MASH

[A gun goes off at the football game.] Hot Lips Houlihan: Oh my God! They've shot him! Henry Blake: Hot Lips, you incredible nincompoop! It's the end of the quarter! Maj. Houlihan: I wonder how such a degenerated person ever reached a position of authority in the Army Medical Corps! Father Mulcahy: He was drafted. Col. Blake: Hawkeye Pierce? I got a twix from headquarters about you...says you stole a jeep. Hawkeye Pierce: No sir, no, I didn't steal it. No, it's right outside. [Trapper is guest of honor at a party celebrating his appointment as Chief Surgeon.] Trapper John: ...No! No booze! Sex! I want sex! [notices Hot-Lips across the mess tent] That one! The sultry bitch with the fire in her eyes! Bring her to me! Take her clothes off and bring her to me! [Frank Burns has just been sent away in a straitjacket after attacking Hawkeye.] Duke: Colonel, fair's fair...if I punch Hawkeye and nail Hot-Lips, can I go home too? Hot-Lips Houlihan: This isn't a hospital! It's an insane asylum! And it's your fault! Gen. Hamilton: Henry, I have some reports here from your Major Houlihan that I frankly find hard to believe. Henry Blake: Well, don't believe them then, General. Good-bye. [hangs up] [Hawkeye and Duke drive away, having received their traveling orders] Col. Blake: Did Hawkeye steal that jeep? Radar: No sir, that's the one he came in. Lieutenant Colonel Henry Braymore Blake: Ever since the dark days before Pearl Harbor, I have been proud to wear this uniform. Captain Walter Kosciusko "Painless Pole" Waldowski, D.D.S.: I wasn't gonna fool around out here because I got these three girls I'm engaged to back home. ~ Home ~ Movies ~ Songs ~ Anonymous ~ Women ~ ~ Friendship ~ Life and Success ~ Poems ~ Shakespeare ~ Star Trek ~