For some time now the DSC has been looking into the age old question of "Where do all my damn socks go when I put them in the dryer?". After minutes of carefull consideration and painstaking research we have come up with the following theories.
This is all a conspiracy by the sock people, and "the man", we also believe Richard Dean Anderson, T.V.'s MacGyver, to be somehow involved. The DSC believes that T.V.'s MacGyver has engineered though technology provided by "the man" from the aliens that landed in Area 51 in New Mexico, biodegradable socks, and that he has sold this technology to the sock manufactuers. In a diabolocal plan to sell more socks they place just one of these socks in every package. This way when the consumer washes his or her socks they will always lose just one, just enough to really piss them off without arising too much suspicion, ultimately causing the consumer to buy more socks. Unfortunatly for the sock people, and Richard Dean Anderson they didn't count on the intense paranoia and cunning minds of the DSC.
THEORY # 2
"The Man", major washer and dryer manufactuers, and virtually every laundromat in the world are all in Cahoots with L.A. based Rock band The Red Hot Chili Peppers. The DSC has learned that "the Chili Peppers" have an out of control sock fetish and have reason to believe that they are plotting to pilfer and horde all of the worlds socks to appease their own twisted desires. The DSC is still uncertain on how many people are involved or how they actually get the socks out while I'm sitting right there watching for them. This may again have something to do with the alien technology taken from the Area 51 complex in New Mexico.
If you have a question about missing socks or would like to file a missing sock report please direct them to The Bureau of Missing Socks ( your tax dollars at work )
Enough of this happy horseshit
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