1.I finally graduated Martins Union Local Ferry Purple Jet Riders High School!
2.Amish have to be the stupidest people on the face of the Earth.
3.Don't be profiling....because profiling's wrong man.
4.Fuck the Pittsburgh Steelers
5.Don't mistake a cat for a skunk.
6.Don't get drunk and get a dildo in the mouth.
7.Watch out for shingles in the dugout.
8.Watch out for cops when you're trick or treating in APRIL
9.If you gotta scar above your right eye from a locker, get out!(Terry)
10.Don't walk into a 80% black school with a monkey on a stick.
11.Get up off your ass and on your feet...this ain't no time to beat your meat!
12.It's impossible to push a car out of a hole in the ground when you're drunk.
13.Don't break chairs at graduation partys.
14.Don't do a "Pete Rose/LeBron James" Dunk in my backyard.
15.You'd best watch out for that Voodoo woman up the road.
16.If you're a fat person, don't fall on stage during graduation, it's kind of noticable.
17.If the term 155 Proof means anything to ya, you do man.
18.Don't wear a headband outside in the sun when you're playing bball and your head is shaved!
19.Hows come everytime I in the kitchen, you in the kitchen..in the god damn refridgerator...EATING..ALL THE FOOD!
20.Playing hide-and-seek is wrong when ya got a fat kid...they're always it!
21.Watch out for basketballs at baseball practice.
22.You have to have nuts of steel to dress up like a monkey in Steubenville.
23.If you talk to answering machines, it won't talk back.
24.Here's two call signs in Euchre- Put both feet on the table and spread your legs(diamonds) and make a weird noise and we all know you sound like Cox(spade).
25.Drink a lot of skunked Natty...and when ya wake up fit your fat ass under a fooseball table that skinny people can't even fit under!