[Spying on Mary.]
Pat Healy: "Husband... negative. Mafia connection... negative. Tight little package... affirmative."
[After Mary asks Ted to the prom.]
Ted narrating: "From that point on, the guys looked at me in a completely different light."
Ted's friend: "You're a fucking liar!"
Mary's step-father: "Boy, don't make me open up a can of whoop-ass!"
[Pretending to like retarded kids.]
Pat Healy: "I love those goofy bastards."
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