Fun things to do at department stores

1. Get a plastic bag from the produce section or a checkout lane. Inflate it and tie it off with a twist tie or a rubber band. Play volley-ball with your friends!
2. Get a bounce ball from the toy section. (If they have one. If not, try sporting goods.) Go to an aisle with things hanging on the wall, like the music area or automotive stuff, and play a relaxed game of handball and see how much merchandise you can knock off the wall.
3. Learn how the intercom system works and make announcements from unattended areas like cosmetics or pets. Make stuff up like "For the next twenty minutes, any merchandise that you can get to the checkout lane is eighty percent off!" Make it sound believable.
4. If the store just remodeled, try looking in the trash. They might have thrown some decent stuff.
5. Shoot rubber bands at the fire sprinklers.
6. Were a bare midriff. Go to the Hardware area and get a plunger. Make sure it's not to heavy. Now, stick the plunger to your belly. Now do anything else on this list in this condition.
7. Do the above, but put a condom on the end of the plunger's handle. Now hit on the employees (Especially funny if your a girl.)
8. Get as many friends to come as possible. I mean somewhere 10 people or above. Now go to the toy section and give each person a large bounce ball (You know the kind. Sometimes they have pictures of Diz-neeª characters on them or they're a solid color.) Now get in a straight line and put on your best scowl, and proceed to march down the aisles dribbling the balls in unison.
9. You got a computer (If your reading this you probabley do)? Print out a bunch of fake parental advisory labels and take them to the store. Put them on all the Bar-neeª albums and other kiddy stuff.
10. Test-drive deodorant in-store.
11. Wait until no one is watching the dressing rooms, sneak in and surprise people.
12. You smoke? You shouldn't, it's filthy, but you can make good use of it. go to the health food area and proceed with your smelly habit.
13. This isn't necessarily fun but if you like vandalising stuff, rip open a couple of magazines in poly bags. I like to read them.
14. Take all the little cards out of all the magazines and make a stack in the middle of an uncrowded aisle. As soon as someone walks into the aisle, kick it over and scream.
15. Find some of those footies they use in the shoe department and cover as much of your body with them as possible.
16. Create a copy of the store uniform (ingriedients: red shirt, green shirt, black pants, khaki pants) and do stuff like sneek into the back or find people who need help and bullshit them. Use your imagination.
17. Take condoms from the pharmacy and leave them in the cooler with the hot dogs.
18. There's much to be done in the furniture department of the store. You can sleep in the comfortable stuff like bean bag chairs and recliners, eat or play cards on the table sets, have office chair races,or get inside large cabinets (careful, you could get trapped.)
19. Do you look like a celebrity? Get dressed up as that celebrity and hang out in a department related to their field of entertainment (rock star:music, athlete:sporting goods, etc...) Try to get someone to recognize you and see how big a deal you can make of it.
20. Get a drink from the deli and fill it to the brim. Carry it through the electronics department spilling small amounts in precarious places.
21. Take a drink cup from the deli and pee in it in the bathroom. Put the cup in an unattended sample table's microwave. Put on high for 30 seconds.
22. If the Store has a fairly low ceiling and it is not drop ceiling, see if you can throw a plunger up there and make it stick.
23. Slowly move all the items from one area of the store, such as gardening or cosmetics, to a new area of the store under the guise that you are shopping. Example, move all the gardening tools into the men's bathroom.
24. Record something bizarre, violent, or inappropriate on a Yac-bacª and send it to the other side of the store in a transfer tube.
25. Take a magic marker and mark down (or mark up) the prices on the signs over merchandise.
26. Go to the bulk area of the store and fill a bag with a single piece of each candy. If anybody bugs you, say they're samples.
27. Poster tube sword fights.
28. Get a poster in a plastic tube and stick it between your legs and feign masturbation. Your choice of setting.
29. Search under cars in the parking lot. You'll eventually find something.
30. Superglue stuff to shelves.
31. More vandalism: use yellow highliter on the toilet seat displays.
32. Get a stool and sit and watch the poster rack. If someone comes by and flips the posters just stare at the posters and say "thanks" only loud enough to be heard.
33. In some stores theres an occasional display with stobes and black lights and their ilk. If possible, bring the lights to the floor and make a circle around yourself while you meditate.

If you have any new ideas for the list, send them to adopehat@aol.com
You are allowed to distribute this list to as many people as you like as long as it stays unaltered.