Revelations! (a.k.a, What I've Learned.)
I have decided that I hate learning lessons the hard way. Nevertheless, that's what I do, but at least I try to learn. Maybe in reading below, my mistakes/ lessons will help you. If not, I really don't care. You're the one that came here.
- the newest lessons will be at the bottom, so check back often. -
1). People inherently do not like to think outside of their own problems.
As a result, they often cannot bring themselves to relate to something someone else wants to share with them. Even if they could, generally they don't like to think about it for too long.
This goes along with the last one, but is different:
2). People can deal with problems, as long as they are someone else's.
No one wants to accept responsibility for something they've done wrong. You can't live your life refusing to own up to your faults. Because, if you do, some day they will come back and destroy you.
3). People aren't ALL close-minded. Just most of them.
You would think that living in America, which has historically been known as a *melting pot of diversity*, people here would be accepting. They aren't, of course, but I had never seen how large of a scale that was until I went to Germany. Even given the fact that I was in Berlin, which is a very large city, (which will in turn include lots of different people), I saw a very marked difference in mentalities.
One of the largest examples of this was shown through the mobility-impared population. And moreover, how the others viewed them.
I have used forearm crutches since first grade, and have never seen them around very much. An exception to this would obviously be in places I've went where the disabled were meeting, such as a disabled sports event. Even there, though, I noticed a lack of those with crutches - with a large majority going to those paralyzed and in wheelchairs. (I also use a wheelchair at times). But I'm straying from my point a bit here.
- Anyway, I'd say in Berlin, about 1 in 10 people used the same crutches I have. It was absolutely amazing. I couldn't even figure out why most of them needed crutches. Since I was included into this surprisingly large population of Berliners while I was there, I in turn, recieved the same treatment. If I would get on a bus or other means of public transportation here in America, and needed to sit down, I couldn't ask someone for a place to sit. But while in Berlin, the moment I stepped on to any such vehicle, there were at least 3 different people offering me their seat. I was so amazed by this display of acceptance that I didn't really know what to say. Plus, all stations were marked according to whether or not they were accessible. In America, I often discover these things by trial and error. I could go on, but this one is already quite lengthy.
4). Not everyone cares to blend in.
This is something I've known for myself my entire life, but felt I was in the minority for feeling that way. What I'm about to say on this also strays back to Germany, but I really gained a lot of insight while I was there.
An example of this is in clothing. In America, people take whatever is "in" as far as style goes, and accept that as being what they *should* wear. They like to make sure they look like everyone else so they don't feel *alienated* for being *different*. In Germany, there are obviously some established styles, and obviously those who follow them. However, there are far larger groups of people who do not care in the slightest what someone else is wearing. And, they certainly don't feel a need to be like anyone else. People there expressed themselves freely, without fear of what anyone else thought, and clothing was only a small indication of that.
Wow...all this diversity for a country that, not too long ago, was ruled by the Nazis. Now compare that to a country that always stressed that *everyone was welcome*. You can almost taste the irony, can't you?
5). You often don't know who your true friends are until you're away from them.
I'm sure I'm not the first person who has realized this, but hey, better late than never.
While in Germany, (hey, I see you rolling your eyes...cut it out!) I didn't have any contact with my friends, other than an email I sent some of them. This didn't bother me though. What bothered me a little, was the lack of those I thought of. But as time went on, I began to think of my relationships with them. And I realized that, in many cases, they actually weren't as good of friends as I'd previously thought, and that they didn't all have as much impact on my life as I'd thought. Part of this came to my attention when I came back home, and saw that, even though I hadn't seen or heard from any of them for 27 days, and staying in Germany for 10 days longer without them knowing - only about 5 actually cared. And it was then that my real friends began to come into focus, and I weeded out the rest, knowing they were now only shadows of what used to be frienships. Knowing now that only a fraction of people I considered to be good friends actually are doesn't bother me. I'm grateful for the knowledge.
6). There are such things as "irreconcilable differences".
Some of my friends this year have started a downward spiral in terms of their behaviors. And where I used to feel that I would be friends with them "no matter what", I've come to find that some behaviors are just too destructive and can
cause too big of a conflict of interest to make a friendship worth continuing. Especailly if you've already helped pull the same friends out of these negative situations before, and they chose to return to them.
It isn't worth letting yourself be damaged for what they don't want to see.
7). Sometimes the best thing you can do for someone is to leave them alone.
This one obviously requires some explaining so it doesn't get misinterpreted, so...Let's use this example:
For a while, a friend and I weren't speaking, which lasted about 2 months. I was devastated, because I didn't know what I had done wrong. I wanted to take things into my own hands many times, even though I wasn't always sure what the problem was. But I soon learned that I couldn't force my friend to start talking to me again if they didn't want to, no matter how much I wanted them to.
And I found that there comes a time that you have to let people see what certain relationships mean to them, regardless of what your view of it is. It was so difficult for me to just let the problem work itself out, but I knew it was my only option, save from making everything worse.
So I just let my friend have some time to themself to sort things out. I was surprised (and incredibly relieved) when my friend started talking to me again on their own. It made me realize that even when you have problems of your own, it's better sometimes to stay out of them. I feel now that things are starting to get on the right track again, and hopefully our friendship will be stronger now.
8). It is possible to over emphasize your point.
This is a hard learned lesson. Sometimes I tend to involve myself so completely in my beliefs and my feelings that I automatically drag everyone else into them with me. And sometimes, I explain myself so much that I end up making other people feel stupid. Instead of just exercising my thoughts and opinions, I often do so to the point that I get very detailed. I continue on even though I could have clarified myself just fine in half the words and time. It tends to make people feel like I say so much because I think they won't understand me. Which is most definitely not the case. I can't stand to make someone feel stupid unnecessarily, and so I apolgize to you if I ever have. You have to just excuse the fact that sometimes I just don't know when to stop, and I get a bit excessive...Like now...
9). Don't see people for more than who/what they are.
I have had a bad habit in the past of looking at some people as if they were...more than human I guess you could say. Not everyone of course, but more than I should have. In my mind I would make them seem so amazing and wonderful that I didn't realize I was letting my opinion of them cloud the type of person they really were. There were even times that I thought so highly of a person that I would be too blind to see that they were actually hurting me - and that they had been for quite a while, without me noticing. So please, if you find yourself amazed beyond belief at someone, make sure you can see the whole picture, and not just what is so amazing about them.
10). Things that are important to me don't mean squat to anyone else.
I know this is true, and I absolutely don't care. I just wish people didn't make fun of me about what is important to me, because I sure am not bothered by what's important to them. Everyone needs things in life that make them happy. Who has the right to say what those things are worth?
11). People try to pass off their opinions as facts.
This is one of the ultimate craploads. Most of the time when I get into a dispute with someone, I am only doing so to get their opinion. I'm not trying to prove that I'm right or they're wrong. I just want to see what they're seeing in order to understand where they're coming from. I don't see anything wrong with that. Some people can't let it go, though. They'll take an objective comment that I make, an turn it into a self-inflicted criticism. Then they'll use their opinions as FACTS to try and tick me off. Well, let me tell ya, they do a good job of it! If opinions were facts, none of us would be here, anyway. All I have to say is this. Listen to what I'm actually saying - not what you think I should be saying, given my opinion.
12). Old men are the most conservative, stubborn, war-obsessed people in the world.
I have a lot to say about this, but I think that (a) - it sort of speaks for itself and (b) - whatever I would say about this would probably sound biased and very rude, and that would make me no better off than the subjects. Therefore, I'm not going to type what I'm thinking. I'll just point out that they are much better off not debating something politics and or government with me. That's enough. =o)
13). There is a huge difference between "maturing" and "growing up".
Growing up is moving through the different stages of life. Maturing is what you do at each of those stages.
14). Sometimes I don't argue with people because I think they're wrong.
Sometimes I argue with them because I know they're right and I just don't want to admit it.
15). Don't listen to too many people.
The more people you listen to, the more you discover they don't know what they're talking about.
16). Don't be overly critical of yourself
I've found there are more than enough other people willing to be overly critical of me.
17). If someone is nice to you out of the blue, find out why.
Generally it's not out of the "kindness of their heart."
Most people have ulterior motives, most of the time. That's just the way it works.
18). Feel free to disagree.
Just make sure you can defend your opinions/ beliefs from all angles, first.
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