First and foremost, BDSM is based on Safety, Sanity, and Consent.  Other necessary components included in the BDSM community and more specifically within a relationship is Respect, Trust/Loyalty, Honesty, Forgiveness, Acceptance, Education, Love, Communication, and Patience/Understanding.  Bringing all these together forms a relationship deeper than most "vanilla" (those not of the lifestyle) people can even imagine.   A BDSM relationship can be broken down into many areas including an emotional bonding, mental awareness, sexual intimacy/eroticism, the need to give/receive pleasure from pain, and the desire to control/be controlled.
      The love a Dominant gives to the submissive grows more each day and goes deeper than the mind can imagine as the submissive grows in own submission giving up total control to the Dominant.  The love a submissive gives to the Dominant comes in the form of the gift of submission, the giving up of self to the use/enjoyment of the Dominant, and grows more each day as well reflecting from the love and care given by the Dominant.  The needs and wants of both Dominant and submissive are met within the relationship.  As the Dominant receives enjoyment and pleasure, the submissive also receives enjoyment by pleasing the Dominant in submission.  The Dominant cares for the needs of the submissive with great awareness and care, never hurting or going beyond what the submissive can handle. 
     To those who are uneducated of the lifestyle, it may seem that the Dominant is torturing/abusing the submissive, but a true Dominant is watchful, knowing the submissive's body and reactions, and will not go beyond that which can be handled.  The "scene" is an agreed upon event in which a need is being met.  For the Dominant, the need is to give pleasure by producing pain to a submissive who has a need to receive pain and gets pleasure from that pain.  There are some scenes that do not inflict any pain, but gentle caresses, or even a level of eroticism.  A Dominant possesses attributes such as being gentle yet firm, patient yet strict, understanding yet disciplinarian, caring yet stern, tender yet demanding, and many more.
     Just because some of us were born to enjoy being spanked or to spank, it does not make us "different."  It is a need that, for U/us, is fulfilled within this lifestyle.  There is much misunderstanding of this lifestyle as well as a societal judgement based on what people see, not on what is known.    There are many who perceive this as purely sexual, which displays the variety this lifestyle offers.  There are people that are nothing more than fetish-kink minded people who are trying to spice up a possible boring relationship.  There are those who use this lifestyle as a "release."   There are those who have chosen this as their lifestyle, an alternative lifestyle, to live as a part of their life.       
     Education is vital to understanding, and who knows, you might discover your true-self within the lifestyle as well, or a way to spice up a relationship.  How far you choose to go into the lifestyle is up to you.  There is so much out there to be explored and learned/experienced that the lifestyle offers with it's creativity and offerings that it is very much like the saying, "It is how you live life that will be fulfilling in the end."   BDSM is also a learning process as it never ends and continues past our knowledge and existence of this world.  A word of warning, though, this lifestyle is not for everyone.  It may or may not be for you.  If it is, I hope you learn much from this website and continue to explore your side of the lifestyle, but please, always remember to be true to Y/yourself and be Safe, Sane, and Consensual. 

                                                           BDSM lifestyle submissive, zcrazeebrat