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In days of old,

when knights were bold,

and toilets weren't invented,

We left our loads

beside the roads,

and people where contented.


I jumped off a tall cliff,


Hoping to grow wings before impact

But instead the wind pulled my armpit flesh back to my toes like a squirrel.

Farts are fun there is no doubt

you raise yer leg and slip one out

as others gasp in the stinking fog

you just shrug and blame the dog.

Willy poems

Curious willy

Willy with a thirst for gore,

Nailed his sister to the door.

Mother said with humor quaint,

"Now willy dear, don't scratch the paint!"

Sister Nell

In the family drinking well,

Willy pushed his sister Nell.

She is there yet, because it kilt her.

Now we have to buy a filter.

Little Willy

Willy saw some dynamite,

Couldn't understand it quite.

cuiosity seldom pays,

It rained Willy for 7 days.

Molly McBride

Molly McBride was a barmaid,

And the fairest lass in all the land.

Until one day,

in the kitchen,

she slipped on a turnip,

and fell face first right into a burning flaming can o' lard.

and she was horribly blinded,

and perminently disfigured,

and she had to live under the porch 'cuz she scared away tourists.

And she made the dogs vomit,

and the goats gave sour milk, and all the nuns drank it and DIED!

that's it.

a love poem

Fiona loved a man named Reese

And Reese, he was off on a journey of peace

And the day he returned,

She met him at dawn.

She ran to his arms,

but his arms were gone!

The IRA had put a pipe bomb in his bed,

blew off everything but his friggin' head

now he's missing a leg,

and he's got half a face,

and his parts are all scattered all over the place!

So she's out looking for


that's it.


Roses are red

Violets are blue

sometimes i drink from the toilet.