Sayings from High School Daze

Well, I've decided to keep a running list of odd/weird things said/overheard at my high school. If you've ever walked around a busy building, overheard someone speaking, or just been inside a high school for any appreciable amount of time, you know exactly what I'm talking about. It's funny, sometimes a little gross, and always RANDOM! This page will be updated a lot I imagine, since there is always something odd being said that I write down. And if you find this dumb.... ah well. It's amusing me at least.... (new stuff WAY down at the bottom of the page... and will be until I decide to invert the page)

-- (say that again?) NEVER SAY OR USE ABSOLUTES, KIDS!

-- (great moments in PA announcements) At this time, we are still testing the PA system. If you cannot hear this announcement, please call the main office and let us know.

-- (hmmm. I wanna hear these guys play) He's part of the band "Greg and the Backup Singers" also known as "Who forgot my adapter?"

-- (about a drawing on the chalk board) What is that? ...... Really? Because what I'm seeing looks a lot like an Incan fertility god.

-- (on the same board) THIS WAS WRITTEN IN CHALK!

-- (written on the sports bulletin board, okay, so it was fixed later, but anyone who was at the school at 7am got a real laugh at this one) Field Hokey Game is still on for this afternoon.

-- (for all new teachers... how true it is) See, they probably have tenure... and I don't.

-- (heck, he followed the rules!)
Teacher: You guys can't respect my one rule that you never talk while I'm talking. Just raise your hand if you have something to say!
Student: (hand shoots up) You done, yet?

-- (picking upon the hairy kid in the back of the room. And this was the math TEACHER!) Where does he look like he's from? Hmm. Seattle. In the thick of the grunge movement. After his third Nirvana album.

-- (same math teacher. Man, I love this guy.) Is this the problem, or am I just a spaz?

-- (uhhhhh...)
Teacher: You might as well just throw acid in your eye.
Hairy Kid: Ooo! Could I try that?!

-- (drama club script read-through) Our problem with the lines? Oh! You mean aside from the fact that we can't seem to grasp the concept of reading today....

-- (more teacher and hairy kid banter... this is what happens when hairy kid ask dumb questions.) Another comment like that, and I'll call in a barber.

-- (I'm... uh... hoping that this is just someone's pet name for somebody else. well, even THEN...) Feces! Oh, I love you feces!

-- (Hmmm. Fun group.) No! If I have a group, my group is screwed!

-- (I was wondering what got hell going around here!) You cut off the sleeves and all hell breaks loose.

-- (Ah, the daily crack about the hairy kid.. where would we be without it?) If it was up to me, I'd throw gasoline on you and light you on fire, but I don't have a choice in that either.

-- (A few minutes after the one above...) Hey, we light you on fire, they'll be dancing all over the middle east!

-- (When the tongue doth fail thee... the teacher is always there to rub some salt in the wound.) They call it the Quadratic formula for those of us hooked on phonics.

-- (Hmm. Well, she just came back from the bathroom... eeeeeew.) Why is this pass wet??

-- (Drama Club rehearses. On random movements about the stage:) You had a 'one-winged fly buzzing on the floor' move there.

-- (Whoops! Script reading is once more a mess.) You can... wait... no, I can. Oh, Jesus Christ. Where am I?

-- (Okay, so this wasn't technically AT school, but it was right after, so...) My mother just asked me to unscrew my hand. She must have been drinking early today.

-- (On odd Spirit Week decorations in the halls) Hey! It's either the caterpillar from Hell, or Mr. Hankie the Christmas Poo!

-- (Think about this... it's true.) .. Any team with the nickname 'Indians'. When the shout, it sounds like "IDIOTS!"

-- (More Spirit Week wisdom)
Must be Spirit week.
How could you tell, Sherlock?
The bong in the Sophomore hallway.
Isn't that always there?

-- (Good Math teacher philosophy) If you wrote down anything.. if you drooled on your paper, you got two points!

-- (Lost in German class translation) Drown peaceful people. (?)

-- (Odd...) Whenever you get in trouble, think: What would Sam Neil do?

-- (Lost in translation Part 2) Do not push a sausage up your friend's nose.

-- (Sound advice. I guess.) It's also bad to fall out of trees and hit other trees.

-- (Lost in translation Part 3) When you fall off the horse, eat it.

-- (Yay. The substitute teacher from hades) Hi. I'm Mr. Reidy. You all know who I am, and I don't really care who you are, so....

-- (Supportive friends. Very nice of them to be so delicate about a small mistake..) You just conjugated a noun, dipstick!

-- (Speaks for itself, I think.) Ooo. I sense a castration coming on.

-- (Poetry!! Erm.. Poetry?) "Roses are red. Violets are blue. I've come to eat your soul!"

-- (On odd Historical Inaccuracies) "Like the King Henry VIII statue that sings "King of Spain" when you press his stomach?"

-- (Why James Madison had a complex over being short)
Teacher: "What is Madison best remembered for?... Anyone?"
Student: "Being the first President to use a booster chair in the oval office?"

-- (Hairy kid strikes back!!)
Math Teacher: "I forgot how awesome this button is!"
Hairy Kid: "The 'ON'?"

-- (Those were the days?) "We used to sleep in when I was young... until 7am."

-- (Owie.) "Class was rather like falling off a log and landing on your crotch."

-- (Erm. Most likely.) "Is it a bad thing when you walk out to your car in the parking lot and there's a vulture on the hood?"

-- (Crouching doorframe, too tall TV-- trying to fit a TV through a door that's just a bit too short) *THUNK* "That's a.... good TV."

-- (English class rivalries) "They got sick of our Macbeth witches cackling, so they're blasting us with old 50's music?"

-- (Teacher steps into classroom from across the hall and speaks words of wisdom) "They're farting over there. Can I come in here for a minute?"

-- (Nothing like support from your peers) "All together now... DOM'S A HOMO!"

-- (On dustmasks as yamakas) "Hey! It's Hannukah!"

-- (Drastically misheard.. we hope!) "You have a nun in your desk drawer?"

-- (Running commentary during video on women's rights)
Video: "Susan B. Anthony was..."
Kid: "... hairy."

-- (The commentary continues!)
Video: "She dared proclaim to the world..."
Kid: "... I have no pants on."

-- (Hmmm. So this is why people love the BBC!) "British TV.. that's all they have... snow and cheese."

-- (This is now my anthem... I swear!) "You guys gotta admit that High School's a big scam!"

-- (On illegal scams; the fun behind 'em) "And I forgot was Racketeering was, what? 50 years? Well, if you're going there anyway..."

-- (What Hairy Kid will be doing in 4 years time) "It's all marked down in my agenda book... 2006, go visit Andy in jail..."

-- (Eeeeep.) "Drink a Mountain Dew, take a few yellow dye #5 injections, eat five twinkies, and you'll never--- Oh, add sitting in a tub of water at 110 degrees and you'll really never have kids."

-- (Guess you'd have to know the teacher to find this funny, but trust me on this one...) "Where are all my peeps?"

-- (Uhm. Okay. Maybe this is why all those Puritans were so eager to come to the New World!) "The Santa Maria.. the biggest love shack in the world."

-- (On the evils of elementary school. How they made us, as little children, believe just about anything)
"..perpetuating these fantasy stories. Like George Washington chopping down the cherry tree..."
"You mean that's not true either?!"
"Looks like we just popped Steph's bubble."

-- (It's been so long since I just stopped to listen to people pass in the hallway.) "Holy egg whites, Batman!"

-- (Sometimes it's best to just keep your mouth shut as the faculty advisor)
"Yeesh. It smells like fart over here!"
(teacher) "Oooops."

-- (Stems from a long conversation that was just... weird.) "Today's lesson illustrates the difference between arsenals and urinals. Those who have expressed confusion over the past few days may wish to take notes..."

-- (Pickin' on the 16th Prez) "Abe Lincoln had girly lips."

-- (Remember the running commentary? It makes a comeback!)
"You can even go up to Lake Placid and see John Brown's grave and..."
"... pee on it."

-- (And back to good ol' Abe for a minute 'ere) ".. look at those cheekbones!"

-- (Me and my friend crossing signals)
"He was naked again on Tuesday."
"Abe Lincoln?"
"No!! Spike!"
"Oh. (pause) Just for reference, when did we change topics without telling me?"

-- (Announcements; ooops! I guess Simon didn't say!) "Good morning! Today is day 3! Please rise for the pledge... erm... not yet though..."

-- (In reference to a picture of a 99 Camaro) "That is SO the mullet mobile!"

-- (This was actually me. The rest of the school is rubbing off on me!) "A boy and his bowl... hmm. Well, I guess it's better than a boy and his bowel."

-- (Good question.) "Why are you licking the phone?"

-- (At drama club rehearsal) "During 'How to Succeed..' we named our boobs. Like, Mo and Lester... Mine were called the Twin Peaks.. and we called Kevin's the Great Plains."

-- (Definitions.) "Clifton Park = Yuppie Land"

-- (Oooo. Dissing the seniors!) "... and you wonder why I call you 'Almost-men'."

-- (The definition of random exclamations) "I'd sell my mom for a lifetime supply of chicken."

-- (Dance rehearsal gets interesting) "Sometimes my butt does it's own thing... I have double jointed hips."

-- (Nice attitude. No wonder his transcripts for public service suck.) "Why do volunteer work? The pay sucks."

-- (Ah yes. Clinton jokes are always correct.)
"And Hillary said, 'Damnit Bill! We can't let these people cut in line! They're screwing everyone else!'."
Kid: "No. He's screwing everyone else."

-- (Been wondering this myself since November.) "Duuuuude. Why is Sam Neil god?"

-- (Hmmm. Interesting.) "There was something about your mom and a moped too, but I forget.."

-- (Ooookay. This was written 20 times on the blackboard.) "I will not sell my liver for chalk..."

-- (Hairy kid blunders.)
Girl: "Andy.. you thought a GUY was me!"
Andy: "Well, it was dark out!"
Other Kid: "And he was drunk..."

-- (Uhm. Alright. Nice excuse.) "Huh? What? Sorry.. I was listening to the kid whistling 'La Cucaracha' behind me."

-- (The story of my notebooks.) "For I am woman! Watch me doodle!"

-- (Smelly glove comment. This just made me laugh.) "Oooh! Is it funkdified?"

-- (And this was from another teacher about another teacher!) "I love Mr. Empie, but I think he was teaching advanced deep sleep..."

-- (Ooo. Violent.) "I would beat him to death if he had brought his bagpipes with him."

-- (Life lessons from Junior High) "What did you learn in Junior High? 'A warm glass of milk promotes sleep'?"

-- (Yessir. I love English class.) "If you read 'Romeo and Juliet' with the knowledge that sword = penis ... Shakespeare was a pervert."

-- (This was MY blunder... I couldn't read that day, I guess) "Attention all high students... erm, high SCHOOL students!"

-- (Cool song!) "Here's a song I wrote in a parking garage in West Virginia... it's called 'Communism Ain't That Bad'."

-- (Uhhhhh...) "There was this kid... only Caucasion I've ever seen who looked like an African American."

-- (Heard this all week long. This was the one time someone fired back a response.)
Kid: "Smoke crack and worship Satan!!"
Another: "Guess it's a boy thing..."

-- (Oooo. Diss. Well, from afar, but still a diss. This was on the chalkboard.) "If Alex comes into C-4, Nate says, 'Your Mom'."

-- (Just made me laugh. A lot.)
Kid: "Tom? Where is your little brother?"
Tom: "Probably off whining somewhere about his wet pants."

-- (Good way to start the class period.)
Teacher: "Shawn's going to start us off--"
Shawn: "-- by running away."

-- (The continuing saga of chalk eater on the chalkboard) "I need chalk, but I will not eat chalk."

-- (Yeah. I can see how that would kinda kill the mood.) "It'd be funny as hell for the first two seconds until you were, you know... dead."

-- (He meant to say, "A baby carriage full of paving blocks".) "A paving carriage full of baby blocks!"

-- (More Math teacher advice. Gotta try this some time.) "That's almost as much fun as you can have screwin' with people when someone says 'Beautiful Day', and you say 'Thank You'... they're like 'Was that the Messiah?!'"

-- (Written on the board backstage at musical rehearsal) "The floggings will continue until the morale improves."

-- (And... the wisdom of this week rolls merrilly onward.) "Good life lesson... get mad about things you can't control. It'll make you a pleasant person --- 'It's snowing. I'm pissed!'"

-- (Heard this in the hall. Had to hide in a side room so the boys wouldn't hear me laughing)
Kid: "Hey Jake... someone told me your Pee-Pee looks like a baby carrot!"
Jake: "Gee, thanks, man... Wait.. who's seen my Pee-Pee?!"

-- (History class lives to quip yet another day!)
Teacher: With those gleaming white ships Roosevelt had painted... what do you think the Japanese thought as they saw them pull into the harbor?"
Some Kid: "'GODZILLA'!"

-- (Good advice. Waaait... shouldn't we have learned this a long time ago?!) "WHOA! OKAY! Scissors are not meant to be thrown!!"

-- (Ow!) "Yesterday a lesbian bit me..."

-- (Who else but the math teacher could impart this wisdom?) "Hey! You don't have to say 'shut up'! 'Be quiet, I hate you' works..."

-- (Think about this one for a minute. It was a title card on a silent film..) "In their first battle, inexperienced doughboys needlessly exposed themselves."

-- (Hmm. Interesting game choice.) "Hey.. let's all play Soviet Prison Camp!"

-- (So that's why the scene wasn't working in the show!) "Okay, this circle shape looks more like a liver.. or a bladder..."

-- (Gosh, I love substitute teachers!) "Yeah.. I thought you needed an actual teaching degree to substitute teach too.. evidently any two year degree will do."

-- (Interesting explanation for goosebumps..) "My arm hair is in 'bad late 70's 'fro mode' right now."

-- (Well, there was going to be a funeral for this guy on Saturday. They decided to switch the date.)
Teacher: "So we've pushed off the funeral until April 18th..."
Student: "Uhm.. where are they keeping him until then?"

-- (Ah. Monday mornings after the Easter Vacation) "And my boyfriend! I'm pretty sure they quizzed him to death!... My grandfather was going on about how he likes to watch 'Baywatch'... and then my dog came in humping his bed..."

-- (This just struck me as one really ODD statement.) "My legs are so gay!"

-- (*G* The smart kind.) "You're mooching money off of teachers?! What kind of a person are you?"

-- (Math teacher draws a fascinating parallel.) "Come on! You guys have to concentrate... this isn't voo-doo."

-- (Now HERE'S something I wouldn't want to be called...) "What up, Bubblegum butt?"

-- (Nice confession there. Which teacher was this again?) "I had a teacher once who said she liked marking papers wrong because the pen smelled good..."

-- (Strateigic erasing on the dry erase board made for interesting statement.)
"I AM NOT YOUR MAID! PICK UP AFTER YOURSELVES!"
(after some erasing)
"I AM ......... YOUR MAID! PICK UP AFTER YOUR .ELVES!"

-- (Oooo. Another chalkboard diss. Of course, I didn't HEAR the joke..) "Boyd, don't tell jokes.... ever."

-- (The ratio of sideburn growth to common sense.)
Teacher: "Everything has a rate of change."
Kid: "Even Andy's sideburns?"

-- (Uhm. He teaches Math. Not reading. Now we see why.) "That would be X to the negative five-thirds (*pause*) or five eighths if you can... read...."

-- (New spin on old fairy tale)
Teacher: "The storm cellar in 'The Wizard of Oz' protected the people from...?"
Kid: "The munchkins."

-- (This came after a discussion about WWII appeasement and feeding Hitler 'the baby bottle'. Question was: What did Hitler do when he didn't want the bottle anymore?) "Adolf Hitler went poops?"

-- (Nice conversation topic, there.) "We were talking last period about 'reverse puberty' .. how Ben's voice was lower when he was younger."

-- (Welcome to all the perks of the 2002 Choralaires Trip!) "They have a Port-a-Toilet with 'Jesus Saves' written on the side... hmmm."

-- (And arriving in town to see the sights!) "I just saw a Spanish man's genitalia."

-- (Can't think of anything to say..) "Yes, he of the Teeny Tiny Testes? What have you to say, peon?"

-- (Here comes the running joke.) "Did we just pass through a town called Myannus? (pronounce: 'My-anus' and giggle along with us.)"

-- (Continuing..)
* "Where is Myannus?"
* "Do you REALLY want me to answer that?"

-- (Will the jokes never end?)
* "There's a telephone pole in Myannus... there's a railroad in Myannus... there's a general store in Myannus..."
* "You don't stop, and there'll be a shoe in Your-anus."

-- (Still more..) "And, sometimes, when it rains, there's a mudslide in Myannus..."

-- (*siiiiiigh*) "There ARE rings around Your-anus (Uranus)."

-- (Okay. I'm guilty of this one.) "Where's Myannus? On the way to Vagina.... erm, VIRGINIA."

-- (In music theory class.)
* "What don't you understand?"
* "Why 'West Side Story' is so bad."

-- (Random History teacher walks into my English class...) "Hey. I'm your sub. This is Health class, right? Mmm. Good. Because I have "the video"!!"

-- (Nice... instructions... there.) "Welcome to the AP US History Exam. Will you please leave your pants at the door?"

-- (We were making fun of the Principal and her overly bizarre announcements.) "Due to corrective medicine, the Senior Picnic has been cancelled."

-- (Same as above. This one kid was on a roll.. *G*) "All those who skip the Senior picnic will be punished by being forced to go to the Senior picnic..."

-- (Aha. Math class. Sounds like a good movie title..) "Asymptote THIS!"

-- (My thoughts exactly.) "GAH! It's the 80's!"

-- (Speaks for itself.) "I don't remember if it was Scary Movie I or II, but that was just way too many penuses for one film."

-- (Uhm, yeah. That's the general idea of a birth mark.) "I have this birth mark that just will not go away!"

-- (We have this bald teacher at school who's pretty muscular and well.. someone was responding to him.) "Yes, Mr. Clean?"

-- (American History Class again. Need I say more?) "Gorbechav... the man who looks like a pidgeon pooped on his head."

-- (Uhm. Bad thesis statement.) "'Playing with yourself can be satisfying'... *snickers all around the classroom* What? I can prove it!"

-- (Good idea.) "If you can't spell OMIT on the final, just write "Screw this one" and move on."

-- (Hmmmm.) "Is this like one of those social experiments where they create facism?"

-- (Okay. Our janitors seem to be running out of things to do to try and look busy.) "Is that the guy who keeps passing by lawnmowing the sidewalk?!"

-- (Yeesh. Someone gets excited easily.) "Ooo! Yay! Violence!"

-- (Ahh. Now I understand why the Regents Exams are so bloody stupid.) "The state's not testing you on how smart you are."

-- (During a recording session for choir... we were about to fall over) "Use the floors, Luke!"

-- (*G* Professional Prom Piccies) "I love these pictures!! They're like The Prom Trading Cards!"

-- (Once more during the recording session)
Kid: "Shannon? Could you give us the pitches?"
Shannon: *no answer*
Kid: "Yo, Pitch-Bitch?!!"

-- (Hmmm. Interesting conversation I seem to have found part of) "In defense of your pants, they are quite sturdy."

-- (More about state tests)
"They've been spoon feeding us."
"Aw, poop."
"They've been spoon-feeding us poop. *pause* Huh?"

-- (Aha. So this is how you sound Irish.) "Just think 'Irish'... *adopts accent* 'We have thrrree sizes.. Wee. Less Wee. And FRRREAKIN' HUGE!"

-- (Kid with cough coming down the hallway: teacher comments to) "Heard ya comin', Camels."

-- (Plotting for next year's Spirit Week) "What would we be? Senior Seniors?!... For a group activity we could, what, all try and pass a kidney stone?"

-- (I guess this is pretty much a time line summary of the whole school year. Drawn on the board in Math class on the last day of regular classes)