Blonde Jokes

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1. So a blonde walks into the hardware store to buy a chain saw. She says, "I want one that'll cut down about ten trees in an hour." So the clerk sells her one. The next day, the blonde comes in all upset and says, "Hey, this chain saw only cut down one little tree in one hour!" The clerk said, "Gee, Let me take a look at it." And he pulled on the starter rope and the saw started up and the blonde said, "Hey, what's that noise?"
2. Why don't blondes take coffee breaks? It takes too long to retrain them.
3. What makes an blonde's eyes light up? Stick a flashlight in her ear.
4. Why do blondes hate to make chocolate chip cookies? It takes too long to peel the m&ms.
5. Why do blondes use birth control pills? So they'll know what day of the week it is.
6. And why do they stop using birth control pills? Because the pills kept falling out.
7. Why don't blondes make Jello? They can't figure out how to get two cups of water into those little bags.
8. Why don't they eat pickles? They can't get their heads in the jar.
9. How do you know when a blonde has been using your computer? There are eraser marks on the screen.
10. Did you hear about the blonde who stayed up all night to see where the sun went ? It finally dawned on her.
11. Did you hear about the blonde that went to library and checked out a book called "How to Hug"? Got home and found out it was volume seven of the encyclopaedia.
12. What do you call an eternity? Four blondes in four cars at a four-way stop.
13. What do you call a thousand blondes standing ear to ear? A wind tunnel.
14. How do you drown a blonde? Put a scratch & sniff sticker at the bottom of a pool.
15. Why do Blondes have TGIF written on their shoes? Toes Go In First.
16. Three Blondes were driving to Disneyland. After being in the car for four hours they finally saw a sign that said "Disneyland Left" so they turned around and went home.
17. What do SMART Blondes and UFO's have in common? You always hear about them but never see them.
18. What did the Blonde say when she opened the box of Cheerios? Oh look, Daddy...Doughnut seeds.
19. Why did the Blonde stare at the can of frozen orange juice? Because it said concentrate.
20. Why do blondes always smile during lightning storms? They think their picture is being taken.
21. How can you tell when a Blonde sends you a fax? It has a stamp on it.
22. Why can't Blondes dial 911? They can't find the 11 on the phone!
23. What do you do if a Blonde throws a pin at you? Run, she's got a grenade in her mouth!
24. How can you tell if a Blonde has been using your computer? There is white-out all over the monitor.
25. Why shouldn't Blondes have coffee breaks? It takes too long to retrain them.
26. A Blonde and a brunnette were walking outside when the brunnette said, "Oh look at the dead bird." The Blonde looked skyward and said, "Where, where?"
27. Why does it take longer to build a Blonde snowman as opposed to a regular one? You have to hollow out the head.
28. How do you get a twinkle in a Blonde's eye? Shine a flashlight in her ear.
29. Why don't Blondes like making KOOL-AID? Because they can't fit 8 cups of water in the little packet.
30. Did you hear about the two Blondes that were found frozen to death in their car at the drive-in movie theater? They went to see "Closed for Winter".
31. Why won't they hire Blondes as pharmacists? They keep breaking the prescription bottles in the typewriters.
32. Hear about the blonde that got an AM radio? It took her a month to realize she could play it at night.
33. What happenned to the blonde Ice Hockey Team? They drowned in Spring Training.
34. What did the blonde say when she saw the sign in front of the YMCA? "Look! They spelled MACY'S wrong!"
35. Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence? To see what was on the other side.
36. How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday? Tell her a joke on Wednesday.

Three women escaped from prison. One was a redhead, one a brunette, and one a blonde. They ran for miles until they came upon an old barn where they decided to hide in the hayloft and rest. When they climbed up, they found three large gunnysacks and decided to climb into them for camouflage. About an hour later the sheriff and his deputy came into the barn. The sheriff told his deputy to go up and check out the hayloft. When he got up there the sheriff asked him what he saw and the deputy yelled back, "Just three gunnysacks." The sheriff told him to find out what was in them, so the deputy kicked

the first sack, which had the redhead in it. She went, "Bow-wow", so the deputy told the sheriff there was a dog in it. Then he kicked the sack with the brunette in it. She went, "Meow", so the deputy told the sheriff there was a cat in it. Then he kicked the one with the blonde in it, and there was no sound at all. So he kicked it again, and finally the blonde said, "Potatoes".

A blonde walks into a Radio Shack and asks the clerk, "Can I see those TV's up there?" The clerk says, "No. We don't serve blondes here." So the blonde goes home, dies her hair black and comes back the next day. Upon arriving, she asks, "Excuse me, sir, but can I see those TV's up there?" The clerk says, "No, we don't serve blondes here." She yells out, "How did you know I was a blonde?" "For starters, those are microwaves."

A brunnette is standing on some train tracks, jumping from rail to rail, saying "21" "21" "21" A Blonde walks up, sees her and decides to join her. She also starts jumping from rail to rail, saying "21" "21" "21" Suddenly, the brunnette hears a train whistle and jumps off the tracks just as the Blonde is splattered all over the place. The Brunnette goes back to jumping from rail to rail , counting "22" "22" "22"

A brunnette goes to the doctor and as she touches every part of her body with her finger she says, "Doctor it hurts everywhere. My leg hurts, my arm hurts, my neck hurts, and even my head hurts!" The doctor asks, "Where you ever a Blonde?" "Yes I was." she replies. "why do you ask?" The doctor answers, "because your finger is broken!"

A Blonde walks up to a Coke machine and puts in a coin. Out pops a coke. The blonde looks amazed and runs away to get some more coins. She returns and starts feeding the machine madly and of course the machine keeps feeding out drinks. Another person walks up behind the blonde and watches her antics for a few minutes before stopping and asking if someone else could have a go. The blonde spins around and shouts in her face, "Can't you see I'm winning?!"

A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. Then one day she comes home and finds her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with not to shoot herself. Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"

A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking. After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!" The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!" Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator. Later in the day, the shopkeeper is driving home, When he spots the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he sees a huge 12 foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She takes aim, kills the creature and with a great deal of effort hauls it On to the swamp bank. Laying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper watches in amazement. Just then the blonde flips the alligator on it's back, and frustrated, shouts out, "Darn it, this one isn't wearing any shoes either!"

Two blondes were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger, but they couldn't. The girl with the coat hanger stopped for a moment to catch her breath, and her friend said anxioously, "Hurry up! It's starting to rain and the top is down!"

Two blondes were walking through the woods and they came to some tracks. The first blonde said, "These look like deer tracks," and the other one said, "No they look like moose tracks." They argued and argued for a while and they were still arguing when the train hit them.

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