FERRIS BUELLER'S DAY OFF

[After faking out his parents.] Ferris: Incredible! One of the worst performances of my career and they never doubted it for a second. Cameron: I am not going to sit on my ass as the events that affect me unfold to determine the course of my life. I'm going to take a stand. I'm going to defend it. Right or wrong, I'm going to defend it. Cameron: I don't know what I'm gonna do. Sloan: College. Cameron: Yeah, but to do what? Sloan: What are you interested in? Cameron: Nothing! Sloan: Me neither! Cameron: [to Ferris, who's singing on the parade float] YOU'RE CRAZY! Sloan: What do you think Ferris is gonna do? Cameron: He's gonna be a fry cook on Venus! Ferris: Hey, Cameron. You realize if we played by the rules right now we'd be in gym? Cameron: What'd I do? Ferris: You killed the car. [Cameron doesn't want to go out, but Ferris keeps calling.] Cameron: He'll keep calling me, he'll keep calling me until I come over. He'll make me feel guily. This is uh... This is ridiculous, ok I'll go, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go. What-- I'LL GO. Shit. Ferris: I asked for a car, I got a computer. How's that for being born under a bad sign? Cameron: Why'd you kick me? Ferris: Where's your brain? Cameron: Why'd you kick me? Ferris: Where's you brain? Cameron: I asked you first. [A baseball game is on television.] Ed Rooney: What's the score? Pizza Joint Owner: Nothin' to nothin'. Ed Rooney: [not really listening] Who's winning? Pizza Joint Owner: The Bears. Ferris Bueller: Only the meek get pinched. The bold survive. Cameron: You make me get out of bed, you make me come over here. You make me make a phony phone call to Edward Rooney? The man could squash my nuts into oblivion. And, and, and then, and then, you deliberately hurt my feelings. Ferris: If you're not over here in fifteen minutes, you can find a new best friend. Cameron: You've been saying that since the fifth grade. Jeannie: [thinking to herself] Maybe I'm overreacting. Maybe Ferris isn't such a bad guy. After all, I got a car, he got a computer. But still, why should he get to do whatever he wants, whenever he wants? Why should everything work out for him? What makes him so goddamn special? [spoken] Screw him. Economics Teacher: In 1930, the Republican-controlled House of Representatives, in an effort to alleviate the effects of the... Anyone? Anyone? ...the Great Depression, passed the... Anyone? Anyone? The tariff bill? The Hawley-Smoot Tariff Act? Which, anyone? Raised or lowered? ...raised tariffs, in an effort to collect more revenue for the federal government. Did it work? Anyone? Anyone know the effects? It did not work, and the United States sank deeper into the Great Depression. Today we have a similar debate over this. Anyone know what this is? Class? Anyone? Anyone? Anyone seen this before? The Laffer Curve. Anyone know what this says? It says that at this point on the revenue curve, you will get exactly the same amount of revenue as at this point. This is very controversial. Does anyone know what Vice President Bush called this in 1980? Anyone? Something-d-o-o economics. "Voodoo" economics. Ed Roonie: I did not achieve this position in life by having some snot-nosed punk leave my cheese out in the wind. Cameron: [singing] When Cameron was in Egypt's land..."let my Cameron go!" Cameron: Ferris Bueller, you're my hero. Ferris: Hi. Do you speak English? Ethnic Parking Garage Attendant: Uh, what country do you think this is? Sloan: The city looks so peaceful from up here. Ferris: Anything is peaceful from one thousand, three hundred and fifty-three feet. Cameron: I think I see my dad. Ferris: A) You can never go too far and B) if I'm going to get caught, it's not going to be by a guy like that. Grace: Oh, Ed. You just sounded like Dirty Harry just then. Ed Rooney: Really? Thanks, Grace. Ferris Bueller: Cameron's house is like a museum. It's very cold, and very beautiful, and you're not allowed to touch anything. Ferris: Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in awhile, you could miss it. Snooty Maitre D': You're Abe Froman? Ferris: That's right. I'm Abe Froman. Snooty Maitre D': The sausage king of Chicago? Ferris: [brief hesitation] Yeah. That's me. Ed Rooney: Between grief and nothing... I'll take grief. Sloan: Great. Economics Teacher: Bueller? Bueller? Bueller? Simone: Um, he's sick. My best friend's sister's boyfriend's brother's girlfriend heard from this guy who knows this kid who's going with the girl who saw Ferris pass out at 31 Flavors last night. I guess it's pretty serious. Economics Teacher: Thank you, Simone Simone: No problem whatsoever. Grace: Oh, he's very popular Ed. The sportos, the motorheads, geeks, sluts, bloods, waistoids, dweebies, dickheads--they all adore him. They think he's a righteous dude. Sloan: What are we going to do? Ferris: The question isn't "what are we going to do," the question is "what aren't we going to do?" Cameron: Please don't say were not going to take the car home. Please don't say were not going to take the car home. Please don't say were not going to take the car home. Ferris: If you had access to a car like this, would you take it back right away? Neither would I. Jeannie Bueller: There is an intruder - male, Caucasian, possibly armed, certainly weird - in my kitchen. Boy in Police Station: Drugs? Jeannie Bueller: Thank you, no. I'm straight. Boy in Police Station: I meant, are you in here for drugs? Jeannie Bueller: Why are you here? Boy in Police Station: Drugs. Jeannie Bueller: I don't believe this. If I was bleeding out my eyes, you guys would make me go to school. Ferris Bueller: I did have a test today. That wasn't bullshit. It's on European socialism. I mean, really, what's the point? I'm not European, I don't plan on being European, so who gives a crap if they're socialists? They could be fascist anarchists. That still wouldn't change the fact that I don't own a car. Not that I condone fascism, or any ism for that matter. Isms in my opinion are not good. A person should not believe in an ism - he should believe in himself. I quote John Lennon: "I don't believe in Beatles - I just believe in me". A good point there. Of course, he was the Walrus. I could be the Walrus - I'd still have to bum rides off of people. Ferris Bueller: The key to faking out the parents is the clammy hands. It's a good non-specific symptom. A lot of people will tell you that a phony fever is a dead lock, but if you get a nervous mother, you could land in the doctor's office. That's worse than school. What you do is, you fake a stomach cramp, and when you're bent over, moaning and wailing, you lick your palms. It's a little childish and stupid, but then, so is high school. Cameron: The 1961 Ferrari 250GT California. Less than a hundred were made. My father spent three years restoring this car. It is his love, it is his passion. Ferris: It is his fault he didn't lock the garage. Garage Attendant: You guys got nothing to worry about, I'm a professional. Cameron: A professional what? Ferris Bueller: Pardon my French, but Cameron is so tight that if you stuck a lump of coal up his ass, in two weeks you would have a diamond. Ed Rooney: Les jeux sont faits. Translation: the jig is up. Your ass is mine. Singing Nurse: I heard that you were feeling ill / Headache, fever, and a chill / I came to help restore your pluck / 'Cause I'm the nurse who likes to - Ed Rooney: I don't trust this kid any farther than I can throw him. Grace: With your bad knee Ed, you shouldn't throw anybody. Ed Rooney: What's so terrible about a kid like Ferris is he gives good kids bad ideas. Last thing I need in my career is fifteen hundred Ferris Bueller disciples running around these halls. He jeopardizes my ability to effectivley govern this student body. Grace: He makes you look like an ass is what he does, Ed. [Calling her mother's office.] Jeannie: Katie Bueller please. [pause] Do know where she went? [pause] Well, do you know when she will be back? [pause] Do you know anything? [slams down receiver] [Calling the police about an intruder.] Jeannie: I am very cute, very alone and very protective of my body. I don't want it violated or killed, alright? [pause] Speak any English? [slams down receiver] DICKHEAD! Maitre D': I weep for the future. [On the phone] Dean Edward 'Ed' R. Rooney: Are you aware, Mrs. Bueller, that Ferris does not have what we consider to be an exemplary attendace record? Katie Bueller: Uh, no. Dean Edward 'Ed' R. Rooney: He has missed an unacceptable number of school days. In the opinion of this educator, Ferris is not taking his academic growth seriously. Katie Bueller: Well, this is all news to me. Dean Edward 'Ed' R. Rooney: It usually is. So far this semester he has been absent nine times. Katie Bueller: Nine times? Dean Edward 'Ed' R. Rooney: Nine times. Katie Bueller: I don't remember him being sick nine times. Dean Edward 'Ed' R. Rooney: That's probably because he wasn't sick. He was skipping school. Wake up and smell the coffee, Mrs. Bueller. It's a fool's paradise. He is just leading you down the primrose path. Katie Bueller: I can't believe it. Dean Edward 'Ed' R. Rooney: I've got it right here in front of me. He has missed nine days -- [His computer screen begins counting down from nine to two. Ferris is at home looking at the same screen.] Ferris Bueller: I asked for a car, I got a computer. How's that for being born under a bad sign? Ferris Bueller: Cameron has never been in love -- at least, nobody's ever been in love with him. If things don't change for him, he's gonna marry the first girl he lays, and she's gonna treat him like shit, because she will have given him what he has built up in his mind as the end-all, be-all of human existence. She won't respect him, 'cause you can't respect somebody who kisses your ass. It just doesn't work. Katie Bueller: I just picked up Jeannie at the police station! She got a speeding ticket, another speeding ticket, and I lost the Vermont deal because of her! Tom Bueller: I think we should shoot her. ~ Home ~ Movies ~ Songs ~ Anonymous ~ Women ~ ~ Friendship ~ Life and Success ~ Poems ~ Shakespeare ~ Star Trek ~