*
"I am here with thee and thy goats, as the most
capricious poet, honest Ovid, was among the Goths." - As You Like It
*
"When I said I would die a bachelor, I did not think I should live till I
were married."
- Much Ado About Nothing
*
"No: as a walled town is more
worthier than a village, so is the forehead of a
married man more honourable than the bare brow of a
bachelor; and by how much defence is better than no
skill, by so much is a horn more precious than to
want." - As You Like It
*
"FOR THEN SHE COULD STAND HIGH-LONE; NAY, BY THE ROOD,
SHE COULD HAVE RUN AND WADDLED ALL ABOUT;
FOR EVEN THE DAY BEFORE, SHE BROKE HER BROW:
AND THEN MY HUSBAND - GOD BE WITH HIS SOUL!
A' WAS A MERRY MAN - TOOK UP THE CHILD:
'YEAH', QUOTH HE, 'DOST THOU FALL UPON THY FACE?
THOU WILT FALL BACKWARD WHEN THOU HAST MORE WIT;
WILT THOU NOT, JULE?' AND, BY MY HOLIDAME,
THE PRETTY WRETCH LEFT CRYING, AND SAID 'AY'....
YES, MADAM: I CANNOT CHOOSE BUT LAUGH
TO THINK IT SHOULD LEAVE CRYING, AND SAY 'AY':
'YEA', QUOTH MY HUSBAND, 'FALL'ST UPON THEY FACE?
THOU WILT FALL BACKWARD WHEN THOU COMEST TO AGE;
WILT THOU NOT, JULE?' IT STINTED, AND SAID 'AY.' " - Romeo&Juliet
*
The Tragedy of ICP - to leave or not to leave (aka bastardized Shakespeare)
A Play in One Act:
(stage directions) Act 1 begins with Dave (not his real name) & Queen Anne discussing
the fate of one Rob Zanderman, who left the Commercial to
go to a better place (i.e. another job, aka heaven).
Dave: "He is in heaven now, where thou shalt never come."
Anne: "Let him thank me, that help to send him thither;
Dave: "And thou unfit for any place but hell."
Anne: "yes, one more place, if you will hear me name it"
Dave: "Some dungeon."
Anne: "Your bed-chamber."
Dave: "Wouldst that I could stomach you-"
Anne: "Is not the causer of the timeless deaths
As blameful as the executioner?"
Dave: "Thou art the cause, and most accursed effect.
Anne: "His anger was the cause of that effect;
his anger, which did haunt me in my sleep
To undertake the death of all the world;
So I might live one hour and advance my career."
Dave: "If I thought that, these nails should rend the beauty
from your cheeks."
Anne: "You should not blemish me
As all the world is cheered by the sun,
So you wouldst deny the world it's sun."
(I make a face)
"Teach not thy lips such scorn, for they were made
For kissing, not for such contempt."
Dave: "Your heart is black as my cat's dung"
Anne:"Is not!"
Dave: "Is too!"
Anne:"Is not!"
Dave: "Is too!"
Dave: "You are vile and you wear Lee press-on's and K-mart
make-up"
*
Random Acts of Shakespeare
MONTANO
Methinks the wind hath spoke aloud at land;/
A fuller blast ne'er shook our battlements:/
If it hath ruffian'd so upon the sea,/
What ribs of oak, when mountains melt on them,/
Can hold the mortise? What shall we hear of this?
Second Gentleman
A segregation of the Turkish fleet:/
For do but stand upon the foaming shore,/
The chidden billow seems to pelt the clouds;/
The wind-shaked surge, with high and monstrous mane,/
seems to cast water on the burning bear,/
And quench the guards of the ever-fixed pole:/
I never did like molestation view/
On the enchafed flood.
