Writings
To hell with it all, the getting up on time, writing papers, justifying my opinion with "informed" opinions. This isn't learning this is programming. These schools put all this information into you and if you spit it out unaltered you get a degree and a good paying job. If you have your own "uninformed" opinions then you are a scourge. They do not want class discussion. They do not want people to actually exercise their brains in learning, just memorization and recall. That is all these schools of "higher" learning are! A waste of time and money if you are looking to really attain some sort of enlightenment.
American BS
So here's the deal. There is no deal. It's all random chaos. We're all just bouncing around like lottery balls in some in fitted space age polymer enclosed tank. The good guys lost a long time ago. The bad guys are the one's in charge. Wanna piece of their action, good luck! They'll have you on your knees so fast you won't know your rectum from a whole in the ground. You think you have freedom? What kind of "free" country, founded on the tenants of freedom of religion and freedom of speech outlands a particular type or marriage? What kind of free country outlaws speech from internet sites? We're not free, we're deceived. If you want to be successful in this world you better put your blinders on, not repeat anything you happen to hear, and lube it up, cause the state is going to treat you like a first time hooker selling his body for a fix. There will be no reprieve from the sadomasochistic nature of the perverted deeds the people in power are going to make you perform. Speak of dignity, character, and integrity? You have to be kidding. Any intern can tell you there is no such thing as business ethics. You are just a worker making your lord very wealthy. The wealthier you make your lord the more power your lord has over you, so quit work. Just walk out. Working class pride is ignorance. Pride in one's work was a noble idea when one made a fair wage for a fair day's work, those days are gone. If you have to work produce an inferior product for your owners. Drive your company into the ground. By the time they catch on and fire you, there'll always be another sucker corporation to drive into the ground. Kill capitalism one mega conglomerate multinational corporation at a time. Oh yeah, and do it for the American version of Jesus, while your at it. You'll be made a saint by Pat Robertson and Rod Parsley.
Father's woe
Little children watch, oh, watch the corridors you will walk down. Oh the unfortunate places you'll go! Evil lurks around every corner. Evil is everywhere you want to go and everywhere you have been. It's everywhere! There is no good that is not tempered with bad. There is always bad without the benefit of having a little good to comfort. Negative thoughts attack constantly. Negative deeds by negative people will always encompass your camp. "Why daddy?", you ask. Because people and life itself is a motherfucker son. All you can do sometimes is pick the lesser of two evil paths. You collect as much data as you can and choose. Sometimes you'll have a little less negativity and other times you'll get your ass kicked for choosing wrong. But in the end, you'll have a place at our families’ table in the afterlife. A table where love abounds. There is an unlimited supply of good food and drink. Just persevere through all the bullshit in this life and we'll really live in the next.
Meantime
Time corrodes
it doesn't just pass away
and it's not your friend
You’re its victim
Yeah- you
There's nothing you can do to escape
Just face the facts
You were born to lose
Everyone wants to talk about survival
That's great!
But so misguided
Name one person who has survived
Just survived 200 hundred years
Some giant sea turtles maybe
but that's it
What is 200 years in comparison to the universe?
Nothing
We can't even conquer that barrier
We are born to die
Time is just there to drive you insane
a false guidepost for maturity
Accept the fact that you are living on borrowed time
Accept your own mortality
Your own death
No, don't literally kill yourself
Die today to time
The timelines
What you should be at 18, 21, 25, 30, 35, 40, 50, 60
Time still wins in the end
but the road is smoother
Once you die
Then you can live
Not one second before
So die now
The second hand is ticking
Auctung Animals!
The night like the roar of a wild animal
so strong
so beautiful
so frightening
Come closer
give me your innocence
I'll give you hours of joy
in exchange for years of regret
Take this pill
Dance that dance
wake up in the morning
to find a new romance
Life can be an overwhelming haze
an invisible over powering force
loud enough to knock you down
Like the roar of a wild animal
I bid you to come
you want me
you need me
what else are you going to do?
Look at all the beautiful people I hang with
they love me
I can get you in with them
what do you want?
money?
power?
sex?
respect?
I have it all
You can too!
WAKE UP
It's just an illusion you sorry sap
can't you see through it?
false promises based on fear
just like a wild animal's roar
all sound but no action
just a warning shot over your bow
your reaction dictates its reaction
you want to live free?
then live smart
you're just being strung along
Nothing comes easy
and if anything did
it would not be worth having.
There are thing worth having
things no one can take away
Like self respect
Dignity
Character
A relationship with one's own self
When you curl up in your bed-
be it an old dirty brown grocery bag or
or a four post brass bed with a canopy
what do you think of?
You know what I am talking about
that time just before you can get to sleep at night
when your conscience comes alive like a phoenix from the ashes
at first you could try to dismiss it
but you know that voice is the soundest bit of reason you've ever heard
What does THAT voice say to you?
Does it say to wake up?
Does it say to drop out?
Does it say to do what you think is right?
or do what you know is right
Sure you can chalk up your "mistakes" to youthful indiscretion
"finding" yourself
oh, that's original!!!
it seems to me you were "losing" yourself
you were running as fast as you could from yourself
but even given all these "sound reasons"
you know the truth
Just like a person standing in a zoo listening to a wild animal's roar
You would never had entered danger
if you had not purposely, with much vigor, climbed that fence
and presented yourself like a virgin bride in front of her over eager groom
you know the truth<
you got exactly what was expected
and you got exactly what you deserved.
I'm at the end
Sometimes I feel like fucking Christian Slater's character in pump up the volume... so isolated... so fucking different- the loneliness screams from deep inside me and demands that I give my full attention and my talents to it- I'm a slave to the ever present emotional storm taking place inside of me- the real ruler of this ship, this soul isn't the ugly man writing these words- the real leader is a combination of all of my dysfunction- all those harsh words- all those ads in the media bludgeoning me over the head- yelling in my ears to be just like everyone else- but everyone else is fucked....just like me- but they at least get the comfort provided with giving in to the herd mentality... I'm left to build myself- to fall down- no one is here to catch me when I stumble- the only encouragement the outside people seem to get is to shut up, commit suicide, or face beatings and jail time- this whole blaming school massacre’s on Goth music- well Robert smith was belting out Goth songs before the little bastards who committed the shootings were a wet dream fantasy in their absentee parents lust filled minds... and where was Jesus in all the blame? If he was a god, he certainly should have protected his children in Paduca, Kentucky when they were shot during a prayer meeting- well kiddies let me let you in on a little secret- Jesus, Satan, Zeus, mars, and the future as explained by politicians all have one thing in common- they are myths... grow up! there is no Santa Claus or virgin birth- governments want order so they give you a law for everyone to follow- and they hand you a bible as extra laws to follow- fuck the bible and its rigid laws of conformity- and fuck you for buying into the law and voting for people to continue our Christian domination...
Tales of the Single scene from a poor sport
The single scene is such bullshit- I meet these women who collect data from the Jon Benet Ramsey case, or collect serial murderer cards, or weigh 1,500 pounds, or wear make up like Me-Me on the Drew Carey show, or they have a chemical dependency problem, or sleep with every guy they see but "If I decide to ever settle down, you'd be the one"- fucking cunts... You wanna know what the most pathetic part is? I can't seem to live for over a few years with out contracting another girlfriend- my basest of desires get to me... I am the embodiment of futility and all that is wrong with the world today- I have no discipline, and generally nothing at all that I am passionate about... I'm apathetic...a loser...forward my mail to the local bar- I'll be leaving Las Vegas soon, "I'm gonna keep drinkin' till I can't even think...Cause in the last week I ain't slept a wink" an American prophet from 60 years ago sang- well the fulfillment of those words has come- here I am- for you math geeks it's a simple equation: take a dysfunctional man add a propensity to write and mix in a few failed relationships, to top it off add a pallet designed for alcohol consumption the ultimate answer and the sum of all these parts is a broken down lonely, half literate, electronic writing hack, drinking himself into an early grave... enjoy my walk down the road that leads to hell... I'll be sure to write about it on this or another site coming your way soon... the dysfunctional drunk...bunky
Email: tluffman@calltech.com
