I feel awful.  I cut my neighbor's grass for her yesterday afternoon and I'm still feeling the effects.  My body is tired, my mind is foggy, and I shake every time I try to remember how in the world I ever got back home again without being pulled over by the police for weaving from the horror of it all.
     Looks like it's time for me to call Workers Anonymous again.

     I really wish I could be like those Beanie Babies I wrote about yesterday.  I wish I could just set a date and say to the world "This is when I stop letting my inner workaholic run my life!  After this date, I shall NEVER AGAIN touch a lick of work. After this date, I'll NEVER AGAIN embarrass myself by commuting in public without even being able to remember it afterwards. Then no cop with all the search warrants in the world will be able to charge me with simple possession of a paycheck.  At long last, no credit checker's lab using even the most sensitive of high-tech testing equipment will be able to detect that I've taken a job anytime within the last 60 days!  HALLELUJAH!!!"
     Oh, to have the will power of a little stuffed animal thingee!

     Amazingly, not everyone seems to have my weakness for work.  Some seem able to get by without ever thinking about it once.  Others are merely social workers - people who work just so they can be friendly and feel better about themselves.  A lucky few have a natural immunity which allows them to remain unmoved no matter how many opportunities to indulge in labor come their way.
     Not me.  I've had to really work at being lazy all my life.  It wasn't until after I'd dropped out of college that I realized just how self-defeating a course of action that was.  Now I try to be much more laid back about it all, but there are still those days when something deep down inside simply forces me to get out of bed in the morning.  Luckily, 9 times out of 10 it's just something I ate the night before and I'm able to get back into bed within minutes.

     Luckily, too, I discovered Workers Anonymous while I was still in my 20s.  With surveys of high school students showing that as many as 17% have done chores at least once, I think it's high time that every parent sit down with their children and go over a few of the techniques for resisting the lures of toil that I've learned from WA.

• Resist social pressure.  There comes a point in everyone's life when someone they like and trust will try to talk them into working.  Maybe it's a favorite uncle with his tales of how great doing tasks was for him back in the work-crazy '40s.  Maybe it's a teacher who has been hopelessly addicted to thankless exertion her entire adult life and would like nothing more than to see others get caught in the same sorry work-a-day web.  Maybe it's an older brother trying to convince you that only babies don't work.  Maybe it's a family "friend" offering you your first job as a "favor."  Just say "No!"  If that doesn't work, just say "No! No! No!"  If all else fails, run.  No matter how much effort it may seem to take, it'll pay off in the end.  
• Stay away from places where you know work is being done.  It's not as if you can't have a full life going other places.  Every city and town has a post office, for example - start there.  Many mall employees now offer instruction in how to do nothing, free for the observing.  If nothing else, you can always find a city truck and follow it to the driver's secret watering hole where the mere mention of work is enough to get you killed and used for pothole filler.
• Get tested.  It now appears as if the tendency to work runs in certain families.  A simple genetic test that looks for DNA of Japanese origin can reveal if yours is one of them.  Although no permanent cure is yet available for a bad genetic heritage, regular injections of alcohol and other miracle drugs can control the more annoying symptoms of restlessness, industriousness, and the compulsion to punch a time clock.  Hashish hookahs for the home are another option.  Check with your local HMO-approved opium den for details.
• Demand that local authorities strictly enforce all work-for-pay laws.  Although the police in recent decades have increasingly looked the other way, the fact remains that work-for-pay remains just as illegal, immoral, and repugnant as sex-for-money.  Demand that YOUR police finally start cracking down on personnel department whores and office Johns with as much energy as they bring to the other kind.  And demand that those citadels of evil known as employment agencies be raided and shuttered, too, before everyone's wife and daughter becomes hopelessly trapped having to flip their meat for minimum wage at some unhygienic fast-food joint.  Basic human dignity demands that work be done only for love so that every job brought into this world is a wanted job. 
• Call the National Coalition For A Zero-Hour Work Week for more ideas.  I'd planned on saving you the trouble by calling them myself and then listing those ideas here, but they didn't answer.