Ahhh, one of my favorite quotes.  Would have posted it here before now but I was too busy sitting in my room to go look up the exact wording.
     That same busyness might explain why I got yesterday's quote so wrong.  It should have read "I have made this letter longer than usual, because I lack the time to make it short."  And I should have attributed it to Pascal also - not Flaubert.
     Sorry!  
     I've now moved my reference books closer to my seat just so I have a better shot at being accurate without inadvertently adding to the sum total of human evil.

     In truth, I usually have no trouble just sitting still in a room despite what Pascal thinks - but then I've had years and years of practice.  Sometimes, though, even I get the overwhelming urge to do something useful.
     Like now.
     If you're a dead French mathematician, you just might want to avert your eyes.

     I live every day in secret dread that I'll be asked to name 10 uses for a pencil.  Either a telephone pollster curious about American creativity will call or a smartass kid will try to prove that I'm not half the animate creature I think I am or some desperate employer will show up at my door and conduct a pop interview and BANG!  There the question will be, hitting me mercilessly in the face like an angry fish hauled up unexpectedly from the deep. 
     Well, I'm tired of living in fear!  I'm tired of not being able to come up with a single use for a pencil despite tapping one on my desk and scribbling doodles on a pad all afternoon as I struggle to come up with something.  That's why I've taken the time today to draw up the following list of uses - just so I'll be prepared, once and for all.  If it helps alleviate the fear and anxiety of others also living in dread of The Question, so much the better!
 

     1.  Send it to Harvard.  I actually did this once.  Really.  I was on the brink of going to college.  I could only afford to go to an Ohio college, so I sent a letter to the president of Harvard asking for his advice as to which might be best.  I figured if he was smart enough to become the president of Harvard, he was smart enough to know this.  Just to be sure, however, I narrowed it down to a single college and asked him to express his opinion of various aspects of it by checking off a series of boxes.  And I included a pencil, just to make it even easier.  One of those teeny tiny little pencils that some seller of magazines had sent to me, but a pencil all the same.  Alas, I never heard back.  A few years later, I found out that Harvard had a new president.  Even someone without a pencil should be able to connect those dots, eh?

     2.  Write The Great American Novel.  Careful studies have repeatedly shown that it takes the same muscles to write enduring works of literature as it does to write a grocery list but that the rewards of writing an enduring work of literature can be far greater.  Enough said.

     3.  Prove Your Connection To Royalty.  If going around saying "Princess Margaret  gave me this pencil as a sign of her love for me" doesn't convince anyone, try ordering some first rate #2's engraved with the name of the royal of your choice.  Just be sure to double-check the spelling of the name before attempting to hand the pencils out to anyone who might actually be from the home country of the particular royal you're claiming an intimate association with. 

     4.  Bait Your Termite Traps.  The wise person will take care to keep their bait pencils separate from their pocket pencils so as not to accidentally trip the potentially finger-severing spring while absentmindedly reaching for a writing utensil. 

     5.  Advance Human Knowledge.  Sure, we all know that the pen is mightier than the sword.  But what about the pencil?  Is it at least equal to the sword?  Is it at least equal to a potato peeler?  The Nobel Prize for Basic Office Supplies is awaiting whoever has the initiative it takes to find out. 

     6.  Emergency Wedding Gift.  A pencil gift is unlikely to be a duplicate gift.  A pencil gift is affordable.  A pencil gift is sold in far more places than silver or china.  A pencil gift will make the task of writing those thank you notes just a little bit easier for the bride and groom.  And with any luck at all, a pencil gift will keep you from getting invited to any more weddings.

     7.  Sell It For A Billion Dollars And Retire.  The secret is to rename it pencil.com and force it to wear a Yahoo mask until after the deal is sealed and you're safely out of the country.

     8.  Send It To Harvard Again.  Chances are that your pencil will enjoy visiting its alma mater and being hit up for money even more than you do. 

     9.  Use It As Your Very Own Anti-Missile Defense System.  Either watch the sky yourself or hire someone to watch it for you.  At the first sign of missile attack, take the pencil from your reinforced pocket protector and fling it at the incoming missile with all your might.  It's guaranteed to work just as well as anything the Pentagon has been able to come up with, and it'll cost you just a fraction of the billions of dollars the Pentagon has spent in this area in the last 20 years.

    10.  Win A Free Vacation To An Exotic Locale!  Just take any common pencil, find a piece of paper, scribble a request for the CIA to stop monitoring your brainwaves via the Pokémon next door, then mail your entry to the health care professional of  your choice.  Chances of winning are almost 1:1 provided you remember to include your name, address, and a short note explaining how desperately you've been trying to expel the voices in your head for non-payment of rent. 

     There!  Now I can just sit quietly in my room the rest of the day, worry-free. 
     Well, until they come and reward me with my free vacation, anyway....