How To Woo A Redneck!
Brush up on your hunting and fishing skills. Any woman who can clean a fish
will capture a redneck's heart.
You'll impress your redneck if you can cook anything in the Elvis cookbook.
Ribs or anything that invloves barbeque sauce will also be a big hit.
When he says "Let's go make out at the tractor pull," don't laugh. He's not
joking.
If he gives you a gunrack for Christmas, it means he really loves you.
Don't mock Elvis. Ever.
Always keep plenty of Pabst six-packs and beef jerky in your fridge.
Be prepared to watch a lot of professional wrestling. He'll think it's
sexy.
Before you kiss him, make sure he takes that toothpick out of his mouth.
Be open-minded about the definition of romance. To him, it might mean
spray-painting your name on a water tower.
Don't offer to make curtains for his monster truck. The other guys will
just
hassle him.
Make friends with his hunting dogs. They will more than likely come before
you in most cases.
Let go of the idea of changing his wardrobe. He takes pride in all the free
T-shirts he can get from smoking four packs of Marlbro a day.
Get a good health insurance plan. His idea of fun might be to take you
tornado chasing.
If you are an animal-rights activist or a vegetarian, you might want to
re-think your relationship. There's a good chance he's into taxidermy.
Try not to make fun of the furniture in his living room. A cable spool
makes
a damn-cool end table.
Don't expect diamond earrings on your birthday. He does most of his
shopping
in the same place he gets his motor oil.
If he says you look like Daisy Duke, he's paying you an awfully high
compliment.
Lard is not a sex aid.
When you ask to see his art, don't be surprised if the frame is a toilet
seat, or if his masterpiece is painted on velvet.
Being hog-tied is not the best form of foreplay. Watch out for rope burns.
All contents copyright © 1998 by Bonnie Burton.
