Chainsaw: "You passed and I failed! You asshole! How could you do that to me?"
Dave: "It was an accident. I'll take it again. I can fail, I know I can."
Chainsaw: "We just got lapped by an old lady in a walker."
[About sobriety.]
Chainsaw: "Reality is so unreal."
Dave: "But it is a nice change."
Chainsaw: "True. Two thumbs up."
Dave: "This menstruation thing? It's a scam! Women are so lucky."
Chainsaw: "Can I call my mom and tell her I won't be home... ever?"
Mr. Gills: "Would someone tell me what Mr. Shoop had planned for today?"
Chainsaw: "Group sex. No, that's tomorrow. Today is independent study. Right after our mid-morning nap."
Shoop: "Please take your seats."
Chainsaw and Dave: "Where should we take 'em?"
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