Oscar Madison: "Don't point that finger at me unless you intend to use it."
Oscar Madison: "I'm in for a quarter."
Murray: "Aren't you going to look at your cards first?"
Oscar Madison: "What for? I'm gonna bluff anyway."
Oscar Madison: "Life goes on, even for those of us who are divorced, broke, and sloppy."
Felix Ungar: "I'm a neurotic nut, but you're crazy!"
Oscar Madison: "I can't take it anymore, Felix, I'm cracking up. Everything you do irritates me. And when you're not here, the things I know you're gonna do when you come in irritate me. You leave me little notes on my pillow. Told you 158 times I can't stand little notes on my pillow. "We're all out of cornflakes. F.U." Took me three hours to figure out F.U. was Felix Ungar!"
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