(So true.)
Kid: "I was born in Scotia."
Back of Room: "Gee. That would suck. There aren't any hospitals in Scotia."

(Unfortunate last names) "Lana Crap-o... erm, Cray-po. Please report to the main office."

(Variation on old joke)
Teacher: "I'm gonna call you arbitrarily."
Girl: "Okay. But my name's Katie."

(Welcome to the first day of AP English!)
Teacher: "I was being hyperbolic."
Guy: "Ooo. Better see a doctor about that."

(Construction rages on in--- AP Economics?) "Depending on your level of accounting expertise, you could say-- WHOA! The roof's coming down!"

(More English.)
Teacher: "... to make your rebuttals."
Girl: "Heh. 'Rebuttal' is a fun word."

(And yelled out from the silence of the choral room) "If you don't stop playing with my pants...!!"

(The Choralaires embark on learning a new song.)
Teacher: "This is a Native American piece. It does so many things..."
Kid: "Does it make rain?"

(Interesting... that's all I'm going to say...) "She's playing with my condom pocket!"

(Overheard in the halls.) "Gene's girlfriend makes armpit music?"

(In the guy's section of the Choralaires. One guy to another.) "Okay... who just kissed my shoulder?"

(Ooo. Nice threat.) "Don't make me go into your pants!"

(What abandoned pants become-- thanks K) "The flying shorts of death!!"

(to the Beatles freak of the school; a reference point)
Kid: "Did you see the new teacher?"
Other: "Hmm?"
Kid: "I think he teaches Math. (silence) You know, the class with all the numbers?"
Other: "......"
Kid: "He's the one who looks like Julian Lennon."
Other: "Oh! HIM!"

(Historical perspective on graduated seniors)
Kid 1: "The chair should go back to Falcon!"
Kid 2: "It was his."
Kid 3: "Hey, hey, hey! Did the French take back the Statue of Liberty after they learned we liked it so much?"

(This happened to me. And this was a science teacher.)
Teacher: (walks in) *GASP* There's no power in the auditorium!!"
Me: (walks in... turns on the light)
Teacher: "Oh! It's back!"
Me: "Had you tried the light switch?"
Teacher: "..... oh."

(My friend's theory about why our town is going to hell) "That's it! Three scandals! Evil, rabid beaver, teacher sex scandal, and mystery meat!"

(Later on. A thump comes at the glass window)
*THUNK*
"It's the beaver!!"

(It's not just the kids who aren't there on the first day of school- again thanks K) "If you and your questions have any parents..."

(One way to start German class.- K) "Hey! Who left their pants under my chair?!"

(K's German class again)
Teacher: "In towns and cities today, old churches are often surrounded by what kind of zone?"
Kid: "A no smoking zone."

(K heard this in the halls) "We are no longer the knights who say 'Nay'!"

(Now for the quotes I picked up on... Courderoys.) "Those must be courderoys. I could hear them a mile away... the ferret noises."

(Ditzes are fun people) "If you listen carefully, you can hear the breeze blowing through Keri's ears."

(Misspoken on the announcements. Or.. was it? ;-) ) "Women's choir meeting today. No sining experience required."

(I would think so.) "During my audition, my bra broke. It was very depresing."

(Construction in the distance learning room again) "God knows what those clouds coming down from the ceiling are... it's like, 'Today's lesson is on asbestos'."

(Ahh. The joys of camera hookup in the distance learning room) "I'm swearing in two schools simultaneously!"

(Sorry. Only got a few cents) "Anybody want to contribute to the 'Feed My Poor Ass' fund?"

(This happened to our Econ teacher. In his defense, it was part of the lesson, and he also suffers real suck timing.) "Nothing like talking about Porno and in walks the Principal... good thing I have tenure."

(The Choralaires have sick minds. It was part of the 'in unison' speech in one song... but our director forgot the middle part of it.) "Billy did... something... and watched it sag and fall."

(This'll teach me to play with my mouse in keyboarding) "Ooops. My mouse exploded."

(Keri the ditz gets commented on again) "There goes Keri again... WHOOSH!"

(Another friend of mine gave me this one. I think it was in reference to the road.) "It's level! Get out of my ass!"

(Misspeaking about a kid who's looking particularly biblical these days.)
Kid: "Is this look because Jesus had black feet? Err. I mean 'flat feet'?"
Other Kid: "Gee. THAT didn't make that sentence any better."
Third Kid: "Hehehe.. Jesus had black feet.."

(I respond to the teacher. Class laugh at me.)
Teacher: "Everybody's like, 'Whoa! That's what we want to see! We want to see him acting--'."
Me: "-- stupid?"

(In several classes. Yes. Oh god, yes.) "Remember Thursday is Meet the Creature Night."

(Senior Superlatives and favorites are on a roll) "Best Actress? Gene's mom."

(Same as above) "We thought that line, 'Most likely to become President' said 'Most likely to become pregnant'."

(Overheard in the lunch line) "Well, at least the first part was sex... successful."

(Interesting observations) "I dare you all! Look at Dan! From the back his body is shaped like a penis!"

(Life advice.) "Never trust a lawyer with the first name of 'Rocket'."

(Everything we say in Economics seems to trace back to the debate over pornography, so...) "What Economics? This is Porno 101 here."

(Frustrated, are you?) "I'm dealing with people who have the attention span of a sperm."

(Beyond explanation) "Male Pregnancy in Study Hall. Nothing like it."

(I'm assuming this was misheard. Unless this kid really does have a hole-y backpack <-- near pun.) "The Virgin Mother is in your backpack?!"

(Randomness.) "It's like a female version of Max! It's the fe-max!"

(Well, that could be an interesting thing staring back at you.) "I looked into the Mayor-- mirror this morning."

(More picking on Max.) "You should write a poem, man! 'I Max'."

(Uhm. Okay.)
Kid: "What do you call that fancy-schmantzy overhead?"
Teacher: "Elmo."

(Yeah. And Labor Day is like Hannukah, only without the candles.) "This is great! It's like Christmas, only with french fries!"

(Interesting question. New York, for ya..) "So, is suicide only illegal in this state if you succeed?!"

(Another good criminal justice question. Gotta love Economics class..) "What do you say if you execute an innocent man? 'Ooops. My bad.'?"

(True, true.) "Every town has an 'ick' section."

(This had me laughing for a while. And the TEACHER said it.) "See, a good town needs the three B's- books, bagles, and beer."

(Well, true. But seeing as this was an NRA debate--)
Teacher: "Who is Charlton Heston?"
Student: "Moses."

(I don't think I CAN set this one up any better.) "Your phone number is 555-WAXY?"

(Sung backstage during a really dull rehearsal for the fall drama) "Weeee all live in a yellow hydrotub.."

(Yeah! That too.)
Kid: "I just had an appostrophe!"
Kid #2: "I think you mean epiphany."

(Yikes.) "Joe, is that a cowlick, or are you just happy to see me?"

(Oookkaaay.)
Teacher: "Who here knows where their father was during labor?"
Kid: "On the floor."

(LOL!) "Geeze. Say 'viagra' in this room and everyone drops their pants.... I mean.. pens!"

(Smooooth.)
Kid 1: "So, how's the hair?"
Kid 2: "Uhm, still there?"

(Ouch. Ouch. OUCH.)
Teacher: "A person can not be forced to birth the child or have an abortion according to the law."
Kid: "So what do they say to that one person? 'Hold it'? 'Walk it off'?"

(Fun Words pt. II) "Heh. 'Lumbago' is a fun word."

(My friend cracks me up once again) "He may be the Dark Prince, but he skips reasonably well."

(New word for almost getting run over during blocking) "Whoa. You almost got schmuckt!"

(Misspoken line at play rehearsal) "I could certainly stand in a sandwich."

(Another fun word.) "Heh. 'Nippy bottle' is a fun word."

(Speech class crackups.)
Student Speaker: ".. and who'd want to live in a chicken coop with all that fetus all over the floor?"
Me: "I think you mean 'feces'."

(This book we're reading. This one character's kinda... odd.) "So, this character is a drunken, amish hippie."

(Same character as above) "She's vindictive.... evil.... I like her!"

(Hmmm. Guess he never went back to that bowling alley.) "He... took a divot while bowling."

(Class has been hard. On all of us.) "Why do you have "Guess What? YOU SUCK!!!??" written in your slot for AP homework?"

(Even more questions. Yay.) "And why exactly does the teacher call Andrea, 'Senator'?"

(Hmm. English language. Such fun. Even more fun when you screw with it.)
Keri: "You know! To turn something around! To... transvest it!"
Me: "... I think you mean traspose."

(No words can describe.)
Girl: "Look everyone! My pants were falling down!"
Guy: "And now they're at eye level...?"

(See above. Running joke.)
Other: "That Math teacher keeps looking at me funny..."
Kid: "Maybe it's because he heard you call him Julian Lennon!?"

(I trip skillfully over my tongue) "I have 'Hair' stuck in my head.... well, the... song... not the-- although that's true too."

(Two dogs run by the window in Speech Class. This is enough to distract us, though as they jump all over one another and one kid asks...) "Ooo! Are they mating?"

(Ooookay.) "I want to make you neurotic, but in a happy way."

(Hmmm.) "Ooop. Dislexic moment."

(Another running gag.) "Heh. 'Snaffoo' is a fun word."

(Spoken after a reading from Africa. Lots of... interesting information) "Geeze! Why do I get all the breasts? I... I mean!... the READINGS about... oh screw it."

(Perusing the music in our folders in class. And then just some randomness tacked on the end.) "Anyone want to 'Blow the Mistletoe'?.. 'All the Pretty Little Horses'. Yeah, that's hot... I definately remember Corie backstage with, "three days of red river hell and now nothing!".."

(Russians visited us. Took pictures, they did.) "Oh good. My face is going to be in Russia now."

(Ooo! Good fundraise--- awwwww.) "Attention all Seniors! Please remember to sell your porn-- poinsettias."

(Define 'little mistake' please.) "Bailey, I called them. They just made a little mistake on the dress order..... they sent an 18 instead of an 8."

(The school we're hooked up with is rather rural. We drew what we thought their town looked like, and they drew what they thought our town looked like.) "So this is your drawing of Scotia, then?... Ah, yes. 'Drug Deal'- good label... the sign at McDonald's- 'Over 1,000,000 snobby white kids served'... Aha! And there's our friendly local hooker outside of Scotia Cinema!"

(Expressive poem.)
Teacher: "What did this poem say to you?"
Kid: "My pen exploded."

(Well, at it's base... yeeeah...) "So, in dredging, they're saying, 'Stupidhead! You broke the river! Fix it!'?"

(Teacher gives us an alternate disease to claim we have.) "I seriously have ADD.... ambition deficit disorder."

(Upon seeing a picture from caroling to the local retirement home. About some old lady...) "Ooo! Look! She's wearing a Christmas muumuu!"

(We're reading about Greek mythology, so... yeah...) "Gee. A lot of them guy-gods got it on with mortal girls."

(A friend and I searching through the booklet of the Beatles' "White Album" CD for a 'certain' picture.)
-- "Where's Paul's willy?... Come on, where's Paulie's little helper...?"
Me: "You frighten me."

(Hmmmm.) "I like how YOU'RE SATAN!!!"

(Interesting question springing from a frog mating call discussion) "Can you fix a frog?.. Any AP Biology students in here? Is it possible to castrate a frog?"

(Same Paul search as before... a little later on)
-- "Edited!! The damn bastards nipped it out!"
Me: "Wha---?"
-- "Paul's willy!!"
Me: (no comment)
-- (realizes) "That's not what I meant. I---- aw, screw it."