what more could a girl ask for to fill her days?”

Kevin ducked his head quickly and whispered in her ear, “I can think of a couple more things.” His lips met the smooth skin below her ear and then he lazily drew his tongue along her flesh causing a warm tingle to flow through her.

“You tease,” she whispered as he pulled away with a grin.

“Start the movie, Kevin!” whined a tired Kimberly as she pulled herself from the floor to curl up in the easy chair adjacent to Kevin. He chuckled and tossed her a cotton throw from the back of the couch to curl up with. “Taking lessons from Nick, Kim?”

She lifted her blue eyes to look up at him and grinned, “No, from AJ! Nick doesn’t whine as much as he does. All I hear is ‘Come on, Patti, I’m tired, let’s go upstairs,’ or ‘Nick, I’m bored, let’s shoot some pool.’ All day long! That boy doesn’t know when to stop.”

Michelle and Kevin laughed at Kimberly’s all too accurate description of AJ. The movie started and Michelle fell asleep almost immediately, comfortably nestled against Kevin. A half hour later, his left hand was still slowly caressing the top of her head as he watched the scenes on the television.

“You love her, don’t you, Kevin?”

Kevin turned his eyes in surprise towards Kimberly and caught her gazing at them peacefully. He nodded and smiled at the sleepy girl. “Very much so, Squirt.”

“Do you love her like Howie does?” she questioned softly, watching his hand gently stroking her mother’s hair.

“Yeah, I do.” He looked back down at Michelle and smiled, “I can’t help it.”

Kim nodded thoughtfully and turned her eyes back towards the television, “Does she love you as much as she loves Howie?”

Kevin shivered slightly and wished that she did. “Not quite, Kim, but close, I think.”

Kimberly seemed to be focusing on the movie; however, her mind was full of questions. Questions she wasn’t sure if she should be asking or not. “Then why didn’t you marry her first?” she asked hesitantly, avoiding his eyes.

Kevin looked back over towards her and felt his heart breaking. He reached his hand over and brushed it across her dark blonde head. “I was too late, Kim. I didn’t realize how much I did love her until it was too late.” He waited to see her reaction, but she kept her gaze averted from him. “Are you okay, Squirt? Does it bother you that I love her too?”

Kim finally twisted in her seat and turned towards him, resting her chin on the arm of the chair. She remained silent for a few moments, just staring at him. She finally smiled and shook her head. “No, I don’t mind Kevin. She needs all the love she can get and I’m glad it’s you and Howie that are giving it to her.”

Kevin felt a wave of relief course through him and gently brushed his fingers across her cheek. “I love you too, Squirt, very much. We all do, you know?”

She broke out into a huge grin and nodded, “I know Kev. Don’t worry, I feel the love.” She rolled her eyes and plopped herself back into her prior position, snuggling beneath her blanket. “I wonder if Aaron has seen this movie? I bet he has. He’s all googly eyes over Kirsten Dunst.”

Kevin laughed lightly and tightened his embrace around Michelle, while still keeping his other hand entwined in Kimberly’s locks. Ah, this is the way life should be. 

An hour later, Michelle awoke and yawned against Kevin’s chest. Her eyes fluttered opened and focused on his crotch, and the hand she had innocently lying there. Giggling to herself, she twisted around so that she was facing him and looked up into his eyes. “I had the best dream about you,” she whispered with a dreamy smile playing on her lips. He grinned and bent down to kiss her nose. She snuggled closer to him and sighed contentedly.

“Was it a sex dream?” he asked playfully in a hushed voice as his finger teasingly parted her lips.

She nodded eagerly and pulled herself up onto his lap fully, wrapping her arms around his neck. “I’ll show you later!” Her eyes suddenly widened and she quickly turned towards her daughter. Relief was evident as she noticed Kimberly sound asleep. “Oh thank god, I forgot where I was for a moment.” She turned back towards Kevin and his lips crushed down upon hers quickly. She moaned slightly and tightened her hold on him as the kiss deepened. His hand came around from her ribs and lightly cupped her breast. “Oh god, Kevin, I better get Kim up to bed before I end up losing all resolve and ravishing you right here and now.” He groaned deeply against her throat before helping her off his lap.

“Want some help?” he asked as she gently shook her daughter awake.

“Nah, I’m all set. I won’t be long.” She walked the tired child from the room and up the stairs. Kevin busied himself by shutting off the television and then locking up the house.

“Mom?”

“Yes, baby?” Kimberly allowed Michelle to pull a long t-shirt over her thin frame.

“Kevin loves you like Howie does.” Her sleepy voice reminiscent of when she was only a toddler and knew not what she was saying. Michelle smiled in fond remembrance, and tucked the not so little girl into bed.

“I know, baby.”

Kimberly fell back asleep immediately. Michelle lay down next to her and gazed upon her daughter with much love. She watched her for a short time, gently running her hand across the child’s cheek. She then bent over to kiss her forehead. “I love you.”

“Love you too,” mumbled Kimberly. Michelle chuckled to herself, amazed how the child always responded in kind.

With every intention of taking a quick shower to wash off the day’s activities, Michelle entered her own room and gathered together fresh clothing. When she entered the large, tastefully decorated bathroom, her eyes settled upon the bathtub with longing. Her legs and bottom were aching slightly from the horseback riding earlier in the day. It had been years since she’d ridden and while she had enjoyed it thoroughly, her body was starting to feel the ill effects. With a quick glance back out to the hallway, she shrugged her shoulders and decided Kevin could wait a few extra minutes.

Kevin himself was just emerging from his own welcome shower when the telephone rang.

“Hello.”

“Hey, Train, how’s it going?”

“Hey Howie, how are ya? I can’t thank you enough for agreeing to have Michelle come down. It was a perfect day.” He quickly toweled off with one hand and slowly drew on a pair of cotton drawstring pants.

Howie smiled broadly at his end of the phone and leaned back against the headboard of his bed in yet another hotel room. “Glad to hear it, Kev. I’m freaking beat. I can’t believe I’m actually sick of all this running around. It’s not the same without her.” His smile faded as he looked around his empty room.

“Aw, D, I’m sorry. Here I am, happy as a pig in shit and you’re suffering because of it.” Kevin sat down on the side of his bed and ran his free hand through his damp hair.

“Stop! I didn’t call to make you down, Kev. I shouldn’t have even called. I’m just missing her, that’s all. On the one hand, I’m fine with this situation, because it makes you both happy, but on the other. . . “

“I know, D. Listen. Why don’t you fly out tonight and come here? I know she misses you very much. I’ve had my night and day with her and I’m grateful for that, honestly.” Kevin’s sigh of remorse filtered through to Howie. “I’ve put you in an awkward position and the last thing I want to do is make you suffer from it. Well, no more so than I’ve already done.”

Howie thought quietly a moment before responding, “Thanks Kevin, but no. I’m being a big baby here. The meetings were unproductive, I’m tired and John’s being a pain in the ass trying to get me to go down to the bar with him so he can pick up some chicks.” He chuckled lightly and shook his head. “I just need sleep. I want you and Michelle to have this time together. God knows, it’ll be messy enough once we all get back together. We’ll have to discuss that later as I don’t want her to be torn between the two of us.”

Kevin nodded his head in silent agreement. “Yeah, I know Howie. Anyway, you want to talk to her?”

“Yeah.”

Kevin took the phone to Michelle’s room and found it empty. “Where the hell did she go?” He peeked into Kim’s room and saw Kim sleeping soundly all alone. “Kim has been so great, but she misses Aaron like you wouldn’t believe.” He smiled affectionately as he closed the door once again.

“Did she show you that song he wrote her?” Howie asked as he rummaged through his bag for some clean clothing.

Kevin snorted as he walked down the hall towards the bathroom, “Yeah, it was kinda cheesy but sweet all in all.” He nudged the bathroom door open and saw Michelle immersed in the tub full of bubble bath. “Hon, you sleeping?”

Not opening her eyes, she smiled and shook her head. “Just recalling my wonderful day, babe. The only thing missing was Howie.”

Having overheard her, Howie dropped the shirt he’d just pulled from the bag and sat down on the edge of the bed with a huge sigh of relief. “God, I love her.”

Kevin smiled with his own relief as he crossed the room. Kneeling beside the tub, he ran his fingers down her neck. She mewed in pleasure at his soft touch.

“Well, I can’t give you Howie right now, but I can give you the phone.”

Her eyes shot open and a beautiful smile appeared on her face. “He’s on the phone?”

Kevin grinned and handed it to her. She took it with relish. “Howie? Oh baby, I’ve missed you so!” Kevin moved to get up but Michelle quickly switched the phone into her left hand and caught the leg of Kevin’s pants with her right. “Don’t go.” She mouthed to him. He knelt back down and fished the big aqua sponge from the soapy water. “How was your day, babe?”

While Howie and Michelle conversed, Kevin concentrated on washing the entire length of her right leg. Her fingers rested gently along his ribs and matched his long slow strokes against her wet skin. When the sponge moved to her other leg, her hand moved across his back as he leaned further over the side of the tub.

“Howie, I’m getting old. My legs and ass are aching from riding today.”

“You’d think with all the riding you do on me, you’d be well used to it.”

She burst out laughing. The combination of Howie’s voice and Kevin’s hands caused fierce sparks of desire to course through her body.

“Oh god,” she moaned as Howie continued to teasingly describe how well she mounts him. Kevin’s hands moved over her thighs and she groaned with ecstasy.

CHAPTER FORTY-THREE

With a sly grin, Kevin hoisted himself to his feet and tossed the bath sponge into the foamy water. Michelle looked up at him in surprise as the splash from the sponge sent droplets of water into her face. “Where you going?”

“I’ll let you finish your conversation in privacy.” He winked at her and strode from the bathroom.

“Tease!” She shouted after him and then laughed into the phone.

Fifteen minutes later, Michelle said her good byes to Howie and pulled herself out of the cooling water. As she dried off, she caught a glimpse of her reflection in the vanity mirror and marveled at the happy, tanned, glowing woman looking back at her. As she released her long hair from it’s clip, she continued to stare at herself and wondered yet again how she ended up with a perfect husband who loved her so much that he sent her across the country to spend time with her lover.

A flash of guilt shot through her and she gripped the edge of the vanity and quickly closed her eyes. She knew it was wrong. Having such incredible, fulfilling intimate relationships with two wonderful men was all so very wrong. Someone was going to get deeply hurt. It was inevitable. Yet, why was she so happy?

Why am I allowing this? Why am I doing this to Howie? Why am I letting Kevin set himself up for further heartache? He needs more than this. They both need more than this, more than just half of me. What do I do? I love them both more than life itself. I’m happy being Howie’s wife. He’s my everything. Then why do I love Kevin so much too? He makes me feel safe. Oh Christ! Damned if I do, damned if I don’t. I’m pathetic. Stop! Stop it! As wrong as it all is, it just feels so right.

With a quick shake of her head, she forced away the depressing guilt-ridden thoughts and dressed quickly in a pair of satiny boxers and a matching chemise. She straightened up the mess she had made, took one last admiring glance at the soothing room and then went to find Kevin.

“Kev? You in here?” she asked softly as she inched open his bedroom door. He was comfortably settled in the middle of his big bed, propped up by several pillows. A small platter of leftover Chinese food nestled on his lap.

With his mouth full and the television’s remote control in one hand, he could only grin at her and wave her in with the teriyaki stick in his right hand. She climbed on the bed and crawled over his outstretched legs. “I can’t believe you’re eating again.” She settled herself against his, plucked a piece of boneless spare rib from the plate and popped it in her mouth. I do love him. I can’t help it. 

In response, he grinned devilishly and pulled her up tight against his side. Tossing the remote on her lap, he ran his warm hand up and down her back. “I’m just storing up some energy for later.” He bent his head down and kissed her lips. “Yum.”

She picked another piece of pork off the plate and drew it up along his bare chest before popping in into her mouth. “Oops.” She leaned over and slowly licked off the faint trail of sauce, smiling innocently when finished. He moaned and tangled his fist into her silky hair. “Sorry about that Kev,” she murmured before turning her attention to the TV. “So what are we watching, babe?”

Kevin swiftly pulled the platter from his lap and rolled over to place it on the floor. Michelle started giggling at him and before she could pull herself upright, he was tugging her hips down the bed and straddling her. Catching her hands in his, he drew them up beside her head and hovered over her.

With eyes full of mischief, he licked his lips and leaned closer still. “Watching? We’re not watching anything, I’m still hungry.” He tantalizingly readjusted his hips over hers and smirked as her eyes narrowed in desire.

“Oh Kevin. . .“ she moaned as he hardened against her.

“And I think you taste a lot better than beef or pork any day.” He nuzzled her neck and then drew his tongue down along her collarbone, as his fingers slowly caressed the length of her smooth arms.

Yearning for the overwhelming sensations that his simple touch brought to her soul, she ground her body against his and whispered, “I love being with you, Kevin.” His arms surrounded her and held tightly as their lips met in a blazing kiss.

The next morning, Kimberly woke up bright and early. After peeking in her mother’s room and noticing that her bed had not been slept in, she quietly made her way down the hall and edged Kevin’s bedroom door open. Squinting her eyes against the bright sunshine that flowed through the windows, she turned her gaze towards the bed and saw her mother and Kevin wrapped up in each other’s arms. With a knowing smirk, she eased the door closed and ran back down the hall before bursting out in a fit of giggles.

Taking a moment to regain her composure, she sat down heavily on the top step and pushed her tangled locks behind her ears. Thinking out loud, she said, “Wow, my mom is such a playa!” Feeling the laughter bubbling up within her once again, she peered down at the stairs below her and momentarily considered bumping the rest of the way down on her butt. Rolling her eyes and shaking her head at her flickering thoughts of immaturity, she muttered, “Geez, Kim, how old are you? Three? Four? Get your lazy ass up and walk down the stairs.”

Kevin awoke as the faint sounds of laughter filtered through his hazy senses. Struggling to open his heavy eyelids, he tried placing the sounds with his surroundings. At the shrill of a high-pitched giggle, he smiled and remembered. He opened his eyes and looked down at the woman in his arms.

I open my eyes, I see your face, I cannot hide, I can't erase, the way you make me feel inside

He started softly singing the song that seemed to just flow through his brain. He scooted down a little in the bed until his face was level with hers.

You complete me girl, that's why, Something about you makes me feel, Baby my heart wants to reveal, I'm down on my knees, I'm asking you, Say these three words I wanna hear from you

Michelle slowly opened her eyes and stared into his with sadness. “Don’t Kev. Don’t go on.”

“I’ll skip the chorus then.” He said quietly and brushed his lips across hers.

This is no ordinary love, And I can never have enough, Of all the things you've given to me, You're my heart, my soul, my everything, 

A tear slipped from the corner of her eye. She pulled him close and held his head against her neck. “Please baby, stop. I love you so much but I can’t say those three words to you.”

He nodded against her and held onto her tightly. Oh god, why can’t I have her all for my very own.

“I’m sorry, babe,” she whispered into his hair, her heart breaking for her very best friend, her lover. “If things were different, you know I’d say anything, do anything you wanted.” She felt his faint shuddering against her. “I’d give you everything, every part of me. I’d make you mine forever and ever. But I can’t, babe. I just can’t. I love Howie too much. God, I’m so sorry.” She ran her hands across his shoulders and through his long hair. “I’m so sorry.”

When Kimberly entered the kitchen, she turned on the small radio sitting on the counter. “What the hell is this crap?” she asked herself while scrounging through the refrigerator as some boring country singer droned on about his pathetic love life and the loss of his dog.

Despite the early hour, she pulled a can of soda out and slurped noisily knowing she could because no adults were hanging over her shoulder, as was the usual. She hoisted herself up on the counter and looked around the room without actually seeing it. Her thoughts were filled with mischief.

Now, how much fun would it be to go running into Kevin’s room and jump on the bed like an innocent little two year old who just had a bad dream or some crap like that. Damn! Wouldn’t Mom be pissed and embarrassed. She started snorting with devilish glee as she pictured the scene in her head. Shit man, I need some friends around. Look how desperate I’m getting hanging out with old heads all freaking week. I’m starting to think like some lame ass little kid.

Laughing at her thoughts and deciding that her mood definitely befitted something a little more rocking than country crap, she reached over to the radio to find a different station. Just as her fingers hit the knob, one of her favorite songs started and she immediately pulled away with a dreamy smile.

All mischievous thoughts quickly disappeared and she sighed, “Oh My God, this kid has the most amazing voice!” Knowing each and every word, she couldn’t help but sing along, as she gazed out the window.

Some kids have and some kids don't, and some of us are wondering why. And Mom won't watch the news at night, there's too much stuff that's making her cry.

We need some help, down here on earth, A thousand prayers, a million words, But one voice was heard. 

Kevin got his emotions under control and pulled his head up to look at Michelle. “No, I’m sorry. I know that if you weren’t in love with Howie, you’d be all mine. I’m sorry for making you feel bad. I promise it won’t happen again.” He brushed her hair out of her eyes and kissed her gently. “We have all day today and tonight together. That’s more than I deserve.”

“Don’t say that, Kevin. You deserve so much more than just this, a few days alone together. You deserve someone who can give you her whole heart and soul. You . . . “

He silenced her with another kiss. “Sssh. I’m happy with what I’ve got. I love you, baby, and we’re going to have a wonderful day together.” He kissed her once more quickly and then threw the covers off and climbed out of the bed. “Kim’s up, hon. We better get up.”

He strolled in all his naked glory to the adjoining bathroom. “Kevin! Wait!” Michelle rolled to her left and pulled her clothes from the floor. “Kevin, please!” She quickly threw her clothes on and went after him. From the set of his shoulders and the speed with which he left her, she knew he was hurting. “Kevin?” She tried the handle to the bathroom door and found it locked. “Damn it.” The sound of rushing water droned out her voice. She pressed her forehead on the door and swore again. “God damn it!” After a moment, she pulled herself away and went to her own room.

Kevin stood at the kitchen door and listened to the beloved voice of the girl he wished was his very own child. He silently watched her sing her heart out along with the young Billy Gilman.

A house, a yard, a neighborhood, where you can ride your new bike to school. The kind of world where mom and dad still believe the golden rule. Life's not that simple down here on earth, A thousand prayers, a million words, but one voice was heard.

Kimberly happened to turn her head slightly and Kevin pulled himself away from the wall when he noticed the small glistening tear slide down her cheek. He walked over to the counter and wrapped his arms around her slim shoulders. She glanced up at him shyly and quickly wiped the tear away. “Don’t stop singing, Squirt.”

She shook her head and smiled. “I just love this song.” She regretted her earlier thoughts of embarrassing her mom and Kevin. There were just so many more important things in this world that she should be thinking of instead.

One voice, one simple word, Hearts know what to say. One dream can change the world, keep believing till you find your way.

Kim forgot her shyness and couldn’t resist singing along again. Kevin leaned his chin on the top of her head and closed his eyes.

Yesterday while walking home, I saw some kid on Newbury Road, He pulled a pistol from his bag and tossed it in the river below.

Thanks for the help, Down here on Earth. A thousand prayers, a million words, But one voice was heard. One voice was heard. One voice was heard.

(One Voice sung by Billy Gilman, written by David Malloy, Don Cook)

“That was so beautiful,” Kevin said softly into her hair, then gave her a quick squeeze and pulled away. “Who was it?”

Kim looked up at him with a shocked expression, “You can’t be serious, Kevin. You don’t know Billy Gilman? He’s only the best singer that ever lived!”

Kevin chuckled at her and then scratched his chin, “Gilman, eh? I’ve heard of that name.” He looked around in thought for a moment and then strode over to the kitchen table. “Ah ha! The Estill County Fair! Featuring one Billy Gilman.” He said with a flourish and held out the pamphlet to her.

She screamed in elation and jumped off the counter. “Let me see! Oh My God! Oh My God!” She jumped up and down and screamed some more. “The Estill County Fair! Isn’t that where we are going today?”

Kevin nodded his head, a wide grin firmly planted on his face. “Yup, that’s the plan.” He filled the kettle with water and placed it on the stove.

“Holy Shit!” she screamed without care. “I’ve gotta get ready! What am I going to wear? Can you get me to meet him? Oh please Kevin! Please! You’re famous, he’s famous, you see the connection here? Come on, work with me now!”

Kevin turned quickly at her outburst with every intention of commenting on her language, but the pure elation covering her pretty little face wiped away any reprimands he had been inclined to issue.

“I’ll see what I can do, Kim. But!”

She groaned and threw her arms around his waist and hugged him tight. “Oh come on, Kevin!” She put on her best pout and puppy dog eyes. “No buts!”

“Yes, buts! No more swearing! Deal?”

“Deal!”

“Okay, go get ready, Squirt.”

“Thanks, Kevin. You’re the best!” She released him and flew out of the room. He turned and pulled two mugs from the cupboard and shook his head in bewilderment. He grinned when her heard her shout of “YESSS!” come from the top of the stairs.

CHAPTER FORTY-FOUR

Michelle sat on the end of her bed and gently eased the tangles out of her wet hair, her heart weighing heavily at Kevin’s pain. Despite his protestations that he was happy with the situation and the amount of time they had together, she knew better. She knew this wasn’t enough for him and it wasn’t fair to him. But she couldn’t give him anymore. What else was left to give?

She could never ever even consider giving up Howie for him. Howie was her. . . everything! The way he looked at her, the way he touched her. They were meant for each other despite their differences. They flowed together in mind, spirit and body. Without him, she’d be lost, Kevin or no Kevin. No one ever loved her as much as Howie did and he was never afraid to show it. Just look at what he’d given her to make sure she was happy? He gave her Kevin. She never loved anyone as much as she loved Howie. His soft kisses and gentle words of love never failed to soothe her troubled soul. He made her laugh. He made her happy. He made her proud with his endless supply of love and energy, not just for her either, but for all those around him. He opened his arms wide and took her into his life with no misgivings. He was incredible. He was amazing.

But Kevin? Kevin was creeping right up there in her heart and it scared her. Sure she finally understood that she had loved him since the beginning, but to have it be reciprocated and become a reality shook her to her very core. What could she possibly give him to prove to him that she did love him more than words could say?

With a resigned sigh, she tossed the comb on the bed beside her and crossed the room to the chair in the far right corner to rummage through her bags for clean clothing. Kevin had stood silently at the doorway just gazing at her and watching the emotions flicker across her face. She hadn’t seen him, so lost in her thoughts she had been. His heart quickened its pace as he tried to swallow his regret for turning his back on her earlier. He didn’t mean to, he just didn’t want to display his anguish in front of her. He knew he was getting the most he’d ever get from her. He couldn’t ask for more, without ripping the heart out of his friend, Howie.

His sorrow turned to amusement as he watched her pull clothing out of her bags, examine and then toss them aside. He grinned at her inaudible mumblings and then gently set the coffee mug on the dresser before creeping up behind her. With a tightening in his groin, it was time to make his presence known.

“I think you should just wear what you’ve got on.” He murmured into her ear as his hands slid smoothly around her waist. She jumped slightly and then grinned.

“You want me to go out in public in just panties and a bra?” She turned in his arms and kissed his neck. “You’re kinky!” Her heart soared as his arms tightened around her and his warmth encased her. He was okay now.

“You haven’t seen me be kinky yet, baby!” He quickly scooped her up, took a few steps back to the door and kicked it shut. She wrapped her arms around his neck and suckled gently on his warm skin.

“You going to show me, babe?”

He growled lowly as he eased them down on the bed. “Oh most certainly!” He started at her neck and nibbled his way to the base of her throat, eliciting soft moans from her.

“Kevin. . . we can’t now, we have a fair to go to. Kimmie. . . ” She murmured while her hands wove themselves through his soft hair and her body ached to meld into his.

“Shit!”

“Excuse me?” she asked with a laugh.

He rolled away from her and sat up with a groan. “Tim will be here any second. He’s taking Kim over to the fair early for us. I’ve promised to try and find some way for her to meet a singer there.”

Michelle mimicked his groan and flopped back down against the pillows. “You are so good to her Kevin, but now? You tease me with your words and lips and then leave me high and dry?”

Kevin grinned at her and teasingly ran his fingertips down her hip. “Yup, I’m a pussy tease. I’ll be right back. Don’t you dare move while I’m gone.” He leaned down and ran his tongue across her shoulder causing her to shiver in anticipation. She knew the right thing to do would be to get up, get dressed and say goodbye to her daughter and hello to Tim, but there was no way in hell she was leaving that room right now.

It took him a good ten minutes before he returned, a phone clamped to his ear. “Great, thanks Deb, call me as soon as you hear.” He turned the phone off and let it fall from his hand as his eyes raked over her half naked body. She gazed up at him with a seductive smile, her right hand slowly massaging the tender flesh between her thighs. Slowly, ever so slowly, he undid the snap of his jeans and lowered the zipper, never taking his eyes away from hers.

“You starting without me?” he asked with a sexy smirk as he shed his pants and crawled between her open legs.

She grinned and used the heels of her feet to pull him closer. “You were gone too long.” She pulled her hand away from herself but Kevin caught it quickly. He kissed her fingertips delicately, one at a time, and then pressed her hand back to where it had been.

“I like to see you touching yourself.”

“I like you touching me more.”

He placed his hands under the back of her knees and pulled her down, closer to him. She could feel the tip of his erection graze her inner thigh. “Oooh, Kevin!”

His hand covered hers again and they both slowly stroked her sensitive labia through the silkiness of her panties, their eyes locked in an intense stare.

He leaned over her body and brushed his lips across hers with a sigh. She brought her free hand up and tangled her fingers through his hair, preventing him from moving away from her lips. With passion building to volatile heights, they explored and devoured each other’s lips and tongues.

He skimmed his mouth across her cheek and kissed down along her throat and then pulled the thin straps of her bra away from her smooth skin with his teeth. The friction of their tangled fingers stroking her puffy folds caused her hips to arch against him in longing. His solid shaft pressed urgently against her panty-covered mound.

”Kevin? Oh god!” she cried as his lips moved lower and tickled across her breasts, his thumb gently brushing across her nipples, instigating them to their peak.

“Kevin!”

“Hmmm.” He pulled his head up and kissed her again. He took in the flushed color of her cheeks and the welling tears in her eyes. “You okay, babe?”

Concern filtered through him and he rolled to his side bringing her with him. He cradled her in his arms. “What’s wrong, hon?”

She buried her face against his neck and inhaled deeply, relishing in the scent of him. Her body shivered uncontrollably as she wrapped her legs around his.

“Kevin, do you remember last Christmas in Fort Walton?”

He lifted her chin gently and kissed away the salty moisture clinging to the corner of her eye. “How could I ever forget? You saved me. You came to me and made all the demons go away. You held me, you cried with me, you flushed all the pills away. You were the only one to ever understand all my personal conflicts, my guilt. Most of all, you loved me. You loved me totally, unconditionally, with your whole heart and soul. I could never forget, never.” He squeezed her to him and buried his face in her hair. “I love you so much.”

The tears slowly rolled down her face as she held onto him. “And I love you, Kevin. I love you so much.” She released him and brought her hands up to his face. “There was something you wanted from me then though, something I wouldn’t give you. I want to give it to you now. I want you to have a part of me that no one else does. I want you to have something that is yours and yours alone.”

He slowly shook his head, not understanding what she was referring to. Her eyes bore into him, silently imploring him to remember. Realization dawned on him and his eyes grew misty.

“No. No way, babe, I won’t violate you like that. You told me then that no man would ever possess you in that manner, and I won’t take something away from you that you feel so strongly about.”

She pushed him back gently and crawled onto his firm chest. “That was a long time ago, Kevin.” His warm hands caressed her bare back as her own hands stroked his face lovingly. “I want this, I want you to be the first. It’s no longer a violation in my mind, but a craving in my soul that I want you and only you to satisfy.”

Her lips descended on his slightly parted ones and she moaned deeply as his mouth took control. Her hands moved of their own volition and absorbed the heat of his shoulders and upper arms. “Love me, Kevin. Love me like no one else ever has.”

Stunned by the magnitude of what she was offering him, he could only continue to drown in the passion and love that erupted from them.

“Are you sure, hon?” he asked huskily as she slid down his trembling body, her hands slowly and lovingly stroking his tingling skin. She murmured a reply in the positive and then flicked her tongue down his abdomen. His fingers skimmed through her golden hair as it silently trailed its way down his torso.

Sure he’d had before what she was offering him now, but this time. . . this time he knew it wasn’t going to be just erotic lusty mindless sex with another but a. . . a gift.

Later, much later, they lay entwined with his glistening chest pressed tightly to her back, his hands clenched with hers, her tiny sobs being absorbed by the swell of pillows cradling their heads. “I’m sorry, babe. I never wanted to hurt you,” he whispered huskily into her ear, his heart beating frantically as he recalled the agonizing scream she had tried to muffle when he had first entered her earlier. With a sorrow-filled shudder he pulled her closer still to his chest. “God, I’m so sorry, hon.”

The anguish in his voice helped to cease her tears. She rolled over to face him and laced her arms around his back. “I’m not crying because of the pain, I’m crying because I love you so much and now you have a part of me that Howie doesn’t. I didn’t know what else to give you, Kevin.” She snuggled back against him and shivered.

“You didn’t have to give me anything, Michelle,” he replied softly, “Thank you. Thank you for loving me so much, for giving me so much.” They fell silent, neither feeling the urge to speak any further on the subject. They just held each other tightly.

The telephone cut through their serene silence. It had rung several times during their lovemaking, but needless to say it had been very much ignored. Kevin made no move to answer it this time around either.

“Aren’t you waiting on a call, hon?”

He groaned as he nodded. “Yeah, but I don’t want to move.”

He felt the flutter of her breath as she giggled against his throat. “Me either, but if my daughter ever finds out the reason she didn’t get her wish is because you were bopping her mother, I’m sure she’d be pretty pissed.” He laughed heartily at her and kissed her quickly. “I need a nice hot bath anyway.”

He froze as he slid off the bed and then asked her, cautiously, “Are you feeling dirty? Because of what we did?”

She pushed herself up onto her elbows and smiled genuinely at him. “Never ever would I feel dirty after being with you. No matter what we do.” His audible sigh of relief was met with another sharp ringing of the phone. “Go on, babe, get the phone. I won’t take long and then we can go get some sinfully delicious junk food at the fair. I’m suddenly quite ravenous.”

Her light happy tone quelled the unease in him and he groped around the end of the bed for the annoying telephone.

CHAPTER FORTY-FIVE

Tim, Will, and Kimberly spent hours checking out the farm animals and going on rides at the fair grounds. Kim instantly took charge of little Will and thrilled him by taking him on some of the “baby” rides, despite her inner thoughts of looking like a geek. They all even greedily feasted on fried chicken, French fries and ice cream.

By the time Billy Gilman’s performance was scheduled to start, Kim was a nervous wreck. Kevin and Michelle had still not shown up and Kevin was her only ticket in to meet Billy. Tim led her and Will over to the bleachers closest to the stage and settled them down. Kim chewed on her nails subconsciously as she craned her neck hoping to catch a glimpse of Billy or even better catch Kevin coming through the swarming crowd. Tim had to laugh at her as he held Will securely in his lap.

“Kim. . . “

“What!” she turned quickly towards him with wide eyes. “Do you see them? Do you see Kevin? Oh my god, did you see Billy?” She stood quickly to get a better view and since the crowds were walking past her to get to their own seats, she jumped up onto the bench seat.

Tim grabbed her arm to prevent her from toppling over and laughed heartily. “Kim, you need to chill out. Don’t worry, Kevin will be here on time and knowing him, he’ll have it all arranged for you to sneak back stage. Now sit down and stop stressing me out!”

Kim grit her teeth and growled. “I can’t stand the waiting, Tim! I’m going to freak!” She stepped down and sighed. “Ugghh!”

“Uncle Kevin!” Little Will lifted his head off his father’s shoulder and pointed past Kimberly.

“Yesss! Kevin! Mom! You’re late!” Kim jumped up and pulled away from Tim’s futile grasp at her. She raced over to the gate and clung to Kevin’s arm. “Well?”

Kevin looked over her head at his brother and laughed. “Let’s sit and see, shall we?”

“Arrgghh, you can’t keep me in suspense! Do I get to meet Billy or what?”

“Kim. . . “

“What!” The overly excited girl turned to her mother with a big smile on her face. “Mom! Please tell Kevin not to tease me! Please! I’ll even keep my room clean for a solid day if you get him to tell me!”

Michelle snorted at her daughter’s lame offer. “Ah, Kim, don’t stretch yourself too thin there!”

The three somehow made their way back to the bleachers and Michelle bent down to give Tim a hug and Will a kiss. “Hey Tim, thanks for keeping my shy quiet daughter so well entertained.”

”Ha! I’d almost believe you there, Michelle, if I hadn’t seen it with my own eyes today. She’s been non-stop talking a mile a minute since I picked her up.” Tim scooted over and made room for Michelle to sit between him and Kimberly. Kevin settled himself down on the other side of Kim and handed her a bag of popcorn.

“Thanks Kev. But about Billy?” She turned her bright blue eyes up to meet his and gave him her second best sweet face of the day.

He grinned wickedly and pulled Will off Tim’s lap. “Hey little buddy! Did you have fun today?” The little boy nodded eagerly and dug his hand into Kim’s bag of popcorn.

“Yup! Kim went on the rides with me and we had ice cream and we rode on a really big horse and it even pooped right in front of Daddy.” Tim groaned and rolled his eyes.

“Wow, lucky Daddy.” Kevin readjusted his baseball cap and sunglasses, which were getting knocked about by the little guy in his lap.

“Uncle Kevin? Why do you always wear that hat and glasses outside?” Will poked his little hand in the popcorn bag again and helped himself to another handful.

“Your Uncle Kevin is famous, Will, and he has to hide from people so they don’t keep bugging him. Remember I told you that?” Tim leaned across Michelle and helped himself to some of Kim’s popcorn.

“Oh yeah, I forgot. Why are we just sitting here?”

“Geez, Will. I’ve been telling you all day! Billy Gilman’s gonna sing! Oh god, I can’t wait!”

Thankfully, the show started and Kimberly thrust her bag into her mother’s lap and proceeded to jump and shout with all the other crazy girls in attendance. Billy gave a stunning performance singing ‘One Voice’, ‘Little Bitty Pretty One’, ‘What’s Forever For?’, ‘Little Things’, ‘I Think She Likes Me’, ‘Spend Another Night’ and ended with ‘Oklahoma’ as his finale.

Kimberly didn’t notice Kevin talking into his cell phone until she turned to him with an expectant look. “Kev?”

He shushed her and finished his call. “Okay, Squirt. What do you want to do next?”

“Hellooooooo! Where have you been for the last year! I want to see Billy!” She threw her arms around his neck and hugged him tight. “Please tell me, Kevin!”

Kevin hugged her back and laughed, “Okay, okay. Let’s go. I’ve got you a private meet and greet with one Mr. Billy Gilman.”

She couldn’t even talk. She just started jumping wildly, almost knocking them both over. “Oh my god! Oh my god! Thank you! Thank you Kevin! I love you! You’re the best!”

Kevin somehow managed to keep them both from toppling over the bench seats and finally untangled the excited girl from his arms. “Tim? You coming with us?”

Tim stood and stretched and then took his sleeping son from Michelle. “Nah, I think we’d best be getting home. Will is exhausted and I don’t think I can take much more of this squealing.” He looked at Kim with a grin. “Enjoy your meeting, Kim, and thanks a lot for helping me out with Will today.” He bent over and kissed the top of her head before turning back to Michelle and doing the same to her. “We’ll see ya’ll tomorrow.”

“Bye Tim! Okay, Mom, let’s go.” Kimberly grabbed her mother’s hand and pulled her towards the gate.

Michelle in turn grabbed Kevin’s hand and said, “Come on, Kevy, let’s go see Billy!” She squealed in exact imitation of Kimberly and then caught Kim’s dirty look, “What?”

“You mocking me woman?”

“Uh, yeah!”

“Ha ha, you’re funny. . . not!” Kim said with devilish grin.

“Okay, you two teenyboppers, let’s go before this strange disease that you both possess becomes contagious and I start squealing like a teenybopper too.” Kevin pocketed his phone and slung his arm around Michelle’s shoulder.

She leaned up close to him and whispered, “Well, weren’t you doing that last night, baby?”

His hand quickly dropped and delivered a swift soft pat to her ass. “Hush you, that wasn’t squealing. That was. . . ah nevermind!”

They made their way to the back of the stage and Kevin went over to talk to a woman standing by a cluster of instruments. They spoke for a few moments and then Kevin rejoined Michelle and Kim and told them they’d be going to Billy’s bus to wait for him.

When Billy finally entered the bus with his manager, Angela, Kim froze and just stared at him with her mouth slightly ajar. Kevin stood immediately and held his hand out to Angela.

“Hey, Angela. Great to finally meet you. Thanks for helping me arrange this.” Angela looked up at him with shiny eyes.

“Believe me, Kevin, it’s my pleasure!”

Billy looked over at Kevin with questionable eyes. “Hey! Aren’t you a Backstreet Boy?” he asked as he politely held out his own hand.

“I sure am, Billy. Nice to meet you.” Kevin shook the blonde boy’s hand and then indicated to Kimberly. “This is Kimberly Wyman. Now I know she has a voice, she never stops using it most of the time, but it seems to be out of order right now.” He laughed at Kimberly’s expression and then held out his hand to Michelle. She caught it and came forward. “This is Kim’s mom, Michelle.”

Michelle glanced quickly at her daughter and laughed, “Hi Billy, nice to meet you. You were absolutely amazing out there.” She shook his hand and then Angela’s. “Kim?”

“Yeah?” she said faintly.

“Say hello to Billy, Kim.” Michelle smirked before moving over to the sofa with Angela and Kevin.

Billy smiled shyly at the little beauty standing before him, gawking at him. “Uh, hi.”

“Hi.”

“Uh, do you want a soda?” Billy asked pointing to a small refrigerator tucked neatly behind him.

“Sure.” Kim was kicking herself inwardly for not being cool. I’m such a dork!

Billy turned and pulled two Cokes out, handed one to Kim and then stood quietly before her.

Kim glanced to her left and saw her mother, Kevin and Angela chatting away. “So, um, Billy, what’s up? You know, besides the sky?”

Billy laughed at her cuteness and then tilted his head in thought. “Ah, you kinda got me there. I was gonna say the sky.”

Kim giggled into her coke can and shrugged her shoulders. “You have anything cool on your bus, like Playstation? You know, preferably Crash Bandicoot? Nick always keeps a stash of games on their buses.”

“You know Nick too?” Billy asked, deeply impressed.

“Well, yeah. I sort of live with all of them this summer, up in Nantucket. My mom is married to Howie.”

“Really? How cool is that? You have a Backstreet Boy for a dad?” Billy led her down the small aisle to the back of the bus, which contained the usual entertainment room.

“Well, he’s not my real dad. He’s a step-dad.”

“Oh, where’s your real dad?” Billy asked innocently as he turned the Playstation on.

Kim chewed her lip for a second before deciding to be truthful. “He’s, um, dead.”

Billy looked up quickly and met her eyes. “I’m so sorry.”

Kim shrugged and sat on the floor before the TV. “S’okay. You didn’t know. Anyway, I’ve got more dads than I know what to do with now,” she said with a grin as Billy settled down beside her and handed her a game controller. “Kevin is like a real dad to me. And Howie is really great too. Then you’ve got Brian who is a nut, but really takes good care of me too. AJ has promised to take me for my first tattoo when I turn eighteen and Nick is my very best friend in the whole world. Even more so than Aaron.”

“Aaron?” Billy asked with interest.

“Aaron Carter! You know, Nick’s brother. He’s totally cool.” She stopped when a short laugh erupted from her. “He actually wrote me a song a few weeks ago.”

The two continued to uninhibitedly chat away as they played their game. It felt like they’d been friends forever instead of just having met. It was just so easy to sit side by side on the carpeted floor, sipping cokes, trading quips on their likes and dislikes and playing the game.

All too soon it seemed, the three adults ventured into the small room and interrupted their newfound camaraderie.

“We gotta head out, Billy,” Angela said apologetically as she listened to them playfully arguing over which Harry Potter book was the best.

“Oh!”

“Already?”

Billy and Kim fell silent and just looked at each other. “I still say ‘The Chamber of Secrets’ is the best!”

“No way! You’re so wrong. ‘The Sorcerer’s Stone’ is so the best.” Billy narrowed his eyes at her and stuck out his tongue.

“Yeah, let’s see you do that again, Chachi!” Kim tossed her controller at Billy and scampered to her feet with a wild laugh. Billy ignored the adults standing around them and stuck his tongue out at her again and then laughed hysterically.

“Angela? Can we give Kim our phone numbers?” Billy asked openly as he slung his arm around Kim’s shoulders.

“Sure thing, kiddo. We’ve got to get going though. Say bye to Kim and we’ll meet you outside.” Angela hugged Kimberly quickly and then Kevin and Michelle did the same to Billy.

Suddenly feeling a little shy, Kim moved out of Billy’s embrace and faced him. “So, you’re gonna call me?”

Billy grinned and nodded his head. “Sure thing.”

They walked side by side to the front of the bus and then stopped and turned to each other. “Bye Billy.”

“Bye Kim, it was fun!”

Kim slowly made her way down the steps with a tinge of sadness filling her. She’d had such a great time getting to know Billy.

“You ever gonna admit that ‘The Sorcerer’s Stone’ is the best?”

“In your dreams, Billy Boy.” She flicked her hair over her shoulder and grinned at him as she went to join her mother and Kevin.

CHAPTER FORTY-SIX

By late Saturday afternoon everyone was due back in Nantucket and although it was only a temporary residence, it still felt like going home to Michelle. When she stepped off the bottom stair from the small plane at the Nantucket airport, she closed her eyes, inhaled deeply and felt pure happiness race through her. Soon she would be back in Howie’s arms; she had Kevin by her side and he was content and comfortable with her love. Kimberly was happy and loved by all of them and would never have to cry alone or be scared of being left behind ever again. AJ and Patti, Brian and Lauren, Nick and Aaron, they were all here in this one special place together, happy, healthy and making a good life for themselves. Her eyes opened and she smiled as Kevin’s fingers laced with hers.

“You ready?”

She nodded and looked up at him, her eyes shining with happiness. “I have the perfect life, Kevin.” He grinned down at her and squeezed her hand.

Howie had arrived a few hours before Michelle, Kevin and Kimberly and was now pacing the house anxiously.

“What the hell is wrong with you, D?” AJ finally asked from his position on the couch, having watched Howie pace back and forth for the last half hour.

Howie stopped in mid-stride and turned frantic eyes towards his friend. “What if she doesn’t want me anymore? What if sending her to Kevin was the stupidest thing I’ve ever done? What if….”

“Jesus, Howie! Knock it off.” AJ swung his legs off the couch and strode over to Howie, grasping his arm firmly and leading him back to the couch. “Sit down will ya? You’re giving me a headache with all the pacing!”

AJ sat down heavily in an adjacent chair and leaned his elbows on his bent knees. “Have you talked to her in the last few days?”

Howie leaned his head back against the couch and stared at the ceiling. “Yes.”

“What’s she sound like? Did she say she missed you? Loved you? Couldn’t wait to see you?”

“Yeah.” Howie ran his hands across his face and sighed. “I’m being an insecure idiot.”

“Yeah.” AJ looked over at his friend with compassion.

“I can’t help it though.”

“You have to, dude. You have to stop the insecurities. It’ll just drive you nuts in the long run. Either that or stop this whole fucking sharing business.”

Howie turned hard eyes towards AJ. “And how the hell do I stop it, AJ! How do I suddenly tell Michelle that she can’t have Kevin anymore?” He groaned and fought to control the anger rising in him. He shook his head and took a few deep breaths. “You know what really sucks?”

AJ shook his head, but Howie wasn’t looking. “What sucks, D?”

“For the last 36 hours, all I’ve been trying to do is think up a fair way for Kevin to be able to be with Michelle while we’re here. What is wrong with me?”

AJ sighed and leveled his gaze on his friend. “There’s nothing wrong with you, D. You’re just too kind hearted for your own good.”

“You know what really confuses me? I don’t have any animosity for Kevin. I don’t hate him for loving Michelle or for having her love him back. Why, AJ? Why am I more concerned about losing her to him than hating him for it?”

AJ groaned and shook his head, “I don’t know, Howie. But I do know she loves you immensely and I honestly don’t think you’ll ever lose her to Kevin. If you could just stop worrying about it, then you would see it and stop questioning it. She loves you.”

“She’s my wife, damnit! A husband is not supposed to be like this. I’m supposed to be selfish and not share her with other men. Maybe it’s me, AJ. Maybe I just don’t know how to be a good husband.” Howie shut his eyes and fell back against the couch cushions once again. “Oh god. . . “

AJ just stared at his best friend and slowly shook his head. What could he say? How could he possibly give him advice when he didn’t know the answers? Quietly, he reached out his hand and gripped Howie’s knee in support. After several moments of silence, Howie pulled his head up and looked over at his friend. “Do you think she’ll ever be strong enough not to need Kevin anymore?”

“She’ll always need Kevin in some way or other, D. They are great friends. But if you think that Kevin is the only one keeping her alive, then you are so wrong, Howie.” With each passing word, AJ’s tone grew harsher. He stood up and pointed his finger at Howie and continued, “You and the love you have for her is what’s keeping her alive and making her grow stronger every fucking day. It’s not just Kevin, Howie! It’s you too and don’t you dare forget that!” AJ flopped back down into his chair and stared at Howie.

Howie stared right back, stunned by the vehemence from his friend. He finally nodded and then dropped his gaze to his lap. “Thanks, man.”

That sat in silence once again, but it didn’t last long. The front door slammed open causing both men to jump in their seats.

“HOWIE!” Michelle carelessly dropped her bags along the hallway and pushed past Kevin’s bodyguard, Carlos, who had led the way into the house. “Howie! Where are you?”

Howie was half out of his seat when Michelle came flying around the corner of the entryway. She glanced briefly at the back of AJ’s head and then found the object of her desire. “Oh Howie!”

He stumbled briefly over AJ’s outstretched legs and then righted himself just as she flew into his arms. AJ chuckled and pulled his legs up underneath him and watched as the couple hugged fiercely and then sought the other’s mouths.

“Hi Michelle, nice to see you too. I’m great, thanks for asking.” AJ stretched his arm out and gently tugged on the loose curls hanging down her back. Howie swatted his hand away and then cupped her face and continued kissing her. “Oh nice! Toss me aside! Ignore me, why don’t you? My heart is crushed.” AJ shook his head slowly in mock sadness.

Kevin and Kimberly stood quietly behind AJ with smirks on their faces. Kevin cast a quick glance down at Kimberly and cocked his eyebrow. “Shall we?”

Kim’s eyes glowed with mischief as she nodded. They split apart and quickly flanked AJ, plopping themselves down onto his unsuspecting lap.

“Oh AJ, darling! I missed you!” cried Kimberly as she threw her arms around AJ’s neck, barely able to contain her giggles.

Kevin playfully pulled AJ from her grasp and hugged him tight to his chest. “No! I missed him more! He’s mine!”

Howie and Michelle fell apart as AJ’s screams and Kimberly’s giggles assailed them. They looked down at the three of them and burst out laughing.

“Arggh, get off me you big geek!” AJ pushed frantically at Kevin’s chest, accidentally knocking Kimberly off his lap. She fell to the floor with a resounding plop and shrieked with unabashed glee. Howie was instantly by her side and pulled her up from the floor and cuddled her on the couch.

AJ was successful in pushing Kevin from his lap and Kevin caught himself before he landed in a lump on the floor. He chuckled and ruffled AJ’s hair before sitting on the coffee table near Howie. “Hey D, good to see you.”

Howie pulled his head up and looked at him. A momentary flash of hesitation flickered across his face before he extended a hand and shook Kevin’s. “Train, glad to see you full of spunk.”

Michelle eyed both men warily, suddenly filled with apprehension. She gently bit her lower lip as she saw the hesitation in Howie’s demeanor. It hit her hard once again at that very second at what she was doing to him. No matter how often he stated that he was fine with her loving Kevin, she saw in that instant how it was affecting him.

She felt warm fingers entwine with her own and looked down to see AJ watching her. His soft gaze silently conveyed his understanding of her trepidation. He tugged lightly and she willingly stepped closer only to be surprised as he pulled her down onto his lap and nuzzled her neck. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders tightly and hugged him. “Hey, sexy. I missed you terribly,” she said softly into his ear.

“Don’t worry, babe, everything will sort itself out eventually. He’ll be okay.” He whispered into her ear before releasing his hold on her and settling her more comfortably on his lap. “So gang, now that we’re all back, what time does the party start?”

Michelle cast him a warm smile before turning her gaze to Howie. He was listening intently to Kimberly and her ramblings. Her heart swelled at the sight of her daughter interacting so easily with her husband. It was no secret she preferred Kevin, but she was starting to warm up to Howie. She shifted her gaze to Kevin and although she could only see his profile from her position on AJ’s lap, she could see that he was smiling.

Howie happened to look up at AJ’s question and his beautiful eyes locked with Michelle’s. Her heart skipped a beat, as she saw not only the love pouring from his eyes, but the questions as well. She silently mouthed ‘I love you’ to him and was rewarded with a small smile.

The rest of the group all eventually found their way down into the living room and everyone sat around for ages catching up and making plans. It was decided that a good old-fashioned barbeque with hamburgers and hotdogs was in order and Michelle went to call Heather and Greg to invite them over with the girls. Nick called AnaLee and returned to the living room with a huge smile firmly planted on his face.

“Ah, Nicky is in love,” murmured Brian as he lightly strummed his guitar from across the room. Nick blushed slightly and tossed a small sofa pillow at him. Brian warded it off and chuckled as he started playing “Can You Feel The Love Tonight’.” Kevin leaned over and lightly cuffed Brian on the back of his head before chuckling and joining in the song on the piano.

Aaron and Kim were settled in the middle of the floor with Lauren, avidly listening to her instructions on how to play poker. AJ caught wind of the advice she was giving them and he couldn’t help but lend his expertise.

Patti was comfortably stretched out on the couch, her feet in Howie’s lap, as they poured over pages of meticulous notes they both kept for the upcoming tour.

Patti had gladly given up her own job as manager of one of Orlando’s finer hotels at the beginning of the summer. AJ’s begging of her to spend the summer with him and the gang on the island was too tempting to pass up. After proving herself over again and again with her incredible organizational skills, it was unanimously decided by all the guys that she would temporarily replace their current tour manager who was departing for a pregnancy leave. Patti was hesitant at first due to her own pregnancy, but gave in after much imploring from them all. AJ’s whispered promises of a damn good fucking in each and every hotel hot tub in Asia and Australia proved to be the icing on the cake.

Michelle leaned over the back of the couch and wrapped her arms around her husband. His hands came up and covered hers and he turned his head to plant a soft kiss on her lips. “It’s good to be back, huh?” she asked softly. He nodded and absentmindedly continued rubbing Patti’s bare feet. “Wanna help me unpack?” She asked in a hushed voice. His smile grew wider and he gently removed Patti’s feet from his lap and stood up.

“Hey! Where you going? We aren’t finished here,” Patti asked with a smirk as she lowered her stack of papers to her chest.

Michelle took Howie’s papers from his own hands and tossed them onto Patti’s little belly. “I need him more than you do. You can study with him later.” Patti rolled her eyes and shooed them away.

Michelle and Howie collected her discarded luggage and went upstairs. Once in the room, she dropped her bags gently to the floor and went over to the nightstand and turned on the small clock radio there. Soft strains of the Dixie Chick’s ‘Without You’ filled the room.

Wordlessly, she turned back to Howie and watched him place the bags he had carried up onto the loveseat near the window. He straightened up and turned around to catch her moving slowly towards him, her fingers seductively easing down the zipper of her sleeveless denim vest.

He swallowed gently and his eyes filled with desire as she neared. “Without you I’m not okay, and without you I would’ve lost my way.” She whispered as she lightly shrugged the soft material from her shoulders and reached for the hem of his t-shirt.

“There will never be a ‘without me’,” he said huskily as her hands settled on his chest.

“Good,” she exhaled softly against his mouth. His lips parted for her and she wound her arms around his neck as his hands slid down her back. “I need you Howie, always and forever. I love you more than anyone and I always will.” The hushed words she spoke were interspersed with his soft kisses.

“Thank you.”

“What are you thanking me for?” she softly asked as she pulled back to look at him.

His eyes roamed her face as his hands wove their way through her hair. “Thank you for saying that; I needed to hear it.” Her drew her back towards him and kissed her gently.

“And I thank you.”

”For what?” He questioned as they slowly glided towards the bed. His hands stroked their way down her stomach and deftly undid her jeans.

“For loving me as much as you do and for Kevin. It won’t last forever, I promise.” She lay back on the bed and watched him through half closed eyes as he slowly removed the jeans from her legs. He glanced up at her with a raised eyebrow. “I’ll always love Kevin, Howie, but there will come a time when he needs more than this. I can only hope that you’ll still be here when that time comes.”

“I’m never going away, Beauty. Never.”

CHAPTER FORTY-SEVEN

The next couple of weeks were spent in languorous bliss. Aside from squeezing in the making of two videos, AJ’s Johnny No Name’s “Try A Little Tenderness” and Backstreet’s “Drowning”, the glorious August days were nothing if not peaceful.

Everyone was content to do nothing more than whatever they so desired. Kimberly was dismayed when Aaron had to leave shortly after her return from Kentucky, but Nick promised they’d catch up with him during the next leg of the tour throughout North America and that appeased her. She still had Gracie and Hope to chum around with and Michelle had recently surprised her with a two-day visit from her cousin, Becka. Rob’s family had been small and only his sister, Tina, and her children survived him. Michelle was hesitant at first about calling her, afraid that Tina may still hold some hard feelings toward her resulting from Rob’s death and their divorce.

Seeing her struggle with her thoughts, Howie had taken Michelle by the hand, led her off for a moonlit stroll on the beach and in his gentle, soothing way, convinced her that holding on to family ties was one of the most important ingredients for a happy life.

Later, as he tenderly made love to her under the star filled sky, he spoke dreamily of the family they would have together. The babies he wanted to cradle in his arms and sing to. A little blonde haired baby girl that he could only hope would be as beautiful as her mother. A son, perhaps, no, two sons, that would carry on his family name. A long break was anticipated once this current tour ended in early December, and he would have no commitments other than to make babies with his wife.

Michelle shivered in his arms, not only from his exquisite touches, but also from the fear that maybe she wouldn’t be able to give him what he so desired. It had been two months since her miscarriage. While she felt fine physically, a nagging fear nibbled at her, taunting her that she didn’t deserve any more children. An abortion, a miscarriage, infidelity. What right did she have to expect another miracle of a precious child coming from her? And, good god, what if she just couldn’t because of the chance of cancer?

She spoke none of her fears to him as his lips brushed against her temple while he slowly thrust into her. Instead she wrapped her arms and legs around him and held him for dear life.

Tomorrow, she’d talk to Kevin about it all. Kevin would make her feel better.

***********

With a hearty laugh in her throat, Michelle collected several of the empty plates and headed towards the kitchen. Patti, Telly and Lauren got up to help her but she insisted they sit back down and relax. She rinsed the dishes off with a smile playing on her lips, thinking what a beautiful day it had been. Everyone, except Aaron, was there, in one house and in wonderful moods.

Her gaze was drawn to the sounds of laughter coming from down on the beach. She looked out the window over the sink and saw Kimberly, Nick, Howie and the two little neighbor girls running around chasing each other and laughing merrily.

As she was drawing her gaze back to the sink, her eye caught sight of Howie's guitar left leaning against the patio railing. She wiped her hands on the dishcloth and headed outside to retrieve it, reminding herself to scold him, in her own way, about it later.

As she stepped out onto the patio, her gaze was drawn back to the five of them on the beach. She watched them again for a few minutes and suddenly felt a little wistful as Howie caught one of the children up in his arms and spun her around, his face covered in happiness. Her heart went out to him and she ached for their lost child once again.

Absentmindedly, she strolled to the edge of the patio and picked up his folk guitar. As she kept her gaze on them, she sat on the bench and held the guitar in a once familiar position.

She slowly started strumming, lost in thought; unaware of the sounds she was creating from the instrument. Slowly, she began singing softly.

It is the evening of the day, I sit and watch the children play, Smiling faces I can see, But not for me

She faltered and sat quietly for a few moments, just strumming the guitar, staring off into the distance.

Brian grinned broadly at the smirk on AJ's face after he had licked his fingers clean while teasing Patti with his eyes. He looked over towards Lauren and watched her laughing at the others. He felt that warm sensation running through him, amazed that his woman could have such a hold on his heart.

Michelle started the song once again.

It is the evening of the day, I sit and watch the children play, Smiling faces I can see, But not for me

Suddenly Brian shushed everyone, got up from the table and headed to the screen doors behind him. He stood silently for a second listening, before sliding the screen open, stepping out onto the deck and looking towards his right. His mysterious actions drew the rest of them out behind him and they stood stunned; listening and watching Michelle.

I sit and watch, As tears go by, My riches can't buy everything, I want to hear the children sing

"I didn't know she could play the guitar?" Kevin whispered behind Patti.

Patti nodded her head and replied quietly, "She took some lessons when we were kids, but I didn't know she still played." She watched her sister with a loving gaze and looked out towards the sea, curious at what Michelle's eyes were drawn too. She gasped slightly as she saw Howie, Nick and the children romping around on the beach. She understood immediately and drew her hands towards her own abdomen, being thankful and sorry at the same time.

All I hear is the sound, Of rain falling on the ground, I sit and watch as tears go by

Brian whispered that he'd be right back and ran into the house. Moments later he emerged with his own guitar and slowly headed towards her. He began strumming along with her.

Michelle stopped immediately and flew around to look behind her, amazed to see him walking towards her, playing along with her. Her eyes were drawn to the group behind him, standing there staring, with tears in their eyes for her.

"Don't stop," Brian said as he sat beside her. She hesitatingly picked up where he was and began strumming again. "Keep singing," he said.

It is the evening of the day, I sit and watch the children play, Doin' things I used to do, They think are new. I sit and watch as tears go by.

"Again," he requested softly. The started the song over from the beginning and they sang together. Tears rolled down slowly from Michelle's eyes.

Howie caught the sound of the melancholy tune and froze on the sand. He looked towards the house and saw her watching them, he saw Brian join her and sit beside her. He drew himself up from the sand and walked slowly towards them.

It is the evening of the day, I sit and watch the children play, Smiling faces I can see, But not for me, I sit and watch as tears go by

My riches can't buy everything, I want to hear the children sing, All I hear is the sound of rain falling on the ground, I sit and watch as tears go by.

(Rolling Stones - As Tears Go By)

Silence followed when they finished. Brian drew the guitar out of her hands and placed them both on the floor before reaching over and hugging her tightly.

"That was beautiful," he whispered.

Howie climbed over the railing and drew her away from Brian and into his own arms. He kissed her passionately and then held her against him for a long time.

The rest of them stood nearby, not sure what to do. Patti kept her eyes trained on Nick and the girls still down on the beach. Lauren walked over and joined Brian, squeezing him tightly and silently conveying her pride.

Telly watched Kevin watch Michelle and Howie. She cringed slightly at the look in his eye. She knew of course. She’d known for a long time, but hadn’t really and truly face it, even the last time she was there. Kevin was in love with Michelle. Plain and simple and it didn’t look like it was going away.

She turned quietly and walked into the house and up to the room she was sharing with Kevin. She had just flown in last night, greatly looking forward to spending time with all her friends. Despite everything, she and Kevin still thoroughly enjoyed each other’s company and made good on their promise to be the best of friends who fucked really great together. Still, it hurt

AJ caught Patti’s hand and whispered in her ear. She nodded as he ran into the house. She looked over her shoulder at Kevin and noticed the tear in his eye. She slid her hand into his and pulled him down onto the bench next to her.

“Kevin, you okay?”

Kevin stiffened and pulled his eyes away from Michelle and Howie, but still avoiding Patti’s. He squeezed her hand gently, lost in thought, before finally facing her. “I can’t help it, Patti. I know it’s wrong. But I love her, and I can’t ever stop.”

Patti looked up at him sadly. She cupped his hand between both of hers and gently rubbed it.

“Kevin, I’m sorry. But, what about Telly? And Howie?” she asked softly.

Kevin winced slightly. “They both know. They both allow it. Michelle loves me too, but I’ll never have her all to myself. I don’t know what to do.”

Patti nodded, not knowing what to say or how to feel. She had sensed many things between Michelle, Howie and Kevin and her mind was going into overdrive trying to sort it all out. Why wouldn’t her own sister confide in her?

They sat silently for a few more moments before AJ came flying out of the house, a bass guitar in hand. “Let’s go, Kev. We have to break the mood. This is supposed to be a par-tay!”

Kevin looked up and nodded silently, releasing Patti’s hand and kissing her cheek. “Thanks for listening.”

AJ started plucking the strings and advanced upon Howie and Michelle, surprising them.

“You want Stones, babe, we can do Stones!” He started the chords for ‘Not Fade Away’. Brian grabbed his guitar up again and joined him.

“I’m gonna tell you how it’s gonna be. You’re gonna give your love to me!”

Michelle and Howie broke apart and she wiped her eyes quickly before turning towards them. Howie slid his arms around her waist and held her close as they smiled at their friends acting up.

Patti pulled Kevin and Lauren into the middle of the patio and started them dancing. Nick, Kimberly, Gracie and Hope ran up from the beach and joined in. Nick ran inside and returned seconds later with a handful of wooden spoons and gave them to the girls who proceeded to treat them like microphones and drum sticks.

As soon as that song was ended, they jumped right into 'Satisfaction’. Michelle turned around in Howie’s arms and kissed him sweetly.

“I’m sorry, babe.”

“Don’t,” he said placing his index finger against her lips, “I understand and it’s okay.”

She nodded and smiled at him, “You look so wonderful with kids. I love you so much, Howie. I can only hope that I’ll be able to give you as many children as you want.”

Howie smiled broadly and replied, “If we don’t ever have any children together, that won’t mean I’ll love you any less; as long as I have you. And we already have Kimberly too, remember? She’s the perfect daughter and one day I’ll be the perfect father figure for her, maybe as good as Kevin, huh? Now, you wanna dance with a sexy Backstreet Boy?” He winked mischievously at her.

“Oh, you mean AJ?” she asked winking back. He laughed wildly and pulled her over towards the others.

Kevin broke away from the group after a short while and went inside for Telly. He found her staring out the window, watching the slight wind blowing across the beach.

“Tel? You okay?” he asked cautiously as he advanced upon her.

She turned towards him, her eyes shiny with unshed tears. “Absolutely! Just had to use the bathroom. What about you?” She stood and wrapped her arms around his waist. “I know it hurts, babe.”

He could only swallow, trying to push the lump of despair back down his throat.

CHAPTER FORTY EIGHT

All too soon, it was almost time to go home. Only one more day remained. The air was filled with a combination of excitement and melancholy. It had been a good summer, a relaxing break from the hectic, crazy lives the guys led. They were eager to get back on the road though, get back in the limelight, and do what they loved. They missed the fans, the screams and the highs from performing constantly. And yet. . . they’d miss the tranquility that this little island off the coast of Massachusetts had given to them.

While not every moment of it had been peaceful and stress free, just to be able to wake up in the morning, throw on a bathing suit, grab a piece of fruit and walk freely out of a house and into the heat of a glorious day, those were the moments that would be remembered the most fondly.

Kevin had pulled himself together, with Telly’s tender assistance that weekend, and he had gone on to spend the last two weeks with a relaxed smile on his face. Telly had reminded him that although he didn’t have the woman he loved all to himself, he was fortunate enough to have her in his life, in his heart and in his arms.

Howie wasn’t exactly selfish. He understood how it felt to love someone so deeply that it just squeezed the love out of your heart. He knew what the feelings were at the sight or thought of that someone and he understood Kevin's feelings. It also helped that Howie wasn’t nearly as intimidated by Kevin’s love for Michelle, or hers for him, as he had been previously. His only demand was for his wife to sleep in his bed and in his arms during the night. Whatever Kevin and Michelle did during the days, he understood and accepted and that made it easier to live with as time went on.

The three of them were together almost constantly. It became natural and comfortable; just like three best friends who would never even consider venturing off to do something without inviting the other two along. Whatever plans were made for the day, it was always assumed by the planner that their activities automatically included all three of them, plus whoever else was interested enough to tag along.

Be it just lazing about on the hot sand, walking in the early morning haze along the misty shoreline, driving into town for whatever was needed, if one went, the other two would want to go and did.

It was also soon second nature for Michelle to be able to hug, kiss, or touch Kevin in some innocent loving way in front of Howie. Neither man was ever made to feel left out or hurt by her attention to the other; she had enough love for the both of them.

Of course, public displays of affection between Kevin and Michelle were few and far between. There were far too many people in all their lives to protect. Should it ever come out that Michelle was in love with, or worse, was sleeping with both men, the consequences from their relationships would surely cause unfathomable pain for all involved. Nevermind what it would do to the guys’ career!

Despite the vows at the beginning of the summer to live their lives the way they wanted to, love whomever they wanted to, and show their love publicly when they wanted to, the five Backstreet Boys silently agreed to guard Kevin and Michelle’s relationship with their lives. It wasn’t even discussed or disclosed to the other women of the household, never mind letting it become public knowledge.

********

For their last full day at Nantucket, Michelle had scheduled herself and Kimberly for a late morning appointment at a small hair salon in town. They arose early, dressed quickly and rode bicycles into town, chatting and laughing all the way. Of course, Carlos was none too pleased to have his butt dragged out of bed so early to follow them in the minivan.

The bodyguards had been switching off every other week for the last month or so. It hadn’t become really necessary to have any more than two of them around at any time. Whoever was on duty utilized the spare bedrooms in the large summer house and basically just went wherever the need arose.

After Howie’s announcement of his marriage and the whirlwind trip across country that he took his wife on, Michelle was now pretty familiar to most die-hard fans. Fortunately, Kimberly was still relatively unknown, however with the few pictures taken whenever she was out and about with one of the guys, the fans were slowly starting to recognize her as well.

The girls enjoyed their time alone together and Michelle splurged on facials, pedicures, and manicures for the both of them, along with their wash, cut and styles. Kimberly had wanted her hair shortened for the longest time and her mother finally relented. However, Michelle had the least amount taken off her long tresses as she had promised him that she’d never cut her hair.

On their leisurely ride back to the house, Nick and Brian had pulled up alongside them and offered to take Kimberly out on the boat for the day with them, Lauren and AnaLee. Of course, the little fish jumped at the chance and with a quick hug and kiss for her mother, abandoned her bicycle and jumped in the Suburban with the guys. Michelle shook her head, laughed and waved them off. Carlos pulled the minivan up closer, loaded the two bicycles in the back and took Michelle home.

When Michelle entered the house, she called out. “Honeys, I’m home!”

Howie emerged from the kitchen, a pitcher of frozen margaritas in hand, and beamed brightly at her. “Hey Beauty, just in time. We’ve decided to have a liquid lunch today.” He winked at her, kissed her lips teasingly and then strode out onto the deck.

Michelle stared after her husband with amusement and then ran upstairs to their bedroom to change. She pulled out a new tank-ini that she had purchased while out in Los Angeles with Howie and debated wearing it. She slipped out of her clothes and pulled the skimpy panties of the suit on. Before turning to face the mirror, she slid the tank top over her arms and head and adjusted it comfortably to her figure. Taking a deep breath, she turned toward the mirror and eyed her appearance critically. Not too bad, she thought as she twisted sideways to glimpse the backside view.

While she wasn’t as slim as Lauren or Patti, she looked pretty damn good and patted herself on the back for dropping back down to a size seven. She quickly twisted her hair into a sloppy bun and picked up her discarded clothing to place in the hamper. She thought twice about it and then tugged on the cutoff shorts over her bikini bottoms.

When she finally made her appearance out on the deck, AJ, Howie and Kevin were in the hot tub, bent doubled over from laughing their asses off. Patti was comfortably settled in a lounge chair and shaking her sober head at them.

“What’s going on?” Michelle asked her sister while watching the three men slap each other on the back.

“Ah, don’t even ask. Just boys being dirty boys.” Patti sat up and patted the cushion by her legs. “Your drink is on the table.”

Michelle turned towards the white wrought iron table and picked up the cold goblet brimming with sweet frozen alcohol. She swirled the straw through the pale red mixture and sipped it slowly. “Hmm, delicious.” She sat down with Patti and automatically placed her free hand on Patti’s abdomen. “Anything happening in there?”

Patti grinned and shook her head, “Nope, I’ve got me a good sleeper, that’s for sure. Geesh, you’d never think this was AJ’s kid, huh? More like Kevin’s. The only time he starts to move around is early evening.” Michelle’s eyes had shot up towards Patti’s at the mention of Kevin’s name. Patti caught her look and cocked a curious eyebrow at her sister. “So when are you going to tell me all about it?”

Michelle shifted uncomfortably on the lounge chair and turned her gaze to the three men at the other end of the deck. Just seeing them so laidback, happy and carefree brought a smile to her face and wave of pure love washed over her body.

She turned back towards her sister and linked her fingers with hers. “I was so afraid that if you knew I was in love with Kevin too, then you might hate me. I can’t help it, Patti. I love them both.” Michelle’s eyes welled with tears and she tightened her hold on Patti’s hand. “I was scared that you’d think I’d lost my mind, or even just think I’m a whore.”

Patti shook her head slowly and brought her sister’s hand up to her chest. “I’ve done a lot of growing up these last few years, Mick. I’m not the scared little girl that ran off because I couldn’t deal with shit. I’ve survived on my own and I’ve learned a lot about life by taking things one step at a time. I’ve learned to think things through before judging. I hold no grudges anymore because I had to deal with Matt’s death alone. I hope you realize that by now.”

Michelle nodded her head hesitantly and remained silent, solemnly recalling how she’d let Patti handle their only brother’s death on her own. She just couldn’t go through it at the time. Her state of mind couldn’t handle it, so she’d stayed home in Massachusetts ignoring her sister’s needs.

“I knew you were going through some serious shit of your own with Rob and everything. I never once thought you were crazy because you tried to juggle it all, and when you thought you weren’t doing a good job, tried to kill yourself. I only wish that I was there for you.”

Tears of relief slipped slowly down Michelle’s cheeks. Patti’s own shining eyes welled up upon seeing her sister’s. “If you are happy, hon, then I am happy for you. If loving both Howie and Kevin, and having them love you back, keeps you brimming with life and alive, then the last thing I want is to stand in your way, or become judgmental about the whole thing.”

“Thank you,” Michelle whispered as she pulled Patti into a hug. “Thank you for being so understanding.”

An hour and a half later, Michelle was feeling no pain as the group of five sprawled out exhaustedly on the lawn after playing an impromptu game of volleyball. They had no net, and only a red, green and blue striped beach ball, but that didn’t seem to matter in the least. Patti, being the only sober one in the group, declared herself judge, umpire, referee, and whatever else she could think of; she didn’t care so long as she got to determine the winning team.

“This sucked,” Howie panted as he crawled on his hands and knees over to Michelle, who was lying on her back doing her own fair share of panting, her head using Kevin’s stomach as a pillow. “Totally unfair, I tell ya!”

He crawled up her legs and collapsed on top of her, nuzzling his nose along her exposed abdomen. She giggled and entwined her fingers in his damp locks.

“You’re such a sore loser, D,” Kevin drawled as he languidly ran his hand up and down Michelle’s arm.

“The ref was totally biased!” Howie turned his head slightly and caught sight of AJ kissing Patti’s neck as they lounged in each other’s arms nearby.

“Yeah! And who picked these teams anyway?” Michelle squirmed as Howie’s tongue commenced short slow strokes around her belly button. “Putting the two shortest people on the same team wasn’t the brightest of ideas.”

“Well, it was the Doroughs against the Studs. It was your idea, babe,” AJ offered and grinned at Michelle.

Patti sighed happily as she leaned back against AJ’s sweaty chest. She slipped her hands under his knees and brought them up so that his legs surrounded her. His hands slid around her ribs and with just the slightest movement of his thumbs, he teased her nipples seductively. “Do you want your thank you gift now, baby, for reffing the game so expertly?” She pushed her body further against his and nodded eagerly as his growing bulge pressed against her.

They quickly disentangled their limbs and headed towards the house, hand in hand.

“Hey! Where you guys going?” Michelle called out, slurring her words slightly and then moaning as Howie continued to tease her warm skin with his tongue.

“We’ll be back, kids, play nicely amongst yourselves,” AJ shouted over his shoulder before disappearing into the house.

“Those two are perfect for each other,” Kevin said and then looked down at Michelle.

She turned her face up to him and grinned. “Yeah, sex maniacs the both of them.”

Kevin felt a shiver run through his body as Michelle twisted her upper body slightly and placed a kiss on his ribs. “Uh, well, I guess I’ll leave you two alone, too.” His gaze had shifted slightly and an eyebrow rose as Howie quietly fumbled with the snap of Michelle’s shorts.

She looked back down at Howie and mumbled incoherently as he continued to lavish her skin with slow uneven strokes of not only his tongue but now his fingers as well. “Oh god. . .yeah.“

Kevin had every intention of wriggling out from beneath Michelle’s head, but the soft caress of her fingers along his tanned arm was definitely preventing him from doing the right thing. He remained frozen, lying on the ground, only the fingers of his left hand moving slowly as he trailed them down her cheek and along her throat.

Michelle lay on the grass, eyes half closed, and relished the sensual stroking from both men.

”Don’t go, Kev, I want to kiss you. . . no, I need to kiss you.” She arched her hips automatically as Howie slid his body off her legs and slowly tugged her shorts down. “Please, Kevin, kiss me.”

CHAPTER FORTY-NINE

Kevin cast a quick glance down to Howie before rearranging his body and cupping her face in his hands. His eyes roamed her face and settled on her slightly parted lips. “There is nothing I’d rather do than kiss you, babe, but we’ve all had a little too much to drink.” He kissed her forehead instead and pulled away. “I’ll leave you two alone.” He brushed a tendril of hair away from her face, then got up to leave with a small sigh.

A tiny whimper escaped from her lips.

“Wait, Kev.”

Kevin turned to his friend and looked down at him with desolation. “D, you don’t have to say anything. I know the rules.”

“You don’t have to leave,” Howie said calmly as he rose to his knees and helped Michelle sit up. He gently kissed the back of her hand, then looked up at Kevin, shielding his eyes from the bright afternoon sun surrounding the tall man. “This isn’t a game, Kevin. There are no rules. This is our lives. . . our hearts, at stake here. I can’t rule the love this woman has in her heart for the both of us.” He looked back down at his wife and softly ran a finger across her lips. “What do you want, Beauty?”

Her heart raced fiercely as she nervously glanced from one man to the other. She knew exactly what she wanted, what she had fantasized about more than once. She just didn’t know how to voice it. If she shared her desires with them, what would they think? What would the consequences be? What would it do to her marriage? This couldn’t be happening surely! She closed her eyes and shuddered.

“It’s your call, babe,” Kevin said quietly and held his hand out to her.

She raised her eyes and met Howie’s. He just smiled and offered her his hand as well.

“Just so you know. . . “ she whispered, “I’ve never been more happier in my life than I have been with you. You are perfect in every sense and I’ll love you forever. . . I love Kevin too. I want you both.”

**************

Howie quietly led the way into the room, Michelle’s hand firmly tucked in his. Kevin stepped in behind them, his hand resting on the small of her back. He closed and locked the door behind them.

She stood rigidly, trembling slightly from a combination of fear and excitement as she watched Howie move over to the nightstand and turn on the radio. He returned to her and gently cupped her face. "Howie. . . “

He brushed his lips lightly across hers and pulled back slightly.

"I know, babe…" he said and then wrapped his arms tightly around her before continuing with his kiss. She gasped in surprise at his fervor.

"Howie?” she swooned slightly as he pulled away. “I don’t know what to do,” she whispered.

He placed his fingers over her eyes, shutting them for her. "Sssh, just close your eyes."

She drew in her breath and nodded mutely. Shivers coursed through her body as Howie's hands slid down her face to her neck. He looked behind her to Kevin and met the other man’s eyes. Kevin stared back at him with a look of apprehension. Howie smiled at him, then turned his attention back to Michelle and said softly to her, "Let us both show you how much we love you."

Kevin swallowed quickly and nodded. Howie may have said there were no rules, but anything or everything that was going to happen now still rested in his hands. Howie was calling the shots, whether he realized it or not. Kevin knew this and it irked him somewhat, but not enough to make him leave. Not now.

Michelle's eyes flew open to find Howie about to kiss her again. "Close your eyes, babe. . . " he murmured before cupping the back of her head and tracing his tongue along her lips.

"But. . . " she started, shakily. Howie parted her lips with his tongue. She drew in her breath, not able to resist his warm caresses.

Kevin moved directly behind her and placed his hands on her hips, kissing the back of her shoulder lightly. She moaned against Howie. He drew her tongue into his mouth as he pulled her closer.

Kevin's hands trailed down her arms and grasped her fingers tightly, holding them steady as he drew his kisses along her upper back. Michelle's legs started to tremble from nerves and passion. Her fingers interlaced with Kevin's as she dueled with Howie's tongue. Kevin pulled her hands further downward and placed them on Howie's hips before inching back upwards to slowly draw her tank up and over her chest.

Howie broke the kiss and moved over to her ear, gently nibbling on her lobe. His fingers moved around to the back of her neck. Her hands loosened their hold on his hips and she slowly started caressing them through the thin fabric of his shorts. "Oh god, I don't believe this..." she murmured.

Kevin eased the tank up and removed it from her, letting it slink to the floor. His big hands encased her breast and massaged them tenderly while lowering himself to his knees. He ran his tongue down along her spine as his fingers slowly descended, tantalizing her warm body. Michelle shivered involuntarily as her own hands roamed across Howie, settling on his chest. She moaned against his ear. He slid his lips down to her throat and suckled gently.

She threw her head back and moaned again as Kevin’s fingers and lips roamed her hips and bottom as he peeled away her bikini panties.

Howie caught a nipple between his teeth and tugged playfully. Michelle massaged his hardened member through his shorts, causing him to groan and cup her breasts more firmly. Kevin smoothed his hands along her thighs and moved his kisses with them.

Throwing caution to the wind, she unzipped Howie and pushed his clothing towards the floor, his hardness pulsating against her abdomen. She drew her hands up along his shaft, enthralled at the sensations running through her body as both men lavished their attention on her.

Those incredible erotic sensations that coursed through her, took her breath away. Her temperature soared as passion and desire for both of her men engulfed her.

Howie broke away, panting heavily and began tugging her towards the side of the bed. Kevin emitted an involuntary groan from the loss of her warm body as she was led away from him. As Howie gently turned and guided her back onto the edge of the bed, Michelle looked past Howie and held her hand out to Kevin. Howie caught her attention quickly and her glazed eyes settled back onto him as he moved to stand between her parted legs. As he ran his hands along her thighs, he looked deeply into her eyes before leaning down and kissing her passionately on the lips.

Kevin climbed onto the bed from the other side, knelt next to her and watched them quietly. Barely a few moments passed and his breathing grew erratic. He could contain himself no longer and finally nudged Howie out of his way. Howie chuckled and stood straight up, pulling her hips closer to the edge of the bed. He sank to his knees and buried his face between her legs.

Michelle turned her head towards Kevin and held out her arms to him. He sank down beside her, his hand drifting across her breasts, gently rolling her nipples between his fingers as he parted her lips with his tongue. She ran a hand smoothly along his chest as her eyes closed in desire.

Howie’s tongue skillfully played with her bud, causing her to arch her pelvis higher. She lowered her hand to Kevin’s crotch and fumbled with the zipper of his shorts. He broke away from her, stood and quickly shed his clothing. She wrapped her legs around Howie’s shoulders, moaning and begging for more. He complied as he slipped a finger into her moistened slit and teased her with it.

Kevin moved back towards her and she caught his shaft between her hands and tugged upwards. He inched closer to her head and allowed her to pull him towards her mouth. She drew her tongue around the head of his cock and cried out from pleasure before drawing it into her mouth. He grabbed onto the headboard to steady himself and emitted a throaty groan as she alternately suckled him and then slid her tongue along his length.

Howie continued to tease her clit, while watching Kevin slip into her mouth over and over. He never expected to have these feelings of exhilaration that were racing through his being as he was now experiencing. As they had wordlessly climbed the stairs earlier, he had thoroughly expected that he would have to choke back his jealousy and insecurities in order to allow these events to unfold.

He groaned from need, quickly stood up and pressed himself against her opening. He smiled seductively as she glanced over to him and slowly entered her, grasping her thighs firmly. Her body arched toward him, while keeping her ministrations of Kevin in stride. Howie slowly pushed himself in only a short way before pulling out again. She dug her feet into his ass to prevent him from doing it again. He chuckled at her exuberance and plunged deeply into her. She moaned and sucked harder on Kevin, her body bucking under all the incredible sensations.

She pulled Kevin’s dick from her throat and nibbled softly along his throbbing vein, causing him to emit pre-cum, which she licked off with pleasure.

“OH GOD!” she screamed as Howie’s pace became more fevered and urgent. Kevin looked down and hardened even further as he witnessed Howie’s cock sliding in and out of her. Howie watched Kevin, watching him enter Michelle over and over. He saw Kevin’s control slipping. He saw the glazed sheen filling Kevin’s eyes. He saw the clenched knuckles as Kevin fought to control himself and Howie made the final, permanent decision to share her with him.

He pulled out and his eyes met Kevin’s. Without a word, Kevin stretched out on the bed and they both moved to place Michelle atop of him. Howie gently assisted in positioning her over Kevin and watched in silence as she moved her body downwards to his hardness. She slowly lowered herself onto Kevin before collapsing on his chest. Kevin embraced her tightly as he bucked his hips wildly, letting go of his control as he desperately made love to her. She moaned their names and found his lips.

Howie silently watched the passion growing between the couple on the bed. He slipped quietly into the bathroom and returned quickly. He climbed carefully back onto the bed behind the lovers. His hands ran over her silky back and ass before leaning down and nibbling her cheeks. She mewed in pleasure from his touch. He gently parted her cheeks and trailed his tongue downwards. She sucked fervently on Kevin’s mouth as Howie’s tongue slid inside her.

Kevin slowed down his strokes and thumbed her nipples as he watched Howie position himself around their legs. Howie slid a finger down towards her wet opening and slowly slid it in alongside of Kevin’s cock. Her light head arched up and away from Kevin, responding to Howie’s touch. She moaned his name and then begged him for more. Removing the moistened finger he brought it up to her ass and slowly slid it into her.

She couldn’t help crying out from the intense and unexpected pleasure his touch created.

Kevin moved his hands around her shoulders and held her tightly while Howie brought her to new heights. He continued to watch as Howie prepared himself with the baby oil he had brought back to the bed with him. Kevin moved his lips over her temple as he saw Howie position himself behind her. He found her mouth again and crushed his lips against hers as he felt her tensing up. “Relax, baby…” he whispered.

She clung to his lips and then buried her face into his neck as a scream formed in her throat. Howie pushed himself into her slowly, feeling her involuntary fight against him. He moved his right hand around to her clit and rubbed it fiercely, aiding her in momentarily forgetting the pain enveloping her. She groaned and felt her juices flowing onto Kevin’s cock buried deep inside her. Howie took that opportunity to slide further into her.

She screamed against Kevin’s neck again and then bit down on him gently. She screamed for him, she screamed for both of them.

They found a fair steady rhythm. Michelle could only moan and whimper against Kevin as both men loved her like she’d never been loved before.

Their strokes increased and within moments the room was filled with incoherent moaning as all three found their release.

Howie collapsed against her back and wrapped his arms around her waist. Kevin ran his hands through her hair and kissed her face with a dozen little kisses as his shudders quieted. Michelle struggled to catch her breath and allowed her body to go limp between the two men.

Howie rolled off her and stretched out alongside them. She slipped from Kevin to nestle between them. Howie wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close.

“Oh, baby, I love you so much,” he kissed both of her eyes, each of her cheeks and then met her lips with his. She returned his feverish need by pulling him tightly to her and crying his name into his throat.

Kevin breathed deeply before quietly sliding off the bed and heading into the bathroom. He ran a cool cloth across his glistening face and then pulled another washcloth from the cabinet and ran it under hot water.

When he returned to the room, Howie and Michelle were just breaking apart. Kevin went back to his spot on the bed and gently washed her bottom for her. She turned to him, not surprised at his thoughtfulness or gentleness, and leaned over to kiss him gently. Howie pried the cloth from Kevin’s hands and cleaned himself as he watched the sweet kisses and whispered words of love being exchanged between the other two.

Michelle finally rolled back and stared deeply into Howie’s eyes, hoping he could read the desire and love in them. She gently ran her fingers along his cheek while running her tongue across his lips. “I love you. Thank you.”

“I love you,” he replied, growing hard against her. He shifted more comfortably on his side and grinned down at her. “You okay?”

She smiled sexily, “Never better.”

He chuckled and looked over to Kevin. “You okay, Kevin?”

Slightly taken aback at Howie’s sincere question, Kevin merely nodded and then looked back down at Michelle. She pulled his face down towards herself and kissed his cheeks. “I love you, Kevin.”

Overwhelmed with so many emotions, he groaned slightly. “God, I love you, hon.” Their lips met delicately.

Howie snuggled closer to them and ran his hand languidly from her breast to her hip. His growing need took over and he positioned himself behind her once again and gently eased himself into her. She pressed herself back against him and raised her leg over his. Howie took his time and made slow love to her as Kevin and Michelle shared sweet loving kisses.

The End

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