- Statement President Nixon was prepared to release if Apollo 11's astronauts were found by the night watchman to have "accidentally" landed in the Democrats' national headquarters
 

     Today's entry has been delayed four times by bad weather.  Lightning.  Hail.  Heavy winds and rain.  Thunder is still rumbling in the distance, but I don't care anymore.  I'm going for it.
     As Slim Pickens so memorably put it in Dr. Strangelove: Or, How I Learned To Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb: "YEEEE-HAAAAAAA!"

     Not that weather has been my only problem today.  I encountered even worse problems underground when I snuck out before dawn to bury a few ideas too malodorous for even this journal to swallow.  
     Just before beginning to put shovel to earth, I remembered what a little boy said to me at the beach once as I started to build a sand castle: "Always call the utility companies before you dig." 
     So I put down my shovel and came in and called, just as I'd put down my bucket and called that day. 
     Boy, am I glad I did.  Turns out that there's a pipeline that tri-sects my property.  A high-pressure Nostalgia Inc. pipeline that supplies Michigan and Ontario with a full 17% of all their Elvis memorabilia. 
     I came this close to getting a face-full of sequins and painted black velvet.
     I was so relieved, I didn't even mind the fact that that little boy had come by and swiped my shovel while I was on the phone just as he had swiped my bucket on that long ago day at the beach....

     In other news...
     Madagascar may be home to half of all the chamelon species on earth but only Ohio has Jerry Springer. 
     Today's paper tells me that this former mayor of Cincinnati and part-time prostitute patron may actually run for the U.S. Senate seat currently held by Republican Michael DeWine when he's not sitting in it.  I'd probably vote for Jerry, too.  Senator, president, Pope - whatever he chooses to run for.  I'd vote twice, even.  Three times if I can find a quick enough plastic surgeon. 
     Anything to get him off my TV.

     In 1997 scientists discovered hundreds of thousands of fossilized titanosaur eggs on the windswept plains of Argentina's Patagonia.
     I mention this only because I think basic fairness demands that I mention at least one interesting fact about Argentina for every interesting fact I mention about Madagascar.

     The United States has about 75,000 man-made dams.
     I mention this only because I'd hate for any foreigners reading this entry to think that Jerry Springer is the only noteworthy thing my country has been able to produce in the 223 years of its existence.

     OK, since it's becoming increasingly difficult to concentrate on the many fine things Madagascar, Argentina, and the U.S. have to offer when there are cows being blown against my window, I think I'll wrap this up for now with a cry from the heart: