Men In Black

Men In Black

Zed: "We're not hosting an intergalactic kegger down here."

K: "All right, Beatrice, there was no alien. The flash of light you saw in the sky was not a UFO. Swamp gas from a weather balloon was trapped in a thermal pocket and reflected the light from Venus."
J: "Wait a minute. You just flash that thing, it erases her memory, and you just make up a new one?"
K: "A standard issue neuralyzer."
J: "And that weak-ass story's the best you can come up with?"

(To candidates rejected as MIB agents)
Zed: "Gentlemen, congratulations. You're everything we've come to expect from years of government training."

Zed: "You'll dress only in attire specially sanctioned by MiB special services. You'll conform to the identity we give you, eat where we tell you, live where we tell you. From now on you'll have no identifying marks of any kind. You'll not stand out in any way. Your entire image is crafted to leave no lasting memory with anyone you encounter. You're a rumor, recognizable only as deja vu and dismissed just as quickly. You don't exist; you were never even born. Anonymity is your name. Silence your native tongue. You're no longer part of the System. You're above the System. Over it. Beyond it. We're "them." We're "they." We are the Men in Black."

J: "Why the big secret? People are smart, they can handle it."
K: "A *person* is smart. People are dumb, panicky, dangerous animals and you know it."

J: "Zed, don't you guys ever get any sleep around here?"
Zed: "The twins keep us on Centaurian time, standard thirty-seven hour day. Give it a few months. You'll get used to it, or you'll have a psychotic episode."

K: "Arquillian battle rules: first we get an ultimatum, then a warning shot, then a galactic standard week to respond."
J: "A galactic standard week? How long is that?"
K: "One hour."

Agent J: "Did you ever flashy thing me?"
Agent K: "No."
Agent J: "I ain't playing, K. Did you ever flashy thing me?"
Agent K: "No."

Dr. Weaver: "I hate the living."

J: "You know the difference between you and me? I make this look good."

Agent K: "1500 years ago, everybody "knew" that the earth was the center of the universe. 500 years ago, everybody "knew" that the earth was flat. And 15 minutes ago, you "knew" that humans were alone on this planet. Imagine what you'll "know" tomorrow."

(J has just jumped from a bridge onto a tour bus)
J: "It just be raining black men in New York!"

J: "This has GOT to be a nine-point-oh on my weird-shit-o-meter."

James Edwards: "NYPD means I will Nock Yo Punkass Down!"

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