* Imagine that most everyone in the world is gay and that straight people are persecuted for living the straight lifestyle and are treated the way that many gay people are treated by ignorant bigots in this day and age.
* Imagine that Christians believe that the gay lifestyle is sacred and that straight people are evil, and that Jesus spent most of his time with 12 men for sexual reasons, and that he never fucked Mary Magdalene at all because he was too interested in Peter's peter and spending time in John's john.
* Imagine that cars run on pornography instead of gasoline, and that most of the pornos in the world come from the Middle East. Also, imagine that the leader of the United States is a big business porno man with ties to the largest porno manufacturers in the world; Sexxon-Ho-bil, BP (Buttsex Porno Inc.), and Shitron Crotchloco Phuckups.
Now here's perhaps one of the raunchiest stories ever told:
"One of the Skankiest Stories Ever Told" by Dr. Lee P (that's PhDeez-nuts for all you fancy arseholes :-)
The year is 2006 in the United States of Amerika, and the ReButtlicken National Pharty is trying to pass a law that outlaws straight sex unions.
ReButtlicken Senator Arse-Fist has the floor and shouts, "We can't let those filthy straights have equal rights as us ultra-fruity queers! Queers help make our nation proud! Straight people are a fuckin' disease, they are only needed for breeding, and besides that, they mess everything up with their bad fashion sense and ignorance." The Democraptic leadership objects lightly and says, "Here, here, everyone may not tolerate the straight lifestyle, but we at least think that straight people should have equal protection under the law, even if we don't end up calling their unions 'marriages'".
"Bullshit, you straight lovers", screams Prick Chain-ey, dressed up in whips and chains. He then receives a kinky electrical shock from his gay lover and nearly passes out from a heart attack, but is miraculously revived when a vibrator is shoved up his arse. "It works every time", says his Poop-chute Scooter Gimpy.
Democraptic Senator John Fairy takes the floor and says, "But I've heard that Prick Chain-ey even has a straight daughter, and shouldn't his straight daughter have equal rights as his gay daughter?" This comment prompts outrage from the ReButtlickens, who begin ranting and screaming at the tops of their lungs. Democraptic Senator Fred Drinkinnedy quiets the room by passing around bottles of booze, and then he says, "Look, I left my kahhr pahhked in hahhvahhhd yahhd, in a tree, so lets make this meeting short".
Senator Tom DeLaid-Ejaculation then stands up and says, "I hate them terrible straight people! I think Senators Dong Thurmond and Jesse Hellpounds were right to say that most straight women should have their vaginas sewn up for squirtin' out so many nasty babies, this is the modern age and people don't have to be born in the old filthy way like they used to be back in the days of the straight and evil Roman Empire! I would like to propose a law that would force straight women to get their vaginas sewn up, and force straight men to get their dicks chopped off!" Some of the southern ReButtlickens applaud this statement, but a number of Democraps point out that Senator Dong Thurmond had a straight relationship once with a poor black woman when he was younger that produced an illegitimate child. The reminder of that scandal quiets Tom DeLaid-Ejaculation as well as the rest of the room, so DeLaid goes on fucking Senator Prick Skanktorum right up the ass while the whole Senate watches with glee.
ReButtlicken Dennis Asshurts bangs his phallus-shaped gavel on the arse-shaped podium and says, "I say that we adjourn this meeting, give ourselves raises, and all take a three month vacation on Marijuana Buttsex Island !" The entire Senate squeals like a bunch of schoolgirls, grabs their Amerikan Idol lunchboxes, and runs out the door.
Meanwhile in the Whitebread House:
Hot Carl Groper is goin' down on the dong of George Dubya Bush. "We need to make banning straight marriage a big issue in the next election since our poll numbers are so low", he says, "but keep on suckin' there Carl, 'cause my poll numbers might be low, but my fleshy pole isn't low yet, hehehehe!"
Hot Carl Groper finishes up, wipes his mouth, and then says, "Yeah, we sure know how to control the dumb asses of the masses. We were able to get rid of Bill Clit-on so well after everyone found out about him fucking around with that skanky woman, but people should've realized he was a straight lover all along, he can't fool us just because his wife just happens to be a good little lesbian. The people should've realized that Bill Clit-on was such a scandalous straight, especially after he tried so hard to get straights into the military! Now look at our military, there are even guys in there who don't look like well toned body builders, those flabby ignorant straights!"
"Tongue my ass for a little while, Carl", requests Dubya as he leans back in his fancy chair. "Oh, that feels good", he purrs, "almost as good as Gannon Guckert". When Carl is done, he licks the brown moustache off of his face with glee, and then he says, "I'm glad that we have brainwashed so many people to accept our war in the land of Buttcraq that was mostly based on lies." Dubya turns to Carl and says, "Shut up, bitch, and keep licking! I've got a hot date with the Saudi King tomorrow, and I want to get some arse play practice in before the big butt bang."
Meanwhile in a Southern Baptist Church:
"You must give your mind, body, soul and (w)hole to Jesus! You must repent and turn from your evil straight ways! I know that some of you probably have dirty thoughts from time to time. If you're a man, you might think about having sex with a woman, and that is wrong and evil! If you are a woman, you might think about brainwashing a man into shoving his veiny penis into your fishy cunt for pleasure, or worse, to begat disgusting offspring the outdated way to fulfill your own envious and arrogant feminine desires! Repent from your filthy ways of the mind! For in the Bible it done says, 'If you even think an evil thought, you are guilty of committing that crime and will surely burn in hell for all eternity if you do not repent and turn from your wicked ways.' Also, in the Bible it done says, 'If your penis offends you, chop it off. If your vagina offends you, sew it shut and burn that nasty flesh hole closed with fire. If your mind offends you, chop off your head. Better to be right with God and dead than living a life of sin here on this earth'".
Meanwhile in the Vatican:
Pope Ex-Nazi Supreme is fingering himself and working a crucifix-shaped dildo up his ass as he mumbles sweet nothings to some altar boys. "Priests will never be allowed to get married to women, no, never. We uphold only the pure gay lifestyle here". He spanks one of the altar boys on the buttocks and then says, "Now turn the other butt cheek". He then dresses up in his robes, like Liberace, then marches out to deliver mass to the adoring crowds that worship every word that he says.
Meanwhile in the far off mountains of Fudge Packerstan, in a secret terrorist hideout cave:
ArseSlamma Bin-Laiden and his deputy Eatmen Asswarty are fucking each other up the ass and following their fanatical Arselamic traditions as they curse Amerika and all other infidels. "Oh, fuck my ass on this prayer rug", screams Eatmen Asswarty as ArseSlamma Bin-Laiden fucks his asshole on the ground of their stinky cave. "Yeah, bitch, I know you like it", shouts ArseSlamma as he pounds Asswarty's ass, "I hope to fuck George Dubya just like this someday". "If he doesn't fuck your ass first", screams Asswarty, which causes ArseSlamma to fuck his ass even harder than before.
Meanwhile in Saudi Arse-rapia:
Pornos keep oozing up from the ground and are pumped into porno tankers. "We shall sell these pornos to the Amerikans at inflated prices and help keep our kingdom rich. Then, with our profits, we shall continue to pay the Americans to keep their military in this region so that our enemies will not get too powerful and try to take our precious pornos away from us", says King Fart to his deputy. "Yes, master, Bim-Sallah-Bim!" In the horizon, the phallus-shaped porno pumps keep right on pumping pornos from the ground. Those horny dinosaurs! Talk about "drilling for crude"! These pornos will be sold mostly to the Amerikans, and other 'advanced' places who will pump these pornos into their cars and then drive off to porno stores to buy more pornos for their own enjoyment as well. Off in the distance, the phallus-shaped 'holy' towers of Mecca-Lecca-High-Mecca-Heiny-Ho can be seen as Arselamic worshippers parade around it.
Meanwhile, back in the Whitebread House:
"I've got to get all fancied up for my date with the Saudi King tomorrow", says Dubya as he pulls Carl's mouth off of his arsehole. "This date is very important, we need those Saudi pornos, and I was never very successful when I was in the porno business myself".
"Well", says Carl, "we can always give them Gannon Guckert".
"No", insists Dubya, "I want to get personal with the Saudi King all by myself".
The next day:
The Saudi King arrives in full regalia. Dubya and the Saudi King start kissing each other, and then it's off to the 'stinkin' Lincoln bedroom for some raunchy bump and grind.
"Ohhh", exclaims Dubya to the Saudi King, "are you sure you aren't trying to drill for crude in me?" They both fart and laugh wildly as they continue their rumpy-bumpy, both taking turns fucking each other up the ass.
Then, all of a sudden, Prick Chain-ey comes running up the stairs and busts down the door of the Lincoln bedroom. Chain-ey is wearing a leather gimp suit and a mask, and shouts, "Dubya, come quickly, the ArseRanians have fired a nuclear missile !"
Dubya pulls his dong out of the Saudi Prince and fires his jizz missile, then he grabs Prick Cheney by the hand as they both run to their secret war office to plan a counterattack.
"Them goddamn ArseRanians", exclaims Prick Chain-ey as he picks up the receiver of the red colored telephone. "Oh, let me press the button, Prick, let me press the button", begs Dubya. "Well, OK", replies Prick Chain-ey, "but next time, I get to press it".
Chain-ey calls up military leader General Genitals, as well as the Joint Chiefs of Ass, and says, "The ArseRanians have fired a nuclear missile, and we intend to wipe them off the face of the earth in retaliation".
"OK, boss", replies General Genitals, "just press the red button on your desk and we'll make sure that our nukes hit their targets".
Dubya jumps up and clicks his heels with glee, and then he wrings his hands like a crack fiend and presses the red nuclear button.
"The nukes have been launched, sir", says General Genitals over the phone.
"Yeee-hawww!", shouts Dubya.
A couple minutes go by...
"Um, sir, you do realize that you pressed the button that released the launch codes of our entire nuclear arsenal, right?", inquires General Genitals.
"Uhh, what", replies Dubya, "I thought we was just bombing the ArseRanians off the face of the earth."
"Well, uhh, sir, I hate to tell you this, but..."
Prick Chain-ey grabs the phone and shouts, "What the hell are you talking about, Genitals?!"
"Well, sir, when you pressed that button, it seemed to us that you indicated we should launch our entire nuclear arsenal at all the countries that we suspected of harboring terrorists, as well as countries that we distrust in general too, and well..."
"What the fuck are you saying, Genitals?!!", shouts Cheney as he clutches his heart.
"Well, sir, it seems that we've sorta accidentally fired hundreds of nuclear warheads at various countries around the world, not just at the ArseRanians, but also at Korea, Pakistan, Syria, China, Russia, Cuba, Venezuela, Saudi Arse-rapia and umm, we kinda fired one at France on accident too..."
"Oh, shit", exclaims Prick Chain-ey, "we've just started a global nuclear war".
"Uhh, well sir", continues General Genitals, "some scientists say that the amount of nuclear force that we've just unleashed might even destroy the earth and..."
"Ughhh", groans Prick Chain-ey as he clutches his heart and collapses on the floor.
"Now what am I supposed to do?", asks Dubya when he sees Chain-ey on the floor.
"I'm here for you until the end", says Carl to Dubya. "I wouldn't want to see the Apocalypse without you".
"Oh, Carl, I just can't quit you".
The earth begins to shake as the nuclear bombs start dropping around the world causing destruction, tidal waves, earth quakes, and billions of deaths as the crust of the earth itself breaks apart in different places.
Then...
Boooooooooooooomb !!!!!!!!!!
"The End" [?]
P.S. - Some people actually survive the massive nuclear destruction, but the world is never quite the same afterwards. There's not a lot of life left, so people have to really scrimp and scrounge for what little food there is in order to survive. Oh, and the food is really nasty too. The ones who survive are forced to have sex "the old-fashioned way" in order to keep the species alive. There are not enough people of any one race to keep their races going, so everyone has to mix races, and all the people in the future end up looking like Soledad O'Brien - except with multiple webbed feet and hands from all the toxic nuclear fallout.
In the words of one of the great sages of the future, "Fuck, fart, shit, piss, fuck !"
"The End"
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