Date: 0,000 and a few minutes

Little baby Jesus lies in the arms of an exhausted mother. Who's she kidding with that virgin crap? I'd have thought having a baby would've been easy after some of the stuff she's done. Why do you think so many people brought that little bastard presentts?

Date: 0,019 and two weeks

After nearly 20 years of incest, Jesus is ready to leave the nest and get a place of his own.

Date: 0,019 two weeks and a day

Broke from spending his money on booze and smut, Jesus moves into an abandoned hut on the edge of highway 333.

Date: 0,020

On his 20th birthday, Jesus goes into the slavery business.

Date: 0,023 and a few months

Jesus is forced to free all his slaves due to a new law and goes out of business. A frustrated Jesus turns to alcohol and drug abuse to escape reality.

Date: 0,024

Jesus receives a blowjob from a 6-year old boy trying to raise money to buy his dead grandmother a burial plot. While the young boy was sucking off Jesus, Jesus grabs a pen and paper and writes the words "The Holy Bible". The book goes from there.

Date: Had a few beers I lost count.

After a long, Dark life of twisted perversion, Jesus finally dies! Nobody will pay for his burial so they throw his lifeless body in a dank cave.

Date: A few days after A.D.

Evil infects Jesus'lifeless body and so raises Zombie Jesus!

Date: Later

A rotting Zombie Jesus crawls out of his cave and starts attacking people at random. After a violent struggle, a few of the King's men managed to decapitate the evil Zombie Jesus and kill him once more. They stuffed his body in a shallow grave and before they burned his head, they rammed wooden spikes into it. The significance of this is that the wooden sticks made the shape of a cross, And from that day on the cross was forever remembered as the symbol of evil and the dammed.