I'm having one of my lame days...ya know the kind? I can't be the only one who has days like these...i hope. Point is, i'm not sure i should be working on content right now, but i'm bored, soo...what the hell?

What to say? There's prolly not gonna be anything of much importance on this site to anyone except myself. it's all about mental ramblings. i think i'll treat this site like an email to someone anonymous. might help me with my writing...a fucking obsession with me. i think about my skills, or lack thereof, and it pisses me off.

With words, i'm at my best when i feel an emotional flatness consume me. it's a strange feeling tho...and quite new to me. it's like a zone or something. no one can touch me or bother me or judge me. maybe it's purity, maybe it's focus...but i like the feeling in a way. i like how i can use it...work with it, manipulate it for my own benefit. it's kind of like a friendship, however one-sided it may be.

i haven't reached the zone yet today, but that's fine. it takes inspiration...like one night when i came across some guy's site on the 'net. His words gave him freedom i think, and in turn they freed me. i e-mailed the guy with a poem and actually got a response from him. after a few brief discourses, things just died, and the flatness went as well. it was a nice/strange few days tho, and i learned a little about myself...as fucked up as that sounds.

i'm sitting here trying to think of a way to make this site semi-interesting, and i might just have something...a little something...something ridiculously small, but it may be helpful if you care to know anything about me. sometimes i wonder if i, myself, would care to know a hundred random facts about me, and i doubt if i can even come up with such a list, but i guess it's worth a shot. anyway, here you have it. One-hundred random facts about me.

I Am:

1. Tina DeMent.
2. obviously a female.
3. 19 years old.
4. from Smalltown, Ohio.
5. a sister of 2, and a daughter of 1.
6. raised by my father.
7. a sophomore at OSU.
8. thinking about going into medicine.
9. dreaming of someday heading overseas to help people who are less fortunate than me.
10. interested in the Peace Corps.
11. sometimes really friendly.
12. sometimes not-so friendly.
13. mostly anti-social.
14. scared of growing up.
15. definitely complicated in mind, and body.
16. an artist.
17. a poet.
18. a musician.
19. a romantic.
20. a maniac.
21. a fiend.
22. a fruit.
23. in love.
24. scarred for life, both physically and emotionally.
25. not a menace to society, i think.
26. undecided.
27. _extremely_ impressionable.
28. totally fickle.
29. able to morph to fit _most_ personalities.
30. always wondering what people think of me.
31. paranoid.
32. selfish.
33. selfless.
34. caring.
35. devoted.
36. insecure.
37. unorganized.
38. obsessive-compulsive.
39. trying not to focus on negative characteristics. =)
40. generally a non-conformist.
41. addicted to the 'net.
42. in need of a 'life'(?)
43. listening to Nirvana. =)
44. experiencing writer's block.
45. an adventurer.
46. addicted to Cedar Point.
47. a hater of money and what it does to people, or what people do with it.
48. anti-capitalistic.
49. not a leader.
50. seeking independence.
51. obsessed with my physical appearance.
52. lazy.
53. excitable.
54. tolerant.
55. open-minded.
56. a traveler.
57. poor (?)
58. trying to avoid work for as many years as i can.
59. a philosopher.
60. studious.
61. more anal-retentive than most.
62. a perfectionist.
63. contradictory.
64. seeking enlightenment.
65. not particularly interesting.
66. flexible (mentally).
67. surprised ive gotten this far with my list.
68. even more surprised youve gotten this far with my list. ;)
69. sometimes opinionated.
70. a know-it-all (or so my sister tells me.)
71. not creative.
72. an insomniac.
73. listening to foo fighters.
74. thinking about someone in particular.
75. confused.
76. amused by how some people live their lives.
77. manic-depressive.
78. a fan of radiohead.
79. _very_ moody.
80. addicted to chocolate.
81. a bad driver.
82. a good listener.
83. not easily offended.
84. chomping on gum.
85. thinking about how corny this site is. =)
86. looking at my chewed fingernails.
87. interested in body piercing/mods.
88. pierced.
89. tattooed.
90. unstable.
91. generally malcontented.
92. interested in languages.
93. almost to the one-hundred mark.
94. going to come back and edit this list sometime.
95. indecisive.
96. trying to focus on now.
97. wanting to go on a roadtrip this summer with my sister.
98. good with numbers.
99. usually bored.
100. not planning on stopping with this list; ill be adding more content to this site periodically.

I don't know why i'm writing right now. still listening to deftones and still avoiding sleep. someone told me why i don't like to sleep: "cause you don't like to wake up." very true. don't like the hassle of falling asleep either. seems like a waste cause as soon as i fall, i hear the fucking alarm. ehh, enough of that.

i hate how my ideas are there, but the words never allow them to thrive.