I am the master of my fate, I am the captain of my soul. Without me, my rifle is useless, without my rifle, I am useless. My rifle and myself are defenders of my country, we are the masters of our enemy, we are the saviors of my life, so be it, until there is no enemy, but Peace.

Here we go:

I, William Thomas Michael Theisen the first, was born at a very young age on April 30, 1980 at 5:31 in the morning. I was quite the little bitch child. I was cesarianed after putting my mother through 36 hours of labor. The doctor's found the umbilical cord wrapped around my neck not once but twice.

My earliest memory is of driving aroung my house on a tricycle, and getting very bored with it, so I decided to see what it would be like to bike down the basement stairs, I don't remember anything after the third stair.

After William Kinevil recovered, he did it again, The basement stairs were my Caesar's Fountain.

Kindergarten: I was the only kid the whole year to get his name written on the board. Yes I remember it vividly. Then there was Chad, I don't remember if he actually did eat paste, which would explain many things, but he did attempt to cut off his pinky finger with a pair of scissors.

First Grade: Chad broke my glasses. Our teacher got pissed cuz we blew off a sub one day and turned into some vampire slut or something and wouldn't answer to Mrs. Jackson. That year I invented the "WOW Board" by being so nice and sweet in class (little did she know) I got to write WOW on the board and put my name under it. Then later in the year I also invented the Anti-Wow Board.

Second Grade: Chad broke my glasses (do we see a pattern?). I had Mrs. Maschari, she is the bomb diggity, she was polemically sent (what does polemically mean?) Um nothing spectacular happened that year except for the principal congregating the entire school in the gym and bitching us all out, and I don't know what for, but he said "Little boys and girls...." alot

Third Grade: Hmm? no chad in my class! Also I had Miss Hermes, THEE finest teacher known to man. She started me with my stamp collection, I wonder how many of us still have them? We did a cool thing with the calendar by which we would color a little piece of construction paper and she would number them on a bulletin board and that would be the calendar.

Fourth Grade: This year I had my favorite 28 year old teacher, Mrs. Bailey. Our room number was 28 as I remember. Coincedence? I learned an immence amount of information that year, and I guess she thought I was the shit cuz she got me put in the Glenwright academy. About the nicest thing about that was I didn't have to put up with as many dickheads in the general population. For the other half of the year I had Mrs. Sheufler(sp?) she was okay, she definitely tried her best to be an awsome teacher, I think she just didn't have that aura, like a pitcher who's in the bullpen now cuz he can't start anymore.

Now we move onto the rest of grade school, I had some of the best teachers anyone can ask for. In Forth grade I was transfered, midyear, to the Glenwright Academy. Because supposedly I was a smart kid, well that was fun and it lasted till 6th grade. My class went to Dearborn MI, Yellostone, and Canada.

Some current things:

On September 7, 1997, at the chapel on the island at Camp Firelands, near Wakeman Ohio, I recieved my Eagle Scout Badge. It was the culmination of 10 years of work. From my first days in Den 5 in Pack 7 clear up to the Green Bar Patrol of Troop 7.

Along the way I've met some interesting and supportive people, I've also met some negative people. There's:

Mr. Wahl my scoutmaster, thanks Ricky
Mr. G, one of the best scouters alive today, perhaps ever.
Mr. Phillips, my Eagle counselor and inspiration. He wears the rank with pride and honor.
Mr. Petrick, even though I drove him away from sitting on a board for me, he was still one of the best.
Mrs. Andres, my committee chairman and a counselor for my first religious Award, Ad Altare Dei (the Alter of God), she filled me with desire for Pope Pious XII.


I am currently working for the Independent Collegian, the student Newspaper at the University of Toledo. I started out as a copy editor, a person who reads stories for content, grammar, and style, and also reads proofs of the pages before they go to print.
I am now a columnist, I get to write once a week on pretty much anything, I can say almost anything, I can even call people the Anti-Christ without any back up.
In the Spring Semester of 2001 I will become the Copy Desk Chief, the person responsible for reading all stories before they are even imported on the pages. I will be picking the story out of the story submitted and rewrite the thing if need be.

Things I like:


Led Zeppelin (Rock Gods, the only ones).
Blind Faith
Pink Floyd
Moody Blues
Bruce Springsting
Ozzy Osbourne
Old men chanting. I don't know who they are, but they kicks ass
Alanis Morisette (sue me for my spelling, I dare ya)
Lynyrd Skynyrd


The Phantom Menace
Eyes Wide Shut
Full Metal Jacket
A Clockwork Orange (Orange Mechanique, in French)
2001 A Space thingy
The Star Wars Trilogy
Star Trek Movies
The Right Stuff
Armitage (Anime)
Evangelion Series (Anime)
Army of Darkness (Evil Dead III)
Starship Troopers
Rounders (about poker player Matt Damon)
Austin Powers

Free Time

Boy Scouts
School Newspaper
Magic: the Gathering