Not Another Teen Movie

Malik: Sure, why not? I am the token black guy. I'm just supposed to smile and stay out of the conversation and say things like: "Damn," "Shit," and "That is whack." Jake: No, not Janey Briggs! She's got glasses! And a ponytail! And she's wearing paint-covered overalls! Ugh! Girl at Party: Dude, you can't start a slow clap at any time and expect everyone to join in. Catherine: I want to sleep with you. Jake: You're my sister! Catherine: Only by blood. Jake: What's with this family? Priscilla: You put the "suck" in "liposuction" You put the "ooo" in "jiu-jitsu" You put the "ism" in "This is all just a defense mechanism". Mr. Briggs: [to Janey] Good night, Pumpkin Tits. cheerleader: You better bring it. Priscilla: Oh, it's already been brought. [White cheerleaders] Cheerleaders: We're black, we know it! We shake our big booties and we show it! We ain't white! We ain't white! We definitely ain't white! Break it down niggers! Mr. Briggs: Sorry I won't be able to pick you up after school. I'll be too drunk. Janey: It's all right, dad. We don't want you to drink and drive. Mr. Briggs: Oh no, I'll be driving. I'll just be too wasted to remember. Amanda: Do you think I sleep with every guy who writes me a letter? No! I give them hand jobs. Priscilla: I need t-to-the-fourth-power-y Jake: What? Priscilla: Time to talk to you. Reggie Ray: Coach says it's okay to bleed from the ears. Richard Vernon: Don't mess with the bull, young man. You'll get the horns. Janey: I knew it. That's a line from "She's All That". I masturbate to that movie. Jake: [To nosy Flight Attendant right behind them] Do you mind? Airline Clerk: Not at all, I think masturbation is very healthy. [practicing for cheerleading] Sandy Sue: Give me an 'H'! Give me a 'U'! Give me a -- giant pussy-licking, ass-fucker cock shit! [the other cheerleaders are disturbed] Sandy Sue: I'm sorry. That was my Tourette's. Priscilla: This is not a cheer-ocracy, I am the cheer-tator, I will make the cheer-isions around here, and I will deal with the cheer-onsequences! Teen at prom: Who would've guessed that everyone in school was a professional dancer? Austin: All I said was: "I'm pretending to whisper a big secret in your ear so that Jake here thinks I'm telling you a secret, which will cause him to break into a hysterical confession where he actually reveals a big secret. Thus confirming everything I just whispered in your ear." Catherine: Not scoring any cock, either? Sadie: Cock? I've never even been kissed Mitch: No longer will our penises be flaccid and unused! Bruce: No longer we steal grandfather's porn! Ox: No longer we will wear blindfolds while jerking each other off!!!!!! Bruce: Mitch, girl go pee-pee not something I want to see-see. Ox: I agree-gree. Catherine: [During song] So what if we have the same mother. Tonight I'm gonna Fuck my Brother. Janey: [talking about her dead mom] I remember it like it was yesterday, Christmas 1989, Dad had just gotten fired from the Zippo factory, Mom was still pulling in tricks to make ends meet, Daniel Day Lewis won an Oscar for "My Left Foot", and all I wanted was one of those little Betsy Wetsy dolls. Jake: I remember those. Push her belly and she'd piss all over herself. Janey: She said she was going out to get my Dad a bottle of gin, but, I knew she was going to get me that present. It was raining really hard that night, the roads were... slippery. Jake: Janey... a car accident. Janey: No. Cancer. Austin: My Freshmen year I threw 176 touchdown passes. My sophomore year I ran in 14 myself.. with a sprained ankle, a broken phalange, a ruptured duodenum, and a sub dermal hematoma. Janey: Jake, you haven't talked to me in, like, four years! Jake: No, six. See, that time when we were in line at that movie theater, I was actually saying "hey" to the person right behind you. Sandy Sue: Gimme a W! Gimme a Y! Gimme a...LICK MY PUSSY ASS COCK SHIT! [pause] Crowd: Lick my pussy ass cock shit! Catherine: Can I ask you a question? Why is it then whenever I tell a guy to put it wherever they want, they always stick it in my ass? Jake: Please that's way too much information! Catherine: Oh no Jake. Way too much information would be telling you that whenever they're done I always have to take a huge dump. [During song] Mitch: Getting pussy, no matter what! Bruce: Even if it with dirty slut! Ox: True love is what I want the most. Waiter: I just jerked off in your French toast! [During song] Malik: I'm only in this song because I'm the black guy! Malik: What are you doing here? Other black guy at party: What do you mean? Malik: I am supposed to be the only black guy at this party. Other black guy at party: Oh, damn! Shit! Malik: I know, I know. Other black guy at party: It's whack! Janey: You never noticed my glasses and my ponytail. Jake: And don't forget the paint-covered overalls. Janey: Right... you never noticed those either. Mitch: God, we're pathetic! How are we ever going to get laid before graduation!?! Ox: Mitch, we're freshman. Mr. Cornish: And now the moment every popular guy who`s made a bet to turn a rebellious girl into prom queen has been waiting for. Albino Folk Singer: [Singing] I have no pigment! Areola: I need no class schedule. I am only object of lust for poor nerds who can't get any real American pussy! Jake: Where's Janey? Austin: Little Ms. Run Home to my Daddy, Ran home to her daddy. Ricky: Here's Ricky! Janey: Hey, Ricky. What did you do this weekend? Ricky: Well, on Friday I stood outside your house in the pouring rain, screaming your name for hours. [During song] Areola: Look at me, my breasts are perky, yes? Malik: Sure, Why Not?, After All I am Jus the token black guy. I'm jus supposed to smile and stay out of the conversation and say thing like: "Damn," "shit," and "that's whack." Janey: I read Sylvia Plath, I listen to Bikini Kill and I eat Tofu. I am a unique individual! Mitch: It sounds to me like you're a lesbo. Jake: She's right...maybe you should get on that plane to Paris. Cause if you stay, we really only have the summer, then I go to college and we'll talk on the phone and spend the occasional weekend together which is nice. But chances are one night I'm gonna get wrecked and have unprotected sex with some girl in my dorm. You'll find her thong and call me a slut...I'll call you a cock-tease and we'll break up. So when you really think about it, what's the point? Flight attendant: We all know where this is going... fucking teenagers! ~ Home ~ Movies ~ Songs ~ Anonymous ~ Women ~ ~ Friendship ~ Life and Success ~ Poems ~ Shakespeare ~ Star Trek ~