CAUCASIAN GIRLS: First date: She tells you you're hot cause Asian guys are the fad now. You kiss her good night... for over 2 hours Second date: You get to grope all over and make out. Third date: You get to have sex in the missionary position. Then you promise to marry her but will probably abandon the idea because your parents will kick your little asian ass for dating anybody not resembling an oriental.

JAPANESE GIRLS: First date: She's shy, so you don't get to kiss her at all. Second date: She'll take a bath in front of you and let you smell her panties. Third date: You have kinky sex with her. She bids you "sayonara"after informing you that you were her fling before getting married to a Japanese man.

CHINESE GIRLS: First date: You get to buy her an expensive dinner but nothing happens. Second date: You buy her an even more expensive dinner, but still nothing happens. Third date: There is none because (a) you realize nothing's ever going to happen (b) you're out of money

VIETNAMESE GIRLS: First date: What first date? There's no such thing. Any guy in >still in school will do. Second date: You get married to some girl you've never seen before from overseas. Third date: You divorce, get paid $10,000 from her family (minus a percentage from the guy that set you up), but only after you've helped all 40 of the immediate family immigrate to Canada or US.

FILIPINO GIRLS: First date: It took you forever to get a date with this really hot chick of your dreams. She won't let you kiss her. Second date: She takes you to church and everyone thinks you're really cute and such a nice guy. You still haven't even kissed her... because she's a "proper girl". Third date: You kiss for the first time, but miraculously she ends up pregnant and you are forced to marry her. If not, her extended family of 600, will cut your penis off. Even more miraculous: the kid IS yours.

KOREAN GIRLS: First date: She only went out with you cause she hates the steroid-pumped, chauvinistic Korean guys that are always after her. Second date: She flirts with all your friends, but ignores you even the girls). Third date: She's dumped you and is going out with a black guy that is 3 times your size (in every way). She doesn't even remember who you are, nor do her friends ... so you have no chance of ever going out again with a Korean chick because they all gossip and know each other through the local Korean church.

THAI GIRLS: First date: you flirted with her while she was giving you a really bad lap dance. Second date: you go out to a restaurant and she tells you how she is making so little money here, but moreso than her kitchen job back in Thailand. You're not really paying attention though because this is the first time you've seen her in the light and without make-up, the smoky haze, or the influence of alcohol... she is. BUGLY (butt-ugly). Third date: she smiles and says hi as she passes you while she's on her way over to the table with all the Asian thugs. She'll spend the rest of the night lap-dancing/smoking/talking with them. You're afraid to look over cause you think you'll get shot or jumped in the parking lot. You vow to never go there again. And finally,

ABC (American Born Chinese) GIRLS: First date: She met you in through a "friend of a friend". You were the only Asian guy in the group. She was the only Asian girl in her group. People think you two should go out cause you're both "Chinese" and "would look cute together". Second date: You go to dim sum, but neither of you can order because neither of you speak Chinese. You try to describe your food in stupid English saying, "fried bean curd tosed with satay beef". The waiters have no idea what you're saying, give you really bad service, and you don't get any specials. Third date: She tells you, "it's not gonna work". She goes back out with some white guy "Biff" she dated 5 years ago. Eventually they get married and the Asian population diminishes.