For Louise

Living
Dying
It's all the same to me.

Your hateful words have finally done what you wished.
I am broken.
My spirit gone.

The struggle for survival a moot point.
I no longer wish to merely survive.
I want to live
Alas that is a fantasy.

In my reality
I am useless and a loser.
I know this because you tell me.

All I ever wanted was to make you happy.
For you to love me.
For you to care.

But you can't.
I'm not who I should be.
I'm sorry I'm not.

Maybe someday you will know
I love you
I care
I always will

The hate within you is not within me
Someday you may know may know what you have forsaken
Or you may not
You may never know
So be it.

Shay Kuntz
2001
Dedicated to Mary Louise.